Allie couldn’t stop herself from giving Liz a puzzled look, but she nodded and agreed, “I’m no super witch but I’m pretty effective as magical animal control and I can keep all the electrical stuff running.”
To her surprise Shawn stepped forward peering closely at her, “Wow, you’re a half elf? Really? I mean I’ve heard of that sort of thing, but – I mean not that you’re a thing, sorry that came out wrong, just I’ve never met anyone like that, I mean like you before.”
Allie knew she was blushing, suddenly keenly aware that she was wearing a form fitting dress without the usual undergarment and for once not sure if her ears were covered or visible. She hated drawing attention to her mixed heritage and even more to her appearance in general. Although Jess managed to make her forget her self-consciousness when she was with him it all came crashing back as soon as she felt herself under another male’s scrutiny. But she forced the smile to stay fixed in place. “It’s not that big a deal. Really.” Oh my gods is compulsively saying really contagious? she thought irrelevantly, trying to find a way out of the awkward turn the conversation had taken. Despite Liz’s earlier attempts to monopolize Shawn’s attention she seemed content now to let Allie deal with him. “You should know though, if being around elves bothers you-“
“Oh no! It doesn’t! Really, I like elves. Elves are cool, “Shawn said smilingly and nodding in a way that reminded Allie oddly of a puppy.
“Right, well, ummm, our other roommate who helps with the magical stuff is an elf. He should be getting back from the trip he’s on pretty soon,” Allie said.
“Really?” Shawn asked, his eyes lighting up with undisguised glee.
“Uh-huh. And we have another roommate – human roommate” Dear gods I can’t believe I just said that “who works for the fire department-“
“What does the elf do? You know, for a job?” he interrupted.
Allie floundered slightly, “Ummm, Bleidd? He-“
“Blayth?” Shawn cut in again, “that’s a weird name. I thought elves always had long names with at least three syllables and lots of extra letters.”
He was obviously trying to make a joke but Allie had no idea what to say to that. Liz laughed loudly though, grabbing his arm. “It does seem that way, doesn’t it? Allie’s real name is Aliaine.”
“Yeah,” Allie said, stung, “and yours is Elizabeth.”
Liz looked annoyed but Shawn beamed, “I like Ally-awn-yuh, that’s a pretty name,” he said managing to almost pronounce her full name correctly on his first attempt, something very few people could do. And then he hastily added, “So’s Elizabeth. Really. Very regal.”
Liz smiled looking appeased but nonetheless tugged Shawn’s arm, pulling him towards the stairs. Allie felt a lump in her throat realizing that she was doubtless taking him to see Syndra’s room which would be his room now. Her heart rebelled at the idea of anyone else using the space, even though she knew it was irrational to expect Liz to keep the room empty. Liz was already turning away, “Come on, let me show you the rest of the house.”
He followed behind Liz without hesitating but smiled back over his shoulder at Allie. “It was nice meeting you.”
Allie nodded back, unable to think of anything nice to say that wouldn’t be a lie. As soon as they were out of sight she decided to go read out in the yard. It was still a bit chilly even this late in spring but her good mood was lingering despite meeting Shawn and the impending reality of a new roommate. She would rather have run up to her room and changed into something more typical for her, but she didn’t want to hear Liz singing the praises of Syn’s old room. She didn’t want her good day ruined. Her body ached in a pleasant way and she could feel Jess in the back of her mind, similarly enjoying the afterglow of their time together. So she focused on the good feelings, grabbed a cheap paperback off the nearest shelf and headed out to enjoy the nice weather.
*****************************
He fidgeted, watching the sun crawl towards the horizon. In the room behind him he heard the girl groaning softly and he frowned; he wished he could keep this one. She was soft and young and beautiful. And magical in that alluring/repulsive way that consumed him. His own magic was a rough, clumsy thing, something learned by rote. It depended on manipulating energy he could barely sense and trusting that the spells would work because their method was sound. He lacked his own innate ability, but like a blind man painting he could succeed through skill and practice. Not like these magical creatures. They had no appreciation for the gift they were given, he thought bitterly.
It almost seemed a waste not to keep her, but then, she was needed for a greater cause. He watched the sun set and the sky fade to a moonless darkness. The streetlights flickered on, illuminating the nearly empty parking lot. Almost time, almost dark enough to move her, and then she would truly serve her purpose. Oh well, he thought, trying to console himself even as his excitement grew, there are always more like her.
Even as he thought it he watched a girl walk past his window who had that certain glimmer, that glow, of Fairy to her. He tensed. She wasn’t as good as the girl bound in his bedroom but she wasn’t bad either. He felt that stirring of interest, the kind that had gotten him in trouble before but was serving a greater good now. As he watched the girl – maybe 14, although it was hard to judge when they weren’t fully human – sat down on the low stonewall bordering the parking lot, directly under a light, and took out a book. He licked his lips. She was alone. It would be so easy…but he already had a girl for tonight….Torn, he took a step towards his door and then stopped. Should I? he wondered, as the girl in the bedroom fell silent and time ticked by.
**************************
Allie was dreaming and she knew it. Outside the living room window there was snow on the ground, visible against the darkness, and a fire crackled cheerfully in the fireplace, but the thing that told her this wasn’t real was that Syndra was sitting on the couch in the rumpled t-shirt and sweatpants she always used to wear around the house on her days off. Her short blond hair was loose and her feet were bare; she looked exactly as she had so many mornings when she and Allie had hung out talking and being lazy. Allie felt a surge of raw grief at the familiar sight and quickly turned away, trying to will herself to dream of something else.
“What, no hello? No big hug? I was expecting more Al, after all the effort it took to get you here,” Syndra’s voice was exactly as Allie remembered it and for a moment all she could do was feel her heart racing to hear it – and then the other woman’s words finally registered.
“What? To get me where?”
“To get you here, where you can talk to me,” Syndra said as if that was obvious. “I’ve been trying to come through to you in the waking world for weeks but you refuse to see me. And cut out that sage crap at the store by the way, I can’t go anywhere around that stuff.”
“What?” Allie said again, feeling like she’d been punched in the gut.
“I…have…been…trying…to…talk…to…you,” Syn said slowly as if she were talking to a small child. “But you won’t see me. Won’t acknowledge that I’m there. It’s really fucking obnoxious. Then I realized I can reach you here, in your sleep. Maybe because it’s the only time when your brain isn’t full of stress and drama.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You’ve got yourself so fucking worked up about everything I’m amazed your head hasn’t popped off. And not even about anything important – you let all the stupid little shit mess up your head but the big stuff gets right by you.”
“Well I’d ask you how you’re doing, but since you’re dead it’s pretty obvious,” Allie snapped.
Syndra’s eyebrows shot up and she barked out a laugh. “Well someone’s gotten a major bitch upgrade since I’ve been gone.”
“This isn’t funny, Syn. You think I want your spirit trapped on earth?”
“Newsflash Al, it’s not all about you.”
“You just said…” Allie started but Syndra cut
in, pacing around the living room.
“I said you need to get your head out of your ass, because you do. And that I’ve been trying to get your attention for a while and you won’t let yourself see me which is fucking annoying. But just because I’m here telling you this doesn’t mean you’re the reason I’m stuck here,” Syndra said, waving her hand dismissively.
“I don’t understand,” Allie said, frowning.
“Damn, are you always this dense when you’re asleep?” Syn shook her head. “I’m here to talk to you because I want to talk to you, but you aren’t why I’m stuck here.”
“Well, then why? We caught your killer. He’s dead and that’s close to justice –“
“Close to!” Syndra laughed again. “Its better justice than seeing him get off on some technicality. I’m glad he’s dead, I’m just sorry Riordan had to do it. He’s not the kind of guy that’ll ever get over that.”
“I’m not sure anyone gets over shooting their own partner,” Allie said flatly. “So fine you’re not stuck here because of me or him, so why?”
Syndra stopped in front of the fireplace holding her hands out towards the flames. “I should visit you like this more often. It’s not like being on the earthplane at all. I can really feel the heat.”
She stopped, looking thoughtful, and then walked quickly over to where Allie was standing and threw her arms around her friend. Allie stiffened in shock – Syndra was as real and solid as if she were alive. Allie could even hear her breathing and feel the warm breath against her neck. Finally Syndra pulled back, looking triumphant and sad. “Fuckin’ A! I have got to do this more often! It’s like being alive again…”
“Okay,” Allie managed not to sound too stunned. “Okay, so you’ll be haunting my dreams from now on. Fabulous. But why are you haunting anything?”
“You just won’t let that go will you?” Syndra looked annoyed and walked back over to throw herself down on the couch again. “Honestly, I don’t know. But it’s not because of you, it’s something to do with where I was killed.”
“The ritual site?” Allie said and then bit her lip unsure if it was okay to mention how her friend had died.
Syn winced, “Yeah, there. I can’t actually go there – it’s like with the sage, there’s this, this kind of force that keeps me out but I also feel pulled to stay there. It’s super fucking irritating.”
Allie frowned. “I don’t know why you can’t go there. I mean I know sometimes ghosts are tied to where they died, and the elves are dealing with the magical clean up so they have all kinds of wards on the area-“
“Do they?” Syn asked staring at the ceiling. “Are you sure? Because it doesn’t feel like that. I tried to follow you to the Outpost and I couldn’t go there either but it wasn’t like a force so much as everything just faded when I got too close to the elven magic. This is like a wall. Like what you did with the sage.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. The elves are handling the cleanup…I just assumed they warded the space…”
“Maybe,” Syndra said as the room started to fade out and the dream lost cohesiveness, “You should find out…”
Chapter 4 - Monday
Allie woke up Monday feeling as if she hadn’t slept at all. Her night had been haunted by nightmares after she’d dreamt of Syndra. She had tossed and turned fitfully caught up in reliving her own experiences interspersed with shadowed dreams of the site of the ritual that had claimed Syndra’s life, the sound of screams and sight of blood running across stone chasing her into the morning.
It took her longer than usual to get going and she found that all of her cheer from the day before had evaporated. Her mind kept worrying over her dream – if it even was a dream – and what Syndra had said to her. Part of her thought that she should go out as soon as possible to the site that had been used for the rituals – the murders, Allie reminded herself – but another part of her desperately wanted to avoid any further involvement. What if I do go and I find…something? Anything? Allie thought, chewing her lip as she pulled on a pair of jeans and plain grey t-shirt. What if it all starts up again? Jess told me before he died Walters said it wasn’t over, that what he was doing would be carried on. What if I find that it’s still happening? The thought made her start shaking.
She sat down on the bed, staring at the floor, still the same carpet she’d had since moving here as a child. I did my part, I helped them stop what was happening and catch Walters. I can’t do that again – unbidden the flashes of memory that had plagued her almost since the events themselves had occurred played through her head yet again: a boot stomping mercilessly on her ankle, crushing the already broken bones. The sound of her own voice screaming behind a rough gag made of an old towel, the feel of it rough against her lips. The circle of three men looking down at her, two Dark court elves and one human killer, their eyes cold. The sound of the bone in her arm snapping as it broke. The feel of his hand in her hair, twisting. The concrete cold underneath her. The sound of her dress tearing and a voice that was burned into her mind saying ‘now, my turn’…The feel of his hands pressing into her skin…the blade of the knife sliding into her side, between the ribs…the sudden inability to draw a breath…
She leaned forward on the bed, putting her head down afraid she might pass out. Her hands covered her face and she sobbed as quietly as she could, not wanting anyone to hear her crying. No. No, I can’t. I’m sorry Syn, I can’t. Not again. She sobbed harder, her chest constricting painfully, and slid to the floor. Her breath came in short gasps as she hyperventilated and the edges of her vision started to go dark.
Then, suddenly, Jason was there, his hand on her back, calling her name over and over. Instantly she latched onto him, using his emotions to pull herself out. His worry and fear were not her own they were solid and rooted in his concern for her, not in her phantom fears and remembered pain. She sucked in his concern and immediately took a deeper breath, her racing heart starting to slow.
“Allie? Allie? Just breathe. That’s right slow breaths. Nice and slow…”Jason kept talking but his words didn’t matter. His solid presence and emotional openness allowed her to calm down. She realized she was curled on her side on the floor, and struggled to sit up. After a moment’s hesitation Jason helped. “Better?”
She nodded, focusing on getting her breathing under control. “Yeah,” she finally managed to get out, “beh, beh-ter.”
“Don’t try to move too much. Just sit for a little bit until you stop shaking.”
She nodded again, clutching his arm and the physical contact that she desperately needed. Perhaps sensing that he moved to sit next to her, tucking her against his side. “Holy shit, Allie. I think you were having a panic attack.”
“Yeah,” she said, forcing herself to stop shaking through sheer willpower. “I know.”
“You - how long has this been going on?” he sounded stunned but she felt anger and worry in waves.
The inevitable headache was starting and she closed her eyes. “A while.”
“A while? Like a while a couple weeks? Or a while like years?” he asked carefully.
She was silent unsure how much to tell him. He hugged her closer, “It’s okay Allie. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to, but don’t, I don’t want you to feel like you have to deal with whatever’s going on alone. I know we haven’t been really tight friends before but I am your friend and I want to help you.”
She fought to keep from crying again, hating how weak and helpless she felt. But his genuine concern and love broke through her barriers and reluctantly she said, “I started getting them after…after I hurt my ankle.”
“Okay,” he said slowly. “That’s understandable. You went through something really traumatic. You don’t just get up the next day after having your best friend murdered, being kidnapped, and beat up, you don’t just walk away from that and everything’s rosy. No one expects you to be perfectly okay.”
“I can’t be weak Jason,” she said shaking her head sli
ghtly.
“Of course you can! No one is strong all the time-“
“No you don’t understand. In the – where I grew up weakness isn’t an option. It means you’re a victim,” she shook her head as she spoke.
“Allie, it’s okay to admit you were a victim-“
“No!” she cut him off again this time more forcefully. “No. It’s not. The first time in the store when I got hurt I knew it was because I was weak. But it wasn’t really that bad, a broken nose, a concussion. And then Syndra died, and they took me, and I can’t defend myself Jason! Being a victim means always being a victim, and I can’t. Not again…”
“Allie,” he said gently, “you aren’t being rational. I know this might feel overwhelming, but what happened did happen whether you admit it to anyone else or not. And making yourself crazy acting like everything’s fine when it isn’t is just, well crazy.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Yeah, but that isn’t going to make it go away, or make it so it didn’t happen,” he said softly. “You said it yourself the other day, your emotions are all over the place. You’re having panic attacks. I mean you can’t just keep going on like this. Something has to give.”
She nodded slowly and then struggled to stand up. “I have to get ready for work.”
Jason frowned, started to say something, stopped, and then said “I think you should talk to someone. Someone professional.”
Allie thought hard about that for a minute, the silence stretching between them. He meant professional human help, but she wouldn’t be able to talk about the Dark court with them, not when the Dark court didn’t exist to most humans. But, there was one possibility. The problem was she had no practical way to pay for his help…“Yeah okay.”
“Really?” he sounded genuinely surprised.
She nodded, “Yeah. I’ll go see Brynneth. He’s a healer.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Jason said. “I meant more like a psychologist.”
“I know you did. But I think an elven healer might be better for this. And he can heal minds too you know.”
Lost in Mist and Shadow: A Between the Worlds Novel Page 6