by J. L. Jarvis
“Well, I can’t lie. That does sound like fun, but I think we’ll be fine.” Which is why I want to get up and run to my car and bury my face in my hands—because that’s what I do over all my best friends. Lydia couldn’t hold her fake smile for much longer, so she said, “It was great seeing you, but I’ve got to get going. Say hi to Theo.”
“I will.” He made no move to leave.
“Bye, Marco.” She picked up her shopping bags and walked away, stunned.
Who am I kidding? I love him.
Lydia sank into her car seat and locked the door. What have I done? She’d always found Marco attractive, and nothing was wrong with a little crush. But the crush kept getting deeper. Though she had convinced herself the feelings would pass, they hadn’t.
They had blossomed into love. She didn’t know when it had happened or even what made her so sure it was love. As many poems as she’d read or love songs she’d heard, no one had ever managed to define love to her satisfaction. Yet she had never been surer of anything in her life. Maybe their separation had cleared her head, but it hadn’t done much for her heart. As she’d sat there with Marco, fresh emotions overwhelmed her. Like a tidal current, she couldn’t see it or hold it in her hands, but it swept her away with its power. Even if her emotion wasn’t love, it felt totally unlike what she felt for Bryce.
Lydia hit the steering wheel. “I am not going to let one random encounter with Marco ruin my one chance at happiness. Bryce likes me, and our relationship is going somewhere. I may not know where that is, but I know it won’t hurt like this.”
Eleven
One of the many remarkable things about Caroline Welch was that she knew how to throw a good party. The evening began with valet parking. Bryce handed over the keys.
“Wait! I almost forgot the Secret Santa present.”
Lydia started for the car, but Bryce stopped her and retrieved it himself. Then they went into the house. Lydia had been there before, but Caroline’s house had transformed to look even more like a magazine layout with fresh, fragrant evergreen and holly decorations. Poinsettias adorned the massive food buffet, while mistletoe hung in well-chosen locations.
Lydia wore a vintage deep-red velvet dress she’d found in a resale shop, while Bryce wore a black suit and a green-and-navy-striped tie. The house was brimming with people Lydia didn’t know, most of whom she presumed were Caroline’s clients and business acquaintances. While she glanced about, hoping to find someone she recognized, Bryce took two glasses of champagne from a passing server. They stood sipping champagne and talking. Christmas couldn’t get much more festive.
Almost a week had gone by since Lydia’s chance coffee meeting with Marco, and she’d decided it was time to face up to the truth. She genuinely felt for and probably loved him. They would always be friends on some level, but Lydia needed to think of herself. Loving someone who didn’t love you back was not a long-term prescription for happiness. Lydia couldn’t blame Marco. She doubted he knew. But every kindness he bestowed upon her broke her heart.
With that knowledge, she could take positive action by being good to herself and doing what was emotionally healthy for her. She was going to put distance between them but more subtly than last time. Her attempt at a clean break had been too drastic and impossible to sustain. She would make no grand statement but see him less frequently until she’d successfully moved on with her life. This time, she meant it.
Theo and Allie arrived, much to Lydia’s delight. Allie was one of her favorite people to talk to. This is going to be fun.
Then she saw Marco. He walked in wearing a sports coat and a red cashmere sweater. That was as dressed up as she’d ever seen him—and as handsome. Only a strikingly virile man could pull off the anti-suit look. But when he could accomplish it, women took notice. Lydia certainly did. Why does he have to keep doing that? Some things just weren’t fair.
As she observed Marco, Bryce struck up a conversation with a couple nearby. He introduced Lydia as his girlfriend, which was a first. She supposed she was. They had just never put it into words. It had a nice sound that she didn’t mind at all. It hinted at a future together, which was what she hoped for with Bryce.
Bryce’s new friends were describing a cruise they’d just taken. As nice as it sounded, detailed accounts of couples’ vacations never interested others as much as they did them. Without meaning to, Lydia let her eyes wander. Marco was schmoozing as only he could. It was a gift. The guy had never met a stranger.
Allie waved to Lydia. She whispered something to Theo then crossed the room to join Lydia. They raved about each other’s frocks, and Allie looked gorgeous in royal-blue satin.
“Wouldn’t you love to be Caroline for a day?” Allie asked.
Lydia laughed. “This is pretty amazing.”
Allie’s friend Kim joined them. “Too bad she’s too nice for us to resent her for it.”
Allie said, “I know. But she is. So you’ve just got to love her.”
Theo put his arm around Allie’s shoulder. “Miss me?”
Slipping her arm around his back, she said, “Desperately.”
Lydia turned to Bryce to draw him into the conversation, but he was involved in a deep discussion of cruise lines, so she turned back to Allie. As she did, a familiar voice made her heart skip a beat.
“Who’s your friend, Allie?” Then Marco appeared at her side. He turned to Lydia and said, “Wow.”
Lydia’s eyebrows drew together. “Thank you?”
He looked almost too amazed, making her wonder how she must look the rest of the time.
“You look so… pretty.”
If he didn’t stop looking at her like that, Lydia might swoon. So far, her plan of putting distance between them wasn’t going too well, but Christmas was always different. It involved new rules for eating and drinking and talking to guys you were in love with. She was losing her heart, and more than a New Year’s resolution was required to remedy the situation.
She needed to get back to the friend zone. Smiling, she said, “I’m surprised you’re not here with a date.”
Though she’d expected a clever quip, he just gave her a puzzled expression. “When’s the last time you saw me with a date?”
“I don’t know. I guess I haven’t—not in a while.” Lydia felt so uncomfortable that she wanted to flee. Drawn into his brooding gaze, she fought back with a laugh. “Given how you feed on attention from women, you must be starving.”
Her attempt at humor fell flat. He muttered, “Don’t believe everything you hear.”
With his usual perfect timing, Bryce turned and put his arm around Lydia’s waist. “Oh, hi, Marco.”
They shook hands, then Marco said, “Speaking of starving, I’m going to check out the buffet.” Then he left.
Lydia’s mom and Dylan joined Bryce and Lydia for a quick hello on their way to see Caroline. Kim flitted over to chat then left just as quickly. Lydia felt as though everything was going on all around her like a carousel, and she stood alone in its midst yet somehow apart.
Her face felt hot. Before she embarrassed herself by turning into a freckly beet, she said, “Excuse me,” and headed down the hall.
The only place where she might have a moment alone was the bathroom, but that was already occupied. Lydia headed upstairs to the master bath. Having been in Caroline’s house before, she knew where everything was. Once there, she filled her hands with cold water then lifted them to her face. At the last second, she remembered she was wearing makeup and velvet, neither of which would look good splashed with water. So she moistened one of Caroline’s guest towels and blotted her cheeks.
Just get through Christmas. You can do this. So what if there are tons of parties and events that you’ll both be attending? The holiday will fly by, then you’ll have the freezing-cold winter to hibernate indoors. Months will pass. We’ll barely see each other.
Lydia looked herself up and down in the mirror then smoothed her dress. Look at you looking… pretty. See? Every
thing’s fine.
She pulled open the door, and Marco stood inches from her. “Oh, sorry! Excuse me.” She tried to sidle around him to get a clean shot at the stairs.
He held her shoulders. “Hey, wait. Is everything okay?”
She drew in a breath. “Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”
He lowered himself to her eye level. “Because I know you.”
“Not everything about me.” But he knew all the relevant stuff, so she couldn’t meet his eyes.
“I know that the edges of your ears get a little bit red when you’re stressed or upset. Something’s wrong.”
“Well, isn’t that just like a man?” What do I even mean by that? He was probably wondering that, too, and he would ask her if she didn’t distract him. She lifted her chin. “If you must know, I had to go to the bathroom. It happens.”
She tried so hard to look slightly perturbed yet unruffled, but he didn’t buy her act for a minute.
With a smirk, he said, “I thought all women powdered their noses in pairs. Isn’t that what they do in the movies?”
“Not any movie since 1950.” She tried to look over his shoulder to the stairs, which was ridiculous considering their heights. “So now that we’ve had our little film retrospective, would you mind if I went back downstairs?”
Marco looked lost, which completely threw Lydia. She wasn’t even sure what to call it. Every bit of his usual bravado was gone.
He asked, “What are you doing?”
He looked too intense to be kidding, so she resisted the urge to say something snarky. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“What are you doing with him?”
“Who? Bryce?”
Anger flared in his eyes. “Of course Bryce—unless there’s someone else you’re wasting your time with.”
“Since when do you care how I waste—spend my time?”
“Since I’ve known you.”
Lydia wanted to say so many things, but she refused to.
“Dammit, Lydia, we’re friends—better than friends. You can’t expect me to just stand here and watch this train wreck without doing something!”
“Train wreck? Oh, wow. I am so lucky to have someone like you to rescue me. For the first time in my life, I’ve found someone who cares about me.”
“I care!”
“Not like that. Bryce cares about me. And I’m happy, so leave me alone.”
She pushed past him. At the same time, he took a step back, throwing Lydia off balance. Marco took her arm long enough to steady her then stepped aside and let go.
Once downstairs, she headed for the kitchen, forgetting that the catering crew would be all over it. Then she stepped outside the back door. It was well below freezing, but at least her face didn’t feel hot anymore. She stood on the deck for a moment. The distant harbor lights were blurry in the night sky.
Sometimes it seemed as though Marco was deliberately torturing her with his version of friendship. He couldn’t know what he did to her. Every time he told her he cared, it came with an unspoken reminder that he didn’t care enough. Lydia shivered and went back inside. She only hoped she didn’t see Marco again, though she couldn’t avoid him completely unless she asked Bryce to take her home early. But she would need a reason. Complaining of a headache would work. Then she would be free of Marco, at least for the night.
“There you are!” Bryce exclaimed as he put an arm around her shoulders and drew her against him.
Of course, Marco was standing nearby with Theo and Allie. She caught Allie’s eye and her concerned expression, but Lydia averted her eyes as though nothing were wrong. Caroline announced it was time for the gift exchange. Those who had chosen to participate were to gather around the Christmas tree.
“Bryce, I’ve got a headache. Would you mind taking me home?”
With appropriate sympathy, he stroked her cheek and said, “Oh, sure. Right after this.”
“But—”
Bryce turned, and Lydia gave up. She could endure one little gift exchange, so she braced herself and went along it. Lydia had drawn Theo’s name. She’d consulted with Allie and chosen a travel kit of his favorite cologne. He seemed happy with it, which gave her a few moments’ distraction. While others took their turns opening gifts, Lydia rehearsed her exit strategy. Then Lydia’s turn came. She opened her gift to find a man’s necktie—a blinking reindeer tie like the one Marco had shown her in the store.
See, if you press it right here, his nose lights up. She remembered his words and touched the button so lightly that nothing happened.
At a complete loss for words, Lydia looked at him.
“Here, I’ll show you how it works.” Marco squatted by her chair and lifted the tie.
Something fell from it and landed inside the box. Clasped together was a pair of pearl earrings that had been unceremoniously tucked inside the folds of the tie. Lydia lifted her eyes.
Marco answered her unspoken question with a nod and said softly, “They’re real.”
“But—” They were clearly outside of the gift-exchange limit.
“No buts. You can’t argue with Santa.”
They moved on to the next gift as Marco said, “Merry Christmas,” then left before she could wish him the same.
After the gift exchange, Lydia said she was hungry and escaped to the buffet in the next room. She wasn’t, but she needed a few moments to think, then she returned to Bryce.
“Lydia, I was just telling Theo and Allie about my family’s holiday bash. They throw it every year for the company and their friends. It’s a pretty big event that people look forward to.”
“Sounds fantastic.” It didn’t at the moment, but she was being polite. Right then, her idea of a fantastic evening would be sitting at home by the fire with a book that would take her away.
Bryce grinned and pulled an envelope from his inside jacket pocket, and Marco chose that moment to reappear at Theo’s side.
Handing the envelope to Lydia, Bryce said, “Merry Christmas.”
They hadn’t planned to exchange gifts that evening. It hardly seemed appropriate in the middle of someone else’s party, and they suddenly had a small audience.
“Go on. Open it.”
“Here?”
“Sure.”
Lydia wasn’t sure she was ready for another surprise, but she opened the envelope.
“It’s a train ticket,” Bryce said. He was always so helpful. He looked so happy that Lydia made an effort to smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
He said, “It’s for next weekend—so you can come to my family’s holiday party. I have to go home tomorrow, and with the nor’easter coming next weekend, I didn’t want you to drive. I thought you could come on the train. You can stay for the weekend. Don’t worry. We’ve got a huge house—plenty of room. It’s all settled.”
All settled? “We’re pretty busy at work.”
“Allie just told me she could spare you.”
Lydia turned to Allie, who smiled, probably convincingly for anyone else, but Lydia knew better. Allie had to have thought she was doing Lydia a favor, and she couldn’t make Allie change her mind. Lydia felt Marco’s eyes on her. She would not give him the satisfaction of thinking she was anything but delighted, so she turned to Bryce and thanked him warmly.
Bryce gave her shoulder a squeeze. “You don’t know what a good time you’re in for. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner.”
It was such a nice gesture that Lydia wanted to be happy about it. Besides, his taking her home to meet his parents was a sign their relationship was headed in a positive direction. She and Bryce were building something together that would get her mind off Marco. When she looked at it like that, she began to feel hope. Maybe the weekend would be just what she needed.
Twelve
Bryce was in his element, talking golf and the market with likeminded people who spoke the same language. Lydia had been deluding herself. They weren’t going anywhere soon, so Lydia seized the moment to fade aw
ay and find a quiet corner for some alone time. She decided that Caroline’s workout room would be perfect. No one would think to go there. She sat at a bench by the wall of windows, which were dark except for the Pine Harbor lights in the distance. She pulled Marco’s earrings from her pocket. They were perfect in the worst sort of way. Kindness and generosity would only go to her head—or her heart. A sudden yearning overtook her to wear them, so she put them on.
She’d been there all of a minute when Marco slipped inside and closed the door. It couldn’t have happened by chance. He had followed her.
Her heart pounded at the sight of him. Why does it always have to do that? “Thank you for the earrings. They’re beautiful.”
He walked over and sat beside her. “They’ll be beautiful on you.”
Please don’t say things like that—unless you want to break my heart. Never mind. It’s too late for that.
He studied her for a moment then brushed her hair back. He looked pleased. “You’re wearing them.”
She didn’t want to smile, but he always managed to coax one out of her. She shrugged. “I didn’t want to lose them.”
He kept his hand on her neck, with his thumb touching her earlobe. Lydia fought to remain still and not lean into his hand like a kitten.
“I didn’t want to leave things the way we left them.”
“We’re okay, Marco.”
He smiled gently. “But it’s Christmas. We should be better than okay.”
Lydia looked into the darkness beyond the window. Do not let that tear drop. She lifted her hand to her face and tried to wipe her emotions away.
“Hey,” Marco whispered. He touched her chin and guided her face back toward his. “What’s the matter?” A flash of anger burned in his eyes. “Has Bryce said something? That tool.”
He started to stand, but Lydia caught him by the sleeve.
“No! He’s the only thing good in my life!”
Marco’s jaw dropped. “Really? You hide it so well.”