by Tara Brown
"I missed you too."
"Did you follow the broken branches?"
“I did.” I nod into his chest weakly. “Yeah. I also noticed you left me nothing. Not a water bottle—nothing."
He pulls me back. “We didn’t know where to put it.” I follow his gaze back to Will who is smiling with his mouth, but his eyes are aflame. I don't understand his intensity. He’s being weird. It makes me scowl and hug Jake harder, desperate to ignore the flames in Will's eyes. Jake puts an arm around me and steers me. “So what's the plan?"
“The other camp. The rest camp.” I need to collect my wolf and my friend. I've been gone too long.
Will nods. “Yup. Anna and Sarah should be there anyway. And probably Jake too."
Jake's eyes narrow. “Hey!"
Will smirks. “You have no capabilities here, Jakey. You're still healing."
"Anna, how's your arm?” I ask.
She moves it gingerly. “Dislocated. No biggie. Still sore, but at least it's back in the socket.” I grimace but she laughs.
Jake leans in and whispers, “Did anyone hurt you guys?"
I don't want to talk about it so I give him a shove. "We leave today."
Will looks at me, staring like he’s lost in thought before finally saying, “You sure?" I nod. He looks defeated when he speaks to Jake, “Get a couple backpacks ready.” He looks at Anna. “Go see Lisa at the big tent over there and find out if they have anything they need brought up with us.” He looks at Sarah last and smiles. “You find out if any other kids need to come too, okay? Ask Marg at the far side."
Everyone looks at each other and leaves.
He looks at me. “You need to put some clothes on."
I look down. “I need to clean up a bit."
He takes my hand and starts leading me through the crowds of people. I see people looking at me when they talk. My face flushes as I notice his hand has eaten mine up. My arm burns slightly where he pulls it. We get to a tent with pails and a small hose coiled around on the floor. He takes a white sheet and holds it up. “Okay, go hard." I raise an eyebrow at the whole scene.
"The buckets on the right are clean water. Scrub yourself and I'll hold the sheet up so no one sees you."
"I don’t want you to see me."
He grins. “I won't peek. I swear.” I don’t trust the glint in his eyes.
I hesitate for a second and decide I care less about him seeing me than I do about having the remnants of the garbage truck on me.
I wince when I lift a small pail of water. It's cold but I can see straight to the bottom. It's clean. I pick up the soap off the shelf where it's dried. I can smell the lye. It stings my skin as I lather and start to scrub.
"How bad was it?"
I am trying not to fall over as I peel the bandages off my feet. The sores look mostly healed but they’re still really sore. I scrub everything as I answer him, "Apart from the warm showers and clean living? Bad.” The lye stings the blisters on my feet. My eyes water. I rinse my feet quickly to get the soap off.
"How bad?"
"What did Anna say?"
He peeks over the sheet. “Nothing. Why the hell do you think I'm asking you?"
“Hey, turn away.” I groan until he looks away before I start scrubbing my arms and chest. I have to keep rinsing the soap because it gets caked easily in blood and filth.
“How bad?”
“It was scary bad. The place is so white that you feel like a ball of dust and dirt walking in there. The nurses and doctors are all shiny and clean—it’s like the fall never happened. They always smile and seem like they want to help you. The rooms are clean and the food is amazing.”
“Doesn’t sound too bad.”
I pull the sheet down and cover my body with it. “It's not real. It's an illusion. They're fattening you for the slaughter. They get you pregnant three times and then they kill you. We rode out in body bags in a garbage truck full of dead women and girls."
His lip curls into a sneer. “You're positive?”
I nod. “The bags tore when we were scrambling in the truck trying to get away.”
His mouth betrays very little emotion but his eyes are full of it. I pour a pail over my body and rinse off. I don’t get my face wet and when I rinse my hair, I tilt my head back. My arms tire easily from the scrubbing. I'm not looking forward to making the trip to the other camp. I force myself to focus on Leo and Meg.
"Can you get Anna? I need my back cleaned.” I don’t normally wash it, but I want every bit of the garbage truck off of me.
"No. I'll do it.”
I want to argue but I don’t. I'm not sure why. Instead of arguing I wrap myself in the wet bath sheet he’s holding up and try really hard not to think as I lower it to expose my back and he bends to pick up the soap and a pail. I close my eyes as his hands drag the soap softly along my back and then the soap is gone. His strong hands knead my shoulders, trying to relax me.
"Relax,” he whispers into the tent. I don’t look at him. I ignore him and enjoy the feeling of another person touching me. I imagine I’m a small child and it’s my granny cleaning me.
The cold water is shocking where he has touched my back. He tilts my head and rinses my hair again. My hands don’t move. They clutch to the bath sheet to cover my breasts. I'm frozen like a statue.
His huge hands stroke the long locks. He squeezes my hair and mutters, “Emma, what happened before with you and Jake?"
My stomach clenches as a towel is wrapped around my hair and twisted up.
I don’t turn and face him.
He wraps a thick towel around my shoulders. I wrap myself quickly, dropping the wet sheet I used to cover my nakedness.
“I can tell you like him.” He turns me by my shoulders. “Is that what you want? Do you want to be with my brother?”
I shake my head and his eyes light up. I open my mouth to speak, but he bends, trying to press his lips against mine, but I turn my face so he meets my cheek. I push on his firm shoulders but his arms have pulled me into him. I finally get my face away from his and gasp, “I meant I don’t know what I want. He’s my friend and I do like him but as a friend."
His grip tightens. His blue eyes sparkle with anger. “You shook your head. That means no."
“It means no as in I don't want that from anyone. I just got out of rape camp. I just want to be the girl who lives, even through all the other stuff. I don't need boys and kisses and you asking me about Jake. He’s my friend, end of story. If you want to be my friend you need to back off.” I still feel intimidated by him.
His lips turn into a bright smile. “Don't look at me like that, Emma. I can't be mad that you won’t agree you like me as much as I like you, when you look like that."
"Why are you mad at me?” I want to shout things at him. I don’t know how to be around him without getting annoyed. He gets my back hair up and I don't know why.
“Because you’re being stubborn. It’s okay to admit you like me.” He steps back, giving me space. “I'm not going to stop trying though, just so you know."
“Do what you have to do, just stay out of my personal bubble.” I nod into his face. “I need clothes."
He comes closer, ignoring my bubble comment but he looks serious again, not fun. He reaches for my forehead, brushing his finger beside the bandage. “You need that tended to before we go." He stares at my wounds for a second before he walks to some huge trunks in the corner. He opens one and pulls out a pair of khaki pants with pockets on the sides and a long-sleeve black t-shirt. He tosses them at me.
I miss my underwear and sports bra. I had kept them for years. I should miss my mother's jewelry more but I don't. A good bra is like finding a working well. I pull the t-shirt on and try not to notice the pain in my body as I struggle with the towel to maintain my privacy.
"You are black and blue, you know that?"
I look down for the first time and see my skin is all bruised. "I was clean and shiny. My hair was glossy."
He
nods. “I saw the girls at the breeder camps. They looked like people did before.” I wiggle into the pants without revealing my naked body to him.
That doesn’t stop him from watching. His blue eyes are scaring me, the way I swear they see things I don't want them to. Things I hide even from myself. I shake my head at him. “Can you turn around, you look like a pervert.”
“It’s not like that. I wish you could see that I just can’t stop looking at you. I almost don't believe you’re really here.” He shakes his head just as Anna pokes her head in and smiles. “You guys ready?"
Will speaks but doesn’t take his eyes off of me. “Yeah, just need Emma's head re-bandaged."
Her grin is annoying. I glare at her. She puts a hand out for me. “Come on, I know the way.” I give him a wide berth and take her hand. I glance back at him, watching me like a predator.
She smiles but I frown. “He’s being weird with me."
She laughs. “He is different. Let me tell you. He used to be such a dork.” I grip her hands tightly.
An hour later, a new bandage, a shot for tetanus, antibiotics, and we are on our way. I chew a leg of turkey Jake found for me as we walk. I’ve already gobbled a bowl of oats when the first aid guy was redoing my bandages. I’m not the only one doing gobbling, apparently Sarah has eaten them out of house and home. I tried to explain that she is used to a lot more food. That earned me a cruel grimace from the cook.
The trail doesn’t seem familiar. I see the broken branches and want to smile, but I don’t. I touch one with the tip of my turkey-free hand and glance back at Jake. He grins and winks at me. He's so easy to be around. I love his carefree smile and worry-free ways.
I slow down and toss the turkey leg into the bush. I miss Leo. He would have eaten it.
"How’s the head?"
I look at Jake who's waiting for me. "Good. Sore. How's the leg?"
He nods in the direction of the turkey leg. “Better than the turkey’s.” It makes me laugh. Meg is going to love Jake. I know this. She likes it when boys are cute and smile lots. It’s on her list of attractive qualities in a possible mate.
"Did you miss me?” he asks and nudges my shoulder. My face lights up instantly.
I nudge him back. “Yeah. I missed everything. Anna missed you a lot. She was pretty excited when I told her you made it to the camp."
He nudges me back. “I missed you."
My lips curl up into a smile. “I miss Leo."
He blasts his hearty loud laugh that will one day get us all killed. “I miss that wolf more than I missed my own brother.”
Will's eyes glance back at us. He doesn’t look impressed. “Hurry up, you two."
Jake laughs again and nudges me harder. “I think he likes you."
“There’s a shocker.” I grin. “I think he likes girls in general. Did you meet the one in the tiny shorts and barely-there tank top? I think that's his girlfriend but they don't seem to only date each other. Sort of weird if you ask me."
“Star, yes I did. She is . . . um, interesting. She's a masseuse, actually."
I raise an eyebrow. “What's that?”
He snorts. “She rubs your skin to relax you. It's called a massage."
“Gross.” I roll my eyes. “Big shocker there. I know what a massage is. I just never knew the people who did them were called that. Did you get a massage?”
“No, I saw the lineup of dudes going in and decided to wait for you to come back." The smile on his face makes me feel like we are the only two people in the world.
I bet Will has had a few massages. Gross.
Will is making a fire when Jake and I crest the hill. Sarah is helping him and listening to every word he says. Kids love Will. It's weird. The little white-haired swine who attacked Leo liked Will too. Thinking about the little brat at the camp makes my skin crawl. I'm grateful Sarah is a good kid. She and Meg are my kind of kids. Not really kids but still young enough to be called a kid.
Will gets the fire going as I take my bow and quiver that Jake kept safe for me while I was away, and head into the forest. The quiet of the woods fills me. I unwind and feel the bow in my hands. Everything is relaxing. I can feel the tension leaving my shoulders as I roll them a few times before grabbing an arrow and pulling it back. Holding it taut, I ignore the pain in my arms and the tremble of my line.
I listen, hearing a crack in the trees off to the right. My eyes follow the sound, finding something beige. I hold my breath and narrow my eyes, realizing it’s the tail of a huge cougar. It's a female. I don’t kill cougars or any cats. It's a rule.
So I wait for it to leave the area, knowing nothing is going to move or make a sound while it's there. It stops and looks at me for a minute. Its beautiful eyes meet mine and we stare for a second. It sees the bow and leaves.
After about half an hour of just listening to the forest, I hear another noise, beyond the birds, that has returned. I pull the arrow and wait. It’s a spike deer. It's more meat than we can eat, but it will be good to bring meat to dry into venison jerky. I focus on its soft brown eye. When it takes its next step, it senses me. It turns its head and instantly the arrow is let fly. The arrow pierces the eyeball and the deer drops. I wait a few seconds. Just in case. Nothing moves beyond the odd twitch of the deer.
I pull my knife out and squat next to it. I gut it, splitting the back tendons and hanging the deer from a branch. It's heavy, even gutted.
"Wow." I glance back to find Will standing, watching me as I pull the fur and drag the knife along it. "The moment I met you, I knew I could only ever love a girl like you."
I don't know how to take it but the sarcasm is heavy enough I have to assume he doesn't mean he LOVES me. I shrug off the weird thing to say and mutter, “Good, you can carry it for me.” He stands and watches as I let it bleed before decapitating it and dropping the head. When I skin it, I leave the skin, head, and innards in the pile of blood. I know the cougar is waiting for us to leave so I cut a huge hunk of the tough meat along the front quarter off and leave it there too. We can’t even come close to eating it all.
“You done?”
I nod and he throws it over his shoulder. It's about seventy-five pounds with meat and bone but Will carries it like it weighs nothing. "You are an amazing shot.”
“I know. I practiced for years. I hunt regularly."
“Good to see you're humble." He’s laughing at me.
It offends me. “I am humble. I practiced a lot."
He shakes his head but I still don’t get the joke. I don't get how I am the joke. I am a good shot—how is that funny?
"What's the plan for the breeder camps?” he asks. I have to assume he can read my face perfectly.
"I don’t know. We have to do something. They're killing them off for no reason. Healthy women."
"It's not ‘no reason’ to them. These women will live long healthy lives and become a burden to society. They will require help and old-age assistance. They will need housing and food and most of them have no skill or trade to offer the world so they will have to be trained. It’s all cost. The New World Order is all about breeding to succeed, not recreating the entire population. They don’t want the women, just the babies. Grown people are harder to brainwash. They want the new children to see that what they have done was for the greater good."
I stop. “You don’t believe that, do you?"
He frowns. “Hell, no. They have killed billions of people off, Emma. They don’t deserve to run the world just because they're more organized than we are, and they were prepared for the fallout. I'm just saying how they think."
We walk into the camp to see Jake making the girls laugh. I feel like I brighten up because he’s there and they’re all laughing. He makes everything feel lighter until he scrunches up his nose when he sees me. “What the hell is that?” The girls giggle at him.
"Venison,” I say.
He looks relieved. “Oh, I actually like venison."
“Lucky thing I worry about that.” I roll my
eyes at him, and Will and I start taking the deer apart. We cut several small steaks and stew meat. Anna starts making a stew in the pot and Jake grills the meat. Sarah cuts up some apples we got from the camp. They seem really small and old but none of us care. She adds them to the stew. Apples and venison sounds weird, but when Anna adds water, it makes a sweet gravy.
Will scowls at me. “Guess we're in the same boat as last time. Nowhere to wash up."
I shrug and hand him some of the cooking water. “You clean me and I clean you?"
He nods and grabs a small piece of the soap Anna has from the camp pack she got.
We walk to the edge of camp, and he pours a small amount on me. I wash up my arms, hands, and face. He pours the water on me slowly.
When it's his turn, he removes his shirt. I watch him scrubbing his body and feel my stomach knot up the way it does around him. His skin is soft and strong looking. I want to touch it. Instead, I pour the cold water on him. He strips to his boxers and I pour more water on him. His tanned skin gets goose pimples. I rinse him off some more and try not to get lost in the water trickling down his skin. I need to remind myself that he makes me nervous.
We walk back over to the camp. He puts his clothes in a backpack and pulls on the baby blue t-shirt he was wearing when I met him, with a pair of jeans. The shirt stretches across his chest.
"Emma."
I look at Anna grinning at me. “You want to get the bowls?"
I nod blankly, making her giggle. I know I got lost in him. I know if I'm not careful, I will lose myself to him. I can feel how big he is to me. He could swallow me up whole.
Chapter Seventeen
The old farmhouse sits alone in the field. I close my eyes and let the wind sway the tree and me. I had feared I would never see it again and here I am. Nothing moves in the field, and the door to the barn swings with the wind. Everything moves in sync with the wind.
I climb down and take my bow.
Will and I sneak through the field first. I can hear the others as they enter the field. It's no doubt Jake and his inability to do anything quietly.
We slink up to the farmhouse and wait in the hay.