The emcee stepped in. “Well, I’m guessing things have moved on with the actors’ careers, but Jax and Alicia did have quite the budding romance back then.”
Oh, did they?
Ayla tugged at him. “I want to go.”
He stood and let them move with him into the aisle at the far edge of the stage but waited to hear the answer.
“What about it, guys? The reunion heating up?” The emcee waved at the audience. “You want to see some of that old Brian and Gwen chemistry?”
That certainly got the cheers. Oz knew he should walk up the ramp and out of the amphitheater, get the girls out of here, but he couldn’t seem to take that first step, couldn’t look away from the gory accident on the side of the road.
“Let’s see it.”
Jax leaned over from his chair and gave Alicia a quick peck.
The audience groaned.
“Aw, now come on,” the emcee urged.
Jax leaned in again, and Alicia grabbed his head, holding him there for a PG kiss.
“No,” Regan shrieked.
Oz scooped her up.
“Don’t kiss her.” She started crying. “Don’t. No. Daddy.” She buried her glittery face in his shoulder. “Jax, no.”
He hustled them up the aisle.
JAX SCRUBBED off his makeup as fast as he could. He had to get to the girls to explain. Oz would know, of course, that Jax would have been happier to kiss Emilio the llama, but the look on Ayla’s face had been devastating. Even more than Regan’s tears, that disappointed look on Ayla’s face made Jax want to cry himself.
As he bolted out of the dressing room, he spotted the emcee and grabbed him. “Listen. No more kissing.”
“Mr. Blanchard said—”
“I’ll talk to Mr. Blanchard,” Jax said. “Just no more of that old-chemistry and us-dating crap.”
“You think I ever wanted to be your beard?” Alicia snapped, coming out of the door next to his.
“Anything for a paycheck, baby,” Blaze called from where he was blowing smoke rings at the ceiling.
Jax ran back to their hotel suite, but it was empty. Everyone’s suitcases were still there, though. They could be anywhere in the park, in the hotel. If he went looking for them, he might miss them.
And if he didn’t look for them, he might miss his chance. Once Oz made up his mind, he went hard in that direction. Jax paced for a few minutes and then left the room. Thank God, they were coming off the elevator, headed right for him.
Regan ran ahead. He was ready to catch her, to hug her, when she slammed her hands against him. “No. I banish you.”
Jax looked up at Oz. His face was flat. Unreadable. He kept his voice low to explain, “Forest Defender Fairies banish bad things.” Then louder, “I know you’re upset, Regan, but you don’t shove people.”
“Regan.” Jax started with her. “It was only pretend.”
“You gave her a Flynn Rider kiss.”
“But just for pretend.”
She started to cry, tears rolling over the glitter on her cheeks. Oz unlocked the hotel room and ushered them in.
Just inside the doorway, Ayla hugged her sister. “I hate you.” She glared at Jax.
“Okay. I think everyone needs a nap.” Oz pointed toward the girls’ room.
The crying got louder.
“Because we’re going to need to rest before we go back to watch the nighttime water show and fireworks.” Oz herded them into their room and closed the door.
Jax started pacing again, trying to rehearse what he wanted to say in his head. He would never ever do anything to hurt the girls. He would have told Oz not to bring them if he’d thought for a minute they’d see anything to upset them.
When Oz came out and shut the door behind him, he looked like he needed a nap too, but Jax had a feeling it wouldn’t be a good idea to suggest it.
Oz tipped his head toward the balcony off the main room, and Jax followed him through the sliding glass doors.
Oz folded up a towel that had been left to dry over the railing. “Ayla told me that she’s been waiting to be replaced. That I’d replaced Joaquín, and you’d replaced me, and since she was only adopted, eventually she’d be replaced too.”
“Jesus.” Jax’s knees stopped working, and he was lucky there was a chair behind him. “Poor kid. I’m sorry.”
“I think I may have gotten through on the pretend thing. With the help of the TV in there.”
That was good news. But Oz didn’t seem to be taking it that way. And Jax didn’t feel like celebrating it either.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea that would happen.”
“Helps with your presumed heterosexuality, though, right?”
“It wasn’t planned. Not with my permission. I don’t do that.”
“You don’t discourage it either.” Oz folded another towel.
Jax tried to figure out where Oz was coming from. “Were you jealous?”
“A better question is did it bug me to watch the man I love give a Flynn Rider kiss to someone else? Yes, but I knew it wasn’t real. The thing is, I don’t know how much is with you.”
“What does that mean?” Jax heard his voice rise and concentrated on keeping his throat open so the tone stayed low.
“I’m not accusing you of anything. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe seeing you slide back into that felt like you can slip in and out of roles like clothes. Like the last few months were something else that you were trying on.”
“That wasn’t pretend. I was there. I wanted to be there. With you and with them.” Good. His voice was steadier.
Oz sat in the chair, holding the towels on his lap. “If the studio greenlights this show, this reboot, where will it be filmed?”
Was that the issue? “There’s no guarantee it will be. And it could be anywhere. Toronto or Vancouver most likely. It’s cheaper there.”
Oz nodded.
Jax added the rest in a rush. “But that doesn’t mean I’d be gone for months. There are built-in breaks, and I could come”—Home. He’d almost said home.—“back on weekends sometimes.”
“I love you, Jax. But it isn’t only about me. I can’t risk the girls feeling so insecure. They—we made a place for you. I have to know that who I bring into their lives will be there for them. I don’t think you understand how much your coming and going could affect them.”
“Is it because I haven’t said that out loud? I do love you. And the girls. I’ve just been trying to find the right time to say it.”
“It doesn’t need a right time.”
“Says the guy who color codes his schedule.”
Oz shook his head. “Now you sound like my ex.”
“Are we going to get nasty like that? Because I don’t want to. It’s not me.” Jax pushed to his feet and leaned over the balcony railing.
“Do you know what is?”
“Again with the deep philosophy. Are you trying to say I’m a big fake?”
“No. Not at all.”
“Because I haven’t been. I’m not faking wanting to be with you.” Jax turned and leaned backward against the railing. He flashed a smile and dropped his voice to a murmur. “Or how hard you make me come.”
Oz’s smile made a quick appearance and then vanished. “I know you loved being Brian Anderson, that you had fun doing it again today. Hell, even I got a crush on him watching you.” He stood and draped the towels over his arm. “And I know your career is important. That’s been very clear. And I could never ask you to choose.”
Jax crossed his arms. “You know what people really mean when they say that? Choose. Choose me. Maybe everything is black-and-white in your world, but it’s not so cut-and-dried in mine. There are no equations or formulas. You have to work angles and cultivate relationships and yeah, fake it, even when you can’t stand your costars.”
“It doesn’t sound like much fun.”
“It can be. When it goes right and you feel like you’re creating something more than just saying lines someone el
se wrote. It becomes something different, and it matters.”
Oz shook his head. “I guess I don’t get it. Or how that fits with what your mom said.”
It hit like a shot to his diaphragm. Jax had to grab on to the railing to keep from doubling over. “You really don’t pull punches, do you?” He pushed away and stepped back inside the hotel room.
“Where are you going?”
“To pretend. I have another appearance tonight. We’re introducing the Dream Big water show.”
Chapter 23
JAX FLASHED his badge and stepped backstage, taking the long way around to the staging area. Walking off his frustration was no replacement for real cardio, so he’d skipped dinner. Now he was hoping they had some fruit in the greenroom. His mom had always carried a protein bar or two, but she usually ended up giving them to the actresses who had to starve themselves for parts.
His mom. What the hell did Oz know about Jax’s mom? No one could know how much she’d done for him, how she was there for him. How she wouldn’t even tell him she was sick so he could do his job. And Oz would never know what that last day had been like.
Her voice and eyes had been clearer than any time since they’d started what they called palliative care, and she said, “I know what part was a dream and what’s real. And you’re going to do amazing things, sweetheart. You’ll change people’s lives.” She’d been so much more lucid for a bit that Jax had left his dad with her, had hurried home just long enough to shower, but when he got back she was gone.
Not that Jax believed dying gave her some prophetic ability. It was only another way of her saying she believed in him. Believed that he was good, that he mattered.
She’d always been that for him, the one who believed in him. He remembered that horrible, awkward, ugly year at thirteen. He’d barely gotten screen time, and he’d read all the articles about him being fat, about Jax Conlon turning out to be one of those cute kids who grew up to be hideous. He’d heard the whispers that they’d write him off the show.
She’d sat him down and asked what he wanted. He chose Brian Anderson, and she got him through it. Dieted with him. Sat with him as the dermatologist scraped and burned at his skin. Audio books so he could do school and hours at the gym. Mom had promised it would get better, and it did. Not right away, but by the time he was fourteen, he was in magazines for the right reasons.
Jax grabbed the last banana off the table near hair and makeup. An adult Forest Defender Fairy came through in half costume. She checked out the offerings and sighed. Jax held out the banana to her, but she shook her head before heading into makeup to get sparkly. From down a hall, he could hear bitching about how heavy someone’s wig was. No matter where backstage was, the rhythm of it was familiar, home. Or as close to one as he was ever going to have.
We made a place for you.
Jax wanted to be in that place Oz was offering. But did Jax have to choose? With what Oz had said about Jax affecting the kids, Oz should understand why Jax had to live up to the way his mom had seen him. Why he owed it to her to do something that would change people’s lives.
I have to know that who I bring into their lives will be there for them.
Of course Jax would be there for them. He’d said he loved them. He meant it.
Sure the hours he’d need to put in for the show’s reboot would make it hard. Especially in Vancouver. Shooting could be so unpredictable. Then there was all that promotional work. That didn’t mean Jax wouldn’t be there. He’d find a way to make it work. They could come visit him on set.
As his and Oz’s kids? In front of KIDZNet suits?
Teach the kids to lie. Yeah, great way to change people’s lives.
Shit. Jax was a fucking ass.
Jax already had changed their lives. Just like they had changed him.
He had a home—the most important role of his life—waiting for him. He made a difference to this—to their—family.
If they still wanted him.
OZ KEPT checking the text Jax had sent. Please be there for the opening of the water show. I want to tell you what’s real.
There should be enough going on to keep the girls distracted, and he’d explained more than once that Jax was pretending to kiss someone else because it was his job to pretend. Their fairy wands would light up and change color with the nighttime show, so that should help.
Oz knew he’d crossed a whole football field full of lines that afternoon, but he’d been caught up in the fear of seeing how easily Jax could become someone else, that the Jax Oz knew could disappear under a pleasant, confident stranger.
Even if Jax didn’t shift so easily, Oz didn’t know how they could find a way through this. Could he really go back to living for an occasional visit? And now that Jax was a part of the girls’ life, was it fair to ask them to do that?
It was stupid and selfish. A lot of people lived like that. Spouses—partners—traveled for work. It happened. What made Oz so special that he could demand something different?
At least at KIDZVerse, he was a VIP, and that access let them go down on a terrace near the water, close to a small stage that currently held a performer juggling and telling jokes.
From hidden loudspeakers, an announcement burst forth encouraging everyone to welcome their special guest hosts from Family Daze.
Ayla bristled, looking up at Oz, eyes suspicious in the light from her wand. He knelt and hugged them both. “It’s just his job. You don’t have to look. Watch the show.”
Of course, that could be a little difficult with Jax’s voice now coming through the speakers. “Hi, everyone. I’d like to thank KIDZNet and KIDZVerse for having us here as special guests. Being a part of the KIDZNet family is really important to me. In fact, KIDZNet and KIDZVerse is all about family. And being here today has let me spend more time with a very special family I’m hoping to become a permanent part of.”
Oz stood and stared up at Jax, who was smiling back at him.
Jax held the mic and peered out over the crowd. “This is a special moment for me.” The crowd politely applauded. “But I’m not sure that the people who mean the most to me know how much I love them. So I want to ask you all to help me with that. Can we do that? Can we give a big KIDZVerse welcome to my family to show how special they are?”
The crowd was enthusiastic. Whether because it meant they’d get their show faster or because they cared, Oz wasn’t sure, but there was applause and cheering.
“Let’s get them up here. Some of them look a lot like Fairy Forest Defenders, so we’re going to have to search hard.”
Regan started jumping up and down and waving her wand. “Me. Me.”
Jax made a show of scanning the crowd with his hand shielding his eyes. “There. I see them. Ayla, Regan, can you come up here and bring your dad with you?”
The crowd clapped.
Oz took a deep breath, murmured a quick prayer, and clutched tightly to his daughters’ hands as they dragged him toward the stage. Jax had damned well better know what he was doing.
Jax lifted Ayla and Regan onto the little stage where he stood with his bemused costars. The clapping faltered briefly, but then as the girls waved with their wands, it grew again.
“Daddy.” They gestured to him.
“Come on.” Regan’s voice had its familiar note of impatience.
Jax held out a hand.
Certain that even the worst dream where he was naked, late for a test, and being chased by someone could not have made him feel this horrible, Oz put a foot on the stage and let himself be pulled up.
“This is my family, if they’ll have me.” Jax held out his arms.
The clapping stopped.
God, Oz had never wanted this, never asked for this. For Jax to risk his career—let alone their safety—to prove that he wanted to be with them.
“You have to kiss him,” Regan whispered, just loud enough to hit the mic.
There was a smattering of laughter.
Between the two of them, Oz w
as pretty sure they could carry the girls if they had to run. Kissing was not going to happen, but he took Jax’s hand. Regan and Ayla latched on to Oz’s free hand.
Slowly, the clapping built back up. It wasn’t thunderous. There were some disgruntled murmurs that made Oz pray there was a back door out of here, but the applause was loud enough to make him feel safe for the moment.
“All right. Now let’s get this show started,” Jax said. “Everyone point to the star in the lake and say, ‘Dream Big.’”
The streetlights dimmed, the crowd pointed, and a bright explosion signaled the start of the show.
Oz let out the breath he’d been holding. Jax unclipped his mic, stripped off the battery pack, and passed it to a handler. He lifted Regan to his shoulders. Oz hoisted Ayla to his waist.
“What the hell did you just do?” Oz murmured in Jax’s ear, the only way to be heard over the explosions.
Jax leaned in. “I decided what mattered. Hey, I think you lied to me about holding one of these?” His nod indicated Ayla and Regan.
“I don’t know. What bit of wisdom did I give you?”
“Holding one does not create a lifetime commitment.”
Oz laughed. “Are you still about to have a panic attack?”
“Surprisingly no.” Jax smiled at him. “Not at all.”
Six weeks later
JAX STARED at his phone in surprise. Hanson Rede was calling him.
Oz looked over from where he was double-checking Ayla’s homework. “Something wrong?”
“I don’t know. Cross your fingers.”
Regan showed him fingers, arms, and eyes crossed.
“Grams says your eyes will stick like that,” Ayla told her.
Jax lifted Regan to his hip and accepted the call. “Hello?”
As usual, Hanson didn’t waste time. “I hope to hell you’re not tied up in anything else, because I’ve got a project I really want you in on.”
Careerwise, Jax was in a profound state of freedom from any work. He supposed he could say he was between jobs, but given the way Cliff hadn’t been exactly enthusiastic about Jax’s announcement, he had started to think the between was going to be a permanent condition.
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