by Edina Davis
“So what? All the boys are after me, that’s just the way it is. I have to be nice to them occasionally,” Carina warbled. “Besides … what did you see? That bit of kissing … that’s nothing! What do you think happens when an attractive boy has the place all to himself? What do you imagine, silly? Things get hot!” She sighed meaningfully and lasciviously licked her lips.
“Oh, don’t give me that shocked look, Lynn.” She laughed. “What’s wrong with having some fun? You heard and saw yourself how much fun even our parents have with each other. You do remember, don’t you?”
Of course, Carolyn remembered only too well, but she preferred to push away the unwanted pictures which had burned themselves into her brain years ago.
“At least they’re married,” she therefore only said.
“Nonsense!” Carina flared up. “You don’t believe their pious blabber about ‘no sex before marriage’ and what have you?! Don’t make me laugh! If you ask me, they didn’t just hold hands and pray the rosary before! They wouldn’t have endured it that long, considering what they’re like today. They are both totally randy!”
Even though Carolyn had to agree with her sister in this respect, she was still shocked about her vulgar language. She felt disgusted and decided to ignore the disrespectful words.
“What would you do if I told our parents what you’re up to?” she asked instead.
“You won’t anyway. And even if, I’ll just deny it all and say you’re jealous of me and want to discredit me because of that. Whom do you think they’d believe? Mum noticed herself how jealous you are of me. So, think well about what you’ll do. Live and let live! I don’t poke my nose into your business, after all.”
With these words, Carina turned around on her heels and just left …
The bus now approached Seaford and Carolyn sighed. Was she really jealous of her twin sister? Jealous of her way to put on a show, make herself popular with others, jealous of her charm, her sex appeal? Yes, did she sometimes want to be like her? She wasn’t so sure about that and didn’t want to face the answer to this question, at least not now.
Her thoughts wandered back to Ben and that evening. She had trusted him when he’d promised not to make any physical advances towards her, and now she was deeply disappointed in him. She simply had her principles and if Ben really liked her, he would accept them and not pressure her. He had apologized, but could she be sure that something like that wouldn’t happen again? Of course not.
It took a long time for her to fall asleep that night. There were too many thoughts in her mind. How would things continue with her and Ben? How should she behave towards him now? Everything had started so wonderfully. It just couldn’t already be over after such a short time? She couldn’t hold back the tears and cried until she finally fell asleep due from pure exhaustion.
CHAPTER 18
Ben really seemed to be sorry about what had happened, because he behaved in an exemplary manner afterwards.
They met almost daily, but since that evening at Ben’s nothing was like it was before. When he took her into his arms and kissed her, she felt a strange awkwardness, the affectionate moments decreased and eventually stopped completely. Carolyn was very unhappy about that, as she had fallen seriously in love with Ben over the past weeks. Yes, she was even sure that she absolutely loved him with all her heart. And what about him? Didn’t he love her anymore? He had not told her once since that certain evening. But she didn’t dare ask him. Her fear of a negative reply was far too great.
One day Ben said unexpectedly: “Mike told me yesterday that he’d seen a girl at the shopping centre who looked uncannily similar to you. However, she had blonde highlights and flashy make-up. Strange, isn’t it?”
Carolyn suddenly felt dizzy. Now she would have to tell Ben about Carina after all. If she kept it to herself any longer and came out later, Ben would think her a liar.
“That could only have been my twin sister Carina,” she said casually.
“Since when do you have a twin sister? You never told me.” Ben gave her a sceptical look.
“You never asked me whether I had any siblings and I just didn’t think about it. Is it that important?”
“No, it’s not, but I think it’s quite strange that you never mentioned it.” Ben looked pensive but didn’t say anything else.
Carolyn was glad that he didn’t hassle her with further questions. She did know, however, that she would one day be confronted with the inevitable, whether she wanted it or not.
When she sat in the bus later on, her thoughts were spinning. What should she do now? She went to her favourite spot in Cradle Valley and contemplated it. What should she do? Darkness was slowly setting over the valley when Carolyn finally reached a decision, and she walked in the direction of Seaford with heavy steps. She definitely had to ask Laura for advice!
When she reached the town it suddenly started to rain so badly that she was soaked within seconds. She ran to the next phone box as quickly as she could and dialled her friend’s number. Laura wasn’t home yet and would be back in about half an hour, her mother said.
What now? Carolyn definitely didn’t want to call from home and risk some family member overhearing. But if she waited here for half an hour, she’d get home too late. Since when was Laura allowed to stay out so late?
Carolyn stood indecisively in the phone box while it was still raining cats and dogs. If she didn’t want to catch a bad cold, she was forced to stay there for a while anyway. She could then try to reach her friend again later. Maybe Laura would have returned home in the meantime.
And yes, when she tried again ten minutes later, she was lucky. Carolyn quickly explained her problem to her friend. For a while there was silence on the other end of the line. Carolyn became impatient.
“Please, say something, Laura. I need your advice,” she whined.
“Carry, you know my opinion about the topic. We’ve talked about it again and again.”
“Yes, but now it’s different. Now it’s about Ben.”
“No, Carry, nothing is different. Your issue is basically always the same and constantly running away from your problems won’t help you in the long run. Hiding Carina from Ben and the others will make it even worse.”
“Well, then tell me what I should do.”
“You know the answer, Carry.”
Carolyn remained silent.
“How will you ever know whether someone really likes you if you hide your sister because you are scared of the competition? I also met Carina back then and still liked you more. You just need to trust that it’s you who matters to Ben, that he likes you. Or do you doubt his feelings for you?”
“No, I don’t.”
“You see? Then you have nothing to fear. And even if Ben would really fall for Carina’s antics, which I can’t imagine, you wouldn’t have lost much in him.”
“So, you think I should introduce him to Carina, don’t you?”
“That is exactly what I’d do if I were you, yes. I would ask her whether she’d like to do something with you and your friends. One day she’ll run into you all by chance anyway, it’s just a matter of time. Be self-confident just once, Carry. Ask her if she wants to come along on Saturday and casually introduce her to the others.”
Carolyn remained silent, full of distress.
“Say something, Carry. I didn’t hold this long speech for you to not talk to me.”
“What can I say? You’re right. I know all of that myself and still …”
Carolyn started crying. “I’m so scared, Laura. Can’t you understand that?”
“No, I can’t really understand it!” Laura replied. “You’re always totally relaxed when Carina isn’t around. But as soon as she shows up, you seem insecure and tense. Granted, you’re both completely different with regard to temperament. You are quiet and somewhat shy when strangers approach you. She, on the other hand, tre
ats everyone as if she’d known them for years. But that’s not the point, it’s only that you withdraw from everyone as soon as Carina appears. You can be in a good conversation with someone, then she shows up and you immediately yield the floor to her. She plays the entertainer and you’re quiet as a mouse until nobody even notices you anymore. And this is exactly what you are going to change now.”
“I don’t know how to change it. I just don’t know how,” Carolyn cried.
“You need to realize that Carina isn’t better than you just because she can socialize better. There are many people who like it when someone doesn’t always aim to be the centre of attention. And she doesn’t look better than you just because her clothes and make-up are flashier. If you’d put on the same war paint and clothes as she does, nobody could distinguish you from one another by your appearance. But would you want to walk around like Carina? Just look at her! What kind of boys are after her, anyway? Surely not the kind of boys you like, am I right? Carry, please take my advice and grab the bull by the horns.”
Carolyn wiped the tears from her face. She was still not fully convinced and said reluctantly: “Fine, I’ll ask her tonight.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
CHAPTER 19
After the conversation, Laura spent a long time thinking about the difficult situation her friend was in. The things Carolyn regularly complained about were really outrageous.
For example, Carina regularly misappropriated Carolyn’s personal belongings, either to take them into her own possession or to destroy them. In younger years it had been Carry’s toys, later books and other things that were dear to her. She constantly found grease spots and ink blots in her books. There were whole pages ripped out from some of them and there were frequently brown stains from tea or coffee cups on the covers. Even two of her favourite books, Gone with the Wind and Uncle Tom’s Cabin, had been ruined this way. Since Carolyn had found her homework book blemished with grease spots and dog ears last year and had had to redo all her homework, she hid all her school utensils under her mattress.
She had long given up complaining to their mother, as Carina always had an excuse ready; she convincingly lied through her teeth. She either just denied everything and blatantly claimed that Carolyn might have done it herself and only wanted to discredit her. Another time it was an unfortunate mistake or a small clumsiness. In this case she wordily apologized to Carolyn in their mother’s presence, shed some crocodile tears as if by command, and Debbie Harris considered the matter closed.
No matter how, Carina always convinced their mother of her brazen lies and Carolyn felt disregarded. Poor Carry, she really was not to be envied!
Laura thought it was high time that something changed! Something that couldn’t be changed however was the fact that Debbie Harris hopelessly doted on Carina and believed her every dishonest word. That was something Carolyn would have to live with, whether she liked it or not. But she could change something about her relationship with her sister. She definitely had to learn to behave confidently in Carina’s presence, to vehemently stand up to her nasty scheming, maybe even to beat her at her own game.
Yes, Laura wanted to help her friend in this matter, and she was determined to do everything in her power to reach that goal.
Carolyn was true to her word and asked Carina the same evening. To her delight, Carina had already made other plans.
“After all, it’s the last Saturday before school starts again,” she said, “so, I have better things to do than to meet your boring friends.”
“How can you know whether my friends are boring? You don’t even know them.” Carolyn was indignant. At the same time, she was of course extremely delighted.
“If they are like your friend Laura … yaaawn …,” Carina provoked her, “then I know enough. In any case, I’m going to Brighton with my girls. We’re meeting some nice friends there and we’ll go to the disco with them later on.”
“To the disco? Did you tell Mum and Dad about that?”
“Of course not, silly. And don’t you dare tell them. You know what’ll be in store for you then.”
“I don’t care what you’re doing anyway,” Carolyn said and put on an indifferent expression. The main thing is you’re not joining us, she added silently. She had been spared this time.
But, as it sometimes happens in life, she had rejoiced too soon. After breakfast on Saturday morning Carina suddenly announced: “I’ll join you today after all. Our plans fell through, unfortunately. It’s a pity, but it cannot be helped. It’s time I got to know your friends and stirred things up a little.”
Carolyn had been so caught off guard by this news that she could not hide her horror, which Carina of course noticed immediately. Slyly she asked: “Do you really want me to come along?”
“Of course, I want you to come along. Why else should I’ve asked you?” Carolyn replied, forcing herself to sound indifferent, while her tortured expression gave her away.
“Don’t know, but you look as if you’d rather be alone with your friends. Is there by any chance a boy you want to hide from me?”
Carolyn’s expression spoke volumes and Carina laughed.
“Be honest, you have a boyfriend and you’re scared I could pinch him from you. But do not worry, sis. I’d never do that to you. Whoever he may be, you can have him. I’m sure he’s not in my league.”
Anger surged up in Carolyn, but like always she kept herself under control and didn’t give herself away.
“You’re completely mistaken, Carina,” she said with a quiet voice, “I definitely want you to come along. You’re right, there’s a boy. His name is Ben. I’ve known him long enough to know that he likes me. So why should I worry?”
“Well, we’ll see.” Carina gave her an ambiguous glance and laughed mockingly.
CHAPTER 20
Later they went to the bus stop together. Laura looked at Carolyn with a sceptical expression in her eyes. She knew her friend well enough to recognize the fear in her face.
Carina greeted Laura with a haughty nod. Ever since their first meeting she had instinctively felt that Laura was one of the few people who could see behind her shiny facade and so she always treated her with condescending arrogance. Laura however wasn’t bothered by that, on the contrary. She didn’t care at all for the affection of people like Carina.
When the three girls reached the beach, the other teenagers already lay lazily in the sun and squinted at them. They curiously eyed Carina, who immediately attracted attention in her red shorts and the sleeveless white top.
“Hey Laura, hey Carry!” Mike called out. As he knew from Ben who she was, he turned to Carina. “So, you’re Carry’s twin sister. Nice to meet you.” He put his arm around Jenny and added: “This is my girlfriend Jenny and I’m Mike.”
Before Carolyn could say something, Carina asked: “Carry’s sister? Did I miss something, Lynn?” She really looked puzzled. Ben cast a questioning glance at Carolyn and the other three also glanced from one to the other in bewilderment. Carolyn felt extremely uncomfortable. Of course, she had been prepared for the inevitable, but now she still had a problem with it.
“I always hated the name Lynn, as you know!” she said with a forced smile. “You surely remember that, as well as who gave me that name. Besides, you should have noticed that Laura has always called me Carry and my other friends call me that as well. You don’t mind, do you?”
Carina remembered the story all too well. Her sneering smile spoke volumes.
“Don’t be silly, sis. Why should I mind? I surely have more important things to do than to deal with such kid stuff.”
She turned to the others and ironically said: “So if I may introduce? Carry and Carrie.”
Mike gave a somewhat crooked smile and then said: “Okay, why don’t you make yourselves comfortable, Carry and Carrie.”
Carina was he
r old self again. With the movements of a professional stripper, she pulled her top over her head, her shorts slowly down and stood there in a tight, bright red bikini, which hid very little of her perfectly proportioned figure. She put on a beaming smile, moved her hips coquettishly and said: “I’m going swimming. Who wants to join me?” Her glance wandered from Ben to Mike, who both stared at her with their eyes popping out!
Carolyn felt a pang in her heart. Was Ben like most boys after all? Would she lose him? No, she would fight for him because she loved him!
Johnny however didn’t pay any attention to Carina. He sat next to Laura and looked at her with so much love that Carolyn almost felt jealous of her friend. Why couldn’t Ben be like Johnny? When Mike noticed that his girlfriend eyed him suspiciously, he looked away with embarrassment.
Jenny, who didn’t want anyone to notice her rising jealousy, now jumped up, took her boyfriend’s hand, and laughingly pulled him with her towards the water.
“Let’s splash around, Mike,” she called out jauntily.
Hand in hand they both ran towards the sea.
Ben turned to Carolyn. “Come on, Carry, we’ll also go for a swim.”
While she pulled her dress over her head, Carolyn felt extremely uncomfortable under her sister’s glances. She again wore the smart black bathing suit Ben had picked out for her.
Carina looked her up and down.
“Wow, my dear sister really got dolled up,” she commented sarcastically. Then she turned around and walked ahead of them towards the sea, her hips swaying.
“So, my sister appeals to you, doesn’t she?” Carolyn couldn’t help saying a little later.
“What gives you that idea? You both look alike.”
“Then why did you stare at her like that then? It was so embarrassing!”
“Well, because I was totally shocked at her behaviour! She acts completely different than you do, and, in a way, that really blew my mind. Besides, I think it’s really strange that you both call yourselves Carry.”