“Tenders be lit, oh baby!” Dazzlessence Jones sang. “Yo, Tendy, you remember my name, too? Here’s a hint. I’m not your aunt, but your—”
“Dunkle!”
“Ha! OK, Dunkle what?” Dazzlessence struck three poses—a squat, a ninja kick, a handstand—to show off his dazzle essence in different light.
“Dunkle Diamond. Pretty sparkle. More.”
Dazzlessence pushed out his chest and beat it with his fists. “More? You want more of this shine? Exhale on me, baby!” Tenders took a deep breath in through his nose and out through his beak. “Now feather-dust me!” Tenders wiped Dazz’s diamond with his downy feathers. “How shiny is that? Top of the line shiny, yeeeeah!” Tenders’s eyes sparkled in amazement.
“You think that’s dazzling?” Sleepy Unicorn drawled. From his horn, he zapped Dazzlessence Jones with a bolt of lightning magic. “Oh baby, hot, hot, hot!” Dazz sang, splashing his behind with treasure fruit juice.
Tenders giggled. “Magic me love. Magic is sleepy fun!”
Sleepy nodded. “It sure is, Tenders Plant Chicken thing, it sure is. Now I’d like to teach you something very important that was taught to me when I was a young ’corn. Firstly—Zzzzzz.” Sleepy collapsed onto his belly, hooves out, and erupted into snores.
“Hee hee hee!” Tender laughed. “Wake up, Unicuncle Sleepy!
“Yeah, bro, not gonna happen,” Maroshi said, approaching the group with his favorite Flochi, Wanderer, perched on his shoulder. “The sleepy corn’s sweet-dreamin’ his way through the galaxy. Anyway, I can’t believe it’s only been hours since you cracked your way to freedom. Gnarly journey, I imagine. Respect.” Maroshi gave him the shaka sign, curling his three middle fingers and leaving his thumb and pinky extended. Tenders copied him, giving the shaka sign right back. “We all thought you’d be a monster, so this is a real treat. Stay cool, T.”
Tenders cocked his chin. Hanazuki elbowed Maroshi.
“Never mind,” Maroshi said, flinging his arm around Tenders. “All right, T. You’re stuck in the soil, that’s your toil, but don’t you fret. I’m gonna help you to simulate flying!” He whipped his surfboard out from under his arm and placed it below Tenders’s belly. “Spread your wings, bro. Lean onto the board. Move that way and that way and that way. Groovy aviation!”
After Tenders had his third faux-flying wipeout, Kiyoshi stepped in nervously. “Hey, nice partay, T. Don’t want to take up too much of your time—you’re kind of a celebrity and sort of unpredictable—but I just want to tell you that I see stuff.”
“Arg?” Tenders looked up and down and around, confused.
“I mean, we all see stuff,” he explained. “But I see the past, the present, and the future in black treasure fruit. And from what I can see”—he squinted at a black Treasure Tree just a few feet away—“this mooniverse has got ‘out of this moon’ plans for you! It has to do with, um . . .” He squinted at the tree again. “Family.”
“Family?” Chicken Plant squawked. “I’m Tenders’s family. You’re telling me, Mr. I See Stuff, that there are ‘out of this moon’ plans in store for us?” Kiyoshi made an “M” sound for “Maybe,” but Chicken Plant screeched over him. “Like what? Unlimited cake? ’Cause that would be excellent for Tenders’s bone growth. Also, my appetite. A hungry mama can’t be expected to mother, you know.”
“Cool. Yeah. I dunno.” Kiyoshi darted his eyes between a few other black Treasure Trees in the distance. “It’s not totally clear what’s going to happen, and I only have a 50 percent success rate, so . . .”
“No cake?” Chicken Plant asked him.
“Probably not unlimited,” Kiyoshi replied.
“Sounds to me like a crock of comet stew!” Chicken Plant exclaimed. “Tenders, be wary of fortune-tellers. In my experience, they’re scamming for eggs.”
“Yes, Mama,” Tenders said. “Uncle Kiyoshi, do you see eggs and scam?”
“Do you mean eggs and ham?” Kiyoshi asked.
“What’s ham?” Tenders asked.
While Dazzlessence and Maroshi cracked up, and Kiyoshi laughed awkwardly with them, Hanazuki helped herself to some cake. All the talk of it had made her hungry! She sat down at a picnic table to enjoy a slice, and watched Tenders from afar. He seemed to be getting smarter and sweeter and more fun by the second. None of Chicken Plant’s previous chicks had lasted this long without wreaking havoc. Maybe Tenders wouldn’t become a threat after all!
Hanazuki tried to relax. Everyone seemed to be having a great time. Maroshi’s Flochis were swimming through the air like a school of fish, playing Guess the Leader. Half of the Hemka were shape-shifting into toys for Tenders, and the other half were playing with the toys. Zikoro had taken on the role of Tenders’s number one fan and protector—he was up against the back of Tenders’s stalk with his fangs bared. But . . . where was Kiazuki?
“Kiazuki?” Hanazuki called into the crowd. No response. She left her slice of cake and wandered to the outskirts of the party. She kept waiting until she made it all the way inside a Treasure Tree grove. “Kiazuki? Are you here?” Nothing. She checked the Safety Cave. She checked the area where Kiazuki had set up camp. She checked with Talking Pyramid to see if he had seen her, but he had no idea. Kiazuki was nowhere to be found.
Hanazuki was seriously starting to worry when, all of a sudden, Little Dreamer flew down with a chicken-shaped treasure. “Thanks, little dude. Also feel like dropping me a hint as to where Kiazuki is? Did you see her on your way down?”
“Wazee wee wee,” he whispered.
“That’s OK. Figured I’d ask. I don’t get why Kiazuki has disappeared! We all thought Tenders was going to be a terror, but he’s so cute! Does she think his cuteness is all a front? Does she think he’s going to mature into a terror?”
“Wazza wee.”
“Wait! Did seeing a new baby make her sad? Did it remind her of her lost Zikoros? Did her dark thoughts bring her to the Dark Side of the Moon! Oh moonshakes, that had to be it!”
Little Dreamer flipped and then flew off over a Mouth Portal.
“Thanks, snoozy man! I feel better already!” Hanazuki leaped inside the Mouth Portal and was instantly transported to the Dark Side of the Moon. She immediately saw Kiazuki heading toward a cave. Not just any cave! The cave of Basal Ganglia, a maniacal brain with eyeballs who wanted to take over the moon. “KIAZUKI, NOOOOOO!!!”
Kiazuki froze, then slowly turned around. “Hey,” she said to Hanazuki, like a Mazzadril caught in sunshine. “What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you! What are you doing here?”
“Um.” Kiazuki’s eyes darted around. “I was just, uh . . .”
“Looking for some alone time?” Hanazuki placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “It’s OK, I get it. Big parties aren’t for everyone, especially ones celebrating a cute little newbie to the moon. I can see how that might be hard for you.”
Kiazuki cocked an eyebrow.
“But just a heads-up—you’re not going to be alone with your thoughts inside that cave. That’s where Basal Ganglia lives, and in case you don’t remember, that brain’s crazy.”
“I CAN HEAR YOU, MY UNFAITHFUL SUBJECT,” Basal Ganglia shouted.
“NOT YOUR SUBJECT,” Hanazuki shouted back, then made circles with her finger around her temple.
“Well, maybe I’m not looking to be alone with my thoughts,” Kiazuki said. “Maybe I’m looking for advice.”
Huh? Hanazuki took a second, then another second, trying to wrap her head around what she’d just heard. How was it that Kiazuki would consult a scheming maniac over a fellow Moonflower, sister or not? It didn’t make any sense!
“Great talk,” Kiazuki said. “I’m gonna go now.”
“Wait!” Hanazuki cried. “Look, don’t be scared or upset about Tenders. In an eggshell, he’s really fun and silly and sweet, and I bet he’ll stay that way. I also bet he could come up with a funny nickname for you, like ‘Auntie Kiazuki.’”
“That’s not a nickname. Y
ou just added ‘Auntie.’”
“‘Kooky Kiazuki,’ then?”
Kiazuki rolled her eyes. “I’m not afraid of Tenders. I’m afraid for him. Do you really think Chicken Plant is going to be a good mom? Is this moon really the best place for him?”
“So, that’s why you’re here? To get advice on how best to look after Tenders?”
“Duh.”
Hanazuki sighed with enormous relief. It was so cool to see Kiazuki act with such compassion! “Don’t worry, Moonflower friend. I think that with the entire moon’s help, Tenders will be just fine. I mean, everyone likes him, and he likes everyone, too. You can ask Basal all the questions you want, but don’t be alarmed if he gives you crooked advice.”
“YOU’RE A CROOKED SPICE,” shouted Basal.
“Oh boy.” Hanazuki smiled at Kiazuki. “Anyway, when you’re done, come back to the party. I’ll save you a slice of cake. Actually, the cake was very popular. It might be goners. Do you like churros?”
“Who doesn’t?” Kiazuki replied.
Hanazuki returned to the Light Side of the Moon to find Tenders surrounded by his guests. She joined the huddle and watched with amazement as he performed the ultimate party trick—spinning a pacifier in his beak! He pushed the pacifier forty-five degrees and then another forty-five degrees and then another and another until it was right-side up. A baby bird genius!
A few moments later, Red Hemka pushed through the crowd, with a rainbow-colored pacifier made up of nine shape-shifted Hemka.
Hanazuki grinned. Finally, the Hemka had decided on a toy for Tenders and were going to let him play with it! She waited a couple of seconds for Red to hand the pacifier over to Tenders, but Red just held on. He began to count down, “WUN, WOO, WEE.” Then, just like Tenders’s party trick, Red’s pacifier began to spin.
Tenders was so amazed, he couldn’t look away. He went cross-eyed, dropped his pacifier, and thrust his wings out for balance.
“Hey, slow down, Red,” Hanazuki urged. “This is cute and all, but I don’t want Tenders to get sick.”
But Red’s pacifier didn’t slow down. It spun faster, faster, faster. He seemed to be waiting for something. Applause? Hanazuki didn’t applaud—she couldn’t! All she could do was stand there horrified as Tenders’s focus narrowed in. Red applauded himself. He darkened to the shade of ketchup, then hot sauce. He appeared possessed, like a demon had taken control of his squishy little body.
Tenders finally covered his eyes with his wings and began to cry-chirp.
“Knock it off,” Hanazuki scolded Red. “Are you trying to scare Tenders? You’re the leader of the pack. If you can’t stop the pacifier, get the other Hemka to.”
The pacifier spun at the frequency of a high-speed fan.
Tenders’s feathers flapped at his face.
“SERIOUSLY, RED! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”
Just then, Chicken Plant plucked the giant pacifier from Red’s mouth. She tossed it to the ground, and the Hemka tumbled back into their normal squishy selves. Red started to explain, but Chicken Plant ate him whole. The crowd gasped as he pressed against her insides, screaming. Chicken Plant yelled, “Bitter. Phooey. Ow,” until, finally, she popped an egg. Red instantly cracked out of the shell.
Hanazuki ran to help him, but he pushed her away and stormed off into a nearby red Treasure Tree grove. “REALLY?!” she called after him. “You’re mad at ME? Reckless leadership has consequences! And sometimes, those consequences include getting eaten by Chicken Plant!”
Hanazuki brushed it off. Red could go off and be angry for a little while. She was going to focus on the party. Soon it was time for presents: compostable diapers from Maroshi, stalk decor from Teal Hemka, a bedazzled cowboy hat from Dazzlessence Jones. Hanazuki volunteered to put together a list of gift givers and their gifts so that Chicken Plant could refer to it later for thank-you notes. Even though Chicken Plant protested, squawking, “What a waste of time. You’re using a feather pen, which is insulting to my kind. We didn’t ask for presents,” Hanazuki did it anyway. She still couldn’t shake the episode with Red and needed the distraction.
While Chicken Plant and Tenders modeled matching mama/chick sleeping masks from Sleepy Unicorn, Hanazuki noticed Kiazuki crouched on the ground, whispering into Tenders’s ear. She’d come back from the Dark Side of the Moon, and look at all that compassion! “Whatcha talking about, you two?”
Tenders pulled down the sleeping mask, revealing bulging eyes. “We were—”
“Learning a joke,” Kiazuki cut in. “From me. I was teaching it.”
“Ooh! Let’s hear it,” Hanazuki said. She waved at the crowd. “Guys, Kiazuki and Tenders have a joke for us!”
Everyone waited for something funny to fly out of either of their mouths.
“Loud and proud, K!” Maroshi encouraged, his fist out for a bump. “Shy don’t fly!”
“I’m not shy,” Kiazuki said, ignoring his fist. “Since when have I ever been shy?”
“Well, you’ve certainly never been funny,” Sleepy said, mid-yawn. “Maybe you’re being shy because teaching jokes is a new experience. I’d be shy if I had to teach insomnia.”
“That’s ridiculous!” Kiazuki said. “I’m hilarious, and so is Tenders, and if you want proof, I’ll give you proof! Flex your funny bones, because this duo is about to crush.” She paused, then asked Tenders, “Why did the Chicken Plant cross the road?”
“He, um, can’t,” Tenders replied with hesitation. “He’s rooted too hard in the ground.”
“Ha! Ha! Ha!” Kiazuki slapped her thigh. “See? Hysterical!”
It wasn’t hysterical, but Hanazuki didn’t want to insult Kiazuki. She tricked herself into laughing, as Sleepy Unicorn fell dead asleep at the punch line. “Ha! Oh, Kiazuki! Oh, Tenders! Comedians indeed. Get these two their own comedy special!”
Chicken Plant clanked a pebble against a raised glass of rainbow waterfall—ding, ding, ding!—and said, “Moving on. I’d like to propose a toast.” The crowd hushed and raised their glasses of rainbow waterfall. Chicken Plant continued. “Now, I’ve never grown attached to any of my chicks—nicest thing they’ve ever done for me was leave. But this little guy—my Tenders—he’s special. Not just in my eyes, but in the eyes of statistics.”
“Statistics, yeah, so hot right now,” Dazzlessence sang, raising the roof.
“Here’s a history lesson for all of you,” Chicken Plant went on. “There are two breeds: chickens and Chicken Plants. Chickens, well, you’ve seen them. They’re dumb jerks. Chicken Plants, though. Not dumb jerks. Plus, they make up only 1 percent of hatched eggs! That means for every ninety-nine dumb jerk chickens, there is 1 not-dumb-jerk Chicken Plant. Tenders is a total rarity. However, had you told me yesterday that I’d pop a plant, I’d still have said, ‘Well, he sure as the Big Bad ain’t rooting himself near me. I’ve only mothered for a day at a time, and even that’s given me gray feathers around my mouth.’”
Tenders snuck a peek at Chicken Plant’s mouth.
“I see you, Tenders.”
“Sorry.”
“The point is, when life gives you a Chick Plant, you throw a Chick Plant shower. My son’s eyes are big and his beak is small, and going by the books, that’s cute. Cute is good. It helps lure the Hemka, and then I get to eat the Hemka. Preferably the sweet ones like Yellow and Pink. Not Red. He was bitter and gross.”
The Hemka huddled together in horror. Hanazuki shook her head.
“I digress. Oh, Tenders!” Chicken Plant began to choke up. Hanazuki began to choke up, too. It was the most moving speech imaginable . . . for Chicken Plant. “Cheers!” she finally said, raising her glass even higher.
“Cheers!” the moon creatures responded, slamming back their glasses of rainbow waterfall.
After that, everyone partied hard. Following the forty-sixth Chicken Dance and more cake, Hanazuki felt herself fading. She happily hugged her friends good night and went to bed. As she snuggled inside her sleeping bag, her eyes fluttered shut. She
dreamed only of Tenders and the boundless joy he was going to bring to the mooniverse!
Hours later, Hanazuki was startled awake. The ground shook. The Treasure Trees shook, too. She threw herself out of bed, listening to Chicken Plant’s screams echo furiously through the atmosphere. “HELP! HELP! TENDERS HAS BEEN CHICKNAPPED!”
CHAPTER THREE
THE INVESTIGATION BEGINS!
“I’M COMING, CHICKEN PLANT!” Hanazuki shouted, leaping through a series of Mouth Portals to the scene of the crime. Upon arrival, she put her hands on her knees, doubled over with a cramp.
Thankfully, Dazzlessence Jones was already beside Chicken Plant and jotting down her testimony in a spiral notebook. “So, tell me,” he said, flipping through dozens of self-portraits and sheriff reports until he came to a blank page. “Where did you last see Tenders?”
“Here,” Chicken Plant said.
Dazzlessence popped a wad of gum into his mouth. “Can you be more specific?”
“Seriously?” Chicken Plant flapped her wing at a shallow hole in the moon earth beside her. “That’s where Tenders was rooted. None of this is new information.”
“Interesting,” Dazzlessence sang. He stretched the gum out from his mouth and twirled it around his finger. “And where were you when the crime was committed?”
“RIGHT HERE, YOU IDIOT.”
“Do you have an alibi?”
“An ali-WHAT?”
“An alibi, bye, bye,” Dazzlessence sang, then popped the gum back into his mouth. “A moon creature who can vouch for you.”
“I can vouch for her,” Hanazuki blurted out, lifting her head from between her knees. “Chicken Plant never moves. You know that. She had to have been right here the whole time.”
“Interesting,” Dazzlessence sang as he circled Chicken Plant. “So you admit you were at the crime scene when the crime was committed?”
“Sure, but I was sleeping. Do you need me to spell that out for you, too? It’s when you close your eyes and you’re out until breakfast.”
Hanazuki: An Egg to Crack Page 2