CHAPTER FIVE
Though Sophie was supposed to use her “magic” to procure tickets to see Rogue, Gracelyn was the one who arranged things. Her uncle had connections at Rogue’s label, and got them tickets and backstage passes for the second show.
In the brief time leading up to the show, Gracelyn continued to playfully indulge Sophie in the idea that she had really had some sort of relationship with the lead singer of Rogue. Sophie went along with the gentle ribbing without giving any more details. She was too nervous about the chance to actually see Gavin again to spend the energy convincing Gracelyn her story was true.
Though Sophie considered Gracelyn a good friend, she wasn’t a close friend. Since returning to the States, Sophie had had trouble forming close friendships. She attributed this in part to the fact that her parents had invested in a “getaway” home on the sand in Malibu, so she spent summers and other school breaks away from her hometown in Silicon Valley, making it difficult to keep up with friends whose worlds were limited to Menlo Park. But she longed to, but never quite could, replicate the closeness she had had with both Gavin and Felicity.
Felicity’s bold introduction of Sophie as her “best mate in all the world” had fast become reality, even though they outwardly appeared to have nothing in common. At a visit to the nail salon, Sophie got her usual French manicure. Felicity had her short nails painted crimson with black tips. Sophie loved the indulgence of getting a pedicure, complete with paraffin wax dip to keep her feet soft. Felicity mocked the idea of paying someone to touch her feet. When out shopping, Sophie bought Chanel perfume and a silk body-hugging dress in an eye-catching fuchsia color, and Felicity spent all she had on a pair of eight-hole, steel-toe black patent leather Dr. Martens boots. Sophie’s mother was intent on instilling self-reliance in her daughter. Felicity’s mother relied heavily on her daughter to be best friend and confidant as she dated a string of men destined to break her heart. In the end, the two girls shared the same sense of humor and found they had jumped instantly into a free and honest intimacy with each other.
After returning home, Sophie’s friendship with Felicity had turned into a sporadic email connection. And she hadn’t seen Gavin since that trip to the airport two years ago. They had written and spoken on the phone a few times, but their tenuous connection dissipated quickly. It had hurt, of course, but Sophie knew that Gavin was obsessively focused on making something happen with the band in Ireland. She was in high school in America. They were worlds apart.
Sophie had watched with pride as Rogue’s debut album made an impact in the college scene. But she was no longer part of their inner-circle, and it soon felt strange to simply be a fan. So, she purposely distanced herself from following their progress, which mean she hadn’t even known they were in town.
~
Seeing the band again now, at the show at the Palladium, instantly renewed But now she felt a renewed that old connection Sophie had been missing. She watched Gavin from her stage-left vantage point as he did what he did best: become the center of attention. The audience was in his thrall, responding to his slightest command as he gripped the microphone and sang with that distinctive, slightly raspy, and intensely passionate voice. Sweat dripped down his face, and his eyes were wide as he implored the fans to sing with him.
This was such a different experience from the first time she saw the band play live. That had been in Conor’s back garden where Sophie and Felicity had settled on a makeshift bench made out of a piece of wood suspended on either end by a couple stacks of concrete blocks as the boys fiddled with their instruments in a show of preparation.
With a tug on Felicity’s sleeve, Sophie whispered, “Gavin looks so good today!”
Felicity responded by rolling her eyes. “Please. He looks like he hasn’t bathed in a week. Conor, on the other hand—he looks delicious.”
Taken aback, Sophie looked at her friend. Felicity had never said she was interested in Conor before, but now that Sophie thought about it, there did seem to be some kind of closeness between them that went beyond friendship. She knew that Conor had a habit of showing up to group outings with Felicity in tow. Sophie had seen them tease each other or join forces in arguments against others. They even had nicknames for each other that no one else used. It all added up to a natural fit for a romantic relationship, and she was surprised she hadn’t put it together sooner.
“Why didn’t you tell me you like him?” Sophie asked excitedly.
“’Cause I don’t. I just think he’s sexy. So, sometimes we do it, is all,” Felicity replied nonchalantly.
At the same time that Sophie was forcibly closing her mouth, Conor caught her eye. He swung his guitar strap over his head and the instrument hung low against his hips. At almost six feet, he was a couple inches taller than Gavin. His build was athletic, probably since whenever he wasn’t with Gavin, he was playing soccer. Today, he wore crisp Levi’s that were still dark blue and unblemished while Gavin wore faded jeans with a hole in one knee. Whereas Conor’s dark hair was cut short and neat and his face cleanly shaven, Gavin wore his hair longish and unkempt and he had a few days of wispy beard growth. And though Gavin loudly exuded confidence and charisma, Conor was all cool and control.
“But—you mean you just have sex with him?” Sophie blurted out.
“Shh! Sophie, you’re the only other person who knows about it. But, yeah, every so often we just . . . get together.”
“And that’s all you want?” Sophie touched her friend’s hand and eyed her plaintively.
Felicity smiled and then laughed. “It’s really okay. Maybe I’d be wanting something more if things were different. But, it’s okay. When we’re together, it’s actually . . . sweet.”
“What do you mean—if things were different?”
“I’ve told you my plan. I want away from here. Away from my Ma. And even if I weren’t planning on leaving, there’s no way I could be serious with someone like Conor.”
“I don’t get it. If you like him and he likes you, what’s stopping you?”
“Only because he’s in a band, Sophie. And they’re good. They’re determined to go all the way. There is no way in the world I’d let my heart get involved with a guy who wants to be a rock star. He’ll end up going on the road, cheating on me, and forgetting me altogether. Believe it or not, I have too much self-esteem to do that to myself.”
Sophie nodded with distraction, unable to even take in the music as the boys began to piece together a song. The idea of casual sex was so foreign. She had never been with anyone in that way and couldn’t imagine doing so without love and commitment being involved. Despite her mother’s pragmatic personality—or perhaps, because of it—she had grown up with Disney ideals of finding that one true love.
Felicity nudged Sophie. “He wrote a fucking song about you, Sophie!”
“What?” Sophie asked with confusion.
“Haven’t you been listening? It’s called ‘Exotic Creature’.”
Exotic creature. That was how Gavin described her in his charming attempt to apologize for the aggressive way he had challenged her upon their first meeting. He said that a girl like her wasn’t just foreign. She was an exotic creature in his world and that he hadn’t known what to make of her. He hadn’t elaborated on what this meant but she suddenly realized that it was a good thing.
“Look at Mary’s face. He’s made a bollocks out of it, and that’s for sure,” Felicity said with perverse pleasure.
But Sophie didn’t look to see what Mary’s reaction was because she couldn’t keep from staring at Gavin’s rose-hued lips as he sang, “You take my breath, darling, and I like this dizzy feeling.”
Being sung to—sung about—felt just as intimate as she imagined sex would. Especially when they locked eyes. Their connection was obvious and undeniable in this moment. It was only broken by Mary moving into their sight line.
But Gavin soon took care of that impediment, breaking up with Mary when she started a row over his obviously
divided attentions. There had been no turning back after that moment. Gavin and Sophie had become inseparable. He was her first love, and eventually, her first sexual experience. She greedily soaked up his romanticism, even as at the same time she instinctively understood it stemmed from a wounded core. In the weeks leading up to them becoming a couple, she had seen through the overconfidence he projected, suspecting there was something broken inside of him. Before long, he confessed the cause of this, bringing her into a small circle of friends who knew his deepest hurt.
Now, Sophie felt Gracelyn squeezing her arm as she jumped in rhythm to the chest-thumping bass and drum combo of Rogue’s Palladium show. Otherwise, she was numb. It was like an out of body experience and the concert flew by without Sophie really registering anything other than the fact that she knew her eyes never left Gavin.
CHAPTER SIX
It took a moment to adjust to the activity in the room. The band’s backstage area was crowded and already in full party mode, even though the final thunderous applause after the last encore had only happened ten minutes before. The air was heavy with perfume, weed, and sweat.
Sophie felt acutely out of place as she took in the hangers-on filling the room, most of whom still wore their designer sunglasses and spoke loudly to compete against the music. They were young, hip, and a sure sign that Rogue was on its way to being the next big band.
“This is your big moment!” Gracelyn said. “You have to introduce me to the guitarist. What’s his name again?”
Sophie opened her mouth to respond but there was a sudden sharp burst of laughter, and she instinctively looked for Gavin as the source of the entertainment. He was the type of person others flocked to, and his stories usually resulted in such delighted outbursts. But before she could locate him, she fixated on two scantily clad girls dancing provocatively and kissing each other with elaborate tongue.
It wasn’t the sexuality of the girls that interested her, it was who they were performing for. Their current audience of one was Conor Quinn, the band’s guitar player and Gavin’s best friend. He was sitting by himself on a sofa, a bottle of Beck’s in his hand as he stared at the show before him. He wore new, but faded Levi’s and his well-defined chest was bare. His short black hair was carefully askew and was a striking contrast with his deep blue eyes. He had always been the most conventionally handsome of the group, and now that he had grown into his looks, he wouldn’t have been out of place on a catwalk modeling the latest fashions.
As Sophie took in the sight of him, a flood of memories rushed through her head and heart. Just as she was thinking he would be perfectly happy to ogle the pseudo-lesbian dancers forever, he glanced up and locked eyes with her.
The recognition was instantaneous. Conor quickly stood up with a broad smile. He stepped past the girls without hesitation and their faces fell in disappointment. It took only a moment for them to rebound, however, as they were soon scanning the room for other band members.
“Sophie Kavanaugh, I don’t believe it!” Conor said and surprised her with a quick kiss on the lips and a long, tight hug. “I adore that you’re here,” he murmured into her ear as he pulled away.
“I was so excited when I heard that you guys were in L.A.,” she replied. “I had to come, to see . . . .”
“Good you did. God, you look amazing!” He eyed her up and down.
Sophie smiled, blushing at the hungry way he appraised her. The choice of what to wear had been agonizing. In the end, she decided to dress in what she was most comfortable in—low-rise jeans with sandals and a shrunken peasant top left untied at the neck to give a hint of cleavage. She had left her long blond hair down and nervously toyed with it now.
“I can’t believe you were telling the truth,” Gracelyn said into her ear.
“Oh, um,” Sophie said, “Conor, this is my friend Gracelyn.”
“Good to meet you,” he said quickly. Gracelyn was a tall, thin Chinese-American beauty but that didn’t stop him from turning his eyes back to Sophie. “So, you saw us play? What’d you think?”
“You guys were so good. And the album is awesome.
“Thanks. It’s lovely to hear you say so.”
They fell silent, taking each other in for a moment. Sophie then reached out and touched his hand, and he leaned forward expectantly.
“Conor, I really want to catch up with you, but I need to find Gavin. I have to just . . . see.”
“Oh.” He took a step backward and rested his hands on his hips. “Well, listen, before you run off, just what sort of reunion were you expecting?”
But Sophie had already tuned him out, having spotted Gavin across the room. With a half-wave to Conor and Gracelyn, she gravitated toward Gavin. There was no trepidation or doubt, only impatience to meet with the man who had had owned her heart since she first met him three years earlier.
Gavin was seated on another sofa, his attention fixed on the platinum blonde who was wrapping herself to him and providing a clear view of her obscenely artificial breasts through her low-cut shirt.
Jealousy did not occur to Sophie. Her only thought was that this pathetic girl who was trying so hard to capture Gavin’s attention could in no way gain any real part of his heart. She knew that as fact. And then it occurred to her that he seemed less concerned with satisfying his heart than another part of his body.
But as she stood before him, she knew she had to find out what could be. Though they hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in years, she couldn’t accept that the bond they had once shared hadn’t survived their separation.
Gavin, too, had filled out his frame. His longish wavy brown hair was pushed back from his face and the sensual, particular shape of his mouth was exactly as she remembered. He had the kind of naturally just-kissed-hued lips girls were drawn to watching as he spoke. And his rugged good looks and natural charm meant girls were also drawn to want to kiss those lips. She was drawn to wanting to kiss those lips again.
“Gavin?” Sophie held her breath as she waited for him to look up at her.
After a prolonged moment, Gavin did look up and there was a hardness in his blue eyes. He didn’t seem surprised to see her. Had he already seen her and decided to ignore her? Incomprehension and disappointment coursed through her.
“Hi,” she said brightly, forcing herself to go through with this reunion whether he was interested or not. “I saw the show. You guys were great.”
“Thanks,” he said shortly and wrapped his arm around the blonde, who in turn smiled triumphantly at Sophie.
Her stomach tightened and she struggled to get enough air. But she didn’t want him to see the effect he had on her. “Are you in town long?”
“Few days, then we’re off to the next city, next show, next girl,” he said and squeezed the girl at his side. She rewarded him with a high-pitched giggle.
Sophie was frozen silent for a moment, her heart aching at his coldness. It didn’t seem possible that this was the same guy who had spent a year loving her.
“Well, good for you,” she finally said, ignoring the taunt of his response. “Do you have time to catch up? I’d love to talk.”
“Em, I don’t know. Our schedule is pretty crazy.”
“Yes, I can see how busy you are.” She eyed the blonde at his side again.
“Well, thanks for stopping by.”
“Really? This is how you’re treating me?”
The naked hurt in her voice finally got a genuine reaction out of him, as he sat up and pulled away from the girl. “What’s that, Sophie?” he asked softly, meeting her eyes.
But she lost her nerve, suddenly feeling foolish for imposing on an old high school boyfriend who had clearly moved on. Felicity had understood what rock star ambitions meant all too well. Sophie should have listened.
“Forget it. Never mind. This,” she said and gestured to herself and him, “was my mistake.” She turned away before he could see the tears form in her eyes.
“What a jerk.”
Gracelyn made the
remark loud enough for Gavin to hear, and while Sophie appreciated the support, she just wanted to get out of there.
They were halfway down the long hallway in the backstage maze of the venue when Sophie heard a man call her name. For the briefest second, she imagined it to be Gavin running after her with apologies.
Instead, it was Conor who was by her side in a moment, offering her a cloth bandana for the tears welling in her eyes. In addition to donning a long-sleeve tee shirt, he had also obviously witnessed her disastrous encounter with Gavin.
“What was that about? Why did he act like we never meant anything?” she asked as she took the cloth and dabbed at her eyes.
“Things are just different now, Soph. I tried to warn you,” he said gently.
“It really was a mistake to come here.” She blinked back more tears. “I have to go.” She stood on her toes and kissed Conor on the cheek. “Thanks for being so sweet to me.”
“Sure,” he replied as she and Gracelyn quickly walked away.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Gavin watched Sophie hastily exit the room while slowly becoming aware that his entire body was tense. He released a breath after realizing he had been holding it for too long. The girl at his side was playing with his hair, oblivious to his shift in mood. He disentangled himself from her and stood up without warning or explanation.
He started toward the door, toward Sophie. He needed to undo this disastrous reunion and erase that look of hurt off her face.
But he stopped short when he saw Conor going after her.
That night’s show had been especially good, the acoustics were sharp, and Gavin felt on point. Afterward, he had noticed Sophie almost as soon as she slipped into the backstage room. As incongruous as it was for her to be at this show, rather than the ones in northern California, his first feeling upon recognizing her was a rush of happiness. And he wondered if he had somehow known all along that she was out there in the audience.
Tangled Up In You: A Rogue Series Novel Page 3