I nodded as if I understood, though I had no idea what he really meant, and I was disappointed by the refusal.
“I’ll stop by,” he offered instead. There was a smile on his face, but it was not as comfortable as it should have been, as if he was still smarting from the hurt he’d suffered from me. It was such a subdued expression, not at all like Will, who was normally much more animated whether he was in a good mood or bad. I wasn’t at all comfortable with this more restrained side of him.
As he walked away, I realized that his presence shocked all my bodily desires into action again. His tight compact build moved with such grace. Seeing his tight ass move, it reminded me of how we’d danced together. He’d taught me how to move against him, body to body, so it almost looked as if we were screwing with our clothes on, right on a dance floor.
His brown hair had grayed only enough so that he didn’t look too young, the jaunty smirk, the spark of light in his brown eyes, the glint of the earring in his ear…all that had wooed me the second that I first laid eyes on him was doing magical things to my body one more time.
And yet, as I watched him disappear, I knew we had a long way to go to repair the damage done by my grand mistake. And as Reggie had so rudely pointed out to me, beyond that instantaneous damage, there was the larger issue of submission and control yet to be resolved. It seemed as if we still had one arduous journey before I’d get to enjoy Will’s magic again—if I ever would.
***
I waited anxiously for two days, scared to death that Will’s surprise appearance at my office was nothing more than a spontaneous whim that he no longer cared to pursue. But on the third night after, I stopped at my front hallway with a heavy bag of groceries in hand, seeing a light on in my living room—that shouldn’t have been burning. One look at the coat rack in the foyer, at the familiar brown leather jacket, and I knew it was Will.
“Gee, I almost thought you’d forgotten,” I exclaimed, as I barged happily into the living room with my bag in hand and a cheery grin. I went quickly into the kitchen to put down the grocery sack.
Will was sitting in his chair staring at me with his dark eyes giving nothing away; he was certainly not as charming as he’d been in my office. I nervously began to put away my purchases, when I heard his voice shake me awake.
“Alex, those can wait.”
“Sure,” I replied, putting down cans of tuna, and making my way through the dining room to the couch that faced him.
Sitting, I waited in the incredible mind-chilling silence that descended around us. He studied me for a time, then leaned forward in the chair, arms on his thighs, the most disarming look on his handsome face. I had no idea what was going on, at least his casual posture tried to put me at ease.
“I made a mistake with you, Alex,” he finally spoke.
“You did?”
“Yeah.” By the tone of his voice, I could tell he was very clear about this, as if he’d thought this through very carefully.
“I assumed that Reggie had fixed you when he walked you through your desires at his estate. When those months were over, I was so elated to have you back, I acted like some starry eyed kid at Christmas. And…I let you get away with sliding back into a lot of old habits. Oh! you looked different, and you had more confidence; but you were telling me tall tales when you vowed that you didn’t need discipline anymore, that all the rough stuff, the spanking and the punishment was something you got over.”
What he was saying made me shudder, especially the cold delivery. It sounded so much like Reggie himself.
“When I was at the spanking party the other night and Reggie told me that he could punish you forever, something dawned on me that I should have known. I guess not being as experienced as my dear friend, I just didn’t realize the nature of the sexual beast I was living with.”
I fidgeted nervously, knowing exactly where he was going with this lecture long before the words were out of his mouth.
“Your darker sexual desires don’t die. They may get pushed aside for a while. They may be supplanted by softer sex, or other fantasies, but those desires never really go away, do they?”
I cleared my throat, sure I was going to choke on my answer. “No,” I agreed.
He just nodded his head at my admission.
“So I suppose Reggie’s going to continue…”
“No. I am.” The words hit like a thunder clap, why so unexpectedly I don’t know, but I know I physically jerked when it registered.
“I should have done it all along, and that was my fault.”
The times Will had been so stern and authoritative with me had been rare. I hadn’t allowed them to happen. They scared me, because the sexual craving that went with this prickly kind of exchange was so strong, I could hardly tolerate the feeling. And at the moment I could hardly contain myself.
“You’re going to punish me now?” I asked, hesitantly.
“You have a problem with that, now that I intend to administer it?” he snapped sarcastically, the cool melting as the slow burn on his insides was beginning to flare. It was a Will I was more used to.
“No, no, no,” I assured him.
“My problem, Alex, I can’t help loving you, and I certainly can’t stop. This separation is eating away at me, so it’s ending, at least part of it. And from now on, Miss Princess, the relationship changes. I’m not going to be taken advantage of, and you’re not going to get anywhere trying to deny what we both know you want and need. We’ll both be a lot happier.”
There were two sides to my feelings: the side that was so happy I thought it was New Year’s Eve all over again, and the side that was knee knocking, heart pounding, terrified. This was worse than anything I’d ever felt with Reggie. I didn’t really know what to feel. Reggie had always been a fantasy, but Will never had been. Reggie belonged to a world apart from the real one, but Will was reality everyday life, and that was much more difficult to face.
“You’ve got a lot of penance to pay, Alex. I think we might as well get started.”
“I’ve already paid a great deal with Reggie,” I reminded him, thinking of the weeks I’d bared my butt for Reggie’s ruthless punishments.
Will chuckled darkly. “Well gee, Alex,” he said with an inspired grin. “As far as I’m concerned none of that counts.”
“What? None?” I was quaking in every corner of my body.
“I’m the wronged party here, I decide when you’ve had enough.”
“But you told me if…”
“Don’t argue,” he snapped. “It’s going to get you nowhere.” He stood up. “Let’s begin with you over the arm of the chair,” he said, pulling me reluctantly to my feet.
Once standing I looked beside the chair and to my surprise, I found myself gazing at the three implements that Reggie had tested on me, and then purchased in the antique shop.
“He gave them to you?” I asked.
“Yeah, a few weeks back.”
“Shipped them directly to you?” I queried further.
“Yes,” he replied, but he didn’t like the third degree.
Picking up the reform school paddle I remembered so well, he pointed to the chair again.
“Couldn’t you just use the strap to start?” I asked, very carefully.
“Reggie said you’d say that,” Will replied.
“You talked to him?”
He smirked. “That really does irk you, doesn’t it?”
A dozen fleeting thoughts were all of a sudden converging on me at once, my head spinning, my thumping heart sounding like a drum in my ear; but I didn’t have even a second to get anything straight, because Will pushed me rudely over the arm of my overstuffed chair, and raised my skirt so my behind was ready for him. What seemed so incredibly appropriate with Reggie, almost easy anymore, was downright bizarre with Will. For some strange reason this was more humiliating than any punishment I ever had. I was trembling everywhere with a sensation that was ungodly sexual; at least until the first blow hit. And that
practically knocked me off my feet, even if I had the security of the cushion beneath me.
“Yeeouch!” I yowled.
I was shocked. The smack of the paddle was so fast and fierce, I was dancing madly, hardly able to keep my kicking feet on the carpet.
“Stop your wiggling!”
“Damn it hurts!” I roared angrily.
“Good. It’s suppose to,” he roared back, just as angrily. All that cool reserve was supplanted by his righteous wrath. I knew I was in for quite a punishment.
He smacked me right through my pleas, ignoring any protest, as if he was stone deaf. I had no idea what an efficient spanker Will could be and the burn he raised on me was so intense it wasn’t long before I was in tears. What I could often hold back with Reggie, just plain hurt that much more with the man I loved.
Once I tried standing up, just to take a break, but he pushed me down with a firm shove.
“You try that again and you’ll regret it.” He finished off the statement with a sharp whack of the paddle that renewed my tears and wailing.
A few dozen more hard smacks, and he was finished. The end sudden, but I was hardly going to argue. My poor bottom was stinging hot, and I’m sure a deep shade of red.
I tried to rise.
“Stay put,” he ordered sternly.
I’d rarely heard him sound so parental, though behind his words was an incredible fury. As I suspected, the Reggie-like cold had only been a mask for the anger, indignation and hurt that the spanking revived in him. If ever I was getting my just desserts, I was getting them now.
“You wonder sometimes, Alex, that all the answers stare you in the face, and you just can’t see them. I never realized how good it would feel taking this out on your bottom.” He was standing next to me with the paddle in hand and inspired again, he gave me another smack, just for good measure.
My god, I thought, he was going to keep me there forever, as much as he seemed to be enjoying himself. I snuffed loudly, just to let him know I was still feeling the awesome effects of the last fifteen minutes.
“I’m not through punishing you, but I’m not going to wear you out in one night. You take some time to think about this. Think about our whole relationship. See if it’s what you really want from me. I won’t put up with our lives the way they used to be,” he swore. “I hope this treatment works for you, because it certainly is satisfying for me.”
I could tell he was about to leave, and I was absolutely frantic.
“You’re not going are you?” I said, at last standing up and facing him.
“Yes, I’m going,” he confirmed.
“But…” I expected warmth, sex, a cuddling arm at the very least, all the tender things I knew with Will. He was offering none of that. What was worse, all my raging hormones were demanding some kind of relief.
“You’re aroused, aren’t you?” he said. Obviously my distress was written in my nonplused expression.
“Yes,” I admitted, hopefully.
He smiled wickedly. “Good. That will make the evening all the more meaningful.”
“You’re really leaving me?” I cried.
“Oh, yes I am, with your bottom red, your pussy hot, and your desires in flames. Living through Reggie’s punishment is gonna look easy compared to this.”
I stood there in a face smudged, hair mussed, flaming hot state of disarray, as Will gave me the most devastatingly triumphant smirk and walked out my door.
Chapter Twelve
“Is there any way you’ll consent to see me?” I asked Reggie over the phone, one week later.
“Why?” he asked.
“I have to talk to someone, and I don’t know if anyone else could even begin to understand.”
“You should just talk to Will,” he countered. “It’s about him, isn’t it?”
“Reggie, please.” It seemed utterly stupid to plead with this man, but I actually won him over.
“How about a bowl of soup at the cafe across from the office, tomorrow noon?” he suggested, though he didn’t really sound all that pleased about it.
“I’ll be there,” I replied. “And thank you.”
***
In the cafe the next day, I sat down gingerly on the seat across from Reggie.
“Do I detect a sore bottom?” he asked.
“Very.”
“So, how’s it going?” He was cool, but not unfriendly, his disposition could go either way; it was always hard to tell what the man had on his mind.
“Horrible.”
“Tell me,” he asked curiously.
“You sent him the implements,” I complained.
Reggie smiled pleased. “I thought you’d like that. Did Will?”
I maintained a dour look on my face. “He started with the paddle first, in fact, that seems to be a real favorite.”
“The hardest to take,” he observed.
“Last night, he used all three, one right after another, as if I could stand it.”
“And you did,” he pointed out. “You’re here, aren’t you? Isn’t Will everything you wanted?” Reggie asked.
“I used to think so,” I replied.
“And not now?”
“Frankly, I’m getting a load more sympathy from you right now than I’ve gotten from Will the whole week, and you’re hardly being sympathetic. I’m beginning to wonder if I haven’t made a mistake.”
“About what?” he asked.
“About Will, what else! Three times, he’s punished me in six days, and it’s nothing but hard, fast and cruel. He’s so ruthless with the paddle, I almost beg him to use the strap. But then that can cut like a knife. The only thing he’s not so sure of is the cane. I think he’s actually afraid of that, but he certainly makes up for it with the others. And that doesn’t even mention, his hand and the hairbrush.”
Reggie hardly looked sympathetic.
“With you it was rough,” I went on. “But there was some kindness, or sex or something. I mean, at least recently.”
He laughed. “You’re really one piece of work, Alex. Will Kozak goes to the wall for you, gives you to me for months at a time, waits to see if you even want him. Then, when you come back to him, you’re up to your old games without batting an eye. And now, after you deceive him, you balk because everything is not neat and tidy with him again, in what? Six days?”
“You’re going to be as hard on me as he is,” I observed.
“You’re damn right, Alexandra. If you value your relationship, if you believe that it’s worth paying a few prices to keep, then you’ll grit your teeth and take what’s coming to you. After all, you were the one that created this mess.”
I didn’t like hearing his assessment of my life, but I’d invited his counsel. There was nothing I could do but listen.
“It’s back to control, luv,” he said, shaking his head. “Just remember, you’re going through some adjustments. You don’t want the relationship back the way it used to be. That didn’t work for either of you, so don’t try to make it that way again. He’s the man you want, he’s the man you’ve always been attracted to. For god’s sake, allow him to be himself, be real yourself. You might be surprised.”
“I am attracted to Will. Passionately. But then, I’ve been attracted to you too,” I reminded him.
“No, not really. With me you’re just attracted to a perfect fantasy in your head. With Will you have everything else between you, the love, or are you forgetting that?”
“That’s what I need right now, and I’m not getting.”
“Be patient, you’re looking for instantaneous cures, while Will is making up for lost time.”
I looked at his almost kind face, a trace of friendliness threatening to break out. “I still wonder sometimes if I shouldn’t have loved you all along. It seems that it’s always been much easier between us.”
“I’m not so sure of that, the way you rebelled. Though believe me, when I think of the women I should have loved, you do come to mind. But it would never work. I kno
w that. It would all fall apart the instant we really tried to be more than just dominant and submissive.”
“You’re so sure,” I said.
“You don’t run into brick walls as many times as I have, and not know certain things.”
“You surprise me,” I conceded. “Sometimes you make me so furious I could spit, but now you’re almost, and I mean almost vulnerable.”
He chuckled. “I’ll have to watch that. Truth is: I’m just like everyone else, some things I see clearly; but there are others that are as vague as my own face viewed in a muddy puddle.”
I thought that an odd description. I’d never heard him speak about himself that way before.
“I wouldn’t give up on love, Reg, you might just surprise yourself.”
“And don’t you give up on Will. You need him.” He sounded There he was again, sounding like a stern but reassuring parent.
***
That night, Will was at the apartment when I got home from work. He was sitting in the chair just as he had the other three times he’d invaded my dwelling. Seeing him there instantly made my bottom tingle, and I was ready to cry looking at the wicked expression on his face.
“So you told on me,” he said, looking at me with dark cold eyes.
I stopped in my tracks. “Reggie told you?” I whined.
“In detail.”
“That rat!”
“Come here, Alex,” he motioned me to him, and I made the cautious journey to his side, standing next to him. He reached out and stroked my thigh. “It’s kind of funny, you’re going to Reggie to complain. So you think I’m too hard on you?”
“I’m not complaining, but I suppose you’re going to punish me just for talking to him.”
“No.”
“Okay,” I replied. I was suspicious, considering our last three times together. His hand on my thigh was having a distinctly sexual effect.
“No. But I will tell you this, if you’re frustrated with the way things are, that’s really too bad. I told you when I first came back that I was in charge.”
He continued to massage my thigh. And I can’t say I minded the way this first little tenderness from him in months was making my mangled heart suddenly soar.
The Alexandra Series Page 30