by Cole Lepley
“Something like that.”
She clicks her tongue. “So vague, Judah Holloway. I can tell there are some deep thoughts inside there.” She flicks the bill of my cap with a grin. “I can only hope you didn’t take too many hits to the head to keep them all straight.”
I laugh. “Maybe that’s my problem.”
She bites her lip in contemplation. “Okay,” she says after a moment. “I could use the company right now. I too, sometimes need a distraction and tonight is the night Zander goes to see—uh, his friend.”
I tilt my head to her. “I think we all know what that means, Mack. He’s not exactly discrete.”
“Yeah, well his friend is.” She presses her finger to her lips. “So keep it quiet, okay?”
I cross my finger over my heart and she laughs. Evidently, my word still means shit to her.
“I promise.”
She gives me a shove before hopping down from my truck. When I meet her on the other side, I grab her bag for her and I swear I see her smile. She hides it well, ducking her head into her hoodie further.
I’m surprised her apartment is directly below mine. I’ll have to keep that in mind if I relapse after a kegger one night. She reaches in her pocket for her keys right as the hall goes black. I can hear the dull hum of the overworked generator in the distance, but it isn’t helping.
I grab my phone for lighting while she crouches on the ground to retrieve her key. “This is great,” she mutters, standing again. “I doubt we even have a flashlight and there are like two windows in the entire freaking apartment.”
“I probably have some flashlights at my place.” I hold my phone above the lock as she jams her key in. After two attempts, she shoves the door open.
The room is so dark you can barely see your hand in front of your face. She wasn’t exaggerating about the lack of lighting. At least I have a balcony in mine. I stumble over a pair of large work boots and let out a string of curses. She giggles at my side, while shuffling stirs in the adjacent room.
“Mack? Is that you?”
Zander’s voice travels through the room, but I can’t see him yet. A small pair of hands grip my arm and I wrap mine around her waist. Any excuse to get her close is good enough for me.
“Yeah, it’s me,” she calls back. “The power’s out.”
“No shit, Sherlock. I’m looking for a flashlight.” Another series of crashes ensue, causing us both to laugh as we cling together near the doorway. The dim light from the screen of my phone illuminates her face enough to see her smile. She’s gorgeous in any light.
Zander pops around the corner, a look of alarm etching his face. “You’re not alone?”
“No, Judah is here…”
Another crash. “Judah?” The second male voice sounds even more distressed.
Before any real harm can be done a lighter flicks and Zander is leaning over a candle in only his boxer briefs.
I try to overt my eyes when a second dude walks out dressed the same way. He catches my gaze and darts back into the bedroom.
Zander shoots Mackenzie a look of disapproval before turning his head to the hallway. “Come on, baby. He won’t tell.”
Mackenzie buries her face into my chest and her laughter vibrates against me in the most wonderful way. It reaches all the way to my toes.
“Not cool, Mack,” he chastises before taking off after the guy hiding in the bedroom.
I tilt my chin down to her, inhaling the scent of her hair for the second time today. “What was that all about?”
She peeks up at me, clutching my sides. “That is Mark. Zander’s…”
“Fuckboy?”
She laughs harder, releasing a snort. “Yeah, I never heard it said quite that way about those two, but—yep.”
All too soon she pulls away and grabs several more candles from on top of the shelf by the television. I watch her as she lights them one by one. Even though it’s necessary, you can’t deny how much the atmosphere has shifted into something a little more than casual. She waves to the couch.
“Have a seat. I’ll get us some drinks.”
She takes a candle with her and pauses in the doorway to the kitchen. “Just water, right?”
I relax back into the cushion, resting my hands on my knees. “Unless you plan on taking advantage of me?”
She arches a brow before disappearing around the corner. I’m still smiling to myself when Zander reappears, tugging a T-shirt over his head. The top button of his pants are still unbuttoned.
He shakes his head at me, his expression borderline desperate, “Please tell me you’re cool. I mean, you’re not a total douchebag, are you?”
I lift a brow. “I don’t think so.” I draw the words out and he releases a sigh of relief and plops down on the chair beside me.
“Okay, good.” He points his thumb back to the bedroom. “He’s still playing both sides of the fence if you know what I mean.”
I nod. “I got you. I won’t say a word.”
He releases another breath and grabs the lighter again. He lights a small cigarette and inhales deeply. Actually, I don’t think it was a cigarette. He passes it to me and I decline.
“I’m cool. Coach frowns upon shit like that.”
“Right,” he says, inhaling again. “Makes sense.”
Mackenzie enters the room again with two glasses, grimacing immediately. She sets them down on the coffee table in front of us before sitting beside me. “What did I tell you about smoking that in the house?”
“What did I tell you about giving me Wednesday nights?”
“It’s Tuesday.”
Zander’s face falls, and he lowers the joint from his mouth. “Mack, I’m sorry. I forgot. Did you go by yourself?”
The look they exchange with each other makes me feel as though I’m intruding.
“No, Judah took me,” she says, and then adds, “He waited in the car.”
Before they can elaborate further, Mark I assume, returns fully dressed. He runs a hand through his light brown hair. “I’m gonna get going.” He grabs his boots without even putting them on and bolts out the door.
Zander sighs, butting his joint out in a small ashtray. “I’ll be back.” He stands and points down to us. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Mackenzie laughs. “That doesn’t leave much.”
Zander winks back at us before jogging to the door, pulling it closed behind him.
After a beat, I shift my body so I’m facing her. “Does everything have to be that complicated?”
She shakes her head and reaches for her glass. After taking a long sip, she smiles.
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
Chapter 10
Flicker
Mackenzie
Judah’s eyes are heated as he stares back at me through his lashes. A smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “Well, I’m not sure. Of all the girls I’ve been around, you confuse me the most.” He runs a hand through his hair after removing his ball cap, laughing once. “And if you knew my ex, you’d know that’s saying a lot.”
I return his gaze, moving closer. “Do tell? I knew there had to be a reason for all that brooding you seem to do.”
“You noticed, huh?” He throws his arm over the back of the couch casually. “I don’t even know where to start with Elliot. Our relationship was complicated.”
“That’s the typical guy response when it doesn’t work out.” I raise an eyebrow in challenge. “She didn’t let you call the shots, did she?”
His lips purse while he contemplates his answer. “Yes, and no,” he says finally. He opens his mouth and then closes it again. It goes several moments before he looks over my shoulder and shrugs. “I don’t know. Do you really want to hear this?”
I nudge him with my elbow. “You wanted me to know the real you, right? How else am I going to figure you out?”
“Good point.” He pauses again, clearly uncomfortable with the direction our conversation is taking. “When I came to Cornel
l, we agreed on an open relationship. She still had another year of high school and wasn’t planning on leaving our small town after. I was hoping she’d miss me and change her mind,” he emphasizes. He takes another breath. “At first, it was basically every guys dream. I hooked up with any and every girl I wanted to just because I could. When I went home, I still had Elle and everything seemed too good to be true.”
So far this story isn’t speaking much for his character, but I want him to keep going. “What changed? Obviously the dream ended for one of you.”
He releases an unsteady breath. “It was her. Right around the start of fall semester, she started acting different. I could tell she was seeing someone, or was at least thinking about it. We had a rule not to talk about what the other was doing when we were away from each other.”
I can’t contain the scoff that bursts out of me. “That was just asking for trouble.”
He nods. “Pretty much.” He laughs bitterly. “It’s not true what my friends think about me. I didn’t want her because she didn’t want me back anymore. She broke my heart long before that.”
A tightness spreads across my chest. I know the feeling all too well. Without even thinking, I reach my hand over and place it on his knee. “I’m really sorry, Judah.”
“It’s okay,” he says, giving me half a smile. “We’re in a better place now. We even managed to become friends through all of this.”
Another familiar ping stirs inside of me and I don’t know why. This little detail bothers me, even when it really shouldn’t. Nothing more than friendship is going to happen between me and Judah, so why am I concerned if he’s still amicable with his ex?
One of the candles fizzles out and we both jump at the same time. Unfortunately, we move in the same direction and I’m almost on his lap. Strong hands come to rest on my waist and our gazes lock for what feels like an obscene amount of time. His eyes are painfully beautiful. My cheeks flush before I move back again, tucking my legs underneath me.
Judah reaches for the lighter just as the lights flicker back to life. I couldn’t be more grateful. The dim lighting in the room was somehow making me soft. I can’t fall for that perfect face of his. It would destroy me all over again.
He lets out a nervous laugh. “Guess they fixed the generator, huh?”
“Seems that way.” My voice trails off at the end and he clears his throat.
He looks like he’s going to say something, but shakes his head before closing the distance between us again. His fingers thread into my hair causing a sigh to escape me.
“Every time you speak, I find myself staring at your lips.” His voice is low and throaty while his thumb traces down my cheek.
Nervous energy pools in my stomach, but for some reason I don’t fight it. I know what he wants to do. He’s been deciding whether or not he’s going to kiss me, and right now, I want him to.
“Why?”
“Because…”
The front door bursts open, breaking the trance between us. Zander stomps in seconds later, his hair strangely disheveled.
“He is such a little bitch sometimes. I don’t know why I even bother.” The irritation clouding his features is quickly replaced by amusement as he takes in our current position. He chuckles, covering his mouth with his hand. “Oh my god. Were you two about to hook up?”
I pull back further. “No.”
Judah’s lets out what I can only describe as some sort of grunt, pushing himself into the cushion. “Nope.”
Zander laughs louder, taking a seat in the chair next to us. He reaches into the ashtray again. “Go ahead, make out. I don’t mind.” He relights his joint, nodding toward us. “Seriously, I like to watch.”
I scold him with my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. “That doesn’t surprise me.” I look to Judah and then back to him. “So, what happened?”
“Mark is freaking the fuck out of course.” He takes a drag, directing his attention to Judah. “He thinks you’re going to tell all your boys about our little rendezvous’.”
Judah puts his hand on his chest, sincerity creasing his brows. “Dude, I swear. I would never do that.” He gives a reassuring smile. “And it’s not my place to judge. Everyone has their reasons for wanting what they want.”
I give him a sideways glance. The way he talks so cryptically is starting to confuse the shit out of me. I honestly wish he would say what he’s really thinking instead of making me try to figure him out all the time. Not that I am or anything.
Before I can process another thought, Judah stands and looks down at me. “I should go. I have an early class tomorrow and practice has been kicking my ass lately.”
I nod. “Okay, I’ll see you around then.”
Zander is holding back a smile that I pretend not to notice. I’m sure I’ll get an earful as soon as he leaves.
I watch Judah walk over to the door, stopping and turning back to me suddenly. “Oh, you probably need a ride, huh? I can stop down before I leave tomorrow.”
My hesitation takes the confidence right out of him. He stumbles over his words a little. “Unless you’re catching a ride with him?”
Zander chokes on his smoke, letting out a drawn cough. “Oh, don’t worry, honey. I’m not the one she wants a ride from.”
I slap him with the back out of my hand before standing up from the couch. “Ignore him,” I say quickly, walking toward the door to stand next to him. “He lacks the filter the rest of us were born with.”
Zander gives a one-shoulder shrug, causing Judah to smile. “Okay, then.” He turns to me, squeezing the inside of my elbow gently. “So, I’ll pick you up around seven forty-five?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
I catch that dimple in his cheek once more before he slips out of my door. I close it behind him and lean back against it in defeat, eyeing Zander with contempt.
“You’re a dick.”
“Well, you know what they say,” he says coyly, taking another drag. “You are what you eat.”
My eyes roll to the ceiling. He’s completely ridiculous.
“I can’t go there with him.”
He frowns, flicking the ash off of the tip of his joint. His eyes drift back up to me. “He’s not Sean.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “He reminds me so much of him.”
“Mack, you can’t do that to yourself. You can’t compare Judah to that asshole.” His fist clenches in his lap. “He deserves so much worse than he got. You shouldn’t be the one still paying for what happened.”
Nodding, I slowly pull myself away from the door. “It doesn’t mean that I’m not.” I retake my seat beside him. I place my hands on the tops of my thighs, willing them not to shake.
“Despite everything, a part of me still loves him. How fucked up is that?”
Zander quickly shakes his head. “It’s not.” He moves to sit on the cushion next to me. Throwing his arm over my shoulder, he places a kiss to my temple. He presses his cheek to the side of my head while he speaks. “I’m serious, Mack. It’s not crazy. What he did was fucked up, and that wasn’t your fault either.”
I peek up at him and he gives me a look. “Don’t try to argue with me, baby girl. I’ll win every time.”
Suppressed emotion begins to claw its way up my throat again, but I hold it back. I’m constantly at war with myself over the situation with Sean. Everything happened because I let it happen. It’s my fault, too.
“I think I misjudged Judah. There’s something good about him that I can’t describe. He’s like two different people crammed in the same body.” My eyes wander up to his again. “That combination doesn’t end well for me.”
His hand starts to move slowly up and down my arm. “You’re too hard on yourself.” He gives me a final squeeze before standing up again. “Be his friend first before you write him off completely.” He grabs the empty glasses from the coffee table on his way to the kitchen. “What’s the worst that can happen?”
My insides frown. A dozen di
fferent scenarios begin to play over in my head. The hardest part about being broken is that you never really feel whole again.
Later that night, as I stare at the ceiling in my bed, my mind keeps drifting to Judah. If Zander wouldn’t have walked through that door, he was going to kiss me. He was going to kiss me and I would have let him. Only that’s not what’s keeping me up right now. What bothers me is what comes after the kiss. Even though it may seem small compared to what most people do, it changes things.
Once his lips touch mine, friendship will be off the table. You don’t look at your friend the way Judah looks at me. Your friend doesn’t make your stomach do somersaults every time he smiles. That’s why I can’t let him kiss me.
Even if I really want him to.
Chapter 11
New Territory
Judah
For the rest of the week, Mackenzie rides to campus with me every morning. Although we haven’t had any more moments like the one in her apartment, it was nice to spend the extra time with her. I needed to come home this weekend. I promised Ollie I would long before I decided to get distracted by a girl. Not that I am or anything.
I met him at the ski resort because he’s been trying to strengthen his relationship with his father and get involved with the family business. It’s another similarity we both share, although my rapport with my own father is solid. I enjoy working with him.
My dad makes a small lap around the property before giving a smile of approval. “This should work.”
Mason Monroe steps between us, planting his hands on his hips. His stern, hazel eyes scan the slopes and adjacent lodge. We’ve been standing in practically the same spot all morning. My father designs all the buildings for Elliot’s parents’ resort and I just happened to come home the weekend they were plotting the new edition.
Oliver scrolls through his phone beside me. “Dad, can you hurry up?” he says. The impatience is evident in his voice, but he doesn’t glance up from the screen. “The game starts in like twenty minutes.”