“Oh, Teagan, hi, honey.”
“How is the decorating going?”
She grins. “Just fine. I’m going for a Parisian theme this time. I’m hoping Ed finally takes the hint and whisks me away.”
Their marriage is one that everyone envies. He dotes on her and she takes exceptional care of him. Each day around eleven, she leaves the store to cook him a hot lunch. If he’s working late, she brings dinner and joins him until he’s finished. I asked her once why they do that, and she explained that there’s nothing more important than sharing meals together, which is why she brought me one each week.
Of all the people in the world who should’ve had kids, it’s them, but they never did. However, I don’t think they were lacking in love. They’ve sort of adopted the misfit kids in this town and made them theirs.
“I’m sure he knows. You talk about it each year.”
She nods. “And yet, the man doesn’t listen.”
“Do any of them?”
“Not one. How is Chastity? I haven’t seen her in a few weeks.”
That’s strange. She always comes and visits with Mrs. McCutchrey. “She’s okay, it might be because she’s been working with Dr. Hartz.”
Her eyes brighten. “Yes, I heard that. Such a shame that the older Dr. Hartz hasn’t been feeling well.”
“It’s a good thing he has his son.” I smile.
She watches me with a knowing eye and then turns back to stringing the lights. “You and Derek were always such a joy to watch. Have you two reconnected?”
While she doesn’t gossip, she does meddle. I told her when I was really sad and sleep deprived after Chastity was born about my fight with Derek. She held me, let me cry myself to sleep, and then stayed all night taking care of Chastity.
The next day, she touched my cheek, kissed my nose, and told me love worked in mysterious ways and some people get lost on the journey.
I still don’t know if she was talking about me or him.
“We have.”
“Oh? That’s wonderful. I hadn’t heard…”
I tilt my head to the side and grin. “That’s interesting, since you usually know before the people involved figure it out.”
She laughs and waves her hand at me. “Now, that’s just silly. How did it go? Are you friends again?”
I don’t really know where we stand since the night at the bar. I haven’t seen him.
Before the kiss, though, it was great. I smiled—truly smiled. I wanted things to stay that easy between us, but hurt isn’t something that I can just release because he offers me pretty words.
“We’re…working it out.”
She climbs down. “Maybe it shouldn’t be work?”
“Isn’t it you who told me every relationship that matters takes effort?”
Mrs. McCutchrey laughs once and nods. “I’m sure I said something like that, but we were discussing your mother at the time, dear.”
“Now, that is work.”
“Yes, but she loves you, just as I suspect the young Dr. Hartz does. You know”—she heads to the register—“I like to think I have a sixth sense about men.”
I love her but she’s nuts right now. “You do?”
“I do. I think you’ll be surprised.”
That’s already happened, but I can’t tell her that. I need to figure out how to deal with seeing him first.
“I’ll let you get back to your display. That’s a surprise I’m looking forward to.”
“All right, honey. I’ll be sure to stop by the store this week and we can catch up.”
In other words, she plans to grill me.
Another person to add to my list of people to hide from. Although, she’s probably the one I could never actually avoid. She’d find me.
“I will.”
I bag up my supplies of cereal, milk, eggs, chips, whipped cream, and the cookies that I really shouldn’t be eating, but don’t care. Tonight, calories don’t count. It’s all about me and Chas hanging out. She’s been looking forward to it all week and so have I.
Hence the chocolate cake that’s waiting for me at home.
Once I’m all checked out, I wave to Mrs. McCutchrey and head out before she can accost me. I’ve gotten really good at avoidance of late.
The drive over to the Hartzes is weird. I can’t remember the last time I was here. Not since before Derek’s wedding, I think. When I pull up, memories of my childhood flood me. This house was always so warm and inviting.
It was the house where the door was always open to any person or animal that needed someone. I loved Mrs. Hartz very much. Even knowing that I wasn’t the best person as a teenager, she never made me feel unworthy.
I’ve missed her cookies and wisdom.
“Teagan Berkeley, you get in here,” Mrs. Hartz yells from the door.
I smile, and get out of the car. “Sorry.”
“What were you doing out there?”
“Remembering.”
Her eyes soften and her lips pull into a sad smile. “I remember too, honey. But look at you…you raised a wonderful, smart girl.”
“The only thing I seem to have done right,” I say as a half joke.
“Now,” she chides. “I’ve known you a long time and you’ve never fished for compliments before.”
Busted. “Forgive me?”
“Nothing to forgive. Us mothers are always trying to figure out if we’ve screwed up or finally done something right. I still feel like I’m behind the curve, and my son is grown and raising his own…teenager.”
“How is Everly?” It’s easier asking about her to Mrs. Hartz, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because there’s a lot of Meghan in Everly and that scares me. I wonder if she hates me because her mother did or because she hates everyone.
Mrs. Hartz sighs. “She’s going through a lot, but…it’s been hard for her, and Derek is beside himself on what to do. I don’t like the way she’s acting and I’ve made my thoughts clear on that. Being angry and hurt doesn’t give anyone the right to treat another person poorly.”
I try not to smile because I remember the rest of that saying all too well. “It’s the measure of a person’s character to behave, even when we feel the worst about our situation.”
She touches my arm and nods. “That’s right.”
Those words were what snapped me out of my poor life choices. One day when I was waiting for Derek to be done with his dad, I was talking to Mrs. Hartz about things I was feeling. She was so different from my mom. Her nature was calm, understanding, and she never judged me. I didn’t want to be the person who kicked others when I was down. I wanted my character to show that even if I was low, I would help lift another instead of bringing them down to my level.
Mrs. Hartz doesn’t know how many times I’ve uttered those words to myself. When Keith was dragging me through the mud, I tried to be my best self because that was all I could control.
“Teagan.” Derek says my name from behind his mother.
My heart skips as I see him for the first time since we kissed. His stubble is almost a beard and he looks tired, but irresistible at the same time.
“I’ll let you two say hello,” Mrs. Hartz says with a smile. “Let me go make sure there’s no bloodshed.”
I look to them both.
“Mom.” He sighs.
“I’m sure they’re fine. I was kidding.”
It may have been a joke but could be a possibility.
“If you want to just get Chas, I’ll head out.”
“Nonsense, Teagan, you come in and have a snack.”
I smile as I look to Derek. She forgets we’re not seventeen. “I think she can have wine, Ma.”
“Yes, wine, of course. It just feels like old times with you two together again. I’ve missed you, sweet girl.” The warmth in her voice could bring tears to my eyes. I always loved her. She treated me like I was precious and not because I was an object in her life.
“I would love to stay, but—”
&nbs
p; “Five minutes, Tea,” Derek says as a plea. “Just five minutes.”
“Five minutes.”
He smiles and holds the screen open, forcing me to walk through. “I like you when you agree.”
One day I’ll be able to say no to this man. I would really like that day to be now but clearly not. “Yeah, don’t get used to it.”
At least I can talk tough.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Derek
Present
“What do you see here?” I ask Chastity as we examine the cat that she’s now able to bring in the house. Mr. Stinkers has been acting strange for the last week from what she says.
After Teagan came over the other day, Chastity has been here, helping more. Yesterday she explained her cat needed an exam and asked if she could work extra hours to cover it. I told her that wasn’t necessary, but she insisted.
“Is that a lump?”
Well, we could call it that, but it’s a bit more complicated. “I wouldn’t call it a lump. More of a bump…where something or more than one something is growing.”
She looks at me with horror. “Oh my God! Is he going to die?”
“No, no.” I laugh. “He isn’t a he. He is a she and she is expecting.”
“He’s pregnant?”
“Technically, she’s pregnant, but yes.”
“Oh, no! Mr. Stinkers is actually Mrs. Stinkers.” Her face is priceless. “My mother is going to kill me!”
Chastity has made no secret of the lack of affection Teagan has for the cat.
“I’m happy to talk to your mother if you want, to help mitigate the situation.”
She shakes her head. “It’s fine. I’ve been handling my mother for a long time now. She’ll go off the deep end, calm down, see the cute little kittens—after the gore that will stain her carpets—and then throw me and the cats out on the street. It’ll work out.”
Sounds like Teagan.
I chuckle and nod. “I’m glad to see you’ve got it all worked out. If you need a place to stay, you’re welcome here.”
She goes back to petting Mr.—Mrs. Stinkers and sighs. “At least we won’t be homeless with new babies, right? We can live here or in a barn or maybe the abandoned lighthouse.”
I love when people talk to their pets. I was the same way at her age. My dog was my entire world and I did everything I could to make him know he was loved. It also helped that growing up with my father as a veterinarian sealed the deal. There was no shortage of animals to care for.
“You really love her, huh?”
She nods. “I found her on the beach. Mom used to take me there whenever she wanted to breathe—whatever that meant. She’d let me run up and down the shore and I found him—her—under a little box.”
“Well, she’s very lucky.”
“Let’s hope when I tell my mother she’s going to be a grandma she doesn’t kill us both.”
I burst out laughing. “Maybe you shouldn’t tell her in those words.”
Chastity’s mischievous smile grows. “Oh, but where would the fun in that be?”
In this very moment I see how much she’s like her mother. “Well, leave me out of it. I don’t need your mother pissed at me.”
“Have you spoken to my mom lately?” Chastity asks as she picks up the cat.
In my head, I’ve called her a million times. In my head, I’ve confessed my heart to her and explained how much that kiss meant. However, in reality, I haven’t done any of that.
Mostly because she walked away from me and I don’t want to push. I’m the one who deserted her and I have to earn that trust back.
“Not since the other night when she was here, why?”
“Just wondering.”
I don’t think kids just wonder anything. “Okay.”
“I know she mentioned you were at the bar the night of her big date.”
“Yeah,” I say, turning my back to her, as though I need to clean my instruments. “Did she mention the guy calling her since he never showed up?” Did she mention me?
I’ve been following Teagan’s lead, but my patience is wearing thin. Our kiss that night changed me in some way. I felt alive again and—wanted. Meghan sure as hell didn’t want anything to do with me.
It was never easy for me to admit the state of our marriage. We had come to the agreement that we would live together but live separate lives because whether we liked it or not, we didn’t love each other. Meghan resented me and, in some way, I hated her for taking Teagan out of my life. It was the choice I made, rationally I knew that, but my heart didn’t care.
Then there was this deep desire to find a way to salvage our marriage. Maybe if we tried harder, loved stronger, we could get back to what made us fall in love. It was a lie, no amount of work could repair the damage. For Everly’s sake, neither of us wanted to divorce, so we agreed to stay together until she was off to college. Looking back, I think Everly would’ve been fine. It would’ve been hard for her, but no harder than the coldness she felt in that house. Yet I couldn’t do it.
Thanks to my parents, I still felt the need to be faithful to Meghan. I tried to date once, and I couldn’t bring myself to actually cheat on her. Plus, I didn’t know how to explain it. How do you tell a potential lover that you’re still married but aren’t? You’re just…in limbo.
That’s all over, though. Meghan is gone and there’s a fresh type of guilt because now, I’m free. I can date and no one would bat an eye. I could see if this thing between Teagan and me is real or just a fantasy we’ve both been living in.
“Well, Mom said that she won’t ever talk to that guy again, but she seemed to have had a good time with you.”
“Good, it was nice seeing her.”
“You guys were best friends?”
I nod and turn back to her. “We were.”
“So did you know my father?”
Shit. I have no clue what Teagan has said or not said about Keith. “I’m not sure we should talk about this.”
She gives a sad smile. “I know who he is. I mean, he’s on television each week during football season. Mom has never lied to me about him, but she doesn’t really talk about him either. So I don’t know anything about him.”
I look at this girl and wonder what the hell he could’ve been thinking. She’s a good kid who didn’t do anything wrong. How Keith can walk around knowing a part of himself is out there and not attempt to see her is baffling.
“I knew Keith,” I say carefully. I don’t want to bad-mouth him even though I think he deserves it.
“It’s crazy, right?” She kisses the top of the cat’s head. “I live in the same town as my grandparents and they go out of their way to avoid me. They sort of duck and hide on the other side of the street if they catch sight of me. Then, a few years ago they bought a house for the winter in the South or something. It’s easier to avoid Mom and me in the winter.”
I laugh once, trying to picture it. “I can’t imagine them avoiding either of you very well.”
She shakes her head. “Mom is the best with it. She made it a game.”
“A game?”
Why does that not surprise me?
“She tries to make us run into them and see how fast they get away. It’s really funny.”
“I imagine it is, but it’s also pretty shitty.”
Chastity is a thirteen-year-old girl, not the bubonic plague. Trying to avoid her is ridiculous.
“Yeah, but it is what it is. A part of me is glad they’re not in my life because if I turned out like them or their son that would be the worst thing possible.”
“That’s very mature of you.”
“I guess since I’ve never had them in my life, I don’t know what I’m missing. My mom has made sure that I’ve always known I was wanted by her.”
I look at her, imagining what her life has been and what Teagan’s gone through to provide for her. She’s sacrificed everything. I’ve thought of her so much over the last few years, wondering what Chastity might
be like. I should’ve been her fun uncle. I wouldn’t have replaced Keith as her father, but I could’ve been a positive male figure in her life.
The regret fills me.
“She and I stopped talking before you were born, but I can tell you she never wavered on wanting you.”
She smiles with a bit of sadness. “I hate that her life has been so difficult. My sperm donor got to do everything and she’s struggled. It’s why I’m so protective of her and why when Everly…” She bites her lip.
“When Everly attacked her, you stood up for her.” I finish her sentence with pride ringing in my voice. She should defend her mother.
“Yes, but I still should’ve never brought her mother into it. That was really horrible.”
Chastity is wise for her age.
“Well, hopefully the two of you can find a way to get along.”
Her lips form into a thin line. “Hopefully.” She turns, putting the cat in the carrier. “Do you think we can work with the goat again? I think he could use some attention.”
It’s clear she wants to end the conversation, and I’d like the kid to stick around. Not that her mother and I may amount to anything, but because I really like her. There’re not many kids who want to spend their spare time mucking up stalls and taking care of animals.
I was that kid because people…they were work.
“Sure thing. Let’s see if we can give him a bit of fun.”
* * *
I’ve been at my parents’ house for longer than I’d planned. I love my mother, don’t get me wrong, but if she could realize I’m not sixteen anymore, it would make life easier.
Today was the last straw.
She opened my bedroom door, at six in the morning, and started to clean up. She flipped the light on, grabbed the laundry—which I’m perfectly capable of doing my damn self—and then left without a word.
When I called her out on it, she said I was under her roof and she will run her home like she sees fit.
Normally my mother is a pretty straightforward person, but I have a feeling this was her way of telling me it’s time to find other accommodations.
All I Ask Page 14