Unlike me. It had taken everything I’d had not to fly off the tailgate and drown Seever in the lake after hearing what he’d said about wishing Lacey’s plane had crashed. My restraint was short-lived when I punched Sullivan with every ounce of strength I had. Years of pent-up hatred for the guy and what he’d done to Kody and the hell he’d put us through was all I’d been able to think about as Kody had unleashed his wrath on Sullivan. I’d caught the way Lacey had recoiled and how her face had blanched. I knew she didn’t agree with what I’d done, and I might’ve ruined my chances with her.
I nodded at Mr. Robinson. “I agree.” I left him in search of Lacey, thinking I had to take a page out of her playbook for our conversation.
The house smelled of something delicious. As I passed the island, I spied a pan of blueberry muffins on a wire rack. I thought of my mom as I climbed the stairs. She loved to bake cakes. She had a knack for decorating them with flowers and other designs.
“Hey.” Lacey’s voice drew me back to the present. “I thought I heard you.”
I dragged my gaze up to a beautiful creature in low riding sweatpants and a Dodgers T-shirt that sat a little higher on her waist, exposing her fabulous abs. Don’t go getting all horny. You’re here to talk. Tell that to your dick.
I followed her like a puppy dog into her room, where she flopped on the bed. All I could think about was tackling her, stripping off her clothes, and devouring her. I got as comfortable as I could on the edge of her bed with one leg underneath me. “Studying?”
“Chemistry test tomorrow.” She twisted her hair up on her head and stuck a pencil in it.
I looked away. Otherwise I wouldn’t be talking. I’d be showing her how sorry I was. My gaze landed on her nightstand. “Is that the infamous nursery rhyme book?”
She gave me an impish grin.
Yeah, I was thinking of “Humpty Dumpty,” too. “I’ve been a complete ass to you during this Pitt and Lorenzino mess.”
“Kade?”
“No, it’s my turn to talk.” If I don’t, you’ll be naked in the span of a minute.
She crossed her legs and gave me her full attention.
“You said some things that day in my theater room that I’ve been turning over and over in my head. I know the pain from the death of a loved one. I also know how far you’ve come in the six months we’ve been together. I’m not perfect either. We’ll both have nightmares and memories of our turmoil. But, Lace, I don’t have PTSD. I’m learning about the symptoms and how to support you. I want to protect you from everything, including your PTSD. I know I can’t. I know it’s up to you to heal. I also know I need to support you and not shut you out.” I exhaled. “Baby, please, never for one second believe that I think you’re pathetic. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way and for everything else.” My practiced speech came out easily.
She folded the corners of the pages of her chemistry book. Her eyes were downcast. A brittle silence dangled.
Say something. Anything. The quietness drove the nausea to churn inside my stomach.
“It’s…” Her voice broke. “This is hard for me.” She kept her eyes on her book.
My pulse went into overdrive. I’d so fucked up. My heart skipped several beats. I couldn’t lose this girl.
She lifted her soft green eyes, worrying her bottom lip. “I have so much going on that I don’t know how to process it all. I could be in danger. I have a new family, albeit a mob family. I have baseball. I want that baseball scholarship to ASU. I have an illness that stops me in my tracks and causes others to freak out along with me. I don’t want anyone’s pity or sympathy. The only way I can do that is to tackle a couple of things at a time.” She pushed out all the air in her lungs as her cheeks puffed.
Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it. I was squeezing the energy out of every one of my muscles.
“But…” She held my gaze. “I know you’re sorry. I know you love me. But until my other problems are behind me, I can’t work on a relationship. I just can’t.”
“So that’s it? You’re breaking up with me?”
Her shoulder came up to her ear. “I guess. I guess I am.”
The blood drained from me. My tongue was frozen to the roof of my mouth. I’d been too cocky and comfortable in our relationship. My brothers were right. Hell, Tyler was right. “For all that we’ve been through, not even let’s take it slow?” My lungs burned with the need for air.
“You need someone who is okay with you shutting them out. You need someone who doesn’t question your motives. I want a partner, not a boyfriend who thinks he knows what’s best for me. I have my father for that.”
“I didn’t shut you out last night.” She was drawing my heart out of my chest in tiny pieces, and an emptiness engulfed me.
“I’m not sure one night is enough,” she said. “I’m not even sure you know how to solve problems without using your fists.”
I was about to say that Sullivan had deserved it, but then I remembered my father’s words—no one deserves to be beaten. I slowly got to my feet on the shakiest legs I could remember having. I could argue with her all day about all the reasons why we were good for each other. The set of her jaw and the determination stamped in her eyes told me she wasn’t budging, and if I didn’t get out of there, my lungs were about to collapse. “For what it’s worth, my intentions and actions were out of love. I hope you at least understand that part.” I crossed the room to the door. Somehow I had to show her she was my partner.
“You’ll always have a place in my heart,” she said.
I gripped the doorjamb before stalking out of the room and then the house.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lacey
As soon as Kade left, something snapped in my brain. I picked up my chemistry book and tossed it across the room. It smashed into the wall with a resounding thud, knocking a framed poem to the floor. Tears poured out of me. I’d thought long and hard about our relationship after the party last night. He’d been more reserved than normal, especially with Sullivan showing up. He did ask my opinion about Greg. He didn’t attack Tyler. He did defend me in public, which for Kade was out of character. We also enjoyed a great moment with Kody after Greg left. Yet I wasn’t sure if the events at the party were enough to repair our relationship. Not to mention that he’d let loose on Greg. Kade had always said he wouldn’t throw the first punch, and last night he had.
When I’d seen him on the stairs, I’d had to reel in the urge to pepper kisses all over him. The more he’d talked, though, the more I kept wondering how many more times he would lie or keep me in the dark. I didn’t want my heart to hurt any more than it did, and with all the challenges I was facing, I was having a hard time concentrating.
I screamed and started grabbing at everything around me. I snagged the nursery rhyme book and tore a page out of it. Then another. Then another. At the third page, something shiny fell out.
Footsteps battered the floor. My father came running in. “What’s wrong? What are you doing? What is that?” He pointed to what had fallen out of the book. It looked like a key.
I picked it up. “I don’t know. I’m so sorry I ruined your book. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what got into to me.”
“Give me the book and the key.” He said it calmly, as if I had a gun in my hand.
I sat on my heels, wiping my eyes.
“Since when do you throw things?” Dad asked. “Kade couldn’t have made you that mad.”
No. I was the one who had the problem. I was the one who was so confused. I was the one whose brain was filled with mob families, ledgers, killers, school, and everything else. A knot formed in my stomach. I was the lunatic who’d just ruined a precious gift given to Dad by his mother.
I sniffled. “The key, Dad. What is it?”
The bed groaned when he sat down. I watched as he examined the book and the pages. A piece of paper had been stuck behind the large raised illustration of a tree on the page with the poem “Here We Go Round th
e Mulberry Bush.” “This looks like a safe deposit box key,” he said. The name Erica Lukin was written on the paper, along with a phone number with a Boston area code.
We shared a light bulb moment.
“Who is that?” I asked as I hiccupped.
“I don’t know. I flipped through this book a million times. Could this be?” His voice was heavy with disappointment.
“Where the ledger is?” I dared to ask.
“Yeah. Nah. Can’t be.”
“Why not? We’ve been searching for a red ledger. This book is yellow, and the pages with the raised pictures don’t have any data about victims and burial grounds or whatever Jeremy said would be in a ledger.” My pulse was singing a tune like we’d just found a million dollars. Maybe we had. Jeremy had said Harrison’s great-grandfather had something to do with bank robberies. “Call the number.” Roots of hope sprouted inside me.
Dad stared at the key and the name as though he was deciding whether to put the key back into the book and close it. “What if it’s a trap?” Dad asked. “Why would she hide a key in a children’s book? A large part of me thought the ledger would never be found. I didn’t think my mother wanted it to be found.”
“If she didn’t, wouldn’t she have destroyed it? We’re getting ahead of ourselves. We don’t know if that name and key lead to the ledger. And how would it be a trap? She gave you the nursery rhyme book. Maybe she knew you would do the right thing. Maybe she was afraid to take the ledger to the police. Only one way to find out.”
He removed his phone from his back pocket and dialed the number. I scooted closer to him and braced my hands on my knees.
Dad tapped the speaker picture. The line rang three times.
“Hello,” a soft female voice said.
“Hi, Erica?” Dad asked.
“Who’s calling?”
“My name is James Robinson. This may sound odd. I have a safe deposit box key and a piece of paper with your name on it.”
“Where did you find it?” she asked evenly.
“Again, this is going to sound crazy. My sister gave me a nursery rhyme book that belonged to my now-deceased mother, Lorraine Newbury.”
A thick silence ensued. Dad and I kept our eyes on the phone, willing her to speak.
“What picture was it behind?” she asked.
“The mulberry bush.” The tips of Dad’s fingers bloomed red as he gripped his phone.
“She did love to read that particular one while she was pregnant with you,” Erica said.
Dad and I shared a holy-crap-on-a-cracker expression. His mom had mentioned that in her letter.
“Who is your sister?” she asked.
“Gloria Pitt,” Dad responded.
“What were your adoptive parents’ names?”
“Celia and Todd.”
“Does the key belong to a safe deposit box?” I asked. I bit on a nail.
“Who is that?” Erica asked.
“This is my daughter, Lacey.” Dad said. “Well, does it?”
“One final question. If you are Lorraine’s son, then you can tell me the shape and place of your birthmark.”
I scrunched up my face.
Dad regarded me with wide eyes. “I have a triangular birthmark on my inner thigh near my groin.”
She sighed. “Very well. Is there anyone else in the room with you besides your daughter?”
“No. What’s with all the questions?” Dad asked.
“I’m doing what Lorraine instructed me to do. She was a very, very dear friend. She was also an extremely secretive person. She wanted to ensure that if anyone came forward that they’d have to prove their identity. Since we are speaking via phone, I’ll still need to verify that birthmark in person.”
I snorted at the image of Dad pulling down his pants and showing a stranger his privates.
“Um,” Dad said. “When can we meet? And does the key belong to a safe deposit box? And if so, what’s in it?”
“Where do you live?” A small child called for her granny in the background.
“The Boston area,” I said. “Can you come by today?” I clasped my hands together on my lap.
“Unfortunately, I can’t. I don’t live in Boston.”
“But your area code is Boston.” I slumped.
“A phone number can be forwarded. James, the phone you’ve called from—is that a good number to reach you?”
“Yes,” Dad said. “We’d like to get this taken care of as soon as possible.”
“I realize that. The key does belong to a safe deposit box. I’m not privy to its contents. I’m authorized to access it. Lorraine thought the less I knew the better. I will contact you within two weeks with a date, place, and time.”
“Two weeks?” My voice hitched. That was too long. I didn’t think Lorenzino was going to be patient for much longer.
“I’m sorry. I have responsibilities of my own. I will do my best to shave off some time. We’ll be in touch.” The line went dead.
Dad and I shared another puzzled moment.
I collapsed on the bed, disappointed that we couldn’t get into the box now. “What do you think?”
He flipped the key over and over in his hand then removed his wallet from his pocket and tucked it into a compartment along with the piece of paper. “The best place for this is on me. If anyone gets wind of this, they’ll have to go through me to get it.”
Great! Dad had become even more of a target. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do with the ledger?”
He dragged his fingers across his chin. “If I hand the ledger over to Lorenzino, it will only get him out of our lives, not answer any of our questions. If I hand the ledger over to the police, it could make our lives worse. There was a reason my mother kept it all these years. Either way, it doesn’t solve who killed your mom and sister.”
Dread set in as a chill tiptoed up my spine. We were in a catch twenty-two situation.
“I’ll check in with Jeremy and bring him up to speed. We’ll see if we can find out anything on Erica, too,” Dad said.
I propped my head in my hand. “You're going to show a complete stranger your birthmark?”
“Sweet Pea, whatever it takes to find the ledger. So, tell me why you went into a rage. What did Kade do?”
“I broke up with him.”
“Why?” he asked, angling his head.
I sat up. “I don’t want to get hurt any more than I am now, and I’m not sure he’ll change.”
“Do you want him to change? Is that your goal? And turn the table. Don’t you think he would like to see you change in some way? A relationship is about growth, working through each other’s differences, and moving forward together.” He kissed me on the forehead. “I have some calls to make.” He padded to the door. “Don’t let your head get in the way of your heart.”
“You mean like Kelton does?” Oh, my God. Did I just say that? Great, because Kelton’s such a good role model.
Chapter Thirty
Lacey
Becca and I were sitting in the courtyard, soaking up the warm April sun during our free period. I had my head back and my feet up on an empty chair, trying to clear the cobwebs from my brain so I could think about my pitches and ASU and nothing else. Baseball was in full swing, and the ASU scout was attending my game tomorrow. Any nerves I had had to be directed at baseball and not at Dad, the ledger, or anyone or anything else. But it was difficult.
Well over a week had gone by since Dad and I had spoken to Erica, and two nights ago she’d called to set up a time to meet with Dad at a bank in Boston tomorrow. Dad and I had been on pins and needles, and now excitement and fear and apprehension swirled inside me as the clock ticked away. Since I had a baseball game, I couldn’t go with Dad. Our school policy stated that I had to attend school the day of the game. Otherwise, I couldn’t play. And Dad said the safest place for me was in school. He and Jeremy had a plan. Two of Jeremy’s men would shadow Dad just in case Lorenzino was watching or got wind of what w
as going down. Wes had done a background check on Erica and hadn’t found anything suspicious.
“The school is still buzzing about the Maxwells’ party,” Becca said, tossing her low ponytail behind her. “I know I was proud of you and glad that you worked out your differences with Aaron.”
“Me too.” Aaron had been a new person at practices and games. He was all about baseball. He didn’t dish out snide remarks. We talked about strategy and pitches and teams and which batters to watch for since he knew most of them.
“So, Kross told me Kelton is dating Chloe Pitt. I’m shocked that Kelton is dating anyone.” She played with her earring.
“We’ll see how long it lasts.”
“Have you talked to Kade since your breakup?”
So much for clearing my head. “No.” I was surprised the triplets hadn’t cornered me to play matchmaker like they had last fall. This time when I saw them, we talked about everything other than their brother. “We’re cordial to one another. I do miss him.” Every time I saw him in the cafeteria or in psychology I wanted to take away the sadness in his eyes. I’d thought about all the advice Dad and Gloria had given me. The one thing that stuck in my head was something Gloria had said about her relationship with Jeremy. He isn’t perfect, and neither am I.
My goal wasn’t to tame him or to make him out to be someone he wasn’t. Neither of us was perfect, and I didn’t want someone who was. I just wanted Kade to let me deal with my own emotions and let me decide what was best for me.
“Maybe a change would help.” Becca looked past me. “He’s kind of cute with the curly hair.”
Dare to Dream: The Maxwell Series Page 19