by Tara Brown
So I add more wood to the fire and watch Jake sleep.
There is something very odd about having him here and something even more odd about the fact I saved them.
Chapter Three
When I wake from where I have slept against Leo, my eyes search for him. Jake’s still passed out on the couch. I get up and hurry to his leg. There are no angry red lines or weird swelling. It makes me sigh. He might actually live.
I ignore how much I want him to live and start the fire for breakfast. Anna comes out of my room where she has helped herself to a bed. She stumbles and yawns. “Morning.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t know how to be with them. The cold mean side of me wants them gone, but the more human side from before knows that isn’t much of an option and that other side doesn’t get angry or scared or sad. The human side wants there to be someone beyond Leo and me in my life.
“You want me to go find something for breakfast?”
I shake my head. “I have dried berries and oats.”
She shrugs and sits on the couch, staring at Jake. She runs a hand along his forehead. “Light fever.”
“Yup.”
She smiles. “That’s not so bad. You have any fever medication?”
I nod. “It’s expired but it’s better than nothing. It’s in the first aid kit.”
She gets it and I make breakfast. We work quietly. She doesn’t ask questions, and I don’t know how to let her in.
The day slips away. I don’t go for food; we eat dried meat and dried berries and watch him sleep. It’s restless and not exactly comforting to see.
When the sun goes down my eyes are fluttering, and I’m nauseated with my need for sleep.
“He’s fine on the couch. You should just come and sleep.”
I glance up at Anna and nod before I pick up my shotgun and stumble into the room. I leave Leo in the front room with the door open. I need some rest, and I won’t get it sitting up at the fire.
I hold the gun and wait until I am certain she is passed out in the other bed before I let sleep take me.
I don’t think I dream, but I know I wake to her voice. “Where did you learn to stitch someone?" My eyes flutter as her voice awakens me.
A slow scowl creeps across my lips as I open my eyes to Anna staring at me. She asks me the question I think she woke me up with. “Where did you learn to stitch someone?”
I continue with my frown, hoping she’ll leave me alone and let me rest. But she doesn't. She raises her eyebrows, waiting for her response.
I yawn and rub my eyes. “Is it morning?” The sunlight is beating through the curtains.
“Yes, now answer the question.”
She laughs and I shake my head, swallowing and wishing I were still fast asleep. I have the nauseated tired feeling. Maybe if I answer she’ll go away. “My dad was a survivalist. He made me go to survival camp every summer and took me hunting and camping all the time. When it all started, he planned for us to come here. He would make me cut the deer and then sew it back up. The rest I learned from the books on the shelves. They’re lined with his survival books and manuals. I should know more though. I forget some things because I haven’t used them."
“Survival camp? That was a thing?” Her sarcasm is laid on thick.
I nod, snuggled up to my gun. “He was a single dad, so I went to day camp a few weeks every summer. It started with Girl Scouts and all that, while he was working. When I turned nine he made me spend that summer at survival camp. I learned a lot of stuff that made no sense until the wars started, and the rest I read in the books.” I realize I’m not going back to sleep.
She frowns. “Did he come with you, or did you come here alone?"
It flashes in the dark behind my closed eyes. My father is pinned by the truck. He reaches for me and whispers his love. I can see them coming as I feel his fingers pushing me away as his lips repeat the same word, “RUN!” My feet listen to him and start running. They move against my wishes and take me away from him. I shake it off and look at her. “Where are your parents?"
Her eyes blank like mine. “Mom died of sicknesses in the beginning. She went to work and never came home. She was part of the first quarantined. I like to imagine she died and never became one of the ones who just won’t die. Dad—well, he's gone. He's gone too.” Her voice quivers a little. I know that feeling.
"They're all gone, Anna. All that’s left is us and them.” I almost twitch when I say the words us and them. I included her in my us. Dang Leo and his instantly loving them. He’s making me crazy too. Maybe it’s the being tired and underfed. I need some game today and that will prove to be a situation.
Her small face is blank. I know that feeling too.
"Anna.” A sleepy voice comes from the living room.
She is up and out of the bed before I can even pull the covers back on my bed.
"He's burning up."
I nod and walk into the room, stretching and still holding my gun. “Good. I think that means his body is fighting the infection better today. The bark of the branch was really flakey. I tried to flush the wound as best as I could, but some bark might still be in there. Like a sliver that gets red and infected, his wound will too.” I feel a small spark as the back of my hand rests against the balmy skin of his forehead. Touching him is weird for me. I don’t touch boys or let them sleep over or even talk to them.
He takes my hand in his. It's a moment of intimacy I've never had before. I don’t pull away, but I don’t know how to react. He squeezes my hand. “Hard to thank you when I don’t know your name."
My hand is trapped in his as I glance at him over the back of the couch. “Emma. My dad called me Em."
He pulls my hand to him and kisses the back of it. “Thank you, Em. You saved my life."
Expressions attempt to cross my face but I fight them, pulling my hand from his sweaty palm. Walking to the leftover boiled water, I pour a huge glass and pass it to him, nodding at it. “You'll be needing this."
His blue eyes sparkle. “Thanks. Thanks for everything. I know you could have left me in that hole."
I break his stare and look at the hardwood floor. “It was nothing.”
Anna takes Jake’s water and sips at it, smiling at me in a way that makes me feel like I’m being studied. “How old are you, Em?"
My cheeks flush, I don’t know why, maybe ‘cause I’m not used to talking about myself. “Nineteen."
"I'm sixteen.” Anna nods. It makes me sad when she tells me that. I realize she was six when her mother never came home from work.
"Jake is twenty-one."
I don't know what to add to the conversation. I don’t have conversations. Leo senses my awkwardness and saunters to me. He nuzzles his face into my palms.
"Where did you get him?” She asks a lot of questions.
I scratch his huge face and look at Anna, who has already won him over. “He was at the doorstep one day. I heard his mother dying in the woods near the house. She got the infection and died just after giving birth. Her cubs ate her and got the sickness. Leo was the only smart one. He never ate her. He found me instead.” I try not to think about having to shoot the baby wolves as the madness took them. Animals don’t react the way we do. They get dizzy and fall down and die slowly.
Anna beams at the large wolf. “He's huge."
"Very. But he is good company, and he helps out with the chores."
She laughs at that. She is bubbly when she isn’t trying to save her brother. I remember my granny calling kids bubbly. I wonder how bubbly Anna would be if she had had a normal childhood. I wonder what I would be like. I like to think I’d be like Granny. I would make tea and chat with friends and play Scrabble. Being around them for the past three days reminds me of how I used to be.
I stare at Jake who is sleeping again. “He falls asleep fast. We need to make him some soup. He is hardly eating, and if we put willow bark in it, it can help with the pain. We just need some meat.” And there is that dilemma agai
n. Do I give her a gun or go hunt and leave them in my cabin?
“I can hunt if you like.”
Her offering is what makes me think giving her a gun is a bad idea. I shake my head and walk to the door, looking back at her. “Can I trust you?"
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to lie to you, Em. Not after everything you’ve done for us. So I won’t. I like it here. I will do whatever you want for you to let me stay. But this isn’t the real world. Out there, if it comes down to it, I will sell you out to save my brother."
"Fair enough. I’m not too worried about the real world. If you help and don’t risk my life, you and your brother can stay for a bit.” I like her candor, and the fact that she didn’t even try to lie, but there isn’t a lot of risk at the top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere. I point to the books on the shelf. “Start with the top shelf. They're the easiest learning books for survival skills and basic knowledge. You should read them and try to learn as much as you can while you’re here. It helped me."
She bites her lip.
I roll my eyes. “Don’t tell me you can't read?"
She shakes her head. “Not so well.” Standing next to the huge bookcase teeming with books, she looks tiny and vulnerable. I know not to let myself believe that. She is a survivor.
“The best way to learn is to do it.” I can’t believe she never really learned, but then I remember she hasn’t had the same ten years I have had. I am lucky. The wood paneling of the outdated cottage is comfortable and bright with the light filtering in the huge windows. I haven’t seen my cabin for what it truly is, until this moment. Seeing Anna and Jake in my house makes me realize how lucky I am. I wonder when the last time they rested on comfortable furniture was. I hate that I like them here. I feel like Leo; different has always been bad but this feels nice. Scary, but nice. “The books at the top are easy reading. Practice makes perfect."
Leo's yellow eyes meet mine. He speaks to me with his look. He wants to stay with them. Maybe he doesn’t completely trust them. I can see it in his eyes that he isn’t coming with me though. I nod at him, grab my keys, and walk out of the cabin. I realize I’ve left my rifle with the scope on the counter and wince when I get to the forest’s edge. I need to hurry.
I need grouse or pheasant or wild turkey. There aren’t a ton of them, but I can always count on my sweet spot.
The cabin sits surrounded by huge tall fir trees and brush. Green is everywhere. It made me nervous in the beginning. It was so big compared to me. I felt the eyes on me from a million different vantage points. I could see the infected stepping through the brush, arms reaching for me. Blood running from their eyes and seeping sores covering their skin. The tattered clothes and the smell would overwhelm me as they pulled me to the ground.
I could see the others. I could hear myself screaming as their greedy fingers gripped into my skin and they dragged me into the woods—in the woods where I would scream like the other girls. The tearing of the clothes haunted me in the beginning. The infected tore flesh and the others tore clothes and the sound could swallow you up.
Now I see the greenery and listen to the sounds of the forest, knowing I am safe. The forest is my friend. It was a tense relationship in the beginning, but it has earned my trust over time.
Like Leo, it has become part of my family. Where I lost one family, I gained another.
The branches break under my feet but in a way that keeps the birds chirping and squirrels nattering. It is a gift. I learned it from Leo. He is able to wander the forest quickly, but in sync with the woodland creatures.
I stop at the small dip in the forest. I have a great view here where I blend into the trees and listen. I close my eyes and wait. The noises become like a song the forest sings. You only hear it when you stop being you and become part of the forest. I can feel the waves in the music rising and falling with the wind. I rest my gun against a tree, grab my bow and arrow, and wait for it—the sound I am seeking. When I do, I know immediately it’s a pheasant.
Immediately I notice the bizarre-looking face of it and the spectacular colors, making it a male. I take a breath, and on the exhale, release the arrow perfectly. It took me two years of constant shooting to be able to down a pheasant at this distance. The male drops without a sound, as the arrow pierces his throat just below his head. I wait and watch as the forest continues its merry song. I wait an extra second before I put the bow and arrows back in the small hole beside the tree.
I retrieve my catch, constantly looking over my shoulder. Jake and his sister watched me in the forest for two months before I became aware of them. My sense of security in this place is questioned. A heat flushes my cheeks as I walk, carrying the bird by his feet. I let my mind wander just slightly to imagine what it might be like if they stayed forever. I could come home from a trip and the house would be warm and smell like food and we could be an us. I could have an us again.
A stabbing pain rips through my thigh.
I look up to see the reflection of a scope from across the small gully and drop to the ground, whistling. I lie amongst the brush, frozen. My heart is beating out of control.
Anna.
I know she has shot me. She wants my cabin. She made that perfectly clear. My heart hurts for the smallest of seconds. I force it back into its cave and harden myself to the fact I will have to kill her.
Shots whizz past me in the brush.
Panic fills me.
She is using my own silencer against me. I wonder if Jake knows.
I hold my breath and wait because I know Leo will come to me just like I’ve trained him to. He always comes.
Footsteps get closer.
The forest is silent as the predator moves through it. The birds can hear the panic in me. My heartbeat reveals all to them.
A sickening hurt moves through me as I realize I have been betrayed. I never should have helped him out of the hole or opened the door.
Nope, I should have cracked the whiskey and listened from inside my cabin for her to die or leave.
I knew I would regret it.
Looking around, I can see there is too much brush surrounding me. Any movements will stir up the bush and reveal my spot. Her footsteps are driving me insane as she draws nearer. She is heavy in step, heavier than before. She breaks the branches roughly, making the birds and woodland creatures even quieter.
When her footsteps are on top of me, I am certain she can hear my heartbeat. Just like I am also certain she is going to shoot me in the back.
A whizzing noise flies past me again as bullets are hitting the tree behind me. The ricochet lands not far from me. What is she doing? Has she lost the spot where she shot me? Thankfully, the brush is thick around me.
There’s a thump and some rustling near me, but I don’t know what's going on.
I’m stuck and panicking silently.
"Em.” A whisper fills the forest near me.
I look around without rustling the bushes.
"Em."
Leo's breath is on me suddenly.
When I lift my head, Anna is squatting beside me. She has walked silently toward me like Leo does as I can see the rifle in her hands. Rage fills me, but I know the bullet in my thigh is not going to allow me to jump up and fight for the gun. But I will not be defeated by some kid. Leo is on edge, but he’s almost moving as if he’s hunting with Anna as his partner. That hurts more than anything.
"Em, I killed him, but there might be others." She looks around nervously.
"What?” The words leave my mouth before I have a chance to check my volume.
She puts a finger to her lips. “He probably isn’t alone."
My eyes draw to my gun in her hands. “You never shot me?"
She points to a bush beside me. “He shot you. Why would I shoot you? Wait? Where are you shot?"
Ignoring the shooting pain, I get up on my knees, almost crying out as I make it to my feet in a hunched position. I point to the boots of the man on the ground. “Those are military issue,
” I speak softly, scanning the forest.
"Great. The others—just what we need. This has Jake written all over it."
“This has no cooking fires written all over it.” I limp to him and bend over. My leg is pouring blood now as I take off my outer shirt and tie it around my thigh tightly. I fish his pockets. The warmth of my blood is seeping down my leg. He is older, forty maybe. He has brown hair and looks like he's been eating quite well. His body is remarkably chubby. I take his gun and a knife I find in his boot, and some beef jerky that he had and throw it to where Leo is standing.
"We could have eaten that."
I shake my head at Anna and frown. “Never eat anything you take off another human. It could have the infection or be rotten."
She points to Leo. “He could get the infection."
I shake my head. “He's immune."
"No one is immune."
I smile sarcastically. “I have downed sick things before and he has eaten them. He never gets sick."
She makes a face as she unties his boots. “Oh God, so he ate his mother and lived?"
I nod. “Yeah, probably. I try not to think about it."
"You said he never ate her."
I shrug and scan the forest, speaking softly, “I didn’t want to gross you out or scare you while I was touching your brother's wounded leg. We just met. I was trying to be polite. Get the bird."
She takes his boots and the bird, and walks to me. “You need a hand?"
I lean on her. Leo comes up to my other side. He is less startled now.
"He got all crazy and started scratching at the door. He tried to open the door himself. I knew something was wrong. He led me right to you."
I brush a hand into his dense fur and stroke him. It's not the first time he's saved me, and I know it won't be the last.
We walk back to the cabin and I’m sick and afraid. I have no doubts the army guy is not alone. My small defenseless cabin is under attack. My shirt around my leg is soaked red and I’m weak. I'm afraid the bullet is still in my thigh. I think about the fact that Anna is the only able-bodied person now, and we are going to be attacked at any moment. My safety and comfort are gone. In my mind, I can hear the tearing and the screaming again.