by Eric Vall
“Uh, Jakey?” Todd whispered into my ear. “I can totally see where this is headed, bro. And it ain’t pretty.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I hissed back at the imp. “Eligor and Cupi have really similar personalities. Naturally, they’re going to butt heads every once and awhile.”
“I know it, bro,” Todd continued, “it’s almost like their creator wanted them to be so similar because they knew it’d be a popular archetype. Almost like an Aquaman-Namor situation.”
“Orrrr,” I suggested, “it’s just that they’re both fallen angels who have been forged in the fires of Hell and are experts in hand-to-hand combat.”
“But Eligor has two swords, and Cupi has a polearm,” the imp added with a wink. “Totally different.”
“I have an idea!” Libidine exclaimed excitedly as she pointed to both the blonde women. “Why don’t you two be sparring partners?”
Cupi and Eligor looked at the Sister of Lust for a second with expressions of pure confusion, and then they both grinned and stared each other down eagerly with fire in their eyes.
“I’m game,” Cupiditas mused. “I’ve always wanted to do battle with a worthy adversary.”
“Perhaps that’s why Jacob invites me on more missions,” Eligor suggested, “we face plenty of worthy adversaries out in the field.”
I felt my entire body cringe at the knight’s words, and then I turned beet red as Cupiditas slowly turned to stare me down.
“That’s uh--” I giggled awkwardly. “That’s not the case at all. You’re all equal members of the team in my eyes. It’s just that I need different skill sets for different missions, and Cupi has been tasked with training the army.”
“Well,” Cupi grumbled, “I suppose a sparring match is in order, then. We can see whose talents are more needed.”
“Guys,” I interjected, “you don’t have to--”
Before I could even finish, Eligor spread her dark angel wings, pushed them down against the ground, and then launched herself into the sky.
Cupi went right after the knight and lifted into the air by flexing her feathery wings with pure determination in her eyes. The Sister of Greed chased the Knight of Hell out of the coliseum and out of our sightline.
“Damn,” Todd sighed. “I really wanted to see how that catfight was gonna play out.”
“You could not have, anyway.” Superbia nodded as she stepped forward. “We are all going to spar, as well.”
“Oh! Oh!” Gula said excitedly as she bounded up and down. “Can I fight with Liby?”
“Hell yes you can, girl!” Libidine giggled with mirrored enthusiasm. “Get over here and pick out a weapon.”
“W-Wait … ” Tris tried to protest, but the other two succubi were already walking away arm-in-arm. “Gula’s always my partner … ”
“Buck up, Slothy,” Todd reassured her as he slapped her arm happily. “You can always take a crack at Elvira over there. Although, I must warn you, I heard she hangs around with Voldermort all the time and killed Sirius Black, so she’s probably not somebody you should fuck with.”
“I don’t wanna fight Vidia,” Tris groaned, “she’s way too strong.”
“Then you shall spar with me,” Superbia announced. “I assure you that I’m not as strong or talented at hand-to-hand combat as the rest of your sisters, Tristitia.”
“Fiiiiine,” the brunette succubus sighed and walked over to her madame. “But don’t expect me to try hard.”
“I never would,” Sia mused as she patted her sister on the shoulder.
“I guess that means Elvira’s coming after you, Jakey,” Todd observed. “Welp, now that I see we’ve got all even teams, I guess it’s time for the Toddster to head out. I’ve got a lotta sleep I gotta catch up on, and--”
“You’re going to pair off with Ariel,” I interrupted. “She still needs a partner.”
“And me!” Ira said with glee. “We’ll have a three-way battle. Or maybe a four-way. I’d be happy either way.”
“Ah,” the imp said as he hung his head in disappointment, “I was totally gonna catch up on my Zs, bro.”
“You’ll have plenty of time to do that,” I reassured the imp, “after we convince the other Demon Kings to join us. Until then, we barely have any time to breathe, let alone sleep.”
“Come on, Todd!” Ariel giggled, and then she ran over, hopped up into the air, and landed in front of us with her hands up in a fighting stance. “I’ve been doing a ton of Tae Bo lately, and I can’t wait to try out some of my moves.”
“No living creature should have that much energy,” Todd muttered as he dragged his feet beside the angel.
Ariel let out a squeal of glee as she ran over to the armory box with Ira close behind her, but the third partner couldn’t match her enthusiasm. Todd let out an over-exaggerated yawn, and then he patted his potbelly lazily and sauntered over to join the redhead.
“I don’t need a weapon,” Invidia announced. “My dagger will speak for itself.”
“Oh, come on,” I prodded, “Ariel made us a fuckton of cool new toys. Don’t you want to play with any of them?”
“I’m good,” Invidia grumbled as she pushed her black bangs out of her eyes. “Toys are lame, anyways.”
“Suit yourself.” I shrugged and then pointed to an open spot in the dirt. “We can fight there. Just give me a few minutes.”
“Take your time,” the gothic succubus conceded sarcastically as she walked away. “Like, seriously, take all the time in the world. I would absolutely hate to keep putting off this thing … ”
I walked over to where the rest of my team was standing around the box of weapons and armor that Ariel had provided.
As I approached, the redheaded angel gave me a tender smile, and then she walked to the front of the stage. She cleared her throat meekly at first, but none of the Shades seemed to hear her. Ariel furrowed her brow, cleared her throat a bit louder, and then placed her hands against her mouth.
“Everyone!” she announced, and a hush fell over the crowd. “That’s better. Before we begin, I wanted to let you guys know all about the cool new stuff you’ve got. So, first off, each and every one of you has a primary weapon and a new suit of armor. Anybody know what’s so special about them?”
“They’re a bit sturdier than the ones we had before,” one of the Shades responded. “Those things were made outta pots and pans.”
“That’s one difference,” Ariel nodded, “but there’s something better. Much, much better.”
“There’s goat heads on the hilt?” another Shade suggested, and the crowd roared with laughter.
After a minute or two of guffawing, the Shade army fell silent once more.
“Would everyone please raise their weapons?” Ariel continued. “Even my friends up here.”
I summoned silver Hellfire into my hand, reformed my warhammer, and lifted it into the sky.
The rest of the succubi did the same, from Tris’ pistols to Gula’s axe to even Ira’s whip. Soon, everyone had their most prized weapon held up in unison.
Ariel closed her eyes, summoned Divine Light into both her hands, and then clapped them together harshly. As she did so, the intensity of the light increased tenfold, and the ball of magical energy quadrupled in size. Then the angel lifted her spell-casting hands above her head, took a deep breath, and pulled them apart.
The second she made her move, tendrils of Divine Light shot off in a million different directions. The beams struck each and every weapon in the coliseum and engulfed them with its warm embrace. Ariel’s spell seemed to affect the Shades’ armor, as well, and caused them to light up like the piece she’d shown me in her workshop.
Finally, Ariel popped her eyes open and grinned.
“How’s that for an upgrade?” she mused, and the Shades greeted her with cheers.
Ariel did a little bow, but then she turned around and headed back to the armory box.
“So, now we’re all carrying Heavenly glowsticks,” Todd snicke
red. “You really think that’s gonna give us the edge over, uh, anyone?”
“Of course it will,” I explained. “Divine Light isn’t anything to fuck with.”
“No, bro,” the imp shot back, “that’d be Wu Tang. But, if my bestest friend thinks they’re gonna help, then I believe they’re gonna help. Now, come on, guys. Let’s go beat the shit outta each other!”
“You don’t want a weapon?” Ira questioned with a raised eyebrow. “There are plenty in the box.”
“Crazy Eyes,” he laughed, “my body is the fucking weapon.”
Todd began to make all sorts of exaggerated kung fu poses as his eyes bulged out of his head. Then he gritted his teeth and whistled the tune of Kung Fu Fighting.
“How can we say no to that?” Ariel giggled to the Sister of Wrath. “Before we begin, I’ve still got something to give Jacob.”
“Hopefully, it’s as good as what you gave me in your workshop,” I teased as I raised my eyebrows at the angel.
Ariel’s freckled face went red, but then she quickly snapped back to her normal, peppy self.
“Even better!” she announced before she bent down and fumbled through the weapons.
“The next time you hit that, please invite me,” Ira whispered into my ear. “She seems like she’d be an animal in bed.”
“She is,” I admitted, “although, we didn’t even use a bed.”
Ira slapped me on the arm roughly and smiled ear-to-ear.
“You naughty boy,” she purred. “I might have to punish both of you later.”
I liked the sound of that.
First, Ariel came up with a crossbow. The angel gave it a look of displeasure before she tossed it away.
“Whoa there, angel babe,” Tris warned as she grabbed the redhead’s wrist. “What is this bad boy?”
“Oh, it’s not much,” Ariel shrugged, “just a crossbow that shoots bolts of Divine Light. It’s pretty straightforward, other than the fact that it never has to be reloaded or--”
“Say no more,” the Sister of Sloth said with a nod. “I call dibs.”
Ariel looked totally confused, but she still handed Tris the crossbow.
“Uh, okay … ” she observed, “I’m glad you like it, but that wasn’t what I was looking for at all.”
The redhead let out a huff of annoyance, and then she dove back into the box head-first. Ariel fumbled around for a second or two, until she finally let out an ‘a-ha!’ of victory. Then she straightened her back, clasped the weapon in her hands tightly, and walked over to me.
As Ariel extended the small dagger for me to take, I recognized it immediately.
It was my goat-headed dagger.
More importantly, it had been fully repaired. My dagger had been shattered only a few missions into my tenure as a Succubus Lord, and I’d never had the time nor the talent to fix it since. So, it remained as a broken, shank-like blade.
But not anymore.
Now, the goat head on the hilt was carved into a much more intricate pattern. Meanwhile, the blade itself had been rejuvenated back to its original glory and looked as if it were forged with pure black metal.
“I figured you’d want this,” Ariel mused. “You’ve been carrying around a broken blade since I met you, and it’s always bothered the Hell out of me.”
I took the small dagger from the redhead’s hands, inspected it closely, and then pushed it into the empty hilt on my belt.
“You’re a lifesaver, Ariel.” I winked.
“I love, love, love how you took that aesthetic and used it throughout Jacob’s whole army,” Libidine added as she weighed a pair of enchanted brass knuckles in her hand. “Very cohesive.”
“Well, we don’t have any sort of official sigil, and I wanted to make us look like a real, united army.” The angel shrugged.
“That’s all on Jakey,” Todd explained. “I had one made for us, even paid a professional graphic designer and everything, but he didn’t like it.”
“That’s because it was an image of a bloody demon holding his erect dick like it was a firehose and pissing fire,” I reminded him.
“Brroooooo,” Todd sighed, “it was metal as fuck. It woulda been perfect!”
“I think I’ll stick with the goat head for now,” I shook my head, “it’s a little more subtle. Besides, Ariel already made all the weapons … ”
“You’re no fun,” Todd joked and crossed his tiny arms.
“Shall we?” Superbia asked as she weighed a glowing white flail in her hand.
“You’re going to use a weapon?” Tris grumbled. “I was just gonna stand back and shoot at you with the crossbow.”
“I wanted to try something different.” The madame shrugged. “I’m always the support during our fights, but I’d like to get in on the action, too. Now, come along, Tristitia.”
Sia motioned for the brunette succubus to follow, and then the two of them walked off the stage and over to a little open spot of sand.
Gula and Libidine were all smiles as they skipped down the ramp, and then Ira, Todd, and Ariel sauntered down after them.
I turned around to see Invidia was now standing at the far side of the coliseum.
The gothic succubus was leaning back against the wall of the structure, with her arms crossed over her massive cleavage and her right foot lifted back seductively against the pillar. She looked bored out of her mind.
I was about to change that.
“Check this out, Vidia,” I announced as I walked over to her position. “I got a knife, too. Now, we can truly be equal sparring partners.”
The dark-haired woman rolled her eyes and let out a deep sigh. She started to move forward from the pillar, but then we were cut off by a far-off, whistling sound that came from behind me.
I spun around with my hand on my sword hilt just as the body of Eligor smashed into the ground.
She landed hard, and rough, gritty sand erupted into the air as she tumbled across the landscape.
Cupiditas floated down behind her as she brushed her hands together coyly.
“I guess that settles it,” my second succubus chuckled.
Eligor slowly pulled herself up to her feet with a few labored breaths and then took a fighting stance.
“Like hell it does,” the blonde knight shot back.
Cupi smirked confidently as she stuck out her hand and summoned forth her polearm with a flash of red Hellfire.
“Well?” the Sister of Greed taunted. “I’m waiting.”
Without saying another word, Eligor drew her dual swords from her belt and charged at the succubus. She brought the left one down on Cupi, but it was quickly knocked away with the dull end of the polearm. At the same time, Eligor jabbed at the succubus’ stomach with the sword in her right hand.
Without missing a beat, Cupi sidestepped the attack, twirled her polearm in her hand, and sent Eligor’s left sword hurtling through the sky.
It landed in the sand with a soft plunk, and the knight growled as she held a tighter grip on her remaining weapon.
She went to strike Cupi from the side, but Cupi was too fast.
The blonde succubus slammed the blunt end of her polearm into the ground and then pushed herself off the ground. Eligor’s blade swished underneath her as she spun around feet-first and struck the knight in the face.
Eligor let out a grunt of frustration as she stumbled backward from the blow. She wiped the sweat from her face as she repositioned her sword at the ready, and then she waited for her opponent to make her move.
Cupi landed on the sand seductively, ripped the polearm out of the gritty ground, and then spun it around so the pointy end was behind her back.
The two warriors stared each other down for what felt like an eternity, until Eligor finally made the first move.
The blonde knight lunged forward and forced Cupi to take a swing. Eligor ducked underneath the incoming polearm as if she were playing limbo and then came up swinging.
The tip of her blade shot toward Cupi’s face, b
ut the blonde succubus quickly threw up her hand and blasted it with blue Hellfire. The entire sword stopped in motion and froze in place.
But Eligor wasn’t playing games.
She quickly ducked down, threw her hands into the dirt, extended her leg, and then spun around and took out Cupi’s legs.
The succubus let out a gasp of surprise as she fell down onto her ass, and then Eligor was on her.
Or, at least, she tried to be on her.
As the blonde knight leapt forward to pin her opponent to the ground, Cupi threw up her knee. Then she grabbed Eligor’s hands and used the knight’s momentum to send her tumbling across the floor of the coliseum.
The entire training facility had now stopped what they were doing to watch the epic struggle between the evenly-matched fighters, and it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Cupi took off into a full sprint just as Eligor flipped into an upright position and unleashed a blast of red Hellfire the size of a basketball. The succubus slammed her polearm into the ground, used it to pole vault over the incoming attack, and then landed right on her opponent. She held out her weapon horizontally and pinned Eligor to the ground with a final heave.
“Say it.” The succubus grinned as she leaned her face in closer and smiled.
“No,” Eligor shot back. “Not in a million years.”
“I won’t let you up until you say it,” Cupi giggled.
“No!” the knight hissed and tried to break out of her attacker’s grip, but it was of no use.
“I don’t have anywhere to be for awhile … ” Cupi cackled.
Eligor tried to break free of the attack once more, but then she gave up. The knight let out a deep sigh before she spoke.
“Cupiditas is the best blonde warrior on the team,” she grumbled weakly.
“What was that?” the succubus mocked.
“I said, Cupiditas is the best blonde warrior on the team,” Eligor repeated, this time loud enough for everyone to hear.
Cupi stood up and released her grapple on the knight. Then she strutted away from the scene of the battle proudly and gave a little wave to all the Shades who’d been watching.
“Don’t get too cocky,” Eligor grumbled as she stood up and brushed sand off her scantily-clad body. “The only reason you won was because you used a coward’s weapon. Seriously, it’s called ‘hand to hand’ combat, yet your weapon kept me a few feet away at all times.”