As I lay there basking in the morning sun, I felt my nerves returning, but there was a slightly different edge to them now. Sex was coming. I knew that. With every day, it got closer. Now that I’d seen how happy I could make him—how much pleasure I was capable of giving him—I wanted it. But wanting it and being ready for it were two different things. I was still scared—terrified, really—of sex.
Sure, he could touch me, but I still tensed up when his fingers got too close. It was frustrating, but I couldn’t help my reactions. I’d had things put inside me, things I’d had no control over, by more men than most women had sexual contact with in their entire lives, over the ten months I spent with Ian. In that time, not one of those men had talked to me or taken even a shred of the care and patience Stephan did with me.
Thinking about all my shortcomings wiped the smile from my face. I wanted to be with Stephan, to give him everything. I just didn’t know if I could. He seemed to be content to go at the pace I set, for now, but would that always be the case? What if I wasn’t able to have sex with him? What if I tensed up and panicked? What if I froze?
I felt the moisture fill my eyes, and spill over onto my cheeks. No. I wouldn’t think like that. A month ago, just the thought of any man, including Stephan, touching me in a sexual way had me trembling in fear, shutting down, and retreating inside myself. Now Stephan could touch me anywhere on my body and I was fine. I enjoyed it.
The next obstacle would be penetration, and I wasn’t exactly looking forward to that. Most of the men I’d been with took me hard and fast, and many times, it had been painful. Nothing like the anal sex had been, but it still hurt. I was hoping it wouldn’t be like that with Stephan. Nothing else he’d done had been like my other experiences. I was hoping the same would be true when he finally took me.
Movement pulled me from my thoughts, and I smiled as I saw Stephan leaning against the wall looking at me. “Hi.”
“Good morning,” he smiled, walking toward me. He was dressed in his workout clothes, so I knew we’d be going up to his gym. “How did you sleep?” he asked, brushing hair away from my face.
“Good,” I said. I took a chance. “How did you sleep?”
He smiled, and I knew that once again I’d made a good choice. “I slept very well,” he said before leaning down and kissing me. The kiss was soft, chaste, and completely innocent. There was none of the heat behind it that he’d shown last night, and I didn’t see any evidence of his arousal behind his shorts. “Get dressed,” he whispered against my mouth. “We’re going to work out before we start our day.”
Ten minutes later, we were upstairs in his gym. We stood side by side as we stretched, and I noticed he would glance over at me sometimes with a look I didn’t quite understand. He almost looked like he was in pain, but that didn’t make sense to me since we were only stretching our muscles. To my knowledge, he’d not done anything to overexert himself yesterday. I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but I didn’t know if I should, so I kept quiet. Soon we were finished, and he told me to start on the bike.
Although I was now able to walk on the treadmill without falling, Stephan rarely allowed me on it unless he was standing there beside me. He’d even given Brad instructions that I was not to be on it unsupervised. It still felt strange to be looked after like I was.
My mom had been too sick that last year to look after me. The hospice nurses had shown concern, but my mom wasn’t their only patient. They couldn’t be there every waking minute. One of them had talked to Mom about sending me to live with John or even putting me in foster care when she started getting sick, but Mom had said no. I’d had to do things not many fifteen-year-olds would do for their mothers, especially toward the end. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, though. My mom was everything to me for most of my life. She deserved everything I could give her and more.
Gentle hands brushed tears from my cheeks, and I opened my eyes to find Stephan staring down at me. “What were you thinking about?” he asked.
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. “My mom.”
He pulled me against his chest, hugging me. “Tell me.” He petted my hair, comforting me.
“I was just remembering when she was sick, and how I used to take care of her. One of the nurses tried to get mom to send me to live with . . . my dad . . . or a foster family. They didn’t think I should be taking care of my mom like that, but Mom refused. She said that I needed to be with her. She was right.” The tears started again, and he held me tighter. “I miss her so much.”
“I know. And it’s okay to miss her.” He paused, and I could feel his breath in my hair as his lips brushed along the top of my head. “I miss my mom, too,” he whispered.
He’d never mentioned his mom before, other than telling me his parents had died when he was fourteen. I was suddenly curious. She had to have been an amazing woman to have raised a wonderful man like Stephan. “Will you . . . tell me about her?”
A long silence filled the room. I didn’t think he was going to answer me, but then he said, “She was one of a kind.”
Stephan
My parents weren’t something I talked about often. Thinking about them brought up feelings so full of anger, sadness, and frustration. Brianna wasn’t asking about their deaths. She was asking about their lives. Something I hadn’t concentrated on in a while.
Brianna glanced up at me with tear-filled eyes, and I knew I wanted to tell her more. She, maybe more than anyone else, could understand.
“She was a lady. Beautiful, elegant, but you didn’t ever want to get on her bad side,” I chuckled. “My backside became well acquainted with the palm of her hand on more than one occasion.” That made me think of a question I’d been meaning to ask her. “Did your parents ever spank you?”
Her nose scrunched up as she thought. “Only once . . . I think.” When she didn’t continue, I prompted her. “I was young. Four? Five? I don’t remember. But my babysitter had a daughter around my age, maybe a little older. A friend of hers had shown her how to make herself throw up, and so she showed me. Mom caught me the next day trying it in our bathroom. She was so mad. I couldn’t sit down for a while after that.” She smiled.
“What about the babysitter?”
“Mom called her and told her. I never went back there, though.”
“I think your mom made a good decision with that one. That was very dangerous.”
“I know.”
After her sharing, I thought back to one of the times my mother had disciplined me. “The worst I can remember was when I stole a bracelet from our gardener. He’d taken it off while he was working around the pool. I knew it was his, but it was shining in the sunlight and I thought it was pretty, so I took it. Dad was out of town, but that didn’t matter. Once my mother figured out I’d been the one to take it, she not only made me give it back and apologize, she also gave me a spanking I have yet to forget. My bottom was still sore when Dad came home the next day.”
“How old were you?”
“Seven, I think. And the worst part was that everyone knew. For weeks after it happened, the housekeeper, the gardener . . . they all smirked whenever they saw me. It was humiliating. I never stole anything again.”
Brianna smiled, and I hugged her to me. It felt good to talk to her about this. “She sounds like a good mom.”
“She was.” As much as I wanted to continue to hold her like this, I knew we needed to finish with our workouts. I helped her from the bike, and guided us both over to the weights.
Working out with her was a sweet torture. Her body had filled out since she’d come to live with me, and with the workouts, her muscles were tight and toned in all the right places. It was an exercise in control to be with her like this and keep my hands to myself. Instinct had me wanting to press her to the floor and ravish her. And although she would probably have welcomed my kisses—my touch—my body was aching for more each and every day. The closer we came, the more my body wanted it.
Last night had been amazing.
Her touch did things to me that no other woman’s ever had.
Before I’d entered the lifestyle, I’d tended to go for older women. It was the experience factor, more than anything else, and they were open to experimenting more than girls my age. My first kinky experience had been at seventeen with a woman twice my age. She’d let me spank her and tie her up. I’d loved it, and so had she. Back then, I’d had little understanding of what my enjoyment in that type of sexual play meant.
Things with Brianna were different. I wanted to share all those kinky sex things I loved, but I also wanted her to allow me to love her and take care of her the way she deserved. Feeling her hand around me, rubbing and squeezing my erection in her hand, brought me pleasure beyond the sexual release.
I realized the other night that Brianna was like a virgin in many ways. Yes, she’d had sex many times over, but the natural exploration and comfort level that usually occurred with sexual experience wasn’t there. She’d been used and abused. She’d been a thing, a body, and nothing more. I was opening up a completely new world for her, and so far, even though she was still fearful, she was also enjoying it.
My biggest hurdle was penetration. She was now comfortable with me touching her body. But every time my fingers neared her entrance, she tensed to the point where I knew if I pushed things, it would be emotionally—and possibly physically—painful for her. I didn’t want it to be painful in any way, physical or emotional.
After our workout, I guided her to my shower and we slowly washed each other as we had for the last few nights. She was more at ease with my body now, even when it was in an aroused state. This morning, I wanted it to be about her.
As I had last night, I pressed her up against the tiles of the shower. Water beat down all around us and pebbled on her pale skin.
Her mouth opened eagerly to me as I kissed her and pressed my body against her, letting her feel just how excited she’d made me. I was glad this didn’t scare her anymore. Her trust in me was beyond my comprehension at times. She moaned into my mouth as my hands palmed her breasts and began lifting and tugging on them. The tips of her nipples hardened and she gasped as I took them between my thumb and forefinger and twisted. “How does that feel, Brianna?”
“I don’t . . . I don’t know,” she said, her breathing heavy.
I did it again, slightly harder this time. “Does it feel good? Bad? Do you feel anything between your legs or in your lower belly when I do it?”
“In my belly. It . . . it feels . . . heavy?”
I smiled and went back to kissing her and playing with her breasts. She was soon panting and grasping at my shoulders. Good. That was just where I wanted her.
Slowly, I drifted my right hand down her front, over her stomach, and slid between her legs. The moment my fingers touched her swollen flesh, I felt her tense and whimper.
I pulled back slightly, resting my forehead against hers. “Focus on me. I’m not going to hurt you. I want to make you feel good.” Her lips were pressed together, causing her nostrils to flare with her exaggerated breathing. “Trust me,” I whispered.
She didn’t move for ten very long seconds before taking a deep breath and nodding.
I gave her a quick kiss, thanking her, before continuing to massage her breast with my left hand, molding it, kneading it, and every so often tugging at its hardened tip. I wanted to kiss her again, but I needed to see her eyes. She seemed to do much better with new things if she was consciously aware it was me and no one else.
When she was back to breathing heavily again, I began moving my right hand in tiny circles on the inside of her thigh. In small increments, I edged closer to her center, gauging her reaction. She tensed once again when I reached her moist flesh, but after gazing into my eyes for a moment, relaxed slightly. I knew it was taking effort on her part, and I wanted to reward her for her trust.
Unlike some of the previous times when I’d touched her, she was moist today with more than just water. I could feel her juices coating my hand. Imagining pushing my fingers inside her and feeling that moisture covering them made my penis bob against her thigh, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself.
With her lubrication on my fingertips, I searched out her clit and began my mission. It was still hidden behind its hood, probably from her tensing up, but it didn’t take much coaxing for it to come out to play.
“Oh,” she said, in surprise, her eyes wide as they stared into mine.
“Does that feel good?” I asked as I continued to rub little circles.
“Yes.” Her voice was faint and her blue eyes were nearly glowing with the sensations she was feeling.
I could tell by her reactions that this was another first for her, and that filled me with a completely different kind of pride.
“Hold on to my arms and relax. Just feel. I promise you it will be good.” She nodded, and her fingers dug into my biceps as I continued to pleasure her.
It didn’t take long before her legs started to quiver and she began gasping for air. Her face flushed a lovely shade of pink, and it spread down her neck to her chest and over her breasts. It was stunning.
One of the most beautiful sounds in the world started low in her chest, building until it ripped from her throat and she screamed through her orgasm. I had never seen anything like it, and I knew I wanted to see it again and again. I never wanted to stop giving this woman pleasure.
When she came down from her high, I turned off the shower, carried her out, and dried her off before taking her to my bed, where I held onto her until she fell asleep.
Brianna
My head was foggy as I started to wake up. The first thing I noticed was that I had tucked my head into Stephan’s shoulder, and his arms wrapped loosely around me. I blinked several times before finally opening my eyes to the bright sunlight that filled his room. His clock was on his nightstand behind me, but based on the harsh light streaming into his room and the growling in my stomach, it had to be afternoon.
Stephan’s breathing was deep and even in his sleep, and I liked feeling the solidness of his chest moving beneath my cheek. We were still in the towels from our shower. Mine was wrapped around my torso, covering my breasts. Well, mostly covering. The part nearest the mattress was pulled taut, exposing the top half. My nipple was starting to show. His towel only covered his waist, leaving his chest bare. My hand rested over the steady beat of his heart.
I closed my eyes and smiled. Today had to be the best day I could ever remember. My legs still felt heavy, and I’d never felt so relaxed. Was this why people were always talking about how great sex was?
My eyes drifted down to Stephan’s towel. I knew what lay underneath and it terrified me, but I could now honestly add curiosity to the mix. Sure, I’d been curious before, but that was more hypothetical; what was the big deal about sex? This felt different. I wasn’t so much curious about sex anymore, more like I was curious about sex with Stephan. Everything with him was different. Wouldn’t sex be, too?
I felt the uncertainty rise again, and I shivered. Arms tighten around me, and Stephan’s breathing changed. He was awake.
“Hello, my love.”
I looked up to see him smiling down at me. “Hello.” I smiled back.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, brushing the hair away from my face.
I felt heat rise to my cheeks. “My legs feel heavy.”
“Anything else?”
“I’m hungry.”
He chuckled. “I could eat as well.” His gaze drifted over my head. “It’s already one o’clock. Why don’t we make some salads to tide us over? Logan’s in town this weekend, and we’re meeting him and Lily for dinner at six.”
“We’re having dinner with Lily?”
“And Logan,” he added.
I pressed my lips together before I took a deep breath and nodded. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Logan, but he was a man, and Stephan was the only man I trusted.
“It’ll be fine. I won’t leave you alone with him if you ar
en’t comfortable, but I think it would be good for you to get to know him better. I told you how he and Lily met. He learned to be a Dom for her, and I thought you might have some questions that he could answer.”
I thought about that for a moment. “Because you want me to be your submissive.”
“Yes,” he said, kissing my forehead.
“Okay. I’ll try.”
“Thank you.”
Then he was kissing me in a way that had my body feeling warm all over again. My towel lost its last remaining hold on my breasts when he rolled over, pressing me into the mattress.
“I could kiss you all day, Brianna,” he said, as his lips released my mouth and trailed down my neck. I loved when he kissed me, so I couldn’t disagree.
“We need to get up, though,” he said, reluctantly pulling away.
I saw his eyes travel down my body, leaving me feeling exposed. I held my breath, waiting.
Instead of touching me or kissing me again, he pushed himself up off the bed and stood, leaving his towel behind. His nakedness didn’t seem to bother him. It never did.
This time, as he walked away from me over to his closet, I thought about something Lily had asked me. She’d asked if I’d ever looked at Stephan as a man. I mean, I always knew he was a man—that was hard to miss—but seeing him now, her question took on another meaning. She was asking me if I was attracted to him. Physically.
“Go get dressed, Brianna. I’ll meet you in the kitchen, and we’ll get those salads.”
I jumped up from the bed and raced to my room, clutching my towel to my chest. I didn’t know the answers to so many things. I didn’t understand all these new feelings. Maybe it was good we were having dinner with Lily tonight. She’d be able to help me. She seemed to know everything I didn’t.
Five hours later, we sat at a table in a nice restaurant. It wasn’t as fancy as the one he’d taken me to where he’d ordered the duck, but it was still nice. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the table. Whenever he’d taken me out in the past, we’d usually sat in a booth. He was right beside me. Of course, he was beside me now, too, but there was space between us.
Need (Finding Anna) Page 19