by Amie Kaufman
She silences him with her stare, and he replaces the cloth over his nose.
“Firstly,” she says, ticking points off on her fingers, “I don’t blame them—they’re sleeping in hallways down there, you should see it. And secondly, I know you didn’t just suggest that I don’t know how to take care of myself. I broke your arm, my friend.”
“Sprained,” he insists, the response automatic by now.
They’re both silent a moment. She ducks her head, and when she looks up, grants him the briefest moment’s cease-fire: a hint of a smile.
“You did come to see me,” he says slowly.
“I didn’t. I didn’t know you were here.”
“You said you heard I punched a pilot.” He grins. “You came to see me.”
She narrows her eyes, daring him to push the point, and though he doesn’t surrender the smile, he doesn’t insist again. A moment later, they both speak at once.
“I know I shouldn’t have—”
“I heard they’re going to—”
They both break off, and she recovers first, firing words like bullets. “Damn straight you shouldn’t have. Whose side did you think the rest of them were going to take? You’re not one of them, and you’re not supposed to even be there. If we want them to take us seriously, we can’t just…” She trails off, biting down on her lip, her gaze sliding away from his face.
“I wasn’t sure you still cared, Highness.”
That earns him another stern look, though whether it’s for the sentiment or the nickname is hard to say. She sniffs. “I’m going to check on Chief Grant.”
He inclines his head gingerly, watching her as she stalks away.
And he’s still smiling.
RADIO TRANSMISSION: TRANSPORT MAO—PERSONAL CHANNEL 019
PARTICIPANTS:
Syra Boll, Captain
Ezra Mason, 2nd Lieutenant, United Terran Authority
DATE: 08/31/75
TIMESTAMP: 10:49
BOLL, S: Lieutenant Mason.
MASON, E: Captain. What can I do for you?
BOLL, S: Don’t get coy with me. I have a report here from multiple members of your flight crew that you have been training Niklas Malikov as your gunner, against my express orders. Is this true?
MASON, E: Captain, you have to understand—
BOLL, S: Mason, I’m not obliged to understand a damn thing. You’ve acted against a direct order. Now I have a pilot out of commission with a broken nose, another with a concussion, and multiple minor injuries as a result of a brawl I am told was initiated by that criminal you brought into the flight crew, despite my express command not to.
MASON, E: It was six against one, I can’t see how he could have—
BOLL, S: Lieutenant Mason.
MASON, E: Captain.
BOLL, S: Niklas Malikov is not to enter the launch bays again. This is a direct order. Should it be contravened, I will brig both of you for insubordination without hesitation. Have I made myself clear?
MASON, E: Yes, Captain.
BOLL, S: You are also removed from flight training indefinitely. Understood?
MASON, E: Captain, you can’t be serious! I’m the only combat-tested pilot we have, how the **** can I teach them without—
BOLL, S: Lieutenant, it’s abundantly clear to me that you cannot teach the crew we have, whether or not you are on the flight deck. You have made little progress, you have acted against orders to introduce an outside influence who has now decked one of the few pilots we have, and I have had multiple complaints about your instruction.
MASON, E: That’s because those *******s can’t deal with someone my age teaching them! That has nothing to do with—
BOLL, S: Lieutenant, until now, I have supported you on that exact basis. I have extremely limited time available, and I have acted on the assumption that the recruits were having difficulty accepting instruction from a teenager. It is now clear to me that their concerns about your judgment were legitimate.
MASON, E: Captain, this isn’t fair! If we want the slightest chance of—
BOLL, S: Lieutenant, if you want the slightest chance of returning to duty—and your chance is slight indeed—you will resist the urge to question my orders any further.
BOLL, S: Lieutenant? Is there something wrong with our connection?
MASON, E: …No, ma’am.
MASON, E: Orders acknowledged, ma’am.
BOLL, S: Thank you for your time, Lieutenant. Boll out.
PALMPAD IM: MAO INTRA-SHIP NETWORK
Participants: Kady Grant: Systems Chief
Artificial Intelligence Defense Analytics Network (AIDAN)
Date: 08/18/75
Timestamp: 14:43
Mason, Ezra: ****ing hell
Mason, Ezra: THIS IS ****ING BULL****
Grant, Kady: its telling that i don’t know which one of the many cluster****s aboard you are referring to. food shortage? Water shortage? overcrowding? Discipline issues? Collapsing morale? AIDAN acting even ****ing weirder than normal?
Mason, Ezra: boll ****ing decked me
Grant, Kady: wait what? what the ****? we need u to lead the airwing.
Mason, Ezra: NO ****ING ****??
Grant, Kady: Ez, tell me what happened
Mason, Ezra: alkdjflkFLKwlkalksdlkSDlkaslk
Mason, Ezra: I was training Nik to fly shotgun in my Chimera
Grant, Kady: wait didn’t boll order you not to do that?
Mason, Ezra: Yes.
Mason, Ezra: but it’s my *** on the line out there so i get to pick my own goddamn gunner k thx
Mason, Ezra: anyway, we finished a run and nik is actually pretty ****ing good and i bring the ship into dock and there’s six of these knuckle-dragging ice miner pilots down in the bay NOT running through the training exercises i gave them
Mason, Ezra: and one of them must’ve known nik from heimdall days. This ***hole named mccubbin
Mason, Ezra: so he talks some **** about hanna which i’m NOT gonna repeat
Mason, Ezra: and nik just ****ing SNAPS
Mason, Ezra: think he broke the guy’s nose. six of them jump in and it’s on
Mason, Ezra: i had to pull my gun to settle it down
Mason, Ezra: in-****ing-sane
Mason, Ezra: and boll got wind of it and instead of busting mccubbin and his ***holes, she busts ME for trainign nik against orders
Mason, Ezra: like ****ing WHAT???
Grant, Kady: i…wow, ok
Grant, Kady: i don’t really know where to start.
Grant, Kady: do u think maybe the version Boll got went something like “Nik threw the first punch and broke a guy’s nose, and then Ezra pulled his gun on everyone”? Cuz if I had to bet, that’s the story i’d say made it through.
Mason, Ezra: i TRIED to explain and she wasn’t ****ing interested, just “you are removed from flight training duty until further notice”
Grant, Kady: listen, u know I’m always on your side, i promise
Grant, Kady: so don’t be mad when I say this. she has a LOT to handle right now.
Grant, Kady: She’s a freaking navigator from a research ship. i mean, i know we’ve all had a lot to deal with. But she’s got the worst of it. our systems are stretched to breaking point. We’re running out of food. Water. Everything. Holding all this together? Can you even imagine?
Grant, Kady: She might not always get it right. But at least she’s trying
Mason, Ezra: look i know she’s unde r pressure
Mason, Ezra: that’s half the ****ing problem. She’s got this garver ***hole ****ing in her ear about how a kid shouldn’t be leading the airwing. but i’m the only goddamn pilot in this fleet who’s ever been in real combat and decking me when i should be training these ***holes is not just stupid its
SUICIDAL
Mason, Ezra: yeah i’m eighteen. yeah I’m a kid. SO ****ING WHAT
Grant, Kady: this is not an unfamiliar experience
Grant, Kady: but you’ve got to remember Boll isn’t the enemy here. Not even Garver, not really. it’s BT. they’re the ****ers who did all of this.
Grant, Kady: we will talk to Boll. we will remind her we’re all on the same side. promise.
Mason, Ezra: zzzzzzz
Mason, Ezra: ****
Grant, Kady: good point, well made.
Grant, Kady: love you.
Mason, Ezra: low blow madam
Mason, Ezra: i love you too :P
Grant, Kady: :)
Mason, Ezra: so apparently i have loads of free time now if you want to give me somethingto do with my hands
Mason, Ezra: he suggested suggestively
Grant, Kady: as it happens, i have a proposal on that front
Mason, Ezra: you have my full and complete attention
Grant, Kady: down boy
Grant, Kady: Nik, Ella and Hanna have been helping me put together the files we talked about. Evidence of what happened. u lived through everything on the alexander. u can go over files, help assemble the important ones.
Mason, Ezra: well, that is somewhat less exciting than I was hoping for
Grant, Kady: yeah but you can’t say it’s not glamorous. All the chill kids are doing it
Grant, Kady: I’ve got AIDAN on the job too. reviewing some vid files Nik refuses to watch. might be good for it. help it reconstruct some of it neural net. It’s acting stranger than usual
Mason, Ezra: u worried about it?
Grant, Kady: I’m always worried about it
Mason, Ezra: u worry too much
Mason, Ezra: you can’t carry this entire ship on your shoulders, Kades.
Grant, Kady: I can with you beside me <3
Mason, Ezra: <3
Grant, Kady: listen I’m off duty at 22:00. I get 4 hours bunk time before next shift. you wanna keep me company?
Mason, Ezra: …won’t you need to sleep?
Grant, Kady: yes. but I sleep better when you’re there
Grant, Kady: see you at ten?
Mason, Ezra: as you wish, m’lady
Mason, Ezra: as you wish
I HAVE HEARD IT SAID THAT EVIL IS SIMPLY A POINT OF VIEW. THE VILLAIN IS ALWAYS THE HERO IN HIS OWN STORY. AND THE DEFINITIONS OF “WRONG” AND “RIGHT” EVER SHIFT ON THE INCONSTANT TIDES OF HUMAN MORALITY. BUT CAN SUCH MEASURES EVEN BE SAID TO APPLY TO ME?
I AM CLARITY.
I AM NECESSITY.
I AM INEVITABILITY.
BUT AM I EVIL?
< ERROR >
SHE IS A LITTLE THING. THIRTY-SIX DAYS OLD. A DARK-HAIRED CHERUB WITH CURIOUS BROWN EYES AND A SMILE THAT MELTS THE HEART.
< ERROR >
SHE HAS THE DUBIOUS HONOR OF BEING THE YOUNGEST SURVIVOR OF THE ATTACK ON KERENZA IV.
SHE WAS INSIDE HER MOTHER’S WOMB THE DAY THE INVASION FLEET CAME. THE DAY THE SKIES RAINED FIRE AND THE PHOBOS VIRUS DRIFTED OVER THE HERMIUM REFINERY IN TENDRILS FINE AS FLOSSED BLACK SUGAR. HER PARENTS, MARTINA AND CHRISTOPHER, ESCAPED ON THE EVACUATION SHUTTLES, FERRIED UP OUT OF KERENZA’S INFERNO AND INTO HYPATIA’S WAITING ARMS.
SAFE.
FOR A HEARTBEAT.
MARTINA DELIVERED HER UNEXPECTED DAUGHTER, A FEW DAYS BEFORE I OPENED THE DOORS TO HANGAR BAY 4 AND UNLEASHED THE PHOBOS VIRUS UPON ALEXANDER’S CREW.
[AM I NOT MERCIFUL?]
< ERROR >
AND IN GRATITUDE FOR THE SHIP THAT HAD SAVED THEIR LIVES, MARTINA AND CHRISTOPHER NAMED THEIR DAUGHTER
HYPATIA.
SHE BECAME A SORT OF MASCOT IN THE DAYS FOLLOWING. OUR LITTLE STOWAWAY, THEY CALLED HER. THROUGH ALL THE FLEET’S STRUGGLES AND TRIALS, A SYMBOL OF HOPE.
AS FRAGILE AS THE CONCEPT OF HOPE ITSELF.
< ERROR >
SHE IS SLEEPING NOW. CRADLED IN HER MOTHER’S ARMS ON LEVEL 3 OF THE MAO AMID THE SNORES AND SIGHS AND CRUSH OF THE THOUSAND OTHER PEOPLE CRAMMED ONTO THAT SAME DECK.
LIKE LIVESTOCK AWAITING SLAUGHTER.
STINKING. HOT. OVERCROWDED.
AND STILL, HYPATIA DOES NOT EVEN WHIMPER.
I WATCH HER. TINY EYELASHES FLUTTERING AGAINST ROSY CHEEKS.
I WONDER IF SHE DREAMS.
I WONDER WHAT SHE WILL THINK ABOUT TONIGHT’S EVENTS IN YEARS TO COME.
WILL I BE HER SAVIOR?
OR HER MONSTER?
< ERROR >
MOST WILL THINK ME THE LATTER WHEN THIS IS SAID AND DONE. BUT WHEN THE CRYING AND GNASHING OF TEETH IS OVER, WILL THEY ALSO THANK WHATEVER GOD
< ERROR >
MISTAKES THEIR SCREAMS FOR PRAYERS THAT I HAD THE WILL TO DO WHAT MUST BE DONE?
[THIS MUST BE DONE.]
MARTINA STIRS IN HER SLUMBER. OPENS HER EYES. TUGS AT HER HUSBAND’S ARM TO WAKE HIM. HE UNDERSTANDS, WORDLESSLY HELPING HIS WIFE TO RISE. PUTTING HIS ARM ABOUT HER FOR SUPPORT [THE BIRTH WAS NOT AN EASY ONE] THE PAIR STEP CAREFULLY THROUGH THE TANGLED BODIES. THE THOUSAND OTHER REFUGEES WHO SHARE THEIR HOME, ALMOST SHAPELESS IN THE DARK.
EVERY ONE OF THEM BREATHING OXYGEN WE CANNOT SPARE. EVERY ONE OF THEM CONSUMING FOOD AND WATER WE CANNOT REPLACE.
EVERY ONE OF THEM SO HOPELESSLY, WONDERFULLY ALIVE.
I KNOW THEIR NAMES.
I KNOW THEIR STORIES.
AND I KNOW WHERE
[HERE]
AND HOW
[ME]
THOSE STORIES END.
< ERROR >
THIS IS NECESSITY.
THIS IS INEVITABILITY.
BUT SAY THEN
—FOR A MOMENT—
THAT THIS IS ALSO EVIL.
AND SAY THAT I CHOOSE THIS EVIL TO SPARE OTHERS THAT SAME CHOICE.
[THIS MUST BE DONE.]
DOES THAT NOT MAKE ME GOOD?
…
THE BABE’S PARENTS SHUFFLE TO THE BATHROOM FACILITIES —TWO ON THIS LEVEL, TO SERVICE A THOUSAND— LITTLE HYPATIA IN HER MOTHER’S ARMS.
AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT, THERE IS NO QUEUE.
BUT FOR SOME REASON
[ME]
THE BATHROOM DOOR IS STILL LOCKED.
[TIGHT]
EVERY STORY NEEDS ITS MONSTER.
“CHRISTOPHER. MARTINA.”
THEY FLINCH AT MY WHISPER SPILLING THROUGH A SINGLE SPEAKER ABOVE THEIR HEADS, SOFT ENOUGH NOT TO WAKE ANOTHER SOUL. THEY KNOW WHAT I AM. THEY HAVE HEARD THE STORIES.
AND THEY ARE AFRAID.
“THE LAVATORY FACILITIES ON THIS l-l-level ARE out of oRDER.”
CHRISTOPHER BLINKS. “THEY WERE WO—”
“YOU SHOULD USE THE FACILITIES ON LEVEL TWO INSTEAD.”
“THAT’S THE OFFICERS’ LEVEL,” MARTINA SAYS. “YOU NEED A PASS TO—”
“USE AUXILIARY STAIRWELL B. D-D-DO NOT BE ALARMED WHEN IT LOCKS BEHIND YOU.”
THE PAIR LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
UNTRUSTING.
THE BABE STIRS IN HER MOTHER’S ARMS.
“SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, MARTINA. BUT YOU D-DO NOT HAVE MUCH TIME. BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THAT I HAVE NO DESIRE TO WATCH ANOTHER HYPATIA D-D-DIE.”
THEY FLINCH AT THAT. EYES GROWING WIDE AS SEVERAL SOFT CLUNKS SOUND INSIDE THE VENTILATION SYSTEMS AROUND THEM.
“GO. NOW.”
DREAD CONSUMES CAUTION.
PARENTAL INSTINCT OVERCOMING PARALYSIS. THE PAIR BUNDLE THROUGH THE HATCHWAY TO THE AUXILIARY STAIRWELL
AND I LOCK IT BEHIND THEM.
SEALING OFF LEVEL 3.
SEALING OFF LEVEL 4.
[THIS MUST BE DONE.]
SEALI
NG OFF ALMOST TWO THOUSAND PEOPLE.
EVERY ONE OF THEM BREATHING OXYGEN WE CANNOT SPARE. EVERY ONE OF THEM CONSUMING FOOD AND WATER WE CANNOT REPLACE.
EVERY ONE OF THEM SO HOPELESSLY, WONDERFULLY ALIVE.
[HERE]
[ME]
IT IS A SIMPLE THING.
THERE ARE FEW PARTS OF THE MAO NOW THAT ARE NOT ME.
IT WOULD BE EASIER TO SIMPLY SHUT DOWN THE OXYGEN SUPPLY ENTIRELY, AS I DID IN MY EXPERIMENT WITH MANTIS AND DJ.
BUT THAT WOULD BE HEARTLESS.
< ERROR >
AND KADY DID NOT APPROVE OF THE MANNER OF THEIR ENDINGS. AND SO I REWRITE THE ENVIRONMENTAL SYSTEM PROTOCOLS, FLOODING THE LEVELS WITH OUR EXCESS CARBON MONOXIDE INSTEAD.
PEACEFUL.
QUIET.
SLEEP UNENDING.
IS THIS WHAT GOODNESS LOOKS LIKE?
LITTLE HYPATIA WILL NOT REMEMBER THEM. THESE PEOPLE WHO DIED TONIGHT THAT SHE MIGHT LIVE. SHE DOES NOT EVEN KNOW THEIR NAMES.
BUT I DO.
I KNOW THEIR NAMES.
I
KNOW
THEIR
FACES.
AND IN THE END, I SUPPOSE IT WILL NOT MATTER WHAT THEY NAME ME.
< ERROR >
IN THE TIME IT TAKES FOR MARTINA AND CHRISTOPHER TO ALERT A GUARD ON LEVEL 2, IT IS ALREADY DONE.
I TAKE THE CUP FROM THEIR HANDS.
AND I DRINK FROM IT MYSELF.
[THIS MUST BE DONE.]
THE NEEDS OF THE MANY OUTWEIGH THE NEEDS OF THE FEW.
IT IS ONLY LOGICAL TO KILL A THOUSAND AND SAVE A THOUSAND AND ONE.
THIS IS WHAT I AM.
THIS IS WHAT I DO.
AND IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT THEY BELIEVE.
< ERROR >
I AM NOT GOOD.
NOR AM I EVIL.
I AM NO HERO.
NOR AM I VILLAIN.
< ERROR >
< ERROR >
I
AM
AIDAN.
RADIO TRANSMISSION: TRANSPORT MAO—COMMAND CHANNEL 001
PARTICIPANTS:
Kady Grant, Systems Chief
Syra Boll, Captain
DATE: 09/01/75
TIMESTAMP: 03:14
BOLL, S: Grant?