by Alma Nilsson
Dru looked up at him and then at the crowd around them watching quietly. All the grey faces that seemed commonplace to her now. She realized that she would look ungrateful if she did not accept his apology. She knew if she had advice from Jane or Madame Bai in that moment, they would both advise her to be polite and to deal with the real issue later, Not to embarrass the rest of the humans just because I feel slighted. “I accept your apology.” She could feel the crowd breathe a sigh of relief for him and she was surprised. She could not help but look at their audience, all watching them as if they were watching a romantic play. Obviously to Alliance people this was all very romantic. She didn’t understand. He had made her life miserable for months and the ban had not made her feel special, but more like an outcast. But when she looked back at him, it was unmistakable, despite what he had done, she did like him, intellectually, emotionally and physically. And she didn’t think those three came together often when looking for love, so she didn’t want to just cast him aside because he had adhered to his own culture, as hurtful as it was to her. She would give him a chance to apologize and make it up to her.
“Drusilla, would you accompany me to a table?” he asked formally.
Dru knew that there was a special area, sectioned off from the grand hall with numerous tables for two, so couples may sit and talk with one another more discreetly. To possibly already ask each other their prepared questions that they would ask before courting. Dru looked away from Ket and at the crowd of people all still watching them and then back to Ket. She wanted to be with him, of course she did, but she was still irrationally cross with him and wanted to make him suffer a little, so she waited a full minute before answering. Then she said, “Yes,” loud enough for their audience to hear. Satisfied the crowd around them dispersed as Ket led her towards the back of the building, through corridors she would have never thought to go down
They walked for a couple minutes through empty hallways before stopping in front of an impressive door guarded by two Imperial Guards. Ket didn’t say anything but they released the door lock for them, and they entered side-by-side.
Inside, the room was filled with warmly lit bubbles that encased tables for two. The bubbles resembled something out of a fairytale, they shimmered like soap bubbles with occasional rainbows reflected in the light, but more importantly they kept the occupants’ appearances and conversations blurred and secret. Ket scanned the room for an empty one and they went to it. They entered silently and then he closed the enclosure for privacy with the wave of his hand. Inside, there was only the soft glow of the rainbow bubble light, a small table with two chairs and each other.
Dru’s heart was pounding. She was so overwhelmed with happiness, that it was him all along, but simultaneously, a strong feeling of distrust that he had not revealed himself the first time they met lined her joy.
Ket took in Drusilla’s countenance now. Her big green eyes were just staring at him. They knew each other from across the screen but this was different. If he wanted to, he could reach across the table and stroke her cheek again. He could smell her sweet human scent mixed with Alliance hair oil. He could feel her strong energy that was a mixture of happiness, confusion and anger. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to calm her, but it was inappropriate, he would be fined, and he couldn’t bear it if she rejected his touch now.
Dru watched Ket, his face and grey eyes revealing nothing about what he was thinking. She looked at the matching location ring he wore, his large hand resting on the small black table, “Why did you keep this a secret from me?”
“To have had said something to you before, at a less formal occasion, where we couldn’t be alone together would have lessened the seriousness of my intentions and my respect for you.” He said earnestly, “But let me assure you, I’ve wanted nothing more since we met, and I’ve been looking forward to this night for so long.”
“Does your sister know?”
“It’s forbidden for me to tell any woman, except for you, until the ban has run its course.”
“So that is a ‘yes’. Is that why she befriended me?” Dru felt very sad suddenly that Dera might have only pretended to be her friend because Ket asked it.
“I’ll admit, I asked Dera to speak to you when you first began medical school, but you must know my sister well enough to know she would’ve stopped speaking to you if she didn’t like you.”
Dru thought about the conversations she had had with Dera and none of them had ever been about Ket, so she nodded satisfied with that answer. “And the ban why did you do that in the first place? I heard your previous answer in the grand hall, but I want the real answer.”
“My answer in the grand hall was my real answer,” he said slightly exasperated. “From the moment I saw your picture, I wanted to meet you. I knew that would not be possible for many months, so I wanted to make sure you hadn’t begun courting another before I had the opportunity to see if there might be something between us.” He hesitated, “And I would say that my instincts were correct, there is a strong connection between us,” His eyes bore into hers as he spoke. “You are so clever and intriguing. I enjoy every message and conversation we have. And on the few occasions I have been lucky enough to be physically close to you,” he reached out a hand to touch her hand now, “I just want to be even closer.” He was pleased she didn’t move her warm hand away from his. “I’m sorry the ban made your start in the Alliance difficult, but I won’t say I wouldn’t make the same decision again.”
“And it didn’t occur to you how this might make me feel? You talking to me and not telling me that it was you who put me in this position?”
He shook his head slowly, “Alliance people like a mystery. I don’t know how else to explain it. Most Alliance women would’ve felt special that they had caught someone’s eye, to be so singled out, even if it didn’t result in courting or marriage. Then, if it turns out that the couple has mutual feelings for one another, it’s considered romantic when a man reveals himself.” And that is how I thought it would be tonight, romantic, he thought but didn’t say. He didn’t want to blame her for misinterpreting the situation and he still had hoped this night could turn more romantic.
Drusilla needed to get this off her chest to fully accept his apology, “The first Assembly I attended no men would even look at me. I thought I must be so revolting to Alliance people that I would never find a husband, which, as you might imagine was a terrifying thought for a human woman who had been brought here for the sole purpose of breeding. I imagined being imprisoned in a medical facility for the rest of my life. I was losing sleep over my inability to attract even one man to come and speak to me, let alone court me or marry me.” She didn’t want to mention that she cried herself to sleep or bought makeup in hopes of making herself more attractive. “What made this situation even worse was that all the other human women met Alliance men almost instantly, even Eve who has one eye. One eye Ket.” She looked at him while pointing to one of her eyes.
“Yes, but that can be repaired,” he countered.
“I know, and she has two eyes now, but still. I mean, I thought I was so repulsive that she got a man with one eye, and not a great personality either I might add, and no one would even look at me let alone speak to me. Nor do they now. It’s like I’m a ghost.”
“An Alliance woman would have felt honored a man so high ranking had put a ban on her so that no man would speak to her.”
“They don’t even look at me,” Dru said accusatorily.
“Good,” he replied without thinking too much. He had paid good money to have that ban put on her and he was good with a sword and not shy to a duel. He liked that many feared him. A lesser man would have been challenged to a duel over this ban.
Dru lifted her hands up, “You can be insufferable. It wasn’t ‘good’,” she emphasized the word ‘good’. “I felt terrible. No one told me the ban was on me until you sent this necklace,” she gestured to the necklace with blue stones that she was wearing. “I had to ask Ma
dame Bai why I was receiving jewelry from an anonymous sender. The comb I thought was just from Madame Bai and that everyone had received one, it was very confusing in those first days.”
He was going back through his mind now, counting out the weeks she hadn’t known about the ban and when he realized it was quite a few, he did feel a bit sorry for her then and backtracked on his strong position a little, “I only meant to say ‘good’ because everyone should respect the law and the ban. I’m sorry again for putting you in a situation you didn’t understand. Madame Bai should have explained it to you earlier.”
“How could she have known if only men are notified of the ban while they are running?”
“It was obvious to every Alliance person in the Empire that someone had put a ban on you. You should be just as upset with Madame Bai as you are with me.” Then he asked, “Drusilla, don’t you read any gossip columns?”
“No, I don’t think so. Why?”
“Because you are in them and that is how you would have known as well.”
She scoffed, “I don’t believe you.”
He sighed and brought out his IC again wondering how much this night was going to cost him in fines, but he needed to make this right. He searched and easily found the article from the night after her first Assembly and handed her the IC.
Dru scanned the article and didn’t hide her emotions. Her eyes had tears in them again, “Why didn’t I see this?” She looked at him and took out her own IC, but he put his hand on hers.
“Don’t, you’ll be fined a great deal of universal credits.”
She didn’t feel guilty about him being fined, but it did make her realize all that he was doing to try and backtrack now. She handed him his IC back and then asked telepathically, Do you think my IC is blocked from these things? I’m on social media, I read the Day and the regular news.
Ket was surprised and pleased she used telepathy with him. Her mental voice was strong and loud, and it felt natural she would speak this way even though she had only learned how to do it a few months ago. He replied, I’m sure your IC is blocked from everything about you and the other humans if it’s not news in the Day.
“It makes me wonder what else has been shielded from us?” she asked rhetorically and Ket didn’t answer. “I can’t blame you for that, but I can blame you for all the worrying about my future, especially after it was made clear we would not be returning to Earth after watching Captain Kara’s trial. It was a heartbreaking betrayal. When Captain Kara returned, and everyone joined her onboard the Zuin, I thought the other 1,000 human women would be joining me, but they are, even now as we speak, still in quarantine. And the slaves in my building must be the worst slaves ever, they are rude and refuse to speak to me more than a few sentences,” she realized she was babbling and so got back to the point, “I’ve been so lonely; you’ve been one of my only friends and now I find out you lied to me about this thing that has been such a thorn in my side ever since I arrived. Why didn’t you write, ‘I have put a ban on you for such and such amount of time because I want to meet you,’? In all our conversations, why couldn’t you have told me? Didn’t you notice how lonely I was?”
Ket had sympathy for her but wanted to defend himself, “Because my actions said all of that and more.” He paused trying to think how to articulate this cultural practice, “I didn’t realize you didn’t have a family or friends to guess with. I didn’t realize the isolated position I put you in and how difficult that must have been.” Then he reflected on her sadness, “You never seemed lonely to me when we exchanged messages. If you would have mentioned to me, you were upset by the ban I would have told you it was me. As I said before, it was never my intention to hurt you. I’ll try to do better in the future, if you think you could still consider a future for us?”
“I do think there is a future for us. I’m just so cross with you for not telling me. It’s just all so different and overwhelming. Now are you going to ask me to begin courting you? Is the ban over?”
“The ban is on you until the day of your birthday, the converted Alliance date, of course, as it is the only one that matters in this case. After that, you will have many offers of courtship, including mine. Between then and now, I’m one of the few eligible men you can speak to. I’m not lifting the ban early,” he hesitated and then added, “I still want these weeks to have you to myself. Besides our messages, Dera talks about you so well, and I just feel all of this is so right, as if the gods have arranged it all.”
Dru didn’t want to add a religious and fatalistic layer to their conversation, so she ignored that aspect of his answer. “Dera never talks about you to me,” she said flatly, purposely wanting to hurt him. “And I did really like you, until I felt like you had been keeping secrets from me. Now, you’ve fallen in my estimation,” Dru almost smiled to herself, she knew that was something that would hit him hard as Alliance people always ranked everything and to fall in rank on anything, they cared about bothered them.
Ket knew that she mentioned the ranking just to be hurtful and he let her have that, “Your innocence is endearing and a reminder to me that you have just arrived and don’t understand all of our ways yet. Let me be your teacher in this, it should have been a big clue to you that it was I who put the ban on you because Dera never mentioned me to you even after she introduced us, and it was known to her that we often messaged each other privately. She never mentioned me to you because she is not allowed to talk to you about me unless we are married. Family members of the person who applied the ban are not allowed to discuss with the person to whom the ban is directed, in the same way, if we are courting, Dera cannot mention me to you. It is to keep you from being influenced by my family members. Your decision to be with a man must be yours alone. That is also why Dera didn’t seek you out tonight. It is forbidden.” He could see the tears in her eyes, and he cupped her face again and wiped away the tears, he knew that his fines would be great if the surveillance cameras were picking this up, but he couldn’t watch her cry and know that he was the cause of it and not comfort her with his touch. Words were not enough now.
She looked at him through the tears and admitted softly and honestly, “I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing now, Ket.”
He made the Alliance shushing sound that had more ‘z’s than ‘sh’s and she actually calmed a bit at that and then said gently, “Right now, we are supposed to be getting to know each other better. I’d like to do that very much.” He waited and then when she didn’t speak, he hazarded a little joke, “I have my questions if you have yours?”
When she didn’t answer he asked, “May I share some memories with you?”
She looked at him blankly.
“So that you might better understand how I feel and understand what is going on now. Do you consent?”
She nodded.
“My memories of these events will become intermixed with your own memories. It’s a very personal thing to do, but I feel right now, we have so little time and I don’t think even if we talked the whole night, we could resolve your confusion and doubt, without me doing this. I’ll show you two memories, the first, when I saw your picture in the Day and put the ban on you. The second, when I was introduced to you for the first time. Will you permit me?”
“Yes,” she stopped crying, moved by this truly intimate action.
He leaned closer to the table and said quietly, “Please give me your hands.” He held her hands in his, just for a couple seconds, squeezed them and then turned them, palms up, and placed his just above hers, so that they were almost touching. Ket found that almost touching was better when he wanted to specifically share certain memories. If he actually touched the other person, it would be too easy to share too much, and he didn’t want to show her everything about these memories.
As the cold air swirled around her palms, she could feel his hands hovering and moving closer to hers, so close but not exactly touching. Her heart was beating so quickly she could hear it in her ears. Mentally she felt like
she was tumbling into darkness, like that dream where you are suddenly falling.
After what seemed like an eternity of falling, she was him. She was Alliance, thinking like an Alliance, so logical, strict and spiritual. It was almost unsettling to be in his mind, to feel what he felt. As he looked at her picture, she experienced his overwhelming curiosity for her, his strong belief that humans were the Lost People and that she was meant for him. That the gods had given him a sign and that is why he immediately was drawn to her. She was moved that he didn’t take the decision lightly either and that he had left his office and gone to the shrine to pray about it. Then he returned and put on the ban, and she couldn’t believe how much he paid. She could see that she had been valued as the highest among all the human women from the Dakota and this did, even though it shouldn’t have mattered, make her feel better. It almost made up for all the nights she thought she must be the ugliest most vile person on the Capital Planet. Then he skipped the memory to the next, it shook and twisted, which she wished he hadn’t because she was curious as to what Admiral Tir had said, but that began but then quickly disappeared. Then she felt like she fell down another hole and she found herself looking at herself at the symposium at the medical school. Next, she was overwhelmed with desire. It was so intense and wrong because she was looking at herself sitting next to Dera talking. His excitement and nervousness about talking to her for the first time was all-consuming. How he thought she looked even more beautiful in person and how he hoped she liked him. Dru experienced his great hope that she would message him when he was away and his doubts about his own control to wait until the next Year Assembly to talk to her and reveal himself. And then he was backing away, she was climbing up and up and the memories were now hers and he was gone.
Dru opened her eyes and looked into his grey ones. Surprised to be back at the table and nowhere else. He was searching her face for a reaction, no doubt concerned that he had shared this, and it had not changed her mind. “You paid a lot of money for that ban,” was the first thing she could think of to say. Her mind was still a little muddled.