by Eric Vall
Finally, Durtu let out a long, guttural scream that echoed off the cave walls and filled the cavern with the sounds of his agony.
Then, from deep down in the bowels of the cave, the rumbling sound returned.
Durtu instantly slammed his mouth shut and stopped screaming.
“You--you bitch,” he whimpered as blood coursed down from his ruined eyes. “You took away the one thing that made me any use to my master. Just fucking kill me now, please.”
“What’s that?” I asked as if I hadn’t heard a single word. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were begging. You know you can make this all stop, right? All it takes is you telling us what we want to know.”
“I’d rather get eaten by the Hyginus than betray my master,” he repeated.
“Is that what keeps making those noises?” I asked. “A ‘Hyginus?’ I have no fucking clue what that is, but anyone who can make one of Beelzebub’s demon lords shit himself in fear is a friend of mine.”
“They’re friends of no one,” Durtu shot back with a hiss. “The Hyginus only come out when they are hungry, or when they have been disturbed from their slumber and feel threatened. They’ll use your bones as toothpicks the same as mine.”
“Only one way to find out, then,” I chuckled, and then I turned toward the back of the cave and put my hands around my mouth.
“I’m not sure if that’s the greatest idea, Jacob,” Cupi warned.
“I second that,” Eligor added. “The Hyginus is not a creature we want to deal with. Ever.”
“It’s got the mighty knight of Hell shaken?” I mused. “It must be really bad. All the more reason to call him up. Maybe if he starts coming this way, Durtu will spill the beans. And if not, we’ll just fly away and leave the bastard here to be eaten. If he’s not gonna talk either way, it won’t be any loss to us.”
“You wouldn’t be so cruel,” Durtu exclaimed.
“Of course I would,” I retorted. “I’m the fucking King of the Fourth Circle, and you’re just a dirty demon piece of shit.”
“But--but,” he protested. “You’re human! Humans are supposed to be soft and weak and--”
I stepped over to Durtu, leaned in close so he could hear, and then corrected his statement.
“I’m the man who killed Azazel. The one who escaped from Heaven itself. Do you really want to take that chance?”
“Damn, bro,” Todd whistled. “Maybe it’s just all the Devil’s Lettuce in me right now, but that scared even me shitless.”
I turned around and walked a few feet deeper into the cave.
“Get ready to run,” I announced.
“P-Please don’t--”
Before Durtu could finish his plea, I let loose a powerful, angry shout from deep within my gut. It bellowed through the cave system as it traveled deeper, until it became nothing but a whisper.
Then there was nothing but silence.
It only lasted for a second.
Suddenly, the entire cave shook with the sound of a powerful roar, but it wasn’t the roar of a dragon or a lion or anything I’d heard in my lifetime. It had a high-pitched tone, almost like that of a bat’s sonar, mixed with a deep, guttural hiss.
Whatever the fuck this thing was, it had heard me, and it was pissed.
“You fool!” Durtu gasped. “You’ve doomed us all.”
“Nope,” I laughed sadistically. “Just you. Come on guys, let’s get out of here.”
I turned and nodded to the succubi and Todd, and all four of them went airborne instantly.
Cupi swooped around behind me, picked me up in her arms, and began to head toward the exit.
“W-Wait!” Durtu begged. “Take me with you, and I’ll tell you everything you want to know! Just don’t leave me in here with that thing!”
“That’s more like it,” I muttered as I used my silver Hellfire to pick up the ball of metal.
With the beaten, broken Durtu behind us, my friends and I floated out of the cave and headed up to the top of the rock formation it had been carved into. As we landed, we felt the brimstone of the ground shake beneath us and then heard the Hyginus let out another roar of anger.
“Now, tell us the hierarchy of Beelzebub’s followers,” I commanded, “and where to find them all. Or I can put you back down into the cave.”
“No, no!” he begged. “Let me explain … ”
Durtu went off into a full-on history of Beelzebub and his followers. He explained how the Lord of the Flies was seen as one of the most cunning Demon Kings of Hell, and how he had no issues getting what he wanted, including any Demon Lord he took a liking to.
“Enough with the boring lecture,” Todd sighed. “Who does Jakey gotta kill to make Brundlefly weaker?”
“Duglot, Loras, and Kegg,” Durtu whimpered as he turned his head blindly from side to side. “They are the most powerful of Beelzebub’s Demon Lords.”
“But which one is the most powerful?” I demanded. “He’s the one we want to go after first.”
“I-I don’t know,” the demon admitted.
“What do you mean, ‘you don’t know?’” Eligor growled. “It’s a fairly simple question!”
“Beelzebub’s Demon Lords have lived in peace and harmony for the last few millennia,” Durtu explained. “We haven’t had a need to fight each other, so there’s no telling who is the ‘most powerful.’ For all I know, it could me!”
“I doubt that,” Gula mused, which drew an angry glare from the beaten demon, even though he was missing his eyes.
“Where do we find these assholes?” I asked.
“They each have gone to a different Circle,” Durtu continued, “one for each of Beelzebub and his allies. Loras is here in the Fifth, Kegg is in the Sixth, and Duglot was testing out the alliance with the King of the Seventh Circle.”
“Great,” I grumbled. “So, we might have to deal with Abbadon, too.”
“I’ve told you everything I know,” Durtu pleaded. “Please just let me go so I can live out the rest of my miserable days.”
He sounded sincere in his pleas, but I knew better. This asshole served one of the most ruthless Demon Kings in all of existence and had surely committed countless unspeakable atrocities over the years. Besides, if we let him go, he was just going to run to Beelzebub and give us away.
“I’ll let you go, alright,” I informed him as I summoned silver Hellfire into my hand.
I used my spell to lift up the ball of metal into the air, and for a moment Durtu’s expression changed to joy.
“You will?” he gasped. “That would be--”
Before he could finish his sentence, I launched the ball into the swampy water below. There was a loud splash as it broke the surface, and then I heard Durtu begin to scream as his metal prison began to sink beneath the waves and doomed him to an eternity of darkness.
“That was hardcore, bro,” Todd observed as he watched the demon go under. “Anyways, who’s hungry? Doing all that hard work and torture and smoking that whole joint has made the Toddster’s hunger grow to new levels.”
“Let’s go home,” I chuckled as Cupi picked me back up in her arms. “I’m sure Gula can whip up some of her famous Vargrat tacos.”
“That sounds amazing,” Cupi admitted as we took to the sky.
The five of us were engulfed with Todd’s invisibility spell once more, and we headed back to the entrance of the Fifth Circle.
Even though we had gotten the information we needed from Durtu, I knew this was just the beginning. Even if we killed all of Beelzebub’s minions or even the Lord of the Flies himself, there was still one Demon that would never go away.
Lucifer. My father.
Chapter 2
“I must admit, Jacob,” Eligor mused after we bobbed to the surface of the River of Souls, “this whole whirlpool experience gets more and more fun each time we go through it.”
“Seriously, bro,” Todd added as he lifted himself out of the water with his black Hellfire, “it’s like we’ve got our ow
n personal Hurricane Harbor down here. Only with a lot more tormented souls. Pretty sure you don’t see that at Six Flags. Other than the employees.”
Under the cover of Todd’s spell, the six of us made it to the edge of the Fifth Circle and then transversed back up the swirling river rapids until we arrived on the other side.
Now, we were back in my domain. The Fourth Circle of Hell.
“I just want to go back to the castle, take a nap, and then figure out what the fuck we’re going to do next,” I admitted. “We’ve got three possible targets to go after, but we need to consult with my War Council before we make any sort of move.”
“War Council?” Todd questioned. “Is that what you’re calling that little gathering with Mephisto, Gamigin, Daniel, and all the girls?”
“Well, yeah … ” I replied as I climbed up onto the shore. “They’re my most trusted advisors, and we’re on the brink of a full-on war with Beelzebub and his forces. What else would you call them?”
“I dunno,” the imp shrugged, “I just don’t want you getting all bureaucratic on me, Jakey. I know you’re a king and all, but you also know how much I fucking hate bureaucrats.”
“Excuse me?” Ira protested.
“Not you, Crazy Eyes,” Todd snorted. “You’re into politics for all the right reasons.”
“Because I’m a sadomasochist?” the succubus questioned.
“Because you’re a sadomasochist,” the imp confirmed, almost at the exact same time.
“Don’t worry,” I laughed and attempted to dry myself off with the warmth of my red Hellfire. “I hate that kinda shit almost as much as you do. But if I want to be a good king, I gotta play the part.”
“You do a pretty damn good job at it, if I may say so,” Cupi interjected. “That speech you gave us before you led your army against Uriel? The way you walked right into Asmodeus’ castle and smooth-talked him into being your ally? The way you outsmarted Metatron, one of Heaven’s greatest warriors? You’re doing more than just ‘playing a part,’ Jacob. You were born to be a king.”
“Quite literally,” Gula added. “If you truly are the son of Lucifer, and he wants you to be his right hand man, that means-”
“That means he wants you to take over all of Hell,” Eligor gasped.
I gave the armor-clad fallen angel a look of confusion.
“How do you figure?” I scoffed. “You heard Durtu. There were at least a handful of other human women Lucifer slept with. Why haven’t any of his other children taken up arms and ruled by his side?”
All three of the succubi and Eligor went silent, almost as if they were trying to hide something.
“Uh-oh, bro,” Todd whistled. “This sorta awkward silence is never a good thing. It’s like you just made a pass at your third cousin at your grandfather’s funeral.”
“That’s … oddly specific,” I said suspiciously. “But seriously, what’s with the uncomfortable glances all of a sudden?”
“Jacob … ” Eligor sighed. “Durtu wasn’t lying when he said there were other children of Lucifer. But the thing is … he killed them all.”
I felt my face flush as my heart began to flutter inside of my chest.
“Why would he do that?” I questioned. “Wouldn’t they be some of the most powerful beings in existence?”
“That’s exactly what they were,” Cupi spoke up. “That’s why he would never allow his children to live. Lucifer couldn’t stand to have anyone around who could pose as a threat to his power.”
“Earl and Azazel used to tell us the stories,” Gula shuddered, “about how Lucifer went around killing every one of his children in brutal ways, sometimes even when they were still in their mother’s wombs. Then there was that time he allegedly ate one of them while they were a toddler … ”
“Sounds a lot like Kronos,” Todd observed.
“Where do you think the Ancient Greeks got the story from?” Gula admitted. “Though, in this case, there was no happy ending for the child or its mother.”
“Then why the fuck am I still alive?” I pondered aloud. “Lucifer surely had plenty of chances to kill me when I was younger, and he had us all fooled with his Plato shtick.”
“He must have liked you,” Cupi shrugged, “that’s the only reason I could possibly see for him leaving you alive.”
“You did say he wanted you as his second in command,” Eligor added. “Surely he’s been impressed with how you’ve handled all of his minions so far.”
“That’s not the part that’s confusing me,” I admitted. “I get Lucifer’s been watching me conquer all of these Demon Lords and Demon Kings and thinks I’ll be a perfect right-hand man. But why did he even let me get this far in life? Why didn’t he kill my mother the second she found out she was pregnant? Why didn’t he come after me when I was a defenseless child? It just doesn’t make sense.”
“Maybe he really, reaaallllyy liked your mom,” Todd suggested. “Like, once he hit it, he just couldn’t quit it.”
“First off, ewww,” I joked. “Second, Mom and Dad said it was only that one time.”
“That’s exactly what somebody hiding a secret affair with the King of Hell would say,” the imp mused.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said as I shook my head, “because I don’t want to be his second in command.”
“You don’t?” Gula gasped. “Jacob, if you were the second in command of Hell, you could do so much good for the Shades.”
“No, I actually wouldn’t,” I grumbled. “You think Lucifer is going to go against hundreds of thousands of years of tradition, just because his little boy wants him to? He’s an evil fucker, and he’s going to keep being an evil fucker until the end of time.”
“Then what do you propose?” Eligor asked. “You cannot refuse an offer from the Prince of Darkness himself. That’s simply not an option.”
“No, it’s not,” I nodded, “and that’s why I’ve already decided I’m going to betray him.”
All five of my friends stared at me in disbelief, with their eyes wide and their mouths on the ground.
“Y-You can’t be serious,” Cupi chuckled awkwardly. “You want to double-cross Lucifer?”
“Exactly,” I confirmed. “He’s afraid of his children, and he has a damn good reason to be. If we can take a few more Circles--”
“Jacob,” Eligor warned, “even if you were take over all Eight circles of Hell and inherit all of those Demon Kings’ lords, I don’t think that would be enough to take on Lucifer and win.”
“I’m not going to fight by his side,” I shot back. “I refuse to be a part of his sadistic ways, and I refuse to do the evil shit he’d surely make me do. The only way out of this is to punch him in his ugly, silver-tongued mouth.”
“Do you have any idea what you are suggesting?” Cupi hissed. “Even the mere words you’re saying right now could have us subjected to an eternity of some of the worst forms of tortue imaginable. And if we actually try to follow through on your plan?”
“I don’t even want to think about what happens to us if that happens,” Ira’s Dom shuddered.
Holy shit. If the Sister of Wrath was worried, it must have been something horrible.
“Then we can’t fail,” I said matter-of-factly. “We’re only going to have one shot, and we’d best not miss.”
“Okay, look,” Cupi sighed and rubbed her temples in frustration. “Let’s say by some miracle that you get all of your allies and succubi to go along with this plan. You’re still nowhere near powerful enough to stand a chance against Lucifer.”
“I know that,” I admitted, “but the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. We need to gain more allies, soldiers, and territory. And the only way we’re gonna do that is by defeating Beelzebub, Baphomet, and Gressil and claiming their Circles as my own.”
“Yeah,” Cupi scoffed. “We only have to defeat three of the most powerful demons in the history of the Universe. That’s all.”
“I believe in ya, Jakey!” Todd interje
cted. “Besides, you have one thing on your side that most other demons don’t: Heaven.”
“Todd has a point.” Gula nodded. “On top of all of your own Demonic forces, the Exalted One has promised his full support. If we end up fighting, it will be with the Army of the Divine on our side, too.”
“That’ll be the day,” Eligor whistled. “The Army of the Divine, helping a Nephilim take down Lucifer? It’s like every Catholic’s wet dream.”
“We’re going to make it a reality,” I retorted with a sly smile.
“Yeah!” Todd added with a raised finger. “I’m gonna kick that asshole right … in … uhh his asshole.”
All five of us looked at Todd with skeptical expressions, and his demeanor changed into embarrassment. The imp looked down at the ground bashfully and pretended to kick the dirt, even though he was four feet in the air.
“I was gonna say ‘fuck him in the asshole,’” he sighed. “But then I’d have to say ‘no homo,’ but even saying you are gonna fuck another dude in the asshole is kinda homo, sooo … anyways. Just--just let the joke die.”
“We’re not trying to--” I started, but Todd cut me off.
“Just let it die, Jakey!” he begged.
I put my hands in the air and shook my head with a grin.
“Alright, alright,” I chuckled. “The joke is dead.”
“I still think this is suicide,” Eligor admitted. “In fact, it’s worse than suicide. At least with that, you end up dead instead of spending eternity with a spear shoved through your body from end to end.”
“We’ll speak with the War Council,” Cupi argued. “I’m not over the moon about this idea, either, but we owe it to Jacob to at least entertain the thought. He’s been right so far, after all.”
“I suppose,” Eligor sighed. “We will see what the rest of the team has to say about this.”
“Come on, guys,” I prodded. “It’s not like we’re going after him tomorrow. We’re gonna do it the right way, by building up power and forming alliances and conquering territories first.”
“Now you really do sound like a bureaucrat,” Todd gagged, “but you’re right. No use in blowing our load too soon.”