Stella appraised me. “God damn, you look like a model,” she said, slapping me on the shoulder—a little too hard. “How do you stay so emaciated? You ate, like, a bowl of bacon yesterday.” I shrugged. Stella sighed, sinking into an armchair. “I hate you,” she whined playfully.
“The dress is hot,” Ava said.
“Totally hot,” Stella seconded. “You should get it.”
The $750 price tag flashed in my mind’s eye. I twisted up my face and tugged at the hemline, doing my best Anais impression to convey my dissatisfaction with the garment. In truth, the only thing I was dissatisfied with was the price.
Stella’s brow crinkled. “You don’t like it?”
I shrugged. “It’s okay,” I said lamely.
“Oh, come on!” she said. “Okay, I know your parents are, like, poor or whatever, so I’ll do you a favor and buy it for you, okay?”
I flinched. I didn’t know whether to be insulted or thrilled. My face burned up. I turned away from them, pulling the dress over my head. I had to keep up my façade of nonchalance. I tossed the dress at Stella and shrugged.
“Whatever,” I said casually.
I clenched my jaw, willing myself not to cry.
* * *
We met the valet outside, shopping bags in hand. Ava had so many purchases she needed a concierge to wheel them out for her and load them into the trunk. I hugged my garment bag over my lap and hoped they’d offer to drop me at home. My mom would flip if I wasn’t home by seven, and I was so wiped it was difficult to form simple sentences, let alone string together clever ones to trick the Shrew Crew into liking me. I leaned my head against the window.
“I’m exhausted, aren’t you?” Stella asked us as she put the key in the ignition. I nodded vehemently. Ava kind of shrugged as she typed on her iPhone. “Let’s go to the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Olympic,” Stella said lightly.
My eyes shot open. Stella sat back in her seat and began furiously IM-ing. It was going to take a half hour to get there, and I didn’t even like coffee. I sighed, wondering if I’d ever get home. Considering what lie I’d tell my mom when I did. I couldn’t even think about it. My brain was too fuzzy, my eyelids too heavy.
I must have nodded off in the car because all of a sudden, I heard Ava’s door slam next to me. Startled, I awoke and saw Stella’s face on the other side of the passenger’s window. She knocked on the glass tauntingly, trilling, “We’re here, sleepyhead!” I groaned, opened the door and slid off the leather upholstery. Inside, there was a staggering line of people and a dizzying array of coffee drink options, all of which sounded like Greek to me.
Stella tapped my shoulder. “What do you want?” she snapped.
I shrugged. “I’ll have whatever you get,” I managed.
She pointed to a free table in the corner. “Go save us that table, will you?”
I nodded, making my way over. It was a table for two so I dragged another chair up for Ava. There was a coffee ring and a half-used Splenda packet spilling onto the surface. I grabbed some recycled napkins and wiped it up. I sat down and propped my head in my hands, trying unsuccessfully to stay awake. I kept drifting off, my head slipping free from my palms. I snapped to at the shrill sound of Stella’s voice shouting, “Dude. What. The hell.”
I shuddered, opening my eyes. Before me stood Stella, Ava, and Xander, all gripping take-out coffees, all sporting expressions of horror and disgust. I quickly realized I had a monster glob of drool dangling from my chin. I wiped it with the back off my hand as they cringed, Xander going so far as to murmur, “Gross.” I stood, wanting to find a way out, wanting to flee, but instead, I remembered my plan—indifference. I was learning that acting like nothing impressed or bothered you, like you had no emotions at all, was actually in most circles interpreted as completely cool.
“Hey,” I said diffidently, putting my hands in my pockets.
“Hey,” Stella said brightly, ignoring my embarrassing moment. “Look who we found!” She pushed Xander toward me.
“You asked me to meet you here,” Xander muttered to Stella through gritted teeth.
She rolled her eyes, jabbing him in the ribs. “We thought you two might want to, um, get to know each other better,” Stella said, placing Xander in the chair opposite me. “You know, outside of school.”
I sat down slowly, assuming that was what she wanted me to do. It was obvious she had this whole scenario orchestrated and it was my job not to mess it up more than I already had. I sensed that winning over Xander was my official entrée into the Shrew Crew. I seriously needed to rebound from the drool incident.
I frowned, playing dumb. “You aren’t staying?” I asked.
Stella shook her head. “Xander, you can drop her home, right?”
Xander shrugged. Stella tapped me on the head and trailed off with Ava in her wake. I took a breath, turning to face Xander. He looked uneasy.
“What’s this about?” I asked.
He shrugged sullenly. “You tell me. Stella’s been stalking me about you ever since I broke it off with Odette.”
“I’m sorry about Odette,” I murmured.
He shrugged again. “It’s fine. I mean, I told you …” he said, trailing off.
“Sort of,” I murmured.
He sighed. “She’s just, like, so moody. And controlling!” he shifted in his seat, frustrated. “I mean, it’s not like she wore the pants or anything. It’s just that she was such a bitch sometimes, you know? Like I needed a mute button to shut her the fuck up.” I nodded. His brow was moist. He seemed really worked up. I hate to say it, but it was so hot. “Anyway,” he said, taking a sip from his coffee, “I guess Stella wanted me to, like, hang with you, or something. To get over Odette.”
I smiled. “Let’s hang then,” I said casually.
He smirked, appraising me. “You are pretty cute,” he said. I tried to suppress a grin fighting its way onto my face. “And I like the way you kiss,” he continued. He licked his lips, his eyes flashing quickly to my chest. I cursed myself for not having luscious breasts.
“Thanks,” I murmured.
He crossed his arms, squinting at me. “When did you even become friends with Stella anyway?” he asked.
I shrugged, glancing out the window at cars pulling in and out. “Like, two nights ago, basically,” I said. Xander nodded. “I guess it’s kind of … I dunno, sudden.”
Xander shrugged. “That’s how winners roll, dude. When we want something, we go after it. And it’s fast,” he said.
I hated sports metaphors. They struck me as too easy, even though I barely understood them. I nodded at him anyway.
“So what do you think, man?” he asked.
I furrowed my brow. I was lost. But he was grinning at me, his head cocked in this sexy way that sent a tidal wave of blood straight to my head.
“What?” I said weakly.
“Wanna be my girl? Are you up for it?”
I shook my head, stunned. Did I just hear him correctly? He stared me down, like it was some kind of challenge.
I laughed nervously. “Just like that?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Just like that,” he boasted. “Like I said, I cut to the chase.”
I nodded, scanning the room, pretending I had to consider his offer. I should have considered his offer. Instead, all I could think was how I was going to be Xander Carrington’s girlfriend and how that would solve all of my problems. I looked him in the eye, trying to hint at something a little bit naughty beneath the surface.
“Alright,” I said, biting my lip. “Let’s do it.”
He grinned, smug, his eyes half-closed. Then he high-fived me. And it was done. Just like that.
24.
SILENT TREATMENT
Anais
I lumbered downstairs toward the basement, heading to the last Film Society meeting before winter break. Now that Vaughn was a bonafide member of the Shrew Crew and completely not talking to me, my days at Cranbrook felt longer than ever before. It was so surre
al watching her whisk through the halls with Stella and Ava, their arms linked like an evil force field, catching her perched on Xander’s lap in the cafeteria, feeding him French fries, and discovering second-hand during a run-in with Lucy Sung and Angie Ryu in the girls’ room that they were officially together. It was unnerving to sit on the sidelines as she allowed these people to come into her life in simple, everyday ways, as though they were always there. As though they had never humiliated or hurt us. And it was unthinkable that with the same ease and efficiency, she could pretend I didn’t exist.
Our lockers were still right next to one another, so we crossed paths several times a day. She wouldn’t even look at me. I know I said some harsh stuff, but in my defense, it was all true. And anyway, I had just found out my mom had cancer. Was I supposed to be in a spectacularly understanding mood? Was I supposed to apologize? I couldn’t believe she was experiencing all these things—making new friends, having her first boyfriend—and I knew nothing about any of it. I couldn’t believe how unrecognizable she was after just one week in the Shrew Crew’s inner circle.
But Vaughn’s evil transformation wasn’t the only thing weighing on me. Every second spent in class felt like a missed opportunity to be out scouting stories with Austin to build KissnTell. I needed to attract more advertisers to raise money for my mom’s treatment. Austin was amazing. He picked me up from school every day to go stalk some celeb or other. He usually did the prep work while I was in school, sometimes even getting a few shots before our meeting. The site’s page views grew every day, but I felt like I was holding my breath waiting for advertisers to come out of the woodwork.
Luckily, Film Society meetings provided much-needed solace, and the boys—Caleb, Boyce, Manu, and Dwight—had really stepped up now that Vaughn wasn’t around. They’d become true friends, inviting me to sit with them at lunch, high-fiving me in halls, and making me feel included. I don’t know what I would have done without them.
“A-Dog!” Manu exclaimed, his arms stretched over his head in a “V.”
I grinned, tossing my backpack on the floor near the entrance. “Hello, there,” I called out, approaching them. The four of them milled around the “DVD library,” which was really just a bookshelf.
“We’re thinking of doing a Christmas-themed screening, yo,” Manu announced. “In honor of, like, the holidays and shit. Our last meeting of the year, you know?”
“As a Jew, I object to this whole operation,” Caleb said, cleaning his glasses.
“Shut up, bro,” Boyce groaned. “Your people rule Hollywood—they’re the ones churning out this crap!”
“Okay, we’ve narrowed it down to Home Alone, A Christmas Story, and Elf,” Dwight interjected, weighing the DVD cases in his hands. “So far, Home Alone has the most votes.”
“Let’s let Anais choose, dude,” Boyce said softly. “She’s had a rough season.”
I collapsed in a chair, sighing. “So I’m your charity case, now?” I teased.
Boyce looked to the floor. “Naw, dude, I just—”
“We’re gonna miss you,” Dwight said. “Over the break and stuff.”
“I’ll miss you guys, too,” I said.
“I mean it. You didn’t change, like I thought you would,” Dwight said. “It says a lot.” “Yeah, man, those dudes, like, totally voted against you!” Manu shouted, pointing at Dwight and Caleb.
I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“We like, had this bet and shit,” Manu explained. “Like, would you turn into a bitch like Stella Beldon and those chicks, or not? Dwight and Caleb said you would, but I had your back, A-Dog. I knew you’d stay true.”
I grinned, my eyes bouncing between them. “Seriously? A bet?”
Boyce smirked. “What can we say, you’re more entertaining than video games.”
I laughed. “And you two!” I shouted at Dwight and Caleb. “How could you vote against me!?”
Caleb shrugged. “The lure of popularity is a powerful thing.”
“We’re proud of you,” Dwight said sincerely.
I smiled. “Thanks, guys, but I think you overestimate how hard they were trying to recruit me,” I said, chuckling.
“In any event, you should choose the film,” Caleb insisted.
I leaned back in my seat, studying the DVDs as Dwight displayed them for me. I was really looking forward to the next two weeks off from school. Mom and I had made a deal we wouldn’t spend any money on presents, but we did plan to have a Martel family feast in front of the TV. I could tell Dwight was angling for Home Alone. Mom always hated that movie. She couldn’t believe his parents would forget him on Christmas. I thought it was fantastic.
“Home Alone is a classic,” I said finally. Dwight smiled.
Manu clapped. “That’s what I’m sayin’, dog!”
After the movie, I hugged the guys goodbye and walked into the crisp, evening air.
Austin’s Subaru glowed in the distance and made me smile. His car had begun to feel as familiar as my mom’s living room, where we’d snuggle up with the dog and watch TV until we’d forget our problems. He made me feel happy, cozy, and safe.
“Check out what I got,” he said, nodding to his camera as I hopped into the passenger’s seat.
“No kiss?” I whined.
He took my face in his hands and kissed me hard on the lips. “Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I replied.
He pulled out of the lot. I slid the camera off the dashboard and into my lap, smirking. I scanned through the images. The first series was of Gwen Stefani, Gavin Rossdale, and their kids at a playground. Ridiculously cute stuff. Then there was a whole bunch of Zac Efron getting a mani-pedi. I chuckled.
“What a freaking metrosexual,” I gawked. Austin smirked.
“Keep going,” he urged.
I raised my eyebrows. “It gets better?” I marveled.
Austin frowned. “O ye, of little faith …” he scolded.
I made it past the last, priceless image of Zac, shuffling to his car in the cheap, pink foam flip-flops they give out for free, and reached a grainy image of two figures kissing. I squinted at it, trying to figure out who the kissers were. I looked at Austin, shaking my head.
“You’re not even going to guess?” he asked.
I looked again. It was definitely sexy, but it could be so many different people. I kept quiet.
“Todd Paddington and Kylie Little,” he said.
My jaw dropped. I scanned to the next picture, a better angle and obviously them. The two were costars in the highly anticipated movie adaptation of a popular YouTube show, Broken at Love. They’d been completely coy about whether or not they were romantically linked off-camera, as well.
“Have they ever been caught on camera before?” I asked, stunned.
Austin shook his head. “Not like that,” he said, nodding to the image.
“How did you get these?” I marveled.
Austin shrugged. “A buddy of mine is an actor. He just shot a pilot with Todd. Told me exactly where to find them.” Austin veered right onto Van Nuys Boulevard. “Anyway,” he continued, “pictures like that are sure to attract advertisers,” he said.
I threw my arms around him, planting a kiss on his cheek.
He laughed. “You’re welcome,” he whispered. “I figured you earned an afternoon off.
Okay if I take you home?”
“Are you kidding?” I exclaimed. “I’m dying to post these!”
When we got to my place, I bolted to my desktop. Austin trudged after me, encouraging me to “chill out for a second,” but I couldn’t. Every second I sat on those photos was an opportunity for some other site to beat me to the punch. I watermarked and posted the pictures with a short and sweet caption:
EXCLUSIVE! TODD AND KYLIE CAUGHT KISSING!
Check out the sexy photos of the Broken at Love costars breaking all the rules! Looks like the cat’s out of the bag for these camera-shy lovers.
It wasn’t E.M. Fucking Forster,
but I knew it would do the trick. I forwarded the link to every online gossip outlet I could think of, hoping it would get around fast and everyone would know we’d broken the story. After posting the other photos of Gwen and Gavin and Zac, I swiveled my desk chair to face Austin, relieved. He was lying on my bed regarding me with a funny look on his face. He seemed … enamored. I flinched. I’d seen him flash me that look before in passing, but it was never so overt and shameless. Never so intense. I could feel myself blushing.
“What?” I asked shyly.
He grinned. “I’m in love with you,” he said.
Like it was the most obvious, natural thing in the world. Like it was nothing, simple. Something to say from the opposite side of my pathetic bedroom while I was still in my school uniform with my hair disheveled. My heart pounded. He extended his arm to me, beckoning me over to the bed. I moved slowly and deliberately, my face frozen in shock, and fell into the crook of his arm. He took my chin in his hands, forcing me to face him. His eyes looked darker than usual. He squinted a little, trying to figure me out.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he murmured, pressing his lips to mine. “I just—” he dropped his hand to his side. “When I’m with you,” he started, looking up at the ceiling, “I’ve never felt more like myself. Like the person I’m supposed to be is who I am when I’m with you,” he said. He searched my eyes. My heart was beating so fast I was rendered mute. I wanted to tell him, to show him I felt exactly the same way, but the words wouldn’t form. He shook his head shyly. “I guess that wasn’t very well said,” he murmured.
“No,” I managed. His eyes shot toward me, hopeful. “I feel exactly the same way,” I said. He sighed, smiling, wrapping his arms around me, kissing me. It was like our faces belonged locked together. Our lips parted and he took a deep breath.
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