by Nathan Poell
Finally, I don’t know how metaphorical hell is. I mean, I’m sure it’s a real place and I don’t want to go there, but I haven’t seen it here in southern Colorado. I’d say “Well, maybe Pueblo”, but this isn’t really very funny stuff. Pueblo is actually doing well. Their mills are all shut down, but there was still a whole bunch of steel in them, and the buildings that housed them were taken apart pretty quickly to build solar heater panels like I mentioned above. I mean, I’ve heard that a lot of cities up north and east have been through a lot of rioting and violence. Like New York, Philadelphia and even Des Moines I heard. So, is hell inhumanity to man so far, and is it sweeping from the northeast to the southwest?
I mean, it seems that there are some Signs here, but not all of them like Scripture says there will be or in the way that Scripture says they’ll come. I’m not really anticipating seeing horrible men on horseback wielding swords, but I think I’m encountering things that are really indicative of the End Times... but not in the way I expected.
Is the rapture on its way? Did it maybe happen somewhere else, like Israel, and we missed it? Were we all not taken up... due to our own sins? Or has it not happened yet, and the main events in Revelations are going on elsewhere and we should just wait to be taken up? Are my folks still there with you?
Like I said, I asked around, questioned a lot of deacons and pastors of all denominations in town. I even asked the priest at St. John’s near Old Colorado City. I just couldn’t get a good answer, and it’s starting to drive me a bit crazy maybe. In thinking of my folks recently, you came to mind and I thought you could help. Also, wasn’t Jesus supposed to return to reclaim his throne in Independence? I’m not imagining this, am I?
Please write back as soon as you can, and God bless.
Yours in Christ, Bobby Cox
To: Kathy and Irving Alford, De Soto, KS
From: Claire and Gerald Burnside, Salem, OR
March 20, 20+7
Dear Kathy, Irv and young ones-
Your letter arrived just five days ago! Gerry and I were absolutely delighted to hear from you. Had to read the letter three times out loud to dispel our disbelief over your plans. It’s going to be so wonderful to have you near us again so soon, and permanently! Gerry is at the kitchen table just beaming right now, hasn’t wiped that smile off his face for almost a week. Hopefully my handwriting isn’t too shaky – it’s all the excitement.
We spent the last few days planning out where you’re all going to sleep once you get out here. Now, don’t even think twice about it – we haven’t. And we’ll not have you showing up mid-fall or some such and trying to immediately move into and ready a house for winter. You may decide to move into a place of your own next spring, but feel free to stay as guests at our place for as long as you want. Things may be a little tight when you first arrive, if we don’t get the former laundry room in the guest house converted to a third bedroom in time. Rest assured, though, we will get it converted before this winter. Might be a bit cool in the winter, but we’ll load up whoever sleeps there – I’m guessing young Vincent or Anita – with plenty of extra blankets and some decent slippers. I mean, we have two bedrooms in the main house that any of you are free to use, but we anticipate you’ll all want to stay together.
And don’t even give food a second thought. The Willamette Valley has weathered the lack of pesticides and irrigation and hybrid crash extremely well. Had a couple lean winters there at the outset, but once folks got accustomed to gardening a bit to supplement what came from the main farms, everything got back to normal... well, considering. We’ve had surplus food for the last three years now, and by the looks of things, this year is going to be another good one weather-wise. It’s still raining here, of course, but that should reach its nadir once you’re out here.
It will be nice to have a few extra hands at the house to help with chores and gardening. (We’ve been getting along fine, but we’re no spring chickens and can occasionally get a bit overtired during the initial plantings and the fall harvest.) From the tone of your letter, it sounds like you’re all well-experienced in the art of tending a decent multipurpose garden. We’ve stuck to vegetables only, and leave the narcotic and hallucinogen production to the real pros, and you’ll not be surprised to learn that there is a multitude of them around here. The syndicates don’t have any kind of foothold here as far as the pharmaceutical trade is concerned. It’s all super local and super potent stuff, whoever grows it.
We have been smoking a bit less lately, as a lot of the people who sell it take our purchases as opportunities to socialize and, frankly, we’re not that eager to be friends with them. But, as far as intoxicants (or “medicine”, if you prefer) go, you – and even moreso Irv, we imagine – will also be happy to know that Gerry has taken up brewing and lately become quite proficient. His house specialty is hard cider, but we’ve had such a decent supply of grain the past couple years that Gerry has hooked up with a few old friends and started a kind of collective brewing operation. Everyone pitches in labor and ingredients and everyone gets a pretty good share of some fine beer.
Salem proper has been quiet lately, as has most of the entire northwest coast, for that matter. Biggest news recently was that Halls Ferry burned down last fall right during harvest season, almost none of it left. Apparently a big sack of hops caught fire somehow and didn’t get noticed until it had spread and was totally out of control. It spread to the rest of town and didn’t stop until it was almost all ashes. Folks got plenty of notice, though, so virtually everybody was able to get out of town before it went up. Rains a day and a half later put out what was still smoldering. One or two old folks died, unfortunately, but the evacuees were few enough in number that folks in Albany were able to take them in over the winter. Could have been much worse, there’s no doubting that.
But the city has been fine. Gerry got kept on as Secretary of Transportation after last year’s election. So proud. He’s been doing wonderful work as of late. Not nearly the budget, and there’s been a bit of tension between he and the Ag Secretary. Gerry’s in charge of the state-owned courier service, which is limited to mainly intra-city deliveries between the state agencies. All the inter-city parcel and letter deliveries are left to the syndicates’ courier services, mainly because they’re way more streamlined than a state-owned service could or would be, their prices are cash or barter and still fairly reasonable and they’re fast. But the Ag Secretary has been trying to revive the idea of a state-run postal service. Not federally-operated (that’s a laugh), but owned and operated by the Oregon state government. And he wants to use horse-pulled buggies to make the deliveries. Now, there’s nothing wrong with this idea. Gerry has said so, and thinks that it’s only a matter of time before the idea becomes a reality. That’s not really the issue. The real complication is that there is not even remotely enough horses around yet to have a functional “fleet”. There are scarcely enough to meet the needs of farmers, loggers and other folks whose business just simply must take priority over an inter-city postal service. Despite this argument – which amounts to him basically getting told his own business – the Ag guy hasn’t let up or even started long-range planning. Instead, he’s been pushing the idea – just the idea, with no details or action plan – to the governor non-stop since after the election. He’s even gone so far to suggest that Gerry’s in the pocket of the Portland syndicate. Such nonsense. Now, the governor really trusts Gerry, so there’s no real chance that the plan will happen before Gerry brings it to the table as an actionable plan. But it’s increased the stress a little bit in the Burnside household.
This is all totally ad hom, and Gerry would be angry with me if he knew I was setting it to paper, but the Ag Secretary is an exceedingly odd little man. Divorced, lives by himself in a disproportionately large house on the outskirts of town, has a completely unconcealed opium habit and openly and frequently patronizes burlesque houses. Queerest thing: he rides a little specially made goat-pulled cart all around – to work, to
church, just everywhere – instead of walking or riding a bicycle like normal, respectable folks. The most ridiculous sight. Oh, and did I mention he’s the governor’s brother-in-law?
Oh, just forget all that. I’m sorry I got onto such a tangent. We’re absolutely ecstatic that you’re coming out to stay. Gerry is confident that – despite the unpleasantness mentioned above – due to the shortage of qualified and experienced attorneys out here, he can get Irv a clerkship at the very least, and will probably be able to work him into a higher position soon after a year or so. The schools have rebounded a bit, and Vincent and Anita will definitely have places reserved for them at Saint Vincent De Paul, one of the best in town. (We know you’re not Catholic, so if you want them in a different school when you arrive, just let us know and we’ll make it happen.)
Now, we want your trip out to be as expeditious and hardship-free as possible. While we are currently unable to commission a regiment of cavalry to escort you out, we have been able to considerably supplement the Portland syndicate’s delivery fee for this letter with half a barrel of Jerry’s homebrew. In return, the various couriers that will have a hand in delivering this letter will write a few and perhaps even annotate the attached maps regarding decent places to stop, rest and resupply; towns and areas to avoid; and general travel time across the various terrain you will encounter on your trip. (At least, we sincerely hope they do this. That half-barrel was Jerry’s favorite, seeing as how it was the half with beer still in it.)
All our love to you, Irv, Anita and Vincent. Safe travel, and we will see you in a few months.
Most Sincerely, Claire and Gerald B.
Pendleton to Salem
You know what? You got out to Pendleton, you can get to fucking Salem on your own. Just take 84 west. Drink water out of the Columbia, it won’t kill you. Hood River has a hotel – it’s expensive, but I’ll bet you can afford it. Once you get to Troutdale, what there is of it, turn south and pick your way to I-5.
Stay out of Portland, we don’t want you here.
–Flatnose Mike
Oregon border to Pendleton
Hey, so Mike passed this onto me with the rest of the parcels. Said I’d get some beer out of it if I noted where to stop and stuff on it. Sounds good to me.
I’m new to the route, so I don’t really have that much in the way of detail for you. But I suppose if you made it here from Kansas you’re old hands by now and can take care of yourselves. I’ll give you the basics and trust you to manage the rest on your own.
Given that you’re leaving from somewhere past Nama like Caldwell or Ontario, your first stop will probably be at the southernmost tip of the Brownlee reservoir. (Don’t head west out of Ontario, whatever you do. There are a few spots to get water as you go through east Oregon, but then you hit the Great Sandy desert and... well, it’s a desert. No water. People still die every year trying to cut across the basin. It’s a bad idea, head north.) It’s a narrow little lake, I’ve heard it’s always cold and know first hand that it’s nice to take a dip in (in the summertime, at least). Next stop is Baker. The town’s not in very good shape, but there’s water there – intermittently. It is called the Powder River for a reason. By the end of the third day you should be up in La Grande, and at Pendleton the day after that. These distances might look long to you, but get up early as possible and stop before noon, then do a little more traveling just around dusk and you’ll be surprised how quickly it goes.
One catch on your way further west is the Umatilla. The interstate runs right through their (former?) reservation, and a lot of them aren’t so friendly to white folks or folks of any color other than red anymore. Sure hope you don’t, but you might get stopped and hassled a little bit. They’ll pretty much let you through if you share a bit of grain or some whiskey with them. But... yeah, don’t give them any whiskey, OK?
–Ozzie Blue
Pocatello to Oregon border
I’m only working this range ‘till I can get enough kit and barterables and cash – near-worthless as it may be – scrounged up to move out to Hood River, myself. Might be able to find myself a little bit of land or work into a range as a courier. Nice area up there, and thanks to you and your benefactor for helping foot the bill for me to get out of the basin. I appreciate it.
Not that the area’s all that bad. Folks are helpful enough, if you ask them, but they’re not overtly friendly. Chances are that by the time you get up this way, you’ll have experienced a lot of that. Don’t know what to say, except mind your step if and when you get off the interstate and ask first before you help yourself to water. There’s a decent enough supply of it, at least through the eastern part of my route, but people can get protective. If you’re sharp, you’ll see that the folks in American Falls still have a gallows all put together. They strung up a few punk indians and a white kid who were looting their way west last summer. They probably could have just gone on through with no trouble, but they killed an old couple in Bannock. Scalped them with a hatchet, honest to God. Apparently, they didn’t expect to get caught – as they got found out up on the reservoir the day after, just lounging around like lollygaggers – but they were hanged lickety-split. The mob left them there for several days, right in sight of the interstate. Nasty business, and the stench of them made riding by to and from Boise real unpleasant.
You won’t have to worry about anything like that, though. Again, ask first, be polite and you’ll do fine.
Get food and whatnot in Pocatello. It’s not great for mechanical work, but if your wagon is draggin’, someone will patch it for you. Take I-86 out of Pocatello and you’ll get to American Falls in one day. Day after that, head on down to Raft River. There’ll be a sign for it, but it’s not a town. Just a place folks used to take their boats into the river. Good water source, good place to camp. Third day, try making it over to Greenwood. That’s less than fifty miles, and there’s another good water source. Fill up here, because the next couple days will be pretty dry. 86 will merge with 84 but you won’t really notice it. Day four, you’ll swing up to the northwest. Stop in Jerome – there are a couple creeks in the area, but you can’t expect them to be running in the mid-summer, much less full. Don’t stop in Twin Falls unless you want to get gouged for wormy wheat. Day five get up really early and plug your way to Glenns Ferry. You’ll meet back up with the Snake there, and you’ll be glad to see it. Day six swing back to the northwest again and stay in Mountain Home. There’s no real water in town, but a nice lake – they call it a reservoir, but it’s pretty small – just to the northeast. Day seven ride on up to Regina and stay the night. The stream can be intermittent, but there’s a pond/lake just to the west. A very short day’s ride after that will get you into Boise.
Boise’s been through a rough time the past couple years, and it’s become a rougher place for it. Chances are you’ll need to resupply, and Boise’s still the best place for that, but get out to Nampa quick as you can. It’s a bit safer there, and there’s an excellent reservoir there. Don’t be surprised, though, if you get requests from folks in both Boise and Nampa to deliver their letters, parcels or whatever out west. The courier service between western Idaho and the coast has not been real great lately. Whether it was raiding or just a flaky courier – hard for me to say. The way Ozzie makes it sound, though – and I’m taking it with a grain of salt, as I’d never met him until just a couple days ago – things are back on the up and up. Still, that news takes time to filter out to folks.
Anyway, once you’re out of Nampa, just shoot for Fruitland or Ontario. One day, a little bit of up and down in the middle, but nothing you won’t be able to handle if you’ve made it this far. There’s not too much in either of those towns but water from the Snake. Best of luck from there on out. –Andy Hill
Provo to Pocatello
Greetings fellow travelers! With some hard working animals, patience and a little bit of luck you’ll be out my way before mid-summer... maybe? Not sure how long it’ll take you to cross Kansas, Colorado and
the lower – and, let’s face it, far nastier – part of Utah. Regardless, once you get to Provo, you’ll find your luck turning. Except for a small glitch or two mentioned above and herein, almost every place and everyone from here on out will be vastly more hospitable to you.
I’ve got a pretty nice little route here: Provo, UT to Pocatello, ID. Now, Provo’s not a bad little spot. You can rest for a couple days, there are a couple decent greengrocers and at least one very good mechanic who can patch your little red wagon (or whatever it is you’re bringing out... because you’re not riding, are you?). So restock and pull maintenance – these folks aren’t hard to find, just ask someone when you get into town. You might get ignored by a few (read on) but just keep asking others and someone will talk to you. Then, when you’re ready, get up early and mosey on up I-15. The first day is going to be your longest, but you’ll be ready for it.