“Vaguely,” I answered, amazed at how Bill’s mind worked.
“Ya know something?” he continued.
“What?” I asked with a smile. Prying myself away from him, I tried not to choke on his rancid smell, which was a mixture between really rank BO and untreated sewage. I assumed I couldn’t have smelled much better though.
“When I first met you, I knew we were gonna be besties for life,” he said with a huge grin, that made me feel bad for being so prissy. “You were my friend at first sight.”
“I wish I could say the same thing, Bill,” I answered with a laugh. I remembered the first time he showed up at my door and how mortified I’d been when I learned that he was my guardian angel. “But when I first met you, you scared the shit out of me!”
“Ah, you said shit, Lils,” he answered with a laugh. “You’ve come so far … ’Member how you wouldn’t even say ‘hell’ when I met you?”
I nodded. “Yep, I guess you’ve successfully managed to corrupt me at least a little bit.”
He flashed his eyebrows up and down in a funny gesture. Then the cartoonish antics in his features vanished and were replaced by a more serious expression. “I know this new life bullshit has been real hard on you, Lils,” he started, “but you’ve settled in real good; an’ I just want you to know … that I’m real proud of you.” He sighed and his eyes started to shine with tears before he shook his head and looked embarrassed. “I’m not good at all with this emotional crap, nips, but I just want you to know that I’m real glad I was assigned to you.”
I took his hand and squeezed it as I smiled warmly at him. “So am I, Bill. I thank my lucky stars every day that you’re my angel.”
“For reals?” he asked, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
“For reals,” I answered resolutely.
He waved his hands in front of his face, which, I guessed was an attempt to stop himself from tearing up, “I hate it when I get all emotional,” he said as he shook his head again. “I don’t wanna start ugly cryin’,” he squeaked as his voice broke. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly before opening them and wiping his tears away again. “Dammit, I even feel like givin’ Tido a hate hug,” he said as he eyed the very man, who was now nearly ten feet ahead of us.
“Um, that’s probably a bad idea,” I advised. I wrapped my arm around Bill’s shoulder and glanced at Tallis whose posture was just as rigid as previously. No doubt about it, something was wrong with Tallis. And whatever it was, I had a feeling Alaire was probably at the center of it.
Almost as if he knew I was looking at him, Tallis suddenly stopped marching and turned around to confront us. His face was expressionless, as usual. Bill immediately cleared his throat and looked down, presumably so Tallis wouldn’t notice he’d been crying.
“There is a waterin’ hole not far from here,” Tallis announced as he waited for us to catch up to him. “We can bathe there.”
“That’s music ta my ears,” Bill exclaimed as he faced me. “I’m sick o’ nips smellin’ like shit.” He beamed widely and I just shook my head. Then he looked back at Tallis. “So, Yeti, what you gonna do with that soul in the vial, anyway? Don’t you gotta like give it some air so it don’t die?”
Tallis shook his head. “Nae. The soul doesnae require air.”
Bill nodded. “Okay, that’s good, but what about my other question? You gonna set it free, or what?”
Tallis frowned at him. “Ye know naethin’ ’bout this process, boot ye are employed by Afterlife Enterprises?”
“Yeah, so’s what?” Bill retorted to Tallis’s retreating back as the enormous Scotsman started working his way through the dead forest again. “It ain’t like I’ve ever gone on a mission like this before anyway. Nips ain’t the only newbie, so gimme a frickin’ break, yo!”
“Ah will return the soul ta Afterlife Enterprises via Soul Mail,” Tallis called over his shoulder.
“Soul mail?” I repeated curiously while facing Bill with a shrug.
He shrugged also, as if to say he had no idea what Soul Mail was either. Then he shook his head as he eyed Tallis’s back. “Frickin’ Shrek, man. Sometimes he is such a douche!” He started to glare at Tallis. “An’ not only is he a total douche, but the dude’s totally sufferin’ from Gherkinson’s Disease.”
“He’s suffering from what disease?” I asked while trying to figure out what Bill was trying to say.
“Gherkinson’s,” he responded as if repeating the name would give me the definition. “It’s a condition what makes certain men overcompensate for their lack of manhood by overachievin’ in areas such as…” he glanced up at Tallis again before facing me, “bodybuilding, for example.”
“Gherkinson’s Disease?” I repeated as I wondered how Bill came up with this stuff. “Tallis is acting a little bit weird,” I admitted when my gaze fell on the Scotsman’s broad back. As he moved, the tree tattoo on his back almost appeared as if it, too, were moving. It was an optical illusion, but the branches moved in time with his muscles. “Whatever happened back at Alaire’s must’ve really bothered him, so much that he doesn’t want to talk about it, or at least, that’s what I’m thinking.”
“Whatevs,” Bill said as he shook his head and tried to appear as if he couldn’t care less. “What happened at Alaire’s bothered all of us an’ you don’t see me or you actin’ like dickheads.”
He had a point. “No, I guess we aren’t.”
“We’ll stop here,” Tallis declared before pulling his sword in its scabbard over his head and leaning it against a tree. Both Bill and I glanced around, looking for the promised waterhole.
“Um, I don’t see no pool nowhere,” Bill said before he looked at me. “Maybe Sparky’s seein’ a mirage or some shit?”
“’Tis right around the corner,” Tallis said as he pointed to the skeletal remains of what was once an enormous tree on my right. Curious, I carefully made my way around the tree’s exposed roots. When I reached the back of it, I saw the watering hole, which was about ten feet wide by twelve feet long. Large boulders and more skeletal trees surrounded it.
“Is it safe to go in?” I asked Tallis as I turned to face him.
He nodded and handed me a bar of what looked like handmade soap which he’d just taken from his sporran. The soap was the color of wheat and was maybe the size of my palm. There were all sorts of seeds and sprigs of various plants sticking out of it, which suggested the Bladesmith was not only a master ironworker, but also a good chemist. “Ye will go in first, lass, an’ Ah will keep sentry fer ye,” he said as he reached for his sword.
“You’ll keep her what?” Bill inquired from where he sat at the bottom of a tree trunk about ten feet from me. He rubbed his back against the bark of the tree as if he itched and then closed his eyes.
“Sentry,” I responded. “It means he’s going to make sure nothing attacks me.”
“That’s good,” Bill said, not bothering to open his eyes. “Just wake me when it’s my turn. I’m gonna take an emotionap.”
I figured that meant he needed a nap after his unexpected crying spell from earlier. I glanced at Tallis, while shaking my head, only to find he was already watching me. As soon as our eyes met, he dropped his gaze to the ground and looked flummoxed. Then he cleared his throat and eyed me again. “Are ye ready, lass?”
“Yes,” I answered. I removed the scabbard which held my sword from around my chest and propped it against the large tree that I stood beneath. Then I took the last few steps around the tree, being careful not to trip over any of the exposed roots. When I reached the watering hole, I quickly looked down at myself and decided my clothes were beyond disgusting. They needed to be washed as much as my body did.
Tallis walked up to the largest boulder beside the still pool and leaned against it, taking his sword out of its sheath. His back was toward the water. “Is there anything in the water that I should be concerned about?” I asked.
Tallis didn’t bother to turn around. “Nae,” he answered whi
le reaching into his sporran before producing a piece of iron, with which he started sharpening his sword. I figured that was my cue, and I took off my tennis shoes. I left them beside the large rock, pulling off my socks as I headed for the water. I stuck my toe in and was surprised by the tepid temperature of the water.
“It’s warm,” I exclaimed.
“Aye,” Tallis responded. “There’s volcanic activity in this section o’ the wood. It heats oop the water.”
Praying the volcano wouldn’t go off anytime soon, I was extremely grateful for the warm water. I placed the bar of soap on a nearby rock and started undressing. When I was down to my sports bra and yoga pants, I kneeled down on my haunches and started washing my socks and sweatshirt with the soap. “So you make swords and soap,” I commented.
“Aye,” Tallis responded. I could hear him sharpening his blade.
“Not bad,” I said. The soap’s foam-ability was impressive. Once my sweatshirt and socks were nicely sudsy, I took a few more steps into the water and rinsed them out. Just as I did, my stomach started to grumble. “Are we going to eat anytime soon?” I inquired.
“Aye,” Tallis responded.
“Is that the only thing you can say?” I prodded. I was well aware that he was in one of his anti-social moods, but I couldn’t say I cared.
“Aye,” Tallis said.
Frowning, I wrung out the sweatshirt and socks before spreading them out on top of a rock beside the pool. To my surprise, the rock was also warm. I hoped the warmth of the rock would dry my clothes more quickly.
Observing myself again, I realized I needed to take off the rest of my clothes in order to give them and myself a good washing. But I was very uncomfortable with the idea of getting naked while Tallis remained so close by. But, because he was completely occupied with sharpening his sword, I figured it was now or never. I took a few more hesitant steps into the water until it came up to my thighs. Unclasping my sports bra, I pulled it off my body, allowing my breasts to air out and breathe. I started washing the bra with the bar of soap and rinsed it out before placing it on the rock to dry.
With a deep breath, I started peeling my yoga pants off, having to bend over to pull them off my feet. That wasn’t exactly an easy feat while in the water. Once I managed to free myself from them, I took another few hurried steps into the water until it came up to my waist. Then I started lathering my yoga pants, and rinsing them out again. After I wrung them out, I placed them beside my sports bra before I finally turned to washing my body.
Peering back at Tallis again, I noticed he was in exactly the same position as the last time I checked on him. Facing forward, I pulled my hair from its high ponytail and submerged my body down to my shoulders. I dropped my head back until my hair soaked up the water. Then, after rubbing the soap in my palms until I got a good lather, I started washing my hair. I rinsed it out and lathered it again, trying to eradicate every last drop of sewage water from it. Afterwards, I looped my hair back through my hair band, after washing the hair tie, of course, and stood up to start lathering my body. I relished cleaning away the filth from the Underground City. I couldn’t remember a time a bath or shower had felt so good.
Once I was squeaky clean, I headed for the shallow end of the watering hole, where I’d first waded in, only after checking to be sure Tallis wasn’t looking at me, of course. When I reached the rocks, I picked up my sports bra, and happily smiled as I declared, “My clothes are nearly dry!”
“Aye, the rocks are heated as well,” Tallis replied, in a disinterested tone of voice.
I shook myself and tried to squeegee the remaining water from my arms and chest. Then I pulled my sports bra over my head and adjusted my breasts in the cups, before fastening it in the back. I took another few steps closer to the shore and squeegeed my legs before grabbing my yoga pants. They were just a bit wetter than my sports bra, but I hurriedly yanked them up my legs anyway. Once I was dressed again in clean clothes, I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Okay, I’m decent,” I announced. Tallis didn’t say anything or make any motion to move. I just shrugged, again at a loss in understanding the way the man’s head worked. Instead, I went about my business: gathering up my socks, my sweatshirt, the bar of soap and my tennies. Once I collected everything, I walked over to Tallis and handed him the soap, which he silently accepted. I leaned against a rock adjacent to him and pulled my socks on. They were also completely dry. I shoved my feet into my tennis shoes and smiled at him. “I feel so much better.”
“Ah’m glad fer it, lass,” he answered in a monotone.
“I can be your sentry now,” I said as I sat down next to him on the rock. He stood up and immediately shook his head.
“Ah dinnae need ye.”
“But what if something tries to attack you?” I argued.
He adamantly shook his head. “Ah amnae worried. Ah can manage. Ye can return ta yer stookie angel an’ take a nap. ’Tis another few hours’ walk ta the tavern.”
“The tavern?” I repeated without a clue of what he was talking about.
“Aye, Ah desire a warm meal an’ a good whisky.”
I felt my eyes widening because I didn’t know Tallis drank hard liquor. That, and I was shocked that there was a restaurant in the Dark Wood in the first place. But the idea of a warm meal enticed me and I simply nodded and headed for our camp where I could see Bill snoozing against a tree. Not wanting to awaken him, I draped my nice, clean sweatshirt over one of the tree branches and reached for my sword before I sat down next to him. Instantly catching his horrible smell, I moved to another tree. I pulled my sword from its scabbard and admired the shiny steel. Running my fingers down the metal, I noticed how the lines on either side were perfectly symmetrical. Tallis truly was a master craftsman.
As soon as I thought of Tallis, I started to worry about him being in the water hole by himself without any protection. I knew enough about the haunted forest to suspect there were creatures inside it that would not hesitate to eat one of us for dinner. I wasn’t sure what prompted it, but before I knew what I was doing, I was back on my feet, my sword in hand. I started for the watering hole, being very careful not to make any sounds because I knew how pissed Tallis would be if he caught me spying on him. But, it was a risk I was more than willing to take if it meant ensuring his safety.
“But when thou art again in the sweet world, I pray thee to the mind of others bring me.”
– Dante’s Inferno
TEN
When I made it around the tree, I noticed Tallis was submerged up to his neck in the middle of the pool and facing the opposite direction. Grasping the opportunity to hide behind the same large boulder he was sitting on when I was bathing, I darted across the ten or more feet that separated it from me. Then I sat down on the ground, looking in the opposite direction as I asked myself what in the hell I was doing. Peeking at Tallis while he was naked? Had I lost my mind? I tried to rationalize it by saying I was just looking out for him, and being protective. But I honestly knew that wasn’t the full story. No, there was a side of me that thrilled at the idea of seeing Tallis completely in the buff. Although I didn’t want to admit it, that was the bare-faced truth.
I felt heat flooding my cheeks as I shook my head and mentally berated myself. It wasn’t right for me to spy on Tallis, especially when he had no idea I was there. But any attempt to talk myself into returning to the sleeping Bill was futile. So, with a deep breath, I turned around, and snuck a peek behind the rock. Tallis was still in the water, but now it was only up to his waist. He submerged himself entirely before standing up again, and throwing his head back while running his hands through his hair to squeeze the water from it.
It wouldn’t have surprised me to find myself drooling. I just couldn’t remember another moment when Tallis appeared more breathtaking. With his defined and sculpted chest, and the water dripping down his face, sliding over his pecs and abs, he could have been every woman’s dream come to life.
He shook his head mor
e vigorously and the water droplets flew left and right. Then he started moving toward the shore. Realizing he was planning to get out of the water, I immediately ducked back down behind the rock and faced forward. I started to panic when I thought about how I was going to return to our campsite. If I waited too long, Tallis would certainly see me because I wasn’t well hidden. I peeked around the corner of the boulder again and watched him wading through the water as it grew increasingly shallower. Even though I knew I should take cover again, I couldn’t bring myself to. Instead, I silently watched him, anticipating what I would see in another few seconds. The idea of secretly observing, and thereby experiencing, Tallis’s nude body thrilled me all the way down to my core.
I couldn’t help the sharp gasp of breath I took as soon as he stepped out of the water. He was stunning to behold. His thighs were sculpted of sinuous muscle; and the enormous creature that hung between his legs was, in a word, impressive. So much so, I couldn’t pry my eyes from it. Despite my virginity, I’d seen naked men before—mainly in movies or on the Internet a time or two. But none of those men could hold a candle to Tallis. I couldn’t tell if it was simply because he was right there in front of me, in all of his glorious, unclothed flesh, but my heart skipped a beat.
All at once, I grimly realized the predicament I was now in. Tallis was well on his way back to the rocks to retrieve his clothing, and here I sat. He would, no doubt, see me and that was for sure. With no time left to hightail it back to our makeshift camp, I knew I had to hide. Crouching low, I duck-walked away from my hiding place behind the boulder, seeking a better one. Spotting a few larger rocks down the way from the one I just left, I hurried to get to them. That was when I remembered my sword.
“Fuck!” I whispered inaudibly as my heart started thudding in my chest. Tallis would absolutely know I was there if he found my sword, so I instantly made up my mind to go back and retrieve it. I started crawling toward the boulder again, my heart lodged in my throat. My sword was right where I left it, innocently leaning against the face of the rock. I started to reach for it, but quickly thought I should probably check to see where Tallis was. If I were really lucky, he’d be facing the opposite direction, and I might be able to make a direct beeline for our campsite.
The Underground City (The Lily Harper Series) Page 13