Jamie wiped his eyes. “I’ll tell the judge everything. Maybe they’ll lock up Dennis instead of you. Then we can stay together—as a family.”
“I don’t want either of us to get locked up. I’m just not letting you go, that’s all.”
“Good, Daddy. I’m staying right here. With you.”
* * *
Taylor didn’t hear from Colt again that night and she couldn’t help but worry. When the dinner for her guests was over and everyone had left, she decided to drive over to his place and give him some needed comfort. It was after eleven when she showed up, but the light was on and she could hear the sound of the TV.
She knocked softly and at first she thought he wasn’t going to answer. She knocked again, and the door opened an inch.
“Oh, it’s you.”
“Colt? Are you all right?”
“Not exactly.” He closed the door behind him and stepped outside. “Jamie’s finally asleep. He’s pretty upset. The cops paid us a little visit. The good doctor is charging me with battery. Carries a one year don’t-get-out-of-jail-free card.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, alarmed.
“The worst they can do is throw me in jail for up to a year. But Dennis hit me first, and was man-handling Jamie. So I don’t think he stands a chance with this bogus charge.”
“Holy crap, Colt. You can’t do a day in jail. That will give them an excuse to take Jamie.”
“You think I haven’t thought of that?” His eyes were blurry when he faced her, and she could see he’d had a drink or two. Or was it the tears swimming inside that blurred his vision?
“We will think of something. Anything. We can’t let this happen.”
“I’ve been wracking my brains too. Trying to figure out a sure way that I can hold on to my kid. He’s the most precious thing in my life. I can’t lose him.” His voice broke and his shoulders shook with anguish. “I couldn’t survive that.”
Tears filled her eyes at this rare display of raw emotion. “What can we do?”
“Marry me, Taylor.” His answer came swift. Sure. As if he’d already thought of marriage as a viable solution. Her breath stuck in her throat. “If you were my wife, they’d probably let me keep my son.” His eyes pleaded with her as he reached for her chilled fingers. “You and I together have a fighting chance.”
She breathed deep, her heart breaking open. “How could you ask me that?” He would marry her for his son. But he wouldn’t marry her for her.
Why that should hurt so much, she had no idea. But it was like he’d driven a dagger into her heart and twisted.
“Taylor, I know you don’t love me, but we’re good together. We could be great, the three of us. Think about it.” Colt tried to pull her close, but she moved away. “I do love you, you know,” he said softly, his eyes moist. “If you won’t marry me and I lose Jamie, then I’ll have no choice but to sell everything and move to Chicago.”
“You’d do that?” She didn’t think her heart could hurt any more than it already did, but the thought of his leaving and never seeing him again sliced right through her. She flinched and raised a hand to her chest, in protective mode.
He released a heavy sigh. “This isn’t easy, Taylor. I can’t bear the thought of leaving here and living in a place like Chicago.” His strong jaw clenched. “Or losing you.”
She didn’t say anything. She had no words of comfort for him. Or for herself. The pain was too intense, the thoughts running through her head were too hard to grasp.
“Say something,” he pleaded. “I know I sprung this on you and you’re probably still in shock, but we’d make a really good team. We care deeply about each other. I’ve been crazy about you for a long, long time.”
She shook her head and took another step back. Colt would leave? Just walk away and out of her life? How could that be love?
He cleared his throat. “Taylor. Stop looking at me like that.” She noticed a tick in his cheek, flicking in and out. “You look like a wounded deer with no place to turn.”
She had to get away from him before she lost it. But her knees were shaking and her feet seemed rooted to the spot.
As if sensing her indecision he stepped toward her, his hands open. “I’m here, honey. I don’t want to leave you. Not ever.” His eyes searched hers. “It’s not the most romantic proposal in the world, but it is sincere. Paradise Cove is our home. I want to make a home with you, and Jamie.”
She stood stiffly, her arms wrapped around her waist. She couldn’t, wouldn’t reach out for him. If she clung to him now, she might never let him leave. And leave he would if he lost his son. Jamie needed his dad—she would never step in the way.
She had never felt so alone, so powerless, and so wanting.
His gaze lowered. “I’m making a botch of this, aren’t I?”
Taylor straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin, calling on all her internal strength. She knew he was desperate and her heart ached for him. She would gladly have done anything in the world for him, anything but this.
Marriage was sacred to her. A vow between two people that was unbreakable. She wanted to marry one day. For love. Not for necessity, or pity, or to be a pawn in some horrible game.
“I will support you in your fight for custody.” She kept her voice calm, wanting to be fair to him, even if his asking had been the cruelest blow to her heart that she’d ever known. The only thing that justified it was his love for his son. For that, she forgave him. “I can be a character witness or whatever you need to help the court rule in your favor. But I can’t be your wife.”
“Why, Taylor? I know you care for me.”
“I do. But when I marry it will be for love. I want someone to love me.” She looked him in the face. “Not because of his son, or because he needs me when life kicks him to the ground. I want love for me to be his strength, his driving force.” She sucked in a breath, holding on by a string. “I deserve that.”
“Of course you do, and I might be the biggest ass in the world for putting you through this. But I would want to marry you and only you, no matter what.” He rubbed his jaw and swore. “You might not believe that right now, but it’s true. I swear.”
Her head shot up. How could he say those words to her? Had he no conscience? Would he do anything to keep Jamie, even pretend he wanted this?
Her stomach churned, and she swallowed a lump in her throat.
“The answer is no.” With that she turned and walked away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Taylor drove home, frozen. She parked in front of the cabin and ran through the mangroves to the sandy beach. The moon drifted in and out of the clouds, creating a shadow to hide in as sharp pain brought her to her knees.
For the first time since 9/11 when her father didn’t come home, Taylor allowed her emotions to the surface. For so many years, she’d kept a small part of herself closed off—but now her emotions bubbled over and threatened to drown her. Sobs buried some place deep inside of her swelled and churned and rose like a tsunami, choking her until she could hardly breathe through the hot, salty tears.
She grieved for Colt, and what might have been. Taylor fell back in the sand, staring up at the night sky as the sobs came. Her chest ached from holding them in. She could barely breathe, and she gasped at the night air, wishing she could turn off her feelings so the pain would lessen. Eyes swollen, throat tight, she’d never let anyone inside because she’d been protective of her emotions, but Colt, he’d gotten past her defenses. The jagged edge of pain lasered through her and she honestly doubted she’d survive.
She loved Colt. She hadn’t known that before, but his hard-pressed proposal had made her realize how much she wanted the proposal to be real. If things had been different, and he’d asked her before she knew about his son moving to Chicago, then they might be celebrating right now, planning their own wedding.
Instead, she felt like a raw piece of meat that had been carved up and discarded.
His love for his
son was absolute, and by the way, he sure liked her a lot. They’d make a good team?
She got to her knees, letting the tears fall hot to the sand. She relived each harsh word, each kiss, each moment of shared pleasure and accidental hurt until her sobs subsided. Taylor walked the beach until the midnight black sky turned into grayish pink and orange streaks of dawn. Only then did she feel numb enough inside to return home. Taylor entered the cabin she shared with her mom, going directly to the shower to hide the evidence of her loss of control, reburying her love for Colt. Nobody had to know—not even her mom or sisters.
She evaded direct confrontation for three days, keeping busy with the cafe—when her mom asked where Colt was, Taylor told the truth. The custodial battle over Jamie consumed him right now.
Taylor set two loaves of banana bread on the rack to cool as Juanita finished the dishes for the day. Instead of leaving, Juanita took Taylor’s arm and sat her down with a cool glass of iced tea. “Taylor, why doesn’t Colt come around anymore?”
Taylor accepted the tea but avoided the compassion in Juanita’s maternal brown eyes. “He’s busy with Jamie. Lawyer stuff.”
Juanita sat opposite Taylor and waited for Taylor to look up. “I see how heavy your heart is.” She covered her own with her hand. “Why have you pushed Colt away,” she asked softly, “when that man loves you so very much?”
“Juanita, you don’t understand.” Taylor had found a compartment to put her feelings for Colt inside, but the hurt was too raw to stay buried. “Colt doesn’t really love me. He’s just so desperate to keep his son that he’s lost his head.” She sniffed and her eyes misted up.
“What does that mean?”
She’d kept his horrible proposal to herself. “He’s not thinking clearly.” She’d witnessed the regret on his face before she’d left his house and hadn’t heard a word since.
“Taylor, my girl, you are the sweetest, kindest, young woman—so explain to me, por favor, why you have turned your back on your friend, the man you love, when he is in trouble.” Juanita’s tanned brow furrowed with concern. “He’s in pain. Why have you not gone to him?”
Taylor stabbed at the lemons in her iced tea. “It’s complicated, Juanita. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh, mi hija, you can’t carry on like this. You’ve lost weight. Your eyes look sad and you have dark bruises under them, like you’re not sleeping.”
Taylor swallowed a lump in her throat, and took a sip from her drink. Her hand was shaking when she put the glass back down. She lifted her eyes and saw Juanita’s loving face.
“What is it? You can tell me.”
“He asked me to marry him,” she whispered, her pride stinging as she heard the words aloud. “Not because he loves me or wants to be married to me, but to help him keep Jamie.” She focused on the wooden table top, the wave of pain rising as her own love cried out to be heard. “How could he do that to me?” Taylor gasped, then a heart rendering sob escaped her mouth. “He knows how I feel about marriage!”
Understanding dawned and Juanita left her seat to hug Taylor tight. “Men can be idiots at times. It seems like this was one of them.” She kissed Taylor’s damp cheek and handed her a napkin. “He does love you, Taylor. And he loves his son, as he should. Colt doesn’t want to lose either one of you. Think how this must be tearing him apart.” Juanita let that sink it, then added, “He needs you. You are a strong and loving woman.”
“I want to help, but not that way.” Taylor rubbed at her eyes and sniffed. “I’m not strong enough to see his pain and not agree to marry him. But then I’d never know if he loved me, or did it to save his son.”
Juanita reached across the table and lifted Taylor’s chin with gentle fingers and met her eye to eye. “Don’t let your head rule your heart. Love should be your guide.”
“I’ll try, Juanita.” Taylor sat back, sorting through pride and love. He’d taken her ideal of marriage and turned it upside down. She understood why he’d done it, but she hadn’t heard one word from him since he’d opened his mouth. “But the ball is back in his court now. If he loves me, he’ll have to prove it.”
“Ball in his court? But it was in yours?” Juanita scrunched her nose as she imagined that. “Well, I hope he picks up that ball soon and carries it and his love back to you.”
Taylor laughed softly. An apology would be a nice start.
Juanita got up, signifying the end of the painful conversation. “You still want to babysit Meri tonight? I don’t mind taking her to Raul’s ballgame. She’s so easy. She’d probably fall asleep.”
“No, you and Miguel go. I’m looking forward to my date night with my favorite girl. I’m going to bake a special quiche. She loves the one with Swiss cheese and tiny bits of ham, with strawberries on top.”
“She loves everything you make.” Juanita took the two glasses into the kitchen to be rinsed. “I’ll see you in an hour? The game starts at four, but Raul has everything he needs in his locker at school. Doesn’t matter if we’re a little late.”
“I’m leaving right after you—drop her off at the cabin anytime.”
Juanita gave her a quick hug before she left but thankfully didn’t say another word about Colt. It was so hard to keep from calling him but in order to hold her life together, she had to stay away.
When Taylor walked into the cabin, her mother was making banana daiquiris for happy hour. She had a platter of sliced fresh fruit with an assortment of fancy cheeses and crackers, and another tray with bite-sized quiche Lorraine’s that Taylor had made in the cafe’s kitchen an hour ago.
“Looking good, Mom.” She kissed her on the cheek. “So how did the day go with our little baby girl?”
“It was a pleasure as always. And she’s looking forward to spending time with you. Miguel has her now while I set up for our party.”
“Who’s all coming tonight?” Taylor poured herself a small glass of the daiquiri, and tasted it. “Yummy.” She licked her lips. “Bet Meri would like this, without the rum of course.”
“I thought of that and put some in the fridge for her.” Anna poured herself a good-sized glass and toasted her daughter. “To living the good life.”
“We are very lucky to be here, aren’t we?” Taylor said, thinking about Colt moving away to Chicago. She knew he would hate it, but he’d sacrifice himself just the same.
“Yes. I wish Allen had lived long enough to realize his dream.”
“I wish he was here too. I miss him.” Taylor hitched her butt on a kitchen stool and sipped her drink. She felt tired suddenly, and older than her years. Older than her mom even, who’d survived such terrible heartache. Although happily married twice, she had not been lucky in love. “Allen was a wonderful man.”
“Indeed, he was.”
“So what’s going on with you and Dr. Sinclair? Can’t help but notice a twinkle in your eyes, and an extra spring in your step.” Taylor arched a brow. “It wouldn’t be the handsome doctor by any chance, now would it?”
“Well, now that you mention it, yes!” Anna put her glass to her cheek. “He said he’d stop by for happy hour, if he can get away. If not, he’s picking me up at eight for a late dinner.” She blushed like a young girl. “He’s a cocky son-of-a-bitch, but I like a man with attitude.”
“As long as he treats you right, I’m all for it.” She hoped her mom never stopped giving love a chance. And at this rate, it seemed likely.
“Thank you, dear.” Her mom put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry about Colt, honey. I know you’re hurting even though you never talk about it. What is he going to do if he doesn’t get custody?”
“Move to Chicago to be close to his son.”
Her mother was silent for several seconds. “He wouldn’t do that, would he?” Her eyes got misty and she sniffed. “What about you?”
“What about me?” Taylor shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “It’s his son that’s important. We are fond of each other, but he’ll forget me soon enough.”
&n
bsp; “Oh, honey.” Anna put her glass down long enough to give her a hug.
“It’s okay. I’ll survive. Got lots to do right here. Sure don’t need to be chasing after a man in Chicago.”
“What if he asks you to go with him?”
“He won’t, Mom.” The days of keeping her heartache to herself were over. It was a relief to share it now, and get it out in the open.
Her eyes were dry as she said, “Colt asked me to marry him,” she held up a halting hand before her mom got too excited, “so we’d be a family. It was a desperate plea to save his son.” She swallowed. “Of course I turned him down, and haven’t spoken to him since.”
“Oh, Taylor,” Anna said sadly. “No wonder the man never comes around anymore. Do you know what you did, honey? Have you any idea of how devastated he must be?”
“What about me?” Taylor asked, angry. “He only asked me to marry him because of Jamie. He never once told me he loved me before this.” Although she’d felt his emotion when they’d made love, and in so many other ways.
“What does your heart say?” Anna walked to where Taylor sat, and gently pushed aside a loose curl from her cheek.
“My heart’s telling me to be patient.” Which was true. She added, “To wait for the right man to come along. Someone who loves me the way Sean loves Kayla, and both dads loved you!” Tears filled her eyes as she recalled the immediate regret in Colt’s gaze. “I want that kind of love, Mom. And I will damn well wait for it.”
Her mom wrapped her in a hug. “And so you should. I might not have had that love for long, but in both cases, it was worth the heartache in the end.” Anna gave her shoulder a squeeze and then released Taylor to pick up the tray of warm appetizers. The show must go on, Taylor thought to herself.
“Could you help me down to the pool with this? Our guests will be wondering what’s taking so long.” They had six cabins occupied and more guests arriving in a few days.
“Of course.” She carried the pitcher of drinks down to the pool, then returned for the cheese platter. After greeting all the guests, she hurried back to the cottage to shower and change into shorts and a t-shirt for her play date with Meri. They had a small space set up for her with Play-Doh, wooden blocks and soft toys, and a magical doll house. A little girl’s dreams come true.
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