Kat let out her breath. “Dr. Emmett was hit during the bombardment. He had a gushing wound. I—I repaired it.”
Stephen’s eyebrows shot up. “You did? How?”
“When the power released, I could feel every part of his body. I found the ruptured organs, arteries, and skin, and pulled the wound closed after drawing out the excess blood that had pooled inside of him.”
“Kat, that—that’s amazing!”
She turned away and hugged her body. “I can feel the monster inside me now. It’s here.” She tapped the side of her head. “Constantly. I shouldn’t have healed him. It made everything worse.”
“You saved a man,” Stephen said quietly.
Kat rounded on him. “At great cost! What if by saving one man, I turn around kill hundreds because I accessed that power and can no longer control it? I hate making these kinds of decisions.” She held out her hands. “Do I save a life, or do I suppress the power? I can’t do it anymore. I can’t—” She gasped as flames popped up and surrounded her hands. “Stephen—help me!”
Stephen flew off the cot, his plate hitting the floor, and with two long steps was beside Kat. Sinking down beside her, he reached over and held her to his side. Slowly he stroked her hair and murmured something.
Kat tucked her head into his shoulder. Her heart raced and her fingers trembled. A red haze burned behind her eyes. She buried her face in the folds of his duster, allowing his scent of leather and soap to envelope her thoughts. “I don’t want to be a monster anymore.”
Stephen continued to run his hand across the top of her head. “You’re not a monster. You are a woman confined within an invisible prison not of your making.”
“I want to be free,” she whispered. “If there is a way. Without crossing any more lines, physical or otherwise.”
“And you will be. Soon.”
Slowly, softly, Stephen began to pray over her. At least that’s what it sounded like since he was addressing God. Kat held still, listening as he spoke with a solemn quietness that calmed her like nothing had before. He spoke to God as if he knew him. Did he know God? Stephen hadn’t said much about his beliefs, but Ms. Stuart knew about God and when she had talked to him, it had sounded a lot like Stephen did now.
The red haze began to fade from her vision and her hands no longer trembled. Kat sighed and remained where she was with her eyes closed. She didn’t say anything, just listened to his simple words. If only she could stay like this forever. Stephen felt warm and comforting, and he drove the monster below the surface. But deep inside, she knew it wasn’t enough. Someday, some hour, the monster would emerge, and there would be no stopping it.
Chapter
25
“You know I don’t put much stock in faith or religion, but I believe . . .” Dr. Emmett’s voice lowered to a hush. “I believe it was a miracle.”
Kat looked up, the broom paused in her hands. The tiny purple pinpricks were already fading from her face. Stephen had brought her a mirror this morning, and in the dim light of her tent the marks had looked almost like freckles. That had been two hours ago, at least.
Now the morning sun shone through the flaps of tent one, the main medical tent. Matron Foskey stood beside Dr. Emmett at the table in the back.
Dr. Emmett’s hair was brushed back and a trace of whiskers graced his jaw. “One moment, I was lying on the ground with a gouging wound along my midsection, and the next moment, it was gone.”
“Gone? Like disappeared?” Matron Foskey folded her arms, her gray-streaked hair pulled back in a simple chignon under her white cap. Kat had heard that her cool thinking had saved seven men the day before. The woman was unflappable.
“No, more like healed. I don’t know how to explain it. Like surgery, only no surgery took place. And there was someone bending over me, but I couldn’t make out his or her face.”
“And how do you know you weren’t just hallucinating? Blunt trauma to the head can do that,” Matron Foskey said with a sniff.
“There was still blood around the area, along the top of my skin and soaked into my shirt and lab coat.”
“It could have been someone else’s blood.”
“And I have a scar along my waist, right where the wound was.”
Kat looked away and started sweeping again.
“Well, if you ask me, it must have been a particular sort of miracle. Why didn’t your ‘angel’ save any of the other men? Or Nurse Anne?”
Dr. Emmett rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know. I wish I did. What I do know is that something—or someone—healed me. And I think it was God.”
Kat huffed and swept more vigorously. Little did Dr. Emmett know it was an experiment gone wrong who had saved his life, not God.
She stopped and leaned against the broom, her head down. No, I don’t want to be bitter. It might have been a mistake, but by saving Dr. Emmett, I might just be helping others.
She sighed and pressed three fingers to the base of her neck. She could feel nothing now from her neck down to her midsection. And the monster was there, in the back of her mind, like a seething dragon waiting to emerge from its lair.
She straightened and finished sweeping. No regrets. What was done was done. Perhaps Stephen was right. It was good to save one man, even at the expense of her own soul.
•••
Later that afternoon Kat sat in the supply tent, marking medicine vials with a wax stick. Storm clouds were rolling in, announcing their arrival with distant booms and flashes of light.
Dr. Latimer ducked inside the tent. He wore a white lab coat with stains across the front. “Miss Bloodmayne, I’m glad I found you. Can you meet me later tonight in tent eight, after dinner?”
Kat gripped the glass vial she was holding and looked up, her heart beating faster. “Did you find something?”
“I think so.” He turned to go, then glanced back. “And bring Mr. Grey with you. For propriety’s sake.”
“I will.” She would have brought Stephen anyway. He had come this far with her, she was sure he would want to know what Dr. Latimer had found.
By the time she found Stephen after dinner, darkness had descended upon the camp and the rain was coming down in a deluge. They ran through the mud and puddles toward the tent with coats held above their heads. Once inside, they placed the drenched articles of clothing across two chairs and sat down on an empty cot. Dr. Latimer stood beside the small table. He held a leather-bound journal in one hand, his fingers trailing down the pages. More papers and journals lay on the small table before him. Rain pelted the canvas roof in a symphony of thwaps.
Kat glanced at Stephen. His hair was wet and slicked back and his shirt damp across the shoulders. He wasn’t a very big man, not like some of the soldiers she had met here on the base. Rather, he possessed more of a lean strength and a keen eye. At that moment, his gaze turned on her and in the lantern light, she caught sight of the yellow specks in his hazel-green eyes.
He was one of the most handsome men she had ever known.
Kat ducked away, the thought slamming across her mind. She turned her gaze to Dr. Latimer, heat spreading throughout her body. How could she be thinking that at a time like this?
Even now, she could sense his closeness, only a foot away from her on the cot. The rain had also intensified his smell, that same smell from yesterday, of soap and leather and sweat.
What did he think of her? Once he had thought her a monster and left her at the Tower. Yesterday, he spoke of her as a woman trapped inside an invisible prison.
Kat clasped her cold, wet hands together. What she really wanted was for him to see her as a woman, the way a man saw a woman. She let out her breath. But that couldn’t be. Not until she was whole again. If that ever happened.
Dr. Latimer turned, the leather-bound journal still in hand. “I’ve been thinking about Miss Bloodmayne’s condition, and I think I know what caused it.”
Kat looked up and gripped her hands tighter.
“Your father
was performing experiments with death at the same time your life started. And I think somehow the two intertwined inside of you.”
“Are you saying I’m dead inside?” The voice inside always said something similar. Could it possibly be true?
Dr. Latimer tilted his head to the side. “Well, yes and no. Obviously you are alive, but not in the same way we are. Somehow you were thrown out of the natural laws and physical principles that humans are confined to. You said that you are able to manipulate matter. I think only someone not completely bound to matter could do that.”
He held his journal up and took a piece of paper from the table. “It’s like this. Imagine my journal is life.” He placed the piece of paper inside. “All things—humans, animals, insects—exist inside this sphere, and therefore are subject to the laws within. But you—” He picked up another piece of paper and laid it across the top of the journal. “You are on the outside of life. You are still human, feel human, act human, but your father’s experiments threw you outside the world we live in. And being on the outside, you can change what’s being done on the inside.”
Kat looked from Stephen to Dr. Latimer. “But I see both of you. And this tent. And everything else.”
“Yes, because you are still with this world, just not inside of it.”
“But how does that explain what I can do?”
Dr. Latimer removed the paper and paced his hand on the journal. “A hand is a better example. I can open this journal, smooth the papers, and tear the paper out if I want because my hand is here on the outside. However, if my hand was locked inside the journal, I couldn’t do those things.”
“So,” Kat said slowly, “because I exist outside of normal life, I can manipulate it?”
“Yes! That’s it.”
“So why is it changing me? Why can’t I use this power for good?”
Dr. Latimer sighed and lowered his journal. “Because you were never meant to exist outside of life. Our souls and bodies are connected. Every time you tap into that ability, it kills a part of your soul. In fact, just existing in that limbo place damages you the longer you live.”
A painful lump grew inside her throat. “So even if I never accessed this power again, it would eventually change me anyway.”
“I’m afraid so.”
All those years of controlling myself, all those times of fighting the monster inside, it was always a losing battle. She squeezed her eyes shut. There is no hope.
“Can you help her?” Stephen said sharply. “Is there any way to bring Kat back inside the book, er, life?”
Dr. Latimer took a deep breath and placed the journal down beside the papers and books. He steepled his fingers, his face downcast. “There is one possibility, but it comes with a huge risk.”
“Any bigger than the one Kat is already living with?”
“Perhaps. She might actually die.”
Silence fell across the tent, save for the soft tap of rain outside.
Stephen folded his arms and sat back. “What is it?”
“It is possible that, if we were able to restart Miss Bloodmayne’s life, she would come back inside the laws of life.”
“Restart? What does that mean?”
“If death is what tore her out of the norm, then perhaps death is what could bring her back.”
Stephen sliced the air with his hand. “That makes no sense! How can she die and still live?”
Kat barely heard the exchange between Stephen and Dr. Latimer. Death had changed her. Her father’s tests on death. No matter what she did to prevent the monster from emerging, her soul was still dying. All it took was for her to place her hand over her heart to know that. Soon the numbness would take over her entire body, or the monster would emerge permanently.
But was there any other way? How did one die, and yet not die? How much time did she have left? Perhaps Dr. Latimer could study her a little more before they took such drastic measures. Then again, it might be too late. This might be her only chance. And more than anything, she wanted to be normal again, with no fear of hurting others.
“Can you do it?” Kat lifted her chin and gazed steadily at Dr. Latimer. “If it comes down to it, do you believe you can restart my life?”
Stephen stood and threw his hands into the air. “This is crazy! No one has died and come back to life. Except for . . .” He ran a hand through his hair and turned around. “But he was God!”
Kat frowned. She had no idea what he was talking about. She looked back at Dr. Latimer. “Can you do it?” she asked again.
“I believe so.”
“How?”
“I’ve been experimenting with electricity and the human heart. There might be a way to stop your heart, then restart it.”
Fear clutched her insides. What did he mean? “How do you know doing something like this won’t make my condition worse? How is it any different than what my father did to me?”
Dr. Latimer folded his arms. “I don’t. In fact, it could exacerbate it. But it would not be like your father’s experiments. I will be doing nothing outside of scientific parameters. I will not be dabbling with the mystic. I will not be using incantations or symbols to change you. I will simply be using the means God has already given me—the understanding of the physical human heart.”
Kat licked her lips. “And you think it will work?”
“It’s the best idea I have. I know of no other way to end your life then bring you back. Even then, this venture is highly risky. It is not a solution I came to lightly, but through deep thought and prayer. The choice, however, is up to you.”
Potential death or potential freedom. Well, if Dr. Latimer was right, she was dying anyway. But what if it made her worse? “I have one condition.”
“I’m listening.”
Kat glanced at Stephen, then Dr. Latimer. “If it makes my condition worse, you end my life, permanently.”
“Kat!” Stephen took a step toward her. “You can’t—”
She held up her hand. “Those are my terms. I will not become a destructive force if this doesn’t work.”
Dr. Latimer leaned against the table. “So you’re willing to go through with this?”
Kat tightened her fists. Stephen was right. This was crazy. Was she seriously thinking about letting Dr. Latimer stop her heart? Or letting her die if his theory didn’t work? But what choice did she have? Every emotional outburst brought her that much closer to permanently unleashing the monster inside. It was worth the risk, even if she died in the process.
Kat let out her breath. “Yes. I’ve already hurt people. I’m afraid I might do more. And if what you said is true, then there is no stopping the force inside of me. Better to cure it or end it.”
“Kat!”
Kat ignored Stephen’s second outburst. Instead, she kept her gaze on Dr. Latimer.
Dr. Latimer studied her. After a moment, he nodded. “I will not end your life, but I will ensure you do not harm others. Is that a sufficient compromise?”
Kat pressed her lips together. She would rather he let her die, but that might be asking too much. “Yes.”
Dr. Latimer straightened. “All right, then. First, we need to get back to World City. The machine I built might still be there, if the Tower did not destroy it.”
“The Tower?” Her insides tightened. “How will we know if it’s there? And how will we retrieve it?”
Dr. Latimer tapped his bottom lip in thought. “We’ll figure something out. On our way back to World City, I will spend more time studying your condition. Perhaps there is another explanation, or another solution. If not, we will use my machine to stop your heart. Then, hopefully, I will restart it and you will be inserted back into our world. Like I said, it comes with great risk, and it might not even work.”
Kat clutched a fist to her chest. “When do we leave?”
“My tour is finished at the end of this week. We can depart then.”
Kat nodded, her mind racing through everything he had shared over the last two days
. Every time her mind began to reason why she shouldn’t do this, she suppressed it. There was no choice. She had faced dire situations before. She would face this one as well.
Dr. Latimer gathered his papers and journals. “Until then, I need to start my rounds.”
“Of course,” she murmured without looking up.
After Dr. Latimer left, the tent grew quiet. Even the rain had stopped.
“Kat, we should discuss this,” Stephen said, breaking the silence. “We’re talking about your life.”
Kat stared at her hands. “I know.” But no matter how much she explained to Stephen what was happening inside of her, he would not fully understand. For the first time, the monster was constantly there in the back of her mind. One more push and it might come to the forefront permanently, and she couldn’t let that happen. She would not lose control again.
Even if it cost her her life.
Stephen reached over. His hand hovered above her own, then settled on top of hers. His warmth soaked into her cold skin.” I lost you once, and it was my own fault. I was able to get you back, but where you are planning to go now, I can’t go. There is no way I could save you.”
Kat looked at him. The lamplight threw his face into sharp relief.
His eyes roved her face. “I don’t want to lose you again.” He pushed back her one small curl that always came loose. His face was only a foot away from hers, allowing her to see the concern in his eyes and something more.
Her throat went dry and a buzz started inside her head. Every nerve ending seemed arrested, like her whole body was holding its breath.
He hesitated, then lifted his hand away from hers and gently gripped her chin between his thumb and finger, tilting her head upward.
Blood whooshed through her veins, but in a very different way than when her power unleashed. “Stephen . . .”
He leaned forward until his lips brushed hers.
Heat swam over Kat’s face and down her body. He cupped her other cheek and deepened the kiss.
Kat closed her eyes. This feeling was nothing like the power inside of her. It was exhilarating, uplifting.
A moment later Stephen drew back. “I don’t want to lose you, Kat. I wish . . . I wish there was something I could do. I would do anything if it would help you. But I can’t.” He sighed. “I just wish there was another way, one that didn’t involve harming you.”
Awakened Page 15