by Tara Brown
Leo nudges my arm and I scowl down at him. “Where were you?” He doesn't protect me from Will anymore. It's weird.
But the fire in his yellow eyes reminds me who I am. I am the hero of my own story. The girl who lived alone in the woods and never needed anyone. The girl who is going to free the other girls.
The world is growing distant to me again. My emotions are shutting off. I know what will happen when I am done saving the women and children. I’m going back to my cabin with my small family and Will and Star aren’t welcome. And we won’t ever leave the hill again.
Chapter Twenty-One
The ragged group of people is exactly what I imagined they would be. The desperate look in their eyes is exactly what I was looking for. I pull out a map I stole when Marshall was out of the main tent. It's one of the smaller ones he never uses, as far as I could tell. It took me a while to figure out exactly how to read it and make a mental note of where the places I’ve been are on it.
"This area here is a high-traffic area.” I point to a roadway a few miles from the farm. I look at the two younger-looking women. “We are going to get you and you to walk along the road there and get picked up. You look pretty perfect. Once they stop I will drop them with my bow, from a tree on the side of the road. Who here can shoot?"
A man, who reminds me of my dad a little, nods. “I can. I have a rifle.” He pulls it off his back.
"Okay, good. You and I will shoot everything down there but those two ladies. Everyone else hides at the edge of the woods and ambushes. When everyone is dead we climb aboard their truck and ride it to the farm with us women in the back as captives. There are only a few guards at the drop-off. Maybe four. They will expect you guys are guards too. From there it's mostly doctors and nurses. We sneak inside and—"
"And what, Emma? Blow up the building? Kill every doctor you see whether they're guilty or not?"
Will interrupting me makes me sigh and close my eyes. Words seethe from my lips, “No one asked you for help.”
I look at the group of people and ignore the giant angry bear of a man at my back. “We are all here voluntarily, right?"
They eyeball him and nod weakly. He must look really annoyed. I don’t care.
"Honey, you have to think this through.” I hear a sweet, giggly voice mocking me from behind.
It’s the last straw.
I turn, trying not to shout. “What have you ever done that qualifies you to give me advice? So far all I’ve seen you do is screw guys in the camp. So what is your purpose in life beyond that? Huh? What do you know about rescuing people and avoiding death? You are safe and sound here because of your short shorts and big boobs. Girls like you are a shame to the rest of us; your body has pretty much guaranteed your survival. Don’t honey me, either. I'm not looking for advice on how to style my hair.” Her pretty face becomes stoic and wounded all at once. She looks at Will and turns on her heel, stalking back to camp. But I don't see her anymore. I see the beast of a man storming toward me and blocking out the rest of the world. Will grabs my arm and drags me into the woods. I fight him but at some point my feet aren't touching the ground.
I prepare myself for the fight of a lifetime as his fingers start to push in where the bruises are still fresh from last time. This time I’m not going down without a fight. One of us isn’t walking out of this one. Just as I tense to throat punch him, he tosses me and sits on a log, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Trying to get my breath back, I frown, waiting for it but he’s quiet.
It's creepier than anything.
Finally he speaks really slow, like I might not be able to keep up if he talks any quicker. “You are a child, Emma. You don’t realize it, but you are. I know you've lived through incredible things, you've been alone, and that you don’t have social skills like normal people, but you can't talk to someone like that. She was trying to help."
All I really hear from his sentence is ‘child' and ‘not normal’. My feet are backing away as a sickly knot ties itself in my stomach. He’s confusing and mean and I don't need to take this.
He points back at the camp. "You need her. Her brother is a genius of sorts. He's holed up in a creepy old mansion. We need to go there and get his help if you're serious about saving all the farmworkers."
I refuse to listen to him about what I need. I'm backing up slowly like I’m used to doing from predators and pain. Not making noise.
My plan is a good one and we're sticking to it. I know it will work and I don’t need a bimbo like Star or her brother, or the moron she has wrapped around her finger to tell me differently.
A branch snaps under my foot as I'm about to turn and run, ignoring his nattering on and blocking out his words.
He stops talking and glances up frowning. “What are you doing?"
I swallow hard.
"Why do you look like that?" He looks around like we are about to be ambushed and I see something he doesn't. He doesn't realize he is the monster in my line of sight.
I force myself to speak. “This situation where you treat me like your little sister, it’s over.”
His eyes drift to where I’m rolling up my sleeve on my right arm slowly, the spot where his fingerprints are still in my arms. The red has faded, and instead, a slight blue is appearing.
“Emma, what are you talking about? Are you okay?” He focuses on my arm and shakes his head. “What is it?"
I swallow hard again and pull the sleeve back down. “I'm done with you bruising me and shaking me. If you want to talk, we can do it this far apart. Or I’m going to shoot you in the face, your choice."
All the color leaves him for a second. Then he looks frightened, like I've cornered him and made him angry. "What was that? Did I do that?"
I don’t say anything. Instead, a memory burns through my mind—a memory of being with my best friend Lana.
Once we hid under her bed when her parents were fighting. Her dad was beating her mom. All we saw were feet. His were in black socks with jeans bunched at his ankles. Hers were bare with red nail polish. She was on her toes and struggling to touch the ground. She made a weird gurgling noise. Slaps and grunts filled the air, mixing with his shouts. Suddenly, she was on the ground beside us. Her dark-brown eyes widened when she saw us. Her lip was bleeding, making it look like lipstick as the droplets rolled along her lips. A tear slid down her red cheek. She winked at us and pushed herself onto her knees and crawled down the hall away from the bedroom, leading him that way to protect us. He followed, taking his shouts and curses with him. As she got farther away, we could see more. I looked at Lana. She was covering her face and sobbing silently. So I covered mine too.
I heard him walking and I heard the fridge door open. He made other noises and closed the fridge. He opened a can and made a drinking noise, like he was gulping. When Lana was calm we snuck out the window and went barefoot to my granny's. She made us pancakes, and we made crowns out of craft paper and sparkle glue.
The look on his face reminds me of her dad for a second. "Emma." As his feet move a step closer, mine move a step farther. Lana’s dad was real sorry the next day. Lana’s mom said it was okay—we heard them. But I knew even then as a small child, it wasn't okay. It wasn't then and it’s still not.
I see the pain on his face, but fight my urge to say it’s okay, like she did. He has humiliated me and treated me like both child and victim, and I am neither of those things. I am not like Lana’s mom. My voice is small, no matter how big I try to sound. “I am a hero. I don’t need you. I never asked you for help in this, because I don’t need you. You make me feel bad about myself. I don’t need that. I might not be normal or smart or a woman because I've chosen not to sell what I have to the highest bidder. I wear sensible clothing so when men see me they don't think about sex every damned time. But you know what, Will? That doesn’t make me worthless or a child. You can stay here and play house with Barbie over there. I don’t need you or her. I have gotten along fine without anyone."
I
don’t turn my back on him. Not until I feel the soft fur of Leo in my fingers. His back isn’t up like it should be. Will takes a step forward and I take a step behind Leo.
"Emma. What can I say, besides I'm sorry? You talk with your hands and I get talking with mine."
I shake my head, hating that we both shove and grab and swat. “Your kind are always sorry, Will. Sorry I beat you. Sorry I humiliated you. Sorry I cheated on you. Sorry I killed you by accident because I forgot to stop hitting and kicking. Men like you were around when the world ended and somehow you’re the only bastards left standing.”
“I’m not like that.” His eyes flash. “I would never hurt you."
I rip my sleeve up again, dragging it up my arm and scratching myself. “But you did."
He runs his hands through his dark hair. “Not on purpose, Emma. You just make me so mad. I don’t know what to do about you. Tell me what I should do. I don’t want to feel this way about you. I don’t want to fall for someone who is so reckless with herself and is willing to die for other people. You never think. You just take my heart with you, traipsing all over hell’s half acre. You didn't see what you looked like when you came back from saving Anna. You didn't see, but I did. I will die if you die.” He doesn’t look angry. His eyes are passionate but in a way that breaks my heart.
“Well, that makes two of us.” I take a step back. “I don’t want to fall for someone who has sex with other women and lets them crawl all over him in front of other people. It’s tacky, that what my Granny woulda called it. And I don’t want to have feelings for someone who makes me so angry. And then because he gets angry, he humiliates me, calling me not normal and a child—in front of the girl he is dating or whatever. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you just be faithful to Star and stop barking up my tree?"
“There is nothing between me and Star.” He laughs but it sounds pained as it cuts through the quiet of the forest.
“You might need to tell that to your grabby hands and hers.”
“Touché.” He takes a step forward with his hands out. “I would rather die than hurt you."
"But you have. You have already, so many times.” I take another step back.
He bites his lower lip and looks at me through his thick inky lashes. “What are we going to do?"
I shake my head. “Rescue the women from the farm and forget any feelings we don't want to have anyway."
He laughs again. “What about us?"
A single tear escapes the hold I have over myself. “There is no us. There never was. There was you and me and Star, and whoever else you freely let into your bed regularly, all while inviting me too. It never was just us feeling things we don't want to.” I turn my back on him but Leo stays, saying his piece with growls and snorts. I know I stole that one from one of Granny's books too.
"Emma, there is no me and other women. It's me and you and this damned wolf. Leo, come on, boy. Let me past. Come here, Leo."
I hear the growling get louder and meaner, and smile.
The group is sitting and laughing about something. They stand when they see me. “Are we going or what?” a man asks.
“Yup.” I nod and pick up my bow and quiver. “Let's go." I whistle once and Leo comes bounding. I know Will is behind us and it makes me feel safer with him there. I hate that but no matter how insane he is or makes me, he has my back.
The walk down the mountain is easier than the hike up it was. I am much less exhausted, and the fear of what we are about to do is driving me forward.
"So is that your boyfriend?” one of the older women asks.
I glance back to where he is walking with one of the guys and talking. His eyes move to meet mine. I look back at the older woman and shake my head. “No. I don’t have a boyfriend. I don't think I can have a boy who is more than a friend. There is a guy who is like family to me. He's really sweet and kind and funny.” I chuckle. “He has no survival skills whatsoever but it doesn’t matter. He makes me feel like it's before the wars and the sickness."
She nudges me. “Then why do you have that stricken look on your face when you see him?"
My eyes narrow. “It's his brother. He thinks he should be able to treat me like his little sister, I think."
She shakes her head. “Girl, he doesn’t treat you like a little sister. Trust me, I was married twice before the wars. That is not the look a sister gets."
“I think he wants what all men want, but I think he moves on really fast once he gets it.” I glance back. “He doesn’t exactly do the one relationship thing."
She looks at me and shakes her head. “None of them do, honey. What you need to do is flirt with other guys to give him a taste of his own medicine. That thing you have going with his brother is probably driving him nuts.”
I smile at her but have nothing to say. I don't want that from him or anyone. And even if I do, I won’t let myself.
We get to the bottom of the mountain and make camp for the night.
The night air is getting muggy. Summer is painful and the heat is almost unbearable. Even at my cabin, I would lie awake some nights and sweat.
Leo has gone hunting. Whenever I make camp, he spends his time circling it. He sleeps on the outskirts of it and watches. Some might find a pair of yellow eyes watching them from the woods disturbing, but I find it comforting.
I drop my pack and roll out my thin bedroll. The women stay to one side of the fire while the men sit at the other. In the dark, it is hard to make out who everyone is, but in the firelight, their figures flit about in the background like ghosts.
Distracted for the moment with my bow and quiver, I walk into the forest. Leo is near me. His protection of me is most of the reason I feel safe in the woods.
I sit perched and wait. Something scurries off to the left of me. I wait for the light of the moon to reflect on its beady little eye. As the glint of muted light hits the shine of the eyeball, I release the arrow. A small squeak confirms my success. I walk to it before I lose it in the dark. As I reach for it, a stabbing pain hits my hand and wrist. It moves one final time.
"Damn,” I whisper and pull back. Quills are everywhere. I kick the beast over with my foot and pick it up by the belly with my other hand. I nearly drop it. It weighs a ton. It must literally weigh thirty-five pounds. I struggle with it and end up hugging it. The quills are slicing into my chest and stomach, making me wince as I carry it back to the camp as fast as I can. It's huge. I drop it at the fire and look at the quills all over my hand and the front of me.
"Oh, damn. Are those barbed?"
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I've never been stuck before. I don’t shoot porcupines ever, and Leo is smarter than to attack them. I couldn’t see it in the dark."
Mona, the older lady I've become fast friends with, comes and sits. She pulls out a small kit from her backpack. When it is unrolled, she pulls long tweezers from it. It’s a first aid kit, I haven’t seen one since my cabin. It makes me miss home.
A deep voice breaks the silent inspection. “You have to be careful. If you break it off, it's harder to get out. Then you have to dig around. They're barbed, and they move deeper when you move."
We both look back at Will hovering over us. She hands him the tweezers and rolls her eyes.
He takes my other hand and pulls me to a log closer to the fire. I try not to notice the way my hand feels inside of his as I sit down and he turns my hand so it faces the firelight.
He sits and starts to pull the quills out in a series of short, abrupt jerks. I don't notice the pain. I notice the way the light hits his face. I notice how intensely he looks at my wounds. I notice how soft his touch is.
My stomach whirls inside like a tornado is in there. He does crazy things to me.
Mona and a man, who looks older like her, start to prepare the porcupine. Some of the other people have brought food to the camp. A hare, an owl, and a large rat-looking thing were all laid on the ground in front of the fire. Then berries and roots that people had gathered
along the hike are placed by the fire. Mona looks at it all and sighs. “Well, I think we found enough to feed two armies.”
"I've never cooked a porcupine before." Joe, one of the men, shakes his head.
"Joe, you gut it and skin it just like anything else. It's good."
"Here, let me."
"No, you ain't got no control with a skinning knife. There won't be any meat left."
Will grins listening to them. “They've been married for a long time,” he whispers but never takes his eyes off my quill situation.
"How did you find all these people?"
He grins. “Me and Marshall got out of the breeder camp together."
“Oh God.” I grimace. “They had Marshall at the breeder camp?"
He laughs. “He is a scientist. He is a disease specialist. He was never used like the rest of us. Too old and fat. Plus he has diabetes. No, we left together. He got me out."
I can't help the feelings I have for him. They are stronger than anything else inside of me.
"How did you find all the people?"
"Marshall freed them from a work farm.” He looks at me. “Star's brother helped."
I gulp, feeling bad that he might actually be something amazing, and I should have listened to Star.
"He was a CIA tech guy. Anyway, he has this fortress over near the farm. It's the kind of place where you could ride out the entire war and live out your life without worrying about outsiders. Anyway, he lives there and has intel on all the farms and how their systems work. Marshall makes Star relay messages all the time. He wants to take the city and make it free."
I don’t want to talk about Star but it's like a train wreck, and I can't look away from the dead scattered across the tracks. I ask without the ability to stop myself, “So what's up with you and Star?"
“What? Nothing.” His eyes dart to mine. “I saved her from the breeder farm." There is more but he isn’t saying.