What was going through Levi’s mind? He’d made it very clear they needed to use the week to think about what they wanted. They were supposed to go out last night to talk, but then he left a message on the machine in Mammi’s phone shanty. He said he wouldn’t be coming by to pick her up and that he thought it best if they continued to follow their original plan.
What?
She’d been having second thoughts about meeting up with her mission team and leaving the country. How could she leave when she’d fallen in love with Levi Fisher? She had no doubt about that. So the only question was what God would have her do now: keep her plans to return to the mission field in Peru or stay here.
Levi had to be feeling the same things she felt. Both of them were terrified of making a commitment. But they were different together than she and Daniel had been. She imagined they were different than Andy and Eva had been.
She and Levi were strong enough to let go of their fears and love each other. She’d spent a week praying about it, after which she found that she had no reservations about Levi. But what would it take to convince him? Maybe he needed her to leave. Maybe they needed to spend a year writing to each other.
Sadie slowed the rig, preparing to enter Levi’s driveway. It looked as if a lamp was lit in the kitchen. Gut. Maybe she wouldn’t need to wake the house to get someone to the door. After tying the horse to the hitching post, she went to the front door and tapped on the glass.
Andy came into view, mug in hand. He smiled and opened the door. “Sadie. Kumm, get in out of the cold.”
She stepped inside, and he closed the door behind her.
“You going to church with us this morning?”
“No.” The aroma of coffee permeated the air, but there wasn’t a sound anywhere else, as if even the house itself were still asleep. “Is Levi up?”
“Don’t think so, but I can fix that for you.” He set his mug on the table. “Take off your coat and make yourself at home. He was at the auction until late, so it may take me a bit to rouse him. Would you like a cup of coffee while I get him?”
“No, denki.” She didn’t know if she’d be here long enough to drink it, but she removed her coat and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair. “I’m fine.”
Andy disappeared down the hall. She liked the way he treated her, as if he had a quiet hope of who she and Levi would become. He seemed to love his brother as much as he did his son. Despite his situation, Andy acted as if he believed in marriage. Why had his wife left him? He seemed pleasant and even-keeled—traits that could make a marriage work even if two people fell out of love.
Had he been unfaithful to her, so she just left? Sadie detested that she’d even thought such a horrid thing, but since she’d discovered Daniel with Aquilla … well, such thoughts came to her far more often than she liked to admit.
Andy returned, a smile on his face. “He jolted up the second I opened the door.” He went to the stove and poured a little more black liquid into his half-full mug. “Any snow sticking to the roads yet?”
“Not yet.” She wanted to ask him how Levi felt about her. If anyone knew, Andy would. But it wouldn’t be right to do so. Levi had the right to insist he and Sadie stick to their original plan and break up regardless of any fondness he had for her.
He did care for her … didn’t he?
“That’s good, although I’m sure Tobias would love for enough snow so we could miss a church day. I imagine Levi and the two other guys who stayed over last night might be tempted to want the same. I don’t think they crawled into bed until around four.” Andy took a sip of his drink. “I was about to start breakfast. Will you stay and eat with us?”
“She won’t be able to stay.”
Levi’s hard words sliced at her heart, and she turned.
He fastened the last button on his shirt and pointed at her coat. “Let’s go outside.”
“It’s freezing out there.” Andy set his cup on the table. “Everyone else is asleep. I’ll go to my room.”
Levi grabbed his coat off a peg. “It’ll be warm enough in the barn.”
She didn’t move to get her coat, and a glance at Andy indicated she wasn’t the only one baffled by Levi’s attitude.
“It was good to see you, Sadie.” Andy nodded and left the room.
Sadie put her hands on her coat, not quite ready to do as Levi had instructed.
“You broke our date rather last minute yesterday, and then you were out all night. Now I don’t even get a hello, and you can’t get me out of the house quickly enough. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had a girl you were hiding.”
A look flashed through his eyes—disappointment in her, maybe. But why?
He reached over and picked up her coat. “We began our relationship as one thing, and it turned into another. We both know that’s true. I think a clean break is best. Our breakup was supposed to be inevitable, so we’ll let it begin today.”
He held the coat out to her, waiting for her to slip into the sleeves.
Concern niggled at her, and she brushed hair away from his face. “Did you hit your head or something? You don’t look or sound like the man I’ve come to know these last three months.”
He didn’t pull away, but the rigid look on his face said he wanted to. “Look, Sadie, you’ve been amazing from the start. And I know I owe you more than I can ever repay, but—”
“Owe me?” She backed up, staring at him. Had he mistaken gratitude for true caring? “All you feel for me is tied to my helping you that night?”
“Don’t do this, Sadie.”
“Do what? Try to understand?”
He said nothing.
She couldn’t catch her breath, and her suddenly weak knees plunked her into a kitchen chair. “Maybe you’re just spooked. Have we moved too fast? Because I could keep my missions plans. We could write to each other, and maybe by the time my work is finished, you’d feel ready to—”
“No.” He hooked her coat on one finger and held it out. “I won’t.”
Tears stung her eyes, and she rose. “So this is it?”
He looked at the floor before meeting her eyes. “If it helps, I’m not happy about how things turned out either.”
A door somewhere down the hall opened. It was probably Tobias.
Levi clutched the doorknob. “Kumm, I’ll walk you to your carriage.”
She put on her coat. “No, I’m fine.” She paused in front of him. “When you asked me to spend a week thinking about where I wanted us to land, I thought … I mean, you sounded …”
His eyes locked on hers. “I know, and I’m sorry it has to be this way.”
“Ya, me too.” She choked back tears. “But it is what we agreed to.”
He started to open the door, and she placed her hand in front of it. “Jonah was trying to reach you yesterday. He called Mammi Lee’s looking for you. I didn’t talk to him, only listened to the message, but he’d like for you to come by today when you can.”
“I left my phone here last night.”
“You, without your phone?” Her mind spun. People were seldom good at being direct, but their actions often told everything that needed to be said. “You called me to say you weren’t coming, and then left your phone here … so you wouldn’t be tempted to answer if I tried to call back.”
In her peripheral vision, she saw a man walk to a cabinet. She glanced at him, expecting to tell Andy good-bye. Instantly her mind froze, struggling to accept what she saw.
Daniel?
He got a mug down and poured himself a cup of coffee. When he faced her, he gave her an undeniable smirk.
“Sadie.” He nodded once as if her presence here was not the least bit surprising.
She looked at Levi for an explanation. As she stood there, feathery pieces of understanding fell from the clouds surrounding his call yesterday. “How long have you known Daniel?”
Daniel lifted his cup slightly, as if mimicking cheers to her. “A lot longer than he’s known you.”
> Levi pointed toward Daniel. “You stay out of this!”
Sadie focused on Levi. “So this is who you really are, a friend to him? And you’ve chosen to believe whatever he’s said, haven’t you?” Tears welled. “I will not defend myself.” Her heart pounded so hard she felt lightheaded. “But you know me, Levi, better than anyone ever has. Even if that wasn’t true, how can you understand animals so very well, but you can’t read what’s happening here?”
Levi looked at Daniel and then to her. “I understand enough.”
“You poor, stupid man.”
Levi flinched as if she’d slapped him. “Good-bye, Sadie.”
Jonah raised the blinds all the way to the top before taking a step back. “Can you see outside well enough now?”
Beth sat in bed, propped up by numerous fluffy pillows as she eyed his handiwork. “Almost.”
Seeing her here, safe and smiling, brought a catch to his throat. He was so happy she was all right, he wouldn’t care if she wanted him to rearrange the bedroom ten more times. Twenty. However many.
The midwife, Mandy, said that Beth had only been having Braxton Hicks and that the baby’s huge flop was the positioning of the head in the birthing position—all of which were normal and good things. Even so, Beth’s blood pressure and heart rate remained high. So Beth was on bed rest for a few days, just to be safe.
Jonah went to her side, looking out the window from her angle. He shifted the bed a few inches. “How about this?”
“Perfect.”
“Gut.” He winked, taking the blood pressure cuff off the dresser and sitting on the edge of the bed.
She frowned. “Again?”
Jonah put his index finger over his lips before wrapping the band around her arm and pressing the bulb, watching the digital numbers that blinked her heart rate and blood pressure. The machine beeped time and again before it finally gave a long beep. He read the display, then grinned and removed the cuff. “It’s normal.”
He put the blood pressure machine on the bed beside her. Was she ready to hear his plan concerning the store and the rest of her pregnancy? He’d been waiting, not wanting to add any stress to the situation. “Listen, sweetheart.” He fidgeted with the blankets. “The busyness of the store at Christmastime is enough to make anyone’s blood pressure go up. It’s only twelve more business days until Christmas. Maybe you should stay out of the store.”
Her face clouded, and tears welled, but she nodded, confirming what he’d already suspected: yesterday’s event had frightened her as much as it had him. “I don’t know if it’s necessary to be this careful, but I won’t take any chances.”
He kissed her forehead. “I love you.”
She pursed her lips, wiping tears before she cleared her throat. “You’ll need to hire some more workers.”
“About a hundred to make up for you not being there.” He winked. “Or a few well-trained ones who are familiar with how the store is run.” He brushed a wisp of hair from her face. “I’ve been working on that. I left a message yesterday for Levi to see me today, and he came while you were sleeping. He’s agreed to work as needed between now and when the baby is born.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I’ve talked to Lizzy, and she’ll work more and not leave town with Omar until after the baby is born. I think that’ll get us through.”
“I’d always heard it takes a village to raise a child, but I didn’t know it took one to get a woman through a pregnancy.”
From a love seat in Mammi Lee’s sitting room, Sadie watched the snow fall outside the window. Night began to hinder her view as darkness crowded out the day. Her eyes burned from hours of crying, but she now had no more tears to shed.
At least she had all the funds for the mission trip. A trip that could not come soon enough.
Mammi’s floor creaked as she entered the room. She had a cup in her hand and held it out to Sadie.
“Denki.” Sadie took it, breathing in the aroma of hot apple cider.
“You’ve been in here for hours, child. Do you want to talk about it?”
Sadie wasn’t sure, but she patted the cushion beside her.
Mammi sat beside her and took her hand. “What happened?”
Her throat constricted, and she took several sips of her drink. “I’m sorry, Mammi.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve been lying to you and everyone. I guess I got what I deserved today. If I hadn’t been willing to deceive everyone around me, Levi wouldn’t be so quick to think me a liar.”
“What have you lied about?”
Sadie explained about pretending to court Levi and how she’d fallen in love with him. “Last Sunday, on our way home from an evening with Beth and Jonah, Levi asked me to take this week to think about where I wanted our relationship to go. He said we should stop lying to ourselves, no more hiding from each other behind our walls of pretense.” She took a sip of her cider before setting it on an end table. “We were supposed to talk about it last night. But after he didn’t arrive when he should’ve, I went to the phone shanty and got the messages and learned he wasn’t coming. That’s why I went to see him this morning. For answers.”
Mammi pursed her lips. “I told you not to go there this morning. A girl shouldn’t be traipsing—”
Sadie jumped up, her hands balled into tight fists. “Why does it always have to be me who’s wrong?”
Mammi stared at her, mouth slightly agape.
Sadie moved to the window. It’d stopped snowing, and a thin blanket of white covered the yard and fields. “I did everything you and Mamm and Daed and the church leaders asked of me, from the time I began courting Daniel to the day before we were to wed. You know that’s true.”
Mammi nodded. “I remember it as you’ve said.”
“I put great effort into dotting every i and crossing every t, but when I saw him with Aquilla, it broke more than my faith in him and my heart. It shattered me.”
Now Levi had smashed her heart, and all she could do was long for the day she’d leave for Peru—but this time that thought caused an odd sensation inside her. She went to the end table and lifted her drink before sitting on the edge of the chair. The cider was now tepid, but she drank it, trying to examine her motives for taking—and enjoying—her mission trips.
What was it Levi said to her the day they began their pretend courtship? Oh, ya—I’m beginning to doubt the purity of your motives about mission work. Maybe you just don’t want to cope with your parents’ expectations.
Clearly she’d given him more cause to doubt her ability to be honest than she could admit to.
Was she going to Peru to minister to others or to hide from herself? She’d been a nineteen-year-old child when Daniel broke her heart. She’d believed his value as a person was far above hers. She’d thought that by marrying him she’d become more valuable. When he humiliated her, she’d found a way to hide.
Mission work was a worthy goal, and she had no right to use it to hide from disgrace. Truth was, she’d landed herself in an even more mortifying situation.
“There is no hiding, is there?” She asked herself the question, but then she looked to Mammi. “I mean, what are the chances that all these years later I’d have to face Daniel again?”
“Daniel’s a part of your trouble with Levi?” Mammi went to the rocker and sat, staring at Sadie. “You’ve got to be mistaken, Sadie.”
Her words were like a razor that opened an old wound. “Are you ever going to believe me about what I saw that day?”
“It was a confusing mess, and you were so young and impressionable.” Mammi stared at the floor, her eyes filling with tears. “I believe you now.”
Although her words had a little salve to them, Sadie had already weathered too much at the hands of Daniel’s lies for Mammi’s response to mean a lot.
“Daed never doubted me.” For the first time in years, Sadie longed to talk to him, to soak in his wisdom, maybe even yield to it. “He was good to let me go when I needed to. It had to be hard to set me free a
s he did—a brokenhearted kid. I love him for it, but all we’ve done for years is battle each other.”
“He’s no more perfect in his ways than you or I. But this I do know: he tries so hard where you’re concerned.”
Sadie saw that now, and she knew what she had to do. She stood.
“I want to go home, Mammi. I need time to talk to Daed before I make any other decisions.”
For the second time in his life, Levi could not believe he’d treated Sadie so horribly. What kind of a man was he?
“Uncle Levi?”
Even if she were guilty of doing what Daniel had accused her of, she deserved so much more from Levi than he’d given. He should have offered her grace and compassion. He should have been her friend.
But, no, he’d judged her and let Daniel watch as she came undone. He didn’t know why Daniel’s being here ate at him so much. But it did.
If he went to Mammi Lee’s, would she even speak to him?
Tobias slapped the kitchen table. “Uncle Levi!”
Levi glanced up. “What?”
“I’ve been talking, and you aren’t listening.” Tobias pointed at Levi’s plate. “I thought me and Daed fixed ’em real good. You don’t like scrambled eggs anymore?”
“Ya, I like them.” He tousled Tobias’s hair and forked some eggs. “Hmm, these are the best ever.” Then he about choked trying to swallow them. The eggs were fine. They were exactly how he liked them. The same as how he liked life: easy and predictable. “I’m sorry. I’m just not hungry.”
“Again?” Tobias scrunched his face and moved in close. “You sick?”
Levi looked to his brother. “Can you call off the dogs?”
“We don’t have dogs, Uncle Levi. Only horses.” Tobias sprinkled salt on Levi’s eggs. “Just how sick are you feeling today?”
Andy removed the plate from in front of Levi. “Tobias, finish getting ready for school.”
Tobias skipped out of the room and began singing about puppies.
“He’s right about one thing.” Andy swiped bits of egg off the table. “You gotta start eating.”
The Dawn of Christmas: A Romance from the Heart of Amish Country Page 12