Arwen took special care to get ready for their date. She smiled as she realized that this was their actual first date. All the other times they’d been together had been tied to him being her personal trainer.
At eight o’clock a knock sounded at Arwen’s door. Grinning like a maniac, she hurried to answer, and when she pulled the door open and saw Tyler standing on her porch, her smile grew larger. He looked as handsome as ever.
He gazed at Arwen with his chocolate brown eyes, and she wanted to fling herself into his arms. Instead, she said, “Good morning. Were you able to sleep last night?”
“Thankfully, yes. No calls.” He smiled. “What about you? How have you been doing?”
“I’ve been doing great, actually. Come on in.” He walked into her apartment and she closed the door behind him. “Paisley and a few other friends took me out yesterday, so that was fun.”
They sat on the couch, inches apart, with Arwen’s body angled to face him.
“How’s your throat,” he asked as his gaze went to the small bandage that covered her stitches.
“It’s fine. According to the doctor it wasn’t all that deep. It just took five stitches to close it up.”
“You amaze me,” he said.
Having him in her apartment, telling her how amazing she was? She liked it. A lot. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“After what you went through?” He shook his head. “You’re so calm.” Chuckling, he said, “If someone had held me hostage with a knife to my throat…”
The memory of the terror she’d felt when the outcome had been uncertain sent a burst of adrenaline pulsing through her. “I was scared to death, I’m not gonna lie.” Forcing away those awful feelings, she smiled. “But it’s over now and I’m okay. That’s what I have to focus on.”
His lips turned up. “See? Amazing.”
She loved the way he made her feel, but it made her self-conscious. “You’re the one who deals with crazy stuff all the time.” Her lips twisted into a smirk. “Saving heart attack victims, extracting people trapped in cars, putting out fires.”
A knowing grin tugged up the corners of his mouth. “I have my moments.”
Arwen laughed. “I still can’t believe you were the one who was there.” The memory of the way he’d scooped her up and held her to him… Just thinking about it made her want to snuggle against him. Then she remembered that she wanted to see if there was a chance for them, and after they were both quiet for a moment, she said, “I need to tell you something.”
“We need to talk,” Tyler said at the same time.
They laughed.
“You go first,” she said. She didn’t want to confess her growing attraction to him if he was just going to reiterate that he had no desire to get into a relationship.
He nodded. “Okay.”
Tyler studied Arwen’s face and replayed what happened on Friday. Learning she was the one being held hostage had freaked him out. The thought of something happening to her had brought back painful memories of losing Madison, but in the heat of the moment all he’d been able to focus on was saving her. And in those moments he’d realized that she was the one he wanted to take a chance on. Now it was time to tell her. It was time to put his heart out there.
“I care about you,” he began. “Deeply.” Her blue eyes were steady on him, soft and tranquil, which gave him the courage to go on. “I’ve known that all along, but after what happened on Friday…” He shook his head. “The thought of something happening to you, of never having the chance to truly get to know you.” He swallowed over the knot that had formed in his throat. “Waiting to see what was going to happen, knowing you were in imminent danger…it ripped me apart, Arwen.”
She reached out and put her hands on his. “I’m okay now. I’m safe.”
He knew that, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to have her in his arms. Pulling her into an embrace, he held her against him, and when she lay her head on his shoulder, he rested his cheek on her head. “I want to get to know you, Arwen. Spend time with you. See where this can go.”
She looked up at him, and as he gazed into her eyes, the need to kiss her overwhelmed him. Thrilled that there was no reason to resist that need, he pressed his mouth against hers. Her arms went around his neck and he lifted her onto his lap. After several moments he released her mouth and she lay her head back on his shoulder.
Having her in his arms felt so right, so perfect. He would be happy to keep her there for hours, days even.
She pulled back and met his gaze. “You said you weren’t looking for a relationship.” A tentative smile tugged up the corners of her mouth. “Are you saying you’ve changed your mind?”
As hard as it was to let go of his fears, he had to do it. He had to try. “Yes.”
“Are you sure about that?”
He wanted his mind to be changed and he was doing his best to make it happen. The other option—losing her—was no option at all. He nodded. “For you? Yes. I’m sure.” The more he said it, the more he started to believe it.
“Why…Why were you against it before?”
If he was going to open his heart to her he had to tell her about Madison. Discussing it would be painful, but he needed her to understand where he was coming from.
He took a breath and slowly exhaled, then gazed at Arwen a moment before he began.
“There was a woman. Madison.” Just saying her name brought a sharp pain to his heart. “We were engaged.” Did he really want to talk about this? No, but he needed Arwen to understand why he’d been so gun-shy. “Two weeks before our wedding a drunk driver ran a red light and hit her car.” He swallowed over the tightening of his throat. “She…she died instantly.”
Arwen’s face creased in empathy. “Oh, Tyler. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s been nearly two years, but in some ways it still feels fresh.” He could feel heat behind his eyes, but he willed the tears away. “The thought of losing someone again…” He shook his head. “I thought the best solution was to stay away from relationships completely.”
Arwen could see the deep hurt in Tyler’s eyes. Even now, after so much time. But she was glad he’d told her. Now she understood why he’d been so reluctant to even consider a relationship.
Still sitting on his lap, she placed her hands on both sides of his face, and after gazing at him for a moment she gently pressed her lips to his. One of his hands went to the back of her neck, holding her head steady as their breath mingled, while the other arm went around her waist.
After several moments they broke apart, both of them breathless.
“Maybe we should go now,” he said. “Before things get out of hand.”
She understood that he was only willing to go so far, only willing to open his heart so much. She was okay with that. Nodding, she climbed off of his lap, and after he stood, they walked hand in hand out the door and to his Jeep.
They chatted comfortably through their breakfast, and as their meal wound down, Tyler said, “Are you in the mood to take a drive?”
All she wanted was to be with him. “Sure.”
“Great. We can go up American Fork Canyon.” He motioned the server over, and after paying the bill, he led her to his Jeep.
Chapter Eighteen
“It’s so pretty,” Arwen said as she looked out the window at the trees, blue sky, and wispy clouds. They’d been driving for over an hour on a dirt road, and when they reached an open area with a fabulous view of the valley, Tyler pulled off.
“Wow,” she said. “What a gorgeous view.”
“I thought you might like it,” he said as he rested an arm on the steering wheel. “Do you want to get out and stretch your legs?”
“Sure.”
They climbed out of his Jeep and walked hand in hand along the edge of the road. A pair of ATV’s went by, then they were alone again. Arwen loved being with him, just the two of them. No one else around, no distractions, nothing to keep them from being together.
“Are ther
e hikes up here?” she asked.
He smiled at her. “Why? Are you in the mood for one?”
“Not necessarily. I was just wondering.”
“This area’s more popular for ATVing, but I’m sure there’s a hike or two we could find if you really wanted to.”
They stopped and took in the view of the valley below.
“I liked the hike we went on,” she said.
“Oh yeah? What did you like about it?”
She smiled at him. “I liked when you kissed me.”
He laughed. “I only kissed you because you demanded that I kiss you.”
Making a scoffing sound, Arwen said, “Are you saying you wouldn’t have kissed me if I hadn’t told you to?”
“Maybe.”
She put her free hand on her hip. “You know, those other kisses were all your idea.”
He chuckled. “As is this one.” Then he pulled her against him and pressed his mouth to hers. She slid her arms around his neck, savoring the feel of him.
After several moments they pulled away and smiled at each other.
“It seems to me,” he said, his eyebrows raised, “that I’m doing all the work here.”
She laughed. “How so?”
“I’ve always been the one to initiate our kisses.”
Grinning, Arwen shook her head. “I kissed you earlier. At my apartment.”
He laughed. “That’s true.”
They kept their arms around each other’s waists as they faced the view.
“So, are you going back to work tomorrow?” Tyler asked after a moment.
“Of course.” Her voice was laced with surprise. Not going had never occurred to her. She looked at him. “What else would I do?”
He gazed at her before speaking. “Don’t you worry that…I don’t know…something like that could happen again?”
“Not really. I mean, it was pretty unusual.”
Tyler gazed at her. Every time he pictured that moment when she’d come out of the building, the knife pressed to her throat, blood dripping down her neck, it felt like a vise was squeezing his chest. It was the same way he’d felt when he’d learned of Madison’s death.
Knowing something could happen to her, that someone could hurt her… It sent him into spasms of terror. Not just the fear of her getting injured or worse—which was bad enough—but the fear of falling for her and then if something happened to her… He’d be alone. Again. Heartbroken and alone.
“Have you ever considered doing something else for a living?” He knew the question might irritate her even as he asked it, but he still had to ask.
“No. Never.” Her tone was vehement. “I love what I do. I’m barely getting started in my field. I have no intention of doing anything else.”
He put one hand up in surrender. “Okay. Forget I asked.”
“No, I’m not going to forget. Why did you ask that?” She tilted her head. “What’s going on, Tyler?”
“It’s just, I worry about you. What happened on Friday could have ended differently. So easily.”
“But it didn’t.”
“Not this time.”
“There’s not going to be another time, Tyler.”
“How do you know that?”
She huffed out a breath. “Who are you to be worried about me? You go into burning buildings for a living.”
“That’s different.”
Her lips pursed. “Different how?”
“I’m trained to do it. I wear special gear to protect me.” He stared at her. “What’s to protect you from someone losing it again?”
She didn’t say anything and he could see he’d left her stumped.
“So, what?” she asked. “What do you want me to do? Quit my job because of one incident? What would I do then?”
Was she actually considering that? “I don’t know. You could teach.”
“But I want to help people. One on one. That’s what I love.” She gazed at him a moment. “How does it feel to save someone having a heart attack? Or to drag someone out of a burning building? Mental illness is every bit as real, and in the few months I’ve been practicing, I’ve saved lives, saved marriages. Saved sanity.” She shook her head. “You have to know what I’m talking about.”
“Okay. I get it.” This wasn’t how he’d seen their date going. Getting into a fight because of his fears. He had to turn this around. “I’m sorry, Arwen. Just forget I brought it up.”
She took his hands and faced him head-on. “It’s okay.” Her voice was soft, the only other sound the wind ruffling the nearby bushes. “I understand, Tyler. What you went through when you lost Madison was the most painful thing you’d ever experienced.”
She had no idea how right she was. “Yeah.” He loved that she understood him. It touched him deeply and made him want her all the more.
“And now,” she continued, “you’re sticking your toe back in the water and you’re afraid something will happen to me. You don’t want to go through that loss again. I get it.” She gazed at him. “You fear being abandoned.”
She was good at this therapy thing. The way she expressed her understanding really did soothe him. “Yes.”
“But you have to understand that as much as you want to be able to control everything, you can’t. You have to let go of that wish. Letting go is critical in dealing with your fears.”
He understood that, but that didn’t stop him from being terrified of going through that loss again. It had nearly crushed him and he didn’t think he could do it again.
“You have to trust me, Tyler. Trust that I’ve learned from my experience. That I won’t let a situation get out of control like that again.”
He nodded, but he wasn’t convinced. How could she possibly prevent something like that from happening? Still, he didn’t want to ruin this time with her by arguing. “Okay.” He cupped her face and pressed a soft kiss to her mouth.
Arwen couldn’t get enough of his kisses, of him. She snaked her arms around his neck and reveled in the strength of him. She loved that he cared enough about her to be worried about her safety, but she wasn’t going to stop doing what she was passionate about. She would do all that she could to reassure him and help him work through his fears, but he had to understand that she wasn’t going to change her career path due to his insecurities.
Unhappy about the tension she felt between them over this issue, Arwen hoped Tyler would be able to adjust to her decision to continue in her job. When she’d woken that morning she’d been looking forward to having a light-hearted day with him, not arguing over whether or not she was safe at work.
Reliving what had happened only days before upset her and she didn’t want to think it could happen again. Hearing Tyler’s concerns—concerns she secretly shared—only intensified her own anxiety.
When they separated, she wanted to lighten the mood. “I think you’re right. You are the one doing all the work.”
He laughed. “I don’t mind. Kissing you isn’t exactly hard labor.”
“I should hope not.”
“Are you ready to head back?”
“That depends.”
He smiled. “On what?”
“On whether we’re going to do anything else today.”
“Did you have something in mind?”
“No.” She didn’t care what they did as long as she got to be with him.
He threw her a half-smile. “We could see if there’s a self-defense class going on today.”
That wasn’t a bad idea, although she didn’t love that he was the one suggesting it. “Come on, Tyler. Give it a rest.”
He frowned. “I just want you to be safe.”
She knew that, and she understood that he felt her safety was out of his control, but his concern was starting to get to her. His suggestion only reminded her how close she’d come to being seriously injured or killed, which brought back how helpless and terrified she’d felt. She still needed to work through that herself. “Let me think about my safety, okay?”
“Fine.”
He helped her into his Jeep and they began the drive back. Their conversation was more stilted than it had been before and Arwen had a feeling that things were starting to go south. Her worries were confirmed when they reached her apartment.
Tyler walked her to her door, but after she invited him in, he said, “I have some things I need to do today. I’ll text you later, okay?”
What could she say? “All right.”
He gazed at her a moment, then pulled her in for a quick kiss before turning and walking away.
She watched him go and that sense of being unsettled she’d had with him from the start came back with a vengeance.
Chapter Nineteen
After Tyler left Arwen he went home and changed into shorts and sneakers, then drove to one of his favorite trails and went for a run. Working up a sweat usually helped him clear his head, but when it came to Arwen, nothing helped. He was more attracted to her than he’d been to any woman since Madison, but that also made him vulnerable. Vulnerable to having his heart ripped right out of his chest and torn open for all to see. Not something he wanted to experience again.
Despite that, he wanted to make it work with her. Desperately. But his fear that something could happen to her, that he couldn’t protect her, held him back. How could he give his heart to her wholeheartedly when he had reservations? He couldn’t. That was the problem.
She wasn’t even in a line of work that was usually considered dangerous, and before the hostage incident, it never would have occurred to him that she could get hurt at work. But as he’d witnessed first-hand, the possibility was very real. He’d treated people with stab wounds before, and it wasn’t pretty. Especially when a main artery was severed. Blood everywhere, and the patient usually bled out before he could get them to the hospital and into surgery.
And that was just with a stab wound. What if that man had had a gun? What if someone pulled a gun on Arwen and she got shot?
He shook his head as he picked up the pace. The fresh summer air invigorated him, but the good feeling of being outside was overshadowed by the dark emotions that swamped him.
Hearts On Fire: Park City Firefighter Romance Page 11