by Cole Lepley
I shrug.
“Come on, Mack. Quit being so lame,” Zander protests further, standing up from his seat. “Everyone wears a white T-shirt and takes a highlighter. The house is filled with black lights so you can see what you write on people’s shirts.” He lets out a breath. “It’s pretty fucking awesome.”
I give Judah an uneasy glance. Parties with darkened rooms aren’t really my thing anymore.
“I don’t know. Sounds kind of stupid if you ask me.”
“Sure, I get it. It will probably be totally lame.”
He pats my arm with a smile, clearly trying not to make me feel bad.
Zander makes a show of rolling his eyes. From behind Judah’s back he mouths, “He really wants you to go.”
“You ready to go, then?” Judah asks, taking my bag from me.
Zander is still hidden from his view and he throws his hands up at me before folding them together in a silent prayer. I crack a smile before opening the door and turn to Judah.
“On second thought, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?”
“Really?” He gives me a hopeful smile and my already aching heart clenches a little more.
“Sure, why not?” I tuck a dampened curl behind my ear and take another calming breath. “What do I have to lose?”
The answer is everything, but I can’t let him see that.
Chapter 13
Catch Me Falling
Judah
Mackenzie was quiet on the way to campus this morning. I’m guessing it’s because she doesn’t really want to go to the Graffiti party this weekend. It’s either that, or she’s embarrassed I saw her in a towel. The image in my head still makes me smile.
More pressing issues are consuming my thoughts at the moment. I’ve been sitting at a table outside the student union for almost an hour now. The email containing details about the semester abroad next year is pulled up on my screen. My father wants me to go to Rome like he did when he went to Cornell. He says it helped shape the architect he became. I’m all for following in my fathers’ footsteps, but leaving right now isn’t something I want to do.
The reason for my inner turmoil walks up beside me, and I tilt my head to smile.
“Done with class already, babe?”
Mackenzie laughs lightly before taking the seat next to me. I think my charm is starting to wear on her.
“Yeah, we had an exam today, so we got out early.” She motions to contents of my bag sprawled on the table. “Looks like you’ve been here a while. Did they let you out early, too?
“No, I don’t have class until eleven on Monday’s.”
“Then why did you come to campus this early?”
Shrugging my shoulders, I close my laptop. “Because I know you needed a ride.”
“That’s ridiculous. Zander can take me.”
I gather the rest of my things and begin to shove them in my bag. My eyes meet hers briefly. “I wanted to.”
She leans back in her chair and takes a breath. I wait for her response as she closes her eyes. “Judah, I don’t want you to want to.”
I laugh. “That’s not the reaction I was expecting.”
She opens her eyes again at my words. “This isn’t going to end the way you want it to.”
I lean in, resting my elbows on the table. “And how to do you think I want this to end?”
Instead of her typical comeback, she pushes back from the table without warning. She picks up her bag and speaks over her shoulder. “Stop being so nice to me.”
With a sigh, I gather my things and take off after her. She’s halfway down the sidewalk by the time I reach her side. I gently grab her elbow. “Wait.” She faces me with an exasperated expression. “What was that all about? I thought we were friends.”
“You don’t get it.” She tries to pull away from me, but I don’t let her.
“Then explain it to me, Mack.” I scan her face, looking for something I might have missed. More than ever I’ve been getting mixed signals from her and it’s driving me crazy.
“I can’t give you what you want.”
Moving my hand to the side of her face, I make her look at me straight on. “How do you know what I want?”
My voice is soft as I watch her chest rise and fall with sporadic breaths. I think I make her almost as nervous as she makes me. She reaches up and grabs the hand still holding her cheek and pulls it down. “It’s not me.”
This time I let her walk away. I drop my hands to my sides and watch her hurry across the quad. A part of me hopes she’ll turn back and apologize for acting so irrational.
But she never does.
Preston tightens his grip on the bat while eyeing me with a subtle gaze. He swings and cracks the ball at a startling speed into the net. “You taking notes over there, player?”
I glare at him as I adjust my glove. Going to the batting cages seemed like a good way to release some tension, but so far, it’s basically been a pissing contest to see who can get the fastest swing. It’s no surprise I’m losing.
Twisting my grip on the bat, I make contact with the ball right before it flies past me. I grit my teeth when the clock reads seventy.
Preston lets out a whistle. “Not good, boy.” He dangles his bat at his side, walking over to the net that separates us. “If I’m not mistaken, you seem a little distracted. He pauses to run his free hand through the dark goatee on his chin. “That wouldn’t have anything to do with the little bet we made, now would it?”
I swing harder this time. Eighty-five. I nod to him.
“I’m fine—obviously.”
He laughs, twirling the bat around like a top for a moment. “You see, Judah. The bet wasn’t that you two would ride off into the sunset and live happily after.” He meets my eyes again, amusement lighting up his features. “It was that you would fall, hard, and it seems you have.”
The ball whips into the net this time. Ninety.
“Not gonna happen,” I grit out, swinging so hard I let out a grunt. Ninety-five.
The sweat starts to prickle on my forehead the more I allow his words to get to me. I’m already in this deeper than I want to be and he knows it.
His charcoal eyes widen when they read the clock this time. “Okay, calm down. I don’t want you hurting that arm before the game on Friday.” He shrugs, flashing a cocky grin. “Someone has to throw me the ball so I can score.”
His phone rings in the background, saving me from further persecution, and he turns to answer it. When I hear the tone of his voice drop an octave, I can be positive it’s a girl. He may try to act all smooth most of the time, but I know for a fact things aren’t exactly going his way lately. Being a player may be fun and all, but eventually it becomes more than you bargained for. I’m guessing Preston is about to hit the breaking point.
After a few minutes, he stalks back to me with a frown. “Man, I don’t even know why we bother. Girls are never fucking happy, no matter what we do.”
I smirk, hitting a little slower now. “Your latest conquest isn’t as dumb as the others I take it.”
He scoffs, draping his muscular arms over the net. “The funny thing is, I never promise anything. I never give any indication we are going to be something more than a casual fuck, and they still find a way to paint me as the bad guy.”
I shoot him a questioning look over my shoulder. “Is that a serious statement, dude?” I take another hit before setting my bat back into the rack behind me. “That’s your first problem.”
He grins, rubbing his hands together. “Oh, I like this. Playboy Judah is about to give me dating advice.”
“I don’t get why you insist on calling me that.”
His grin widens. “You should have seen yourself. When you strolled onto campus last year you didn’t give a fuck. You made it look easy, like an art form even.” He reaches over and punches me in the arm. “What happened to that guy? I looked up to him.”
Memories of waking up in random beds flash in my mind. Only when the alcohol finally ma
de its way out of my system would I feel anything. Most of the time, I felt regret. I destroyed the only relationship that ever meant anything to me and he’s praising me for it. There’s something very wrong with this conversation.
I unlatch my helmet and toss it to the ground. “You don’t want to be like that guy.” I give a pointed look. “Trust me.”
He shrugs again, removing his helmet as well. “He seemed to be enjoying himself. Unlike you.”
“I’m much happier than I was at this time last year.”
Preston remains skeptical. He throws his duffle bag over his shoulder. “Keep telling yourself that.”
I can’t dwell on his misguided ideals about what I should be doing. Regardless of how we left things this morning, I still have to meet Mackenzie in the library in twenty minutes. After rushing through a quick shower in the locker room, I manage to make it to the steps outside the library three minutes early.
The thought of rubbing her face in my punctuality makes me smile. Ten minutes later, that smile begins to fade. At fifteen minutes, I begin to get angry. I do a quick lap through the library before making my way back to my truck. She stood me up. Well, I guess she doesn’t know I don’t give up easily.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I’m banging on the door of her apartment like I’m about to raid the place.
Her eyes are wide as she pulls it open. “Judah, what are you doing here?”
I push past her, coming to a stop in the middle of her living room. “How can you stand there and act like you didn’t just leave me hanging?” I pull my hand into my chest. “We had a deal.”
Mackenzie pushes the door closed and crosses her arms. “I think it would be best if we ended our little arrangement.”
“Arrangement? You were helping me.”
She laughs once. “You don’t even need my help. I don’t know what your plan was, but it’s not going to work.”
“My plan?” My eyebrows knit together as I take a step toward her. “I didn’t have a plan when it came to you.” I lower my voice, standing close enough to touch her. “But I’m not going to deny the fact that I liked spending time with you. I never planned that, and it happened anyway.”
She sets her eyes away from me, staring out the lone window in the back of the room. “I think it would better if you walked away now.” Her eyes shift back to me with a confidence I don’t think she feels. “Before anyone gets hurt.”
I shake my head and take another step, no longer able to keep my hands off of her. I pull her to my chest. It takes me a moment to find my words again because I don’t think we’ve ever been this close before.
Taking her face in my hands, I bring my lips inches from her mouth. She runs her tongue along her bottom lip as I wet mine. “The only thing that would hurt me is if you pushed me away right now.”
The hesitation is evident in the shallow breaths she takes. I prepare myself for her rejection when she does something that makes me lose my air altogether—she kisses me.
Chapter 14
Way Down We Go
Mackenzie
I’ve been a little indecisive today. During my three-hour lecture this afternoon, I talked myself out of every scenario that involved Judah. Now he’s kissing the life out of me in my apartment.
He laces our fingers together, drawing my hand above my head as he presses me into the wall. The way he works his mouth over mine is a skill he apparently mastered long ago. I can’t think of one good reason to ask him to stop. When I pull him closer by his waist, he brushes the stiffness in his jeans against me. If one of us doesn’t come up for air soon, we’ll be finishing this in my bedroom.
Judah breaks away first. He trails his thumb across my lower lip, a smirk on his face. “That was the first surprise of yours I actually enjoyed.”
“I can be nice sometimes.” My voice comes out breathier than I wanted it to, but I blame it on the fact that he has already stolen all of my air.
“There’s only one thing we can do now.”
“What’s that?”
I tilt my head to him as he leans down and kisses me once more. “You have to help me study.”
He catches my lip in his teeth before pulling away from me and walking toward the couch. I run a frustrated hand through my hair, shaking my head.
“You’re serious right now?”
His lips tip up. “Yep.”
I watch as he continues to set up his laptop like we didn’t just have the most amazing first kiss ever.
Gathering whatever composure I have left, I walk over to sit beside him. “All right. If that’s what you want to do right now.” I cross my legs toward him and he reaches over and squeezes my knee. He doesn’t move his hand as he speaks.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to do to me, babe, but I came to study.”
Anxiety builds in my stomach again. “I have a confession to make.”
His hand begins to run back and forth across my knee. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
I take a breath. “I didn’t do the assignment.”
He laughs and it eases the tension instantly. “Damn, babe. You really know how to make me sweat.” He brings his lips to mine once more. “Don’t worry. It’s my turn to teach you a few things.”
The giggle that escapes me comes as a surprise. He’s so freaking cute, though.
“Okay,” I say. I let my lips brush his lightly. “I’ll get us something to drink and you can be the teacher this time.”
I catch a frown on his face when I stand. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No,” he says quickly. He smiles back at me, but it appears forced. “Everything’s great.”
Even though I don’t entirely believe him, I continue toward the kitchen. After grabbing two glasses and filling them with iced tea, I make my way back to him. When I enter the room, his phone is pressed to his ear.
He appears relaxed as he ends the call and reaches for a glass. “I ordered us a pizza. I thought you might be hungry.”
I take a long drink, my mouth suddenly dry. “Sounds good.”
A satisfied smile stays on his face while he begins mapping out the problem set for the assignment. I watch the way his eyebrows pull together when he’s concentrating. I like that he’s smart even though you’d never be able to tell by talking to him. It makes him more complex than he actually seems.
He catches me watching and nudges his shoulder into mine. “You know, Mack. You could actually participate instead of staring at me.” He runs his hand down his face. “I know I’m cute and all, but that’s not going to help you ace this.”
I give him a playful shove. “I was making sure you don’t screw anything up. I’m still the tutor.”
His eyes meet mine and my face begins to flush a little. Casual flirting doesn’t feel so causal anymore. Not when all I can think about is the way his tongue made its way to every corner of my mouth.
I lean into him more and our legs touch. The tip of his pen stops moving, but he doesn’t look up. “You’re making it very hard to concentrate.”
“Sorry,” I say, sliding back a little. “I’ll let you focus.”
He lets out a sigh before tossing the pen into the air. It lands on the floor beside the coffee table with a clang as he pushes me back into the cushion. His hands slide into my hair, his lips poised above mine again.
“You’re right.” His voice is a low growl as he kisses my cheek once, moving to do the same on the other. “Fuck studying,” he whispers before claiming my mouth again.
We inch down the couch until he’s on top of me. He shifts his weight to his left elbow while trailing his other hand down my cheek. He kisses me slowly, taking his time with measured precision. The warmth flowing through my veins is hindered by a growing panic gnawing its way inside my stomach. I can’t let this go completely off the rails. I’m not ready to be with someone like that again.
The creak of the door opening breaks our moment. I peel one eye open and see Zander standing in the doorwa
y, a grin spread from ear to ear. He holds his hands out.
“Don’t stop on my account.” He walks back toward his bedroom. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”
Judah pulls up off of me with a laugh. “That dude has literally the worst timing.”
He ruffles his dark brown hair with his hand as I straighten out my shirt. “Yeah,” I say for lack of a better word. The truth is he saved me from doing something I might regret. He’s good about that.
We manage to not only finish the assignment, but make it through an entire meal without attacking each other again. The sexual attraction between us is hard to ignore, and now that we’ve both had a taste, I don’t know how much longer we can hold off on taking it further.
He kissed me again before he left. It was brief, but most of all, it was sweet. It’s been a long time since someone made me feel like that.
Zander pokes his head out of his bedroom when he hears the front door close.
“Is it safe to come out yet?” He laughs before walking into the living room. “I wasn’t listening or anything. I would never do that.” He gives me a wink as he takes a seat on the chair after grabbing a slice of leftover pizza.
“We didn’t make noises,” I scoff, gathering up our empty glasses. “Judah is actually respectful.”
Zander raises an eyebrow. “You sound almost disappointed he didn’t throw you on the couch and rip your clothes off with his teeth.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s quite the opposite. I like that he’s cautious around me. I don’t want another guy who thinks they can control me.” I take a breath before walking out to the kitchen.
Zander is right behind me as usual, taking large bites of his pizza while analyzing me silently.
I laugh to myself as I place the glasses in the dishwasher. “Are you going to say I told you so?”
“Nope,” he replies with his mouth still full. He takes a minute to finish chewing, motioning with his hand for me to get him some water. I begrudgingly oblige.