When she pulled into her driveway, she shut off the car, but couldn’t bring herself to get out. Instead, she rested her head on the steering wheel and continued to cry. No matter how angry she was or how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop the tears. Josh had totally destroyed her and she didn’t know if she’d ever recover. How or why she’d fallen for him so hard and so fast was beyond her, but she had and now she had the broken heart to prove it.
Forcing herself to get out of the car, she grabbed her purse and cell phone. That’s when she realized she had nine voicemail messages. Who the heck had been calling her? She played them as she made her way inside. The first was from Beth. “Amy, I can’t believe you’re missing this retreat. You will not believe what our boss just did. I’m not going to tell you on your voicemail though because I want to hear your reaction. So, call me back. Love ya.”
Amy shook her head and forced a smile. The second message was from a telemarketer. She deleted that one and played the third. The sound of Josh’s voice made her stop cold. He was apologizing, asking her to come back and talk. For a moment, she considered it. She considered getting back in her car, driving back to Josh’s house, and talking to him. She wanted to so bad but…what if he kicked her out again? What if he told her that she really wasn’t special?
No.
She would not put herself out there again for him to stomp all over her heart. It was going to take a long time for her to heal from this as it was. There was no way she was going to do anything to make it worse. The rest of the messages were all from Josh. After the second one, she just deleted them. It was too painful to hear his voice, to hear him pleading and apologizing. He’d done this, he brought this down on himself – and her – and now they both had to deal with it. Well, her way of dealing with it was to gorge on ice cream, cry until her eyes hurt, and then put on a happy face and go on with her life. It was the only way she knew how.
***
Three weeks.
Three weeks since Josh had kicked her out of his bed, his house, and his life. Twenty-one long days of pretending to be okay, pretending that there wasn’t a gaping hole where her heart used to be and pretending to be interested in the lives of her friends and co-workers. Twenty-one excruciatingly torturous, lonely, sleepless nights where Amy would toss and turn, remembering what his hands felt like on her body, what his lips felt like on her mouth, what his arms felt like holding her.
“Knock it off, Amy,” she muttered to herself as she tried to focus on work, which was impossible to do. Her mind was consumed with Josh. She’d almost called him last night, but he hadn’t tried to call or leave a message in over a week. Amy had missed her window of opportunity and assumed he’d moved on and forgotten about her. Her phone rang and she stared at him, afraid that it might be Josh. With a shaking hand, she picked it up and answered.
“Amy, it’s Darcy,” she said in her usual bubbly voice.
“Oh, hi sis, what’s up?” Normally, Darcy’s exuberance would make Amy smile, but not today.
“I’m getting married!” Darcy screeched into the phone so loud Amy had to hold it away from her ear. “Marc proposed last night.”
“Darcy, that’s great. I’m so happy for you.” And she truly was, however it was hard to show the enthusiasm Darcy deserved when Amy was hurting so much.
“Oh, Amy, it was so romantic. He took me to a fancy restaurant and then we drove to the beach where we walked in the sand. Once the sun set he got down on one knee and told me I was the most important person in the world and his life wasn’t worth living without me a part of it.”
Amy’s lips trembled and she felt the sting of tears in her eyes and throat. Josh had wanted to drive up to the lake. She shook the thoughts from her mind. “Sounds like it was perfect,” she whispered.
“It was,” Darcy said. “Anyway, we’re going out tonight to celebrate and to start making wedding plans. Will you come?”
“Who is we? And where are you going?” Amy asked. The idea of getting out of her house for a few hours was enticing. She was tired of crying herself into oblivion.
“Me and Mom, Beth and my friend Tricia. We’re going to Mallory’s.”
Amy nodded even though her sister couldn’t see her. “Uh, yeah, of course I’ll be there. It’s not every day my baby sister gets married.”
“Okay, so I’ll see you at seven tonight then.”
“Yup.”
“Great. Love you, Ames,” Darcy said with a giggle.
Amy smiled at the childhood nickname Darcy had given to her. “Love you, too, Darce.” Amy hung up and blew out a breath. She was truly happy for her sister. Darcy and Marc had been dating for two years now and it was about time that Marc proposed. Darcy had been waiting for this since she’d met him. They were good together and Marc was loved by the whole family – much like Chris had been. Amy just hoped things went better for Darcy and Marc than they had for Amy and Chris.
***
“Oh my God, Darcy, that is the biggest rock I’ve ever seen,” Beth said as she inspected Darcy’s engagement ring.
“I know!” Darcy squealed with excitement.
They sat in a booth in the corner of Mallory’s. Amy and Beth sat on one side with their backs to the door, Darcy and Tricia sat opposite them, and Amy’s mom sat in a chair at the end of the table. As usual for a Friday night the place was packed. A local band was doing a sound check on the stage and there was barely standing room at the bar. The bell above the door was on a constant jingle as people came and went. Amy ignored it.
“So, Tricia is my maid of honor,” Darcy said, “but Amy, Beth, I’d love for you two to be my bridesmaids.”
“I’d love to,” Beth said.
“Of course,” Amy said with a nod. “Whatever you want. Just let me know what you need me to do.” She couldn’t believe that her sister hadn’t asked Amy to be the maid of honor. When Amy was planning her wedding to Chris, there had been no question that Darcy would be Amy’s maid of honor. And Beth, like a good best friend, agreed and understood. Of course, Tricia was no Beth and if Amy was going to bet on it, she’d bet that Tricia threw a fit about being a bridesmaid and so Darcy promoted her to maid of honor.
Darcy reached over and took Amy’s hand. “Thanks, sis. You’re the best.”
Amy faked a smile and finished her Mai Tai. Then she waved to their waitress and asked for another.
“We’re here to celebrate Darcy’s engagement not get drunk,” her mother said with a disapproving tone.
“I know.” Amy resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Work has been crazy. I’m trying to relax a little.”
“Well, take it easy,” Mom said. “A drunk woman isn’t an attractive woman. And Lord knows you need to try and attract another man.”
Amy groaned. “Give it a rest, Mom. We’re here for Darcy, remember?” The last thing Amy wanted was to listen to another lecture from her mother about breaking off her engagement to Chris. She’d heard it enough.
“Yeah, speaking of that…” Darcy looked down and fidgeted with her straw wrapper. “We’re inviting Chris to the wedding.”
“What?” Amy asked, stunned.
“I’m sorry Ames, but Marc and Chris are friends. I can’t tell Marc that he isn’t allowed to invite his friend.”
Amy took a calming breath. It was one night. Surely she could handle seeing Chris for one night for Darcy’s wedding.
“This could be a good thing,” Mom interrupted. “Maybe if you and Chris see each other again in that kind of setting, you can work things out.”
“Mom!” Amy slammed her hand on the table hard enough to make it shake. “I told you. I am not getting back together with Chris. I don’t love him.”
Before Mom could say anything else, Tricia interrupted. “Oh my God,” she leaned across the table and whispered, “what’s he doing here? I thought he was a recluse.”
Simultaneously, Beth and Amy turned to look at the door. Amy’s entire body went numb and her heart raced.
Josh.
<
br /> He looked around the bar, his gaze finding hers in his search for a place to sit. They stared at each other for a moment and everything Amy had ever felt for him came rushing back to her. All the pleasure, love, pain. Josh’s gaze bore into her, his jaw clenched, his eyes dark and brooding. She missed him. She knew she should look away but she couldn’t. But he did and she let out the breath she’d been holding. Reluctantly, Amy turned back around in her seat but not before she saw where Josh sat – which was at a small table off to her left, putting him in her direct line of sight.
“I heard he only comes out when he’s looking for a new woman to play his kinky games with,” Darcy said conspiratorially, glancing in Josh’s direction. “You know he likes to tie women up for days at a time and have sex with them whenever he feels like it.”
Amy clenched her fist, digging her nails into her palm in an effort to keep her mouth shut. It was bad enough these rumors were going in the first place, but to know her very own sister was feeding in to them – it was disgusting.
“Well, I heard that his last toy had been tied up so long, she lost circulation in her wrist and they had to amputate her whole hand,” Tricia said.
“I honestly don’t know any woman who would want to be involved with a man like him,” Mom said with a wave of her hand. “He’s perverse.”
Amy finished her half-full drink in one long gulp and set the glass back down on the table with more force than necessary. “Do any of you know any of this for certain?”
Darcy and Tricia shook their heads. Then Beth spoke up. “I knew a woman who was involved with him for a while. She told me that he was into some pretty kinky shit. Whips, chains, weird leather outfits, that kind of stuff. She even told me that he got off on her pain.”
Amy snorted, and then laughed. That was the most ridiculous thing she’d heard so far. Josh was nothing but kind and gentle with her. Yeah, he pushed her sexually to experience things she’d never done before, but he never hurt her. And he sure as hell didn’t get off on it.
“I, for one, have no idea why he bothers to stick around this town. No one wants him here. Hell, a majority of the women he sleeps with will never admit to it. They’re too damn embarrassed,” Darcy said.
“I’m not,” Amy said. All eyes were on her in an instant and she wondered why the hell she’d said that.
“You’re not what?” Mom snapped.
Amy hesitated. It was now or never. She could admit to them that she’d been with Josh, that she was in love with him and didn’t care who knew it or she could make up some pathetic excuse for her outburst and go on being miserable. Fessing up to her mom and friends wouldn’t change anything between her and Josh, though. She glanced in his direction and caught him looking at her. A weird feeling overcame her – her heart alternately raced and then stopped, her breathing was labored, and her stomach was in one large knot.
“Amy?” Beth touched Amy’s arm, snapping her out of thoughts and drawing her gaze away from Josh. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I think maybe I just had too much to drink,” Amy said softly. I’m such a coward. Why can’t I just tell these people that I’m in love with Josh? I stood up to them when I broke off my engagement to Chris. I can do it again. It was the only way she’d ever be able to make things right with Josh, which is what she wanted more than anything.
“Well of course you did,” Mom said.
“Damn it, Mother.” Amy slid out of the booth and stood. “None of you know anything about that man. For all you know he could be the sweetest guy on earth.”
“Oh please. Now you’re just talking nonsense.” Her mother rolled her eyes and looked away.
“I’m going to the bathroom.” She was so disgusted by everyone at that table right now. If she didn’t put some distance between her and them, she’d snap.
No matter how hard he tried, Josh couldn’t stop staring at Amy. She was a sight for his sore eyes. He longed to touch her, kiss her, hold her in his arms. He’d gone to Mallory’s in the hopes of getting her off his mind for a little while. Obviously his plan had backfired. Josh ran his hands over his face and blew out a breath. All of the calls he’d made, all the messages he’d left for her – every single one of them went unanswered. To him that meant only one thing: Amy didn’t care about him like he did for her. The first woman he fell in love with, the only woman he saw the possibility of a future with, and she doesn’t feel the same way about him.
That was just his luck.
Amy walked past his table and headed toward the bathroom. His instincts told him to follow. His common sense told him to stay put. So he remained in his chair and motioned for the waitress to bring him another glass of whiskey. Why he was still here he had no idea. Maybe he was a glutton for punishment. Maybe he was doing penance for the way he’d treated Amy. Or maybe he was just so crazy about her that he’d resort to sitting in a dark corner of a bar just so he could have a glimpse of her.
He finished his third glass and decided enough was enough. Amy hadn’t returned to her table yet and he knew if he wanted to get out of this place without talking to her now was his only chance. He stood, left a few bills on the table for a tip, and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair.
“Are you leaving?” Her sweet voice paralyzed him and he had to take a moment to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.
Slowly, he turned around to face her. “Yes, I was going to head home.”
“Alone?”
He cocked his head and gave her a questioning look. Was she asking him if he was seeing anyone else? A small spark of hope ignited in his chest. “Yes, alone.” He hesitated, and then added, “I’ve been alone since you left, Amy.” He wanted her to know that he hadn’t been with anyone else, that she was the only woman he wanted.
“Oh.” She looked down at the floor as if she wanted to say something more, but didn’t want to at the same time.
If it weren’t for the fact that the women she’d been sitting with were staring at them he would’ve pulled her into his arms and professed his love to her. “I think you’re friends are waiting for you,” he said, nodding over her shoulder.
Amy turned to look at them, and then turned back to him. “Do you remember me telling you that there were certain people I didn’t want to know about us?”
It would’ve hurt less if she’d have stuck a dull knife into his chest and twisted it. “Yeah.” He shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Well, that’s them,” she said, giving a slight nod of her head to indicate she was referring to the four women staring at them.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Amy! Get over here right now!” one of the women shouted.
He watched as Amy momentarily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she turned her back on the woman who’d yelled at her. “That would be my mother,” she said tightly.
Josh looked over Amy’s shoulder. “She looks pissed.”
Amy laughed and his heart soared. “Yeah, I’m sure she is.”
“Would you like to sit?”
“Yeah.”
Josh pulled out a chair for her and waited for her to sit before taking his seat across from her. His heart raced as he looked at her, waited for her to speak. When she remained silent, he said, “I tried to call. And I left messages.”
“I know. I got them.”
He clenched his jaw. So, she had been ignoring him. That was perfect. It was tempting to make a sarcastic remark, but that would only push her away, so he kept quiet. The women kept glancing over at them, and then they’d whisper among themselves. He didn’t need to be a mind reader to know that they were talking about him and his reputation and how he was corrupting Amy. Maybe he really did destroy the women he came into contact with. Standing, he said, “It was good to see you again, Amy, but you should probably get back to your friends.”
Amy stood and nodded. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It was good to see you, too.”
Josh’s heart sank. He was a fool to think anyth
ing had changed. “Well, take care.”
Fear gripped Amy’s body as she watched Josh walk towards the door. The sting of oncoming tears burned the back of her throat and her eyes. She glanced over at her table. Her mother looked mortified. Her sister and Tricia looked embarrassed and appalled. Beth just looked confused. Amy’s gaze darted between her family and friends and Josh. Slowly, she limbered back to her table and sat.
“What the hell was that all about?” her mother asked sternly. “Why would you let yourself be seen talking to that man?”
“Yeah Amy, what’s wrong with you? Are you like seriously drunk or something?” Darcy asked.
Amy ignored their questions and looked out the window. Josh was outside, standing by the curb, hands in his pockets, head downcast. It had started to rain, a light drizzle, and even from inside she could see it beading on his jacket and in his hair.
“Amy Lynn Kent! You answer me right now,” her mother snapped.
“I’m in love with him,” Amy said, slowly turning her head to look at her mother’s shocked expression.
Darcy, Tricia, and Beth were staring at her, eyes wide, mouths agape.
Her mother gasped. “What did you say?”
Amy stood. There was a renewed sense of purpose and determination coursing through her veins. She smiled. “I’ve been seeing Joshua Hunter and I’m in love with him.” Then she turned on her heel and rushed out the front door. She heard her mother and her sister calling her name, but she ignored them. Her only concern was getting to Josh before he left. “Josh!” Amy called to him as he walked down the sidewalk and toward the parking lot.
He turned. “Amy?”
She ran toward him and flung her arms around his neck. Then, knowing full well that her mom, sister, and friends were watching, she pressed her lips to his. Josh’s arms wrapped around her, pulled her tight to his body, and then he kissed her back. His lips worked against hers as his tongue explored her mouth in that teasing way only he knew how to do. “I’m sorry I didn’t return any of your calls,” she mumbled against his lips.
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