The innocent explanation slammed into him. Funny how adults thought—especially grown men. They assumed once a decision had been made and legitimized, all discussion about it was done. History. Emotionally off-limits.
How foolish that was.
Kneeling in front of them all, Eddie tried to play it cool. “I thought things were going okay.”
“They are. Things are just hard, that’s all.” Waving a hand, Shawn sniffed. “You in the hospital, me getting as big as a house…it’s just a lot, you know?”
“Mommy’s cryin’.” Mary said.
Shawn wiped the tears away with a fist. “These darn hormones. If my back doesn’t kill me, these tears sure will.”
Her comment about her back worried him. “Hey, why don’t you go lie down for a bit and take a rest? I’ll bring the girls up in a while.”
“Sure?”
“Positive.” Noticing that the ice-cream shack had a green flag flying high—the sign that it was open—he turned to the girls. “I’ve got a ten in my pocket. Who thinks they can eat an ice-cream cone?”
“I do!” they chorused, effectively bringing the conversation to a stop—and giving Shawn an easy way out.
Bending down, he reached for her hand, then curved an arm around her back, low, the way he used to do. To his relief, Shawn leaned into him, letting him support her as she got awkwardly to her feet. “Go inside and take a nap, baby,” he whispered before he could think better of it. “When you wake up, I’ll have some ice cream waiting for you and Four.”
“Chocolate?”
“Uh-huh.” He smiled. Oh, but she loved chocolate ice cream.
She didn’t say much, but he did notice that she wrapped a hand around his for a moment longer than necessary and seemed to draw comfort from his strength. “Thanks, Eddie.” After saying something silly to the girls about mommy nap times, she left them, waddling slowly toward the condo entrance.
She looked cute.
And her cheeks had flushed when he’d wrapped an arm around her. Her breath had quickened when he’d leaned close to support her.
Just like his had.
And then reality hit him. He’d fallen in love with his ex-wife.
Again.
Chapter Twenty-One
After spending two weeks at the beach, Shawn carted the girls back home. She needed to get the nursery ready for the baby, and there wasn’t much time. She only had a few more weeks to go. Tricia helped her some with the girls, as did Melanie, Bill and Sharon, and Eddie as much as he was able.
When Melanie called and offered to help go baby-supply shopping, Shawn jumped at the chance. Though she knew what she needed, it was still a lot of effort to walk up and down the aisles and get it all organized.
“How many bottles do you want to buy?” Melanie asked a little farther down the aisle. “Two?”
“More like six, I think.”
“You sure? That seems like kind of a lot.”
“I’m sure. Melanie, I hope you’ll ask me for advice when you get pregnant. You’re going to need lots of help.” It had been this way for the past hour and a half. Shawn was so thankful for Melanie’s help, but her absolute cluelessness about what newborns needed was almost laughable.
“Well, if I need help, I’ll know who to call.”
Seeing the pacifiers near Melanie, she called, “Better grab some of those pacifiers, too.”
Melanie grabbed two. “This baby’s going to have quite a time going. Everything’s brand-new.”
“I hate to admit it, but it’s kind of fun. By the time I had Elsie, I hardly needed to shop at all. After three girls, a lot of it looked pretty worn-out. This feels like Christmas.”
Turning a corner, they wound their way down the newborn-toy aisle, oohing and ahhing over all the cute stuffed animals and sweet mobiles that decorated the area. Two days before, Melanie had come over and painted the baby’s room a bright yellow to go with the striped curtains Shawn had found at another discount store.
After adding baby towels, a few onesies and about a dozen other baby things, Shawn decided to call it a day. “I’m worn-out. Let’s stop.”
“I thought you’d never say those magic words.”
Shawn looked at her watch. “We’ve got time to have a quick bite to eat before I get the girls from your parents. Where do you want to go?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ve got to head home and get cleaned up. I’ve got a date tonight.”
“Melanie, I can’t believe you’ve waited so long to tell me! Is it John?”
“It is.” As they moved forward in line, Melanie said, “This is our fifth date.”
Shawn knew how scared she’d been about any kind of dating. “Things are going okay? He’s treating you all right?”
“He is.” A sweet smile lit her face. “I don’t know if we’ll ever be serious, but he’s making me trust people again. Making me feel like there’s more to me than just a gal who’s afraid to go places by myself.”
“If he can do that, he must be wonderful.” As the clerk rang up her purchases and another clerk bagged up her loot, Shawn said, “Well, I guess time is moving on for both of us.”
“Finally.”
“Comes to $378.00, ma’am,” the clerk interrupted.
Shawn winced as she handed over her credit card. “Melanie, don’t let me buy another thing for this baby. Things aren’t changing that much.”
Melanie just smiled and pushed the cart to the car for Shawn.
AFTER A QUICK DINNER of fish sticks, the girls settled in front of a movie and Shawn got busy with the nursery. Though she’d meant to ask Eddie to help her take some things down from the attic, the last time he’d stopped by she’d been late for work and he’d been anxious to take the kids to the movies and they’d run out of time.
She’d decided to at least grab a few things and move them to Four’s room.
As was the norm in her life, nothing was getting done very quickly.
“Mommy, are you still up there?”
Shawn looked around the dusty attic in the dim light and wondered where else Kit had thought she’d gone off to. “Of course I am.”
“You’ve been up there a long time.”
Shawn panted as she struggled to pull one end of the crib out from behind three cardboard boxes. A puff of dust blew into her face, causing the spiderweb—or whatever she’d run into earlier—to stick to her eyelashes. “The crib is just a little out of the way. Are you watching your sisters?”
“Yes.” After a suspicious giggle, Kit said a little more loudly, “I’m watching them, Mommy.”
That sounded very suspicious.
Though Shawn feared Kit was watching the little ones pour shampoo or paint or who knew what else on the carpet, she pretended she didn’t care. After all, she could only do one thing at a time. “Good. Now you’re gonna need to move them out of the way when I start taking the parts of the crib down the stairs. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“Like you, Shawn?”
She knocked her head something fierce when she sat up in a hurry. “Eddie, what are you doing here?”
The girls’ laughter followed him as he climbed two steps and poked his head into the attic. “I could ask the same thing of you.”
“I’m bringing a couple of things down.”
“At eight months pregnant?”
Actually she was a little further along than that. “I’ve got a baby coming, you know.”
He entered the attic, saw the parts of the crib lying this way and that, and groaned. “Shawn Wagner, get out of here before you hurt yourself.”
“Eddie, you’re injured!”
“Well, that makes two of us doing things we shouldn’t.” He pointed to the ray of light shining in. “We’re going to get you down this ladder and then I’ll bring everything down for you.”
“I can get down myself.”
A hand on her shoulder stopped her. “Don’t. I’d die if something happened to you or that baby.”
> His words made her pause.
Maybe the same shock made him shake his head in wonder. But no matter what, that old familiar awareness punctuated their looks. And made her move aside as he headed down the narrow rickety ladder first. “Come on, honey,” he whispered, patiently waiting for her to step back into the waiting security of his arms.
As she followed him down the latter, the backs of her thighs bumped against the buckle at his waist. One hand cupped her hip, offering her security as she stepped down backward.
Security. That’s what he offered. So why was she thinking of absolutely anything but that? All that flashed in her mind was the memory of his hands on her bare skin. The way their bodies had always melded together. Felt so right together.
She took another step down and another until she ended up flush against him. Again. His other hand flew to her rib cage.
“Careful, Shawn. There’s no hurry,” he murmured.
She swallowed. “I know. I’m not always so clumsy.”
“I don’t think you’re clumsy at all,” he said, his breath soft against her neck, making the hairs at the back stand on end.
Because at the moment all she wanted to think about was how good he smelled. How much he did for her. How much he tried to make her happy.
To her chagrin, she used to take that for granted.
Now, though, she was appreciating everything about his help. Even as she descended one more step and felt his arms curve around her belly—around their baby—when she reached the tile floor.
She was safe. She was down the stairs.
So why was she in no hurry to leave his arms? It probably had something to do with the way his breath tickled her neck. How her head was resting against his shoulder. How they felt suspended in time.
When he brushed his lips over her neck, she didn’t move away. Just enjoyed his touch. After all, she knew her feelings, her truth—she was still hopelessly in love with him. She was confident that reality wouldn’t change for some time.
So, even though there might not be too much for them to talk about anymore, even though there might not be too much for them to plan for, she still wanted to be around him as much as she could.
When his lips wandered lower, when he kissed a little lower, pressed against her shoulder, she shuddered from want. From pleasure.
“Mommy, is the baby moving?” Mary chirped from their feet.
Like teenagers caught parking, they sprang apart.
Looking down at her stomach, which seemed to grow a little bit bigger every minute, she smiled. “I think so, yes.”
Mary’s little hand reached for Shawn’s belly, and she rested her palm on it. After a moment Mary brought up her other hand and moved them around, like she was holding a basketball.
Eddie chuckled. “Feel anything, Mary?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Nope. Just a hard tummy. Is the baby getting big?”
“The doctor said she was.”
Eddie knelt next to Mary and repositioned her hand to a knobby protuberance near her rib cage. “That’s a foot, honey.”
Mary giggled. “I hope she doesn’t stomp on you.”
“I hope so, too.”
After another moment Mary lost interest. She kissed Shawn’s belly, then darted off, leaving Shawn and Eddie alone once again.
“So…when’s the next appointment?”
“Next week. Will you still be able to be there?”
“I wouldn’t miss it. I told you, I’m going to the rest of the appointments. I missed the last two because of my trip to the hospital and physical therapy.”
Shawn knew a stronger woman would have laughed off his interest. Would have boldly proclaimed that she was having his baby—not trying to get him back in her life.
But the truth of the matter was that she liked having Eddie at the appointments.
And foolishly, she couldn’t stop herself from casting another interested glance or two his way. He really was handsome. But more than that, Eddie had always worn a cloak of authority and leadership that couldn’t be faked or replicated.
That’s what other women saw, Shawn knew. That self-assuredness was as attractive as anything else she could think of and had drawn her from the first moment they’d met.
“If you can make it, I’d love for you to come.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.” He reached for her hand. Linked his fingers through hers. “I was hoping you wouldn’t push me away.”
She couldn’t any longer. Ever since she’d almost lost him, she’d quit playing games with herself. She loved Eddie. He might never feel that way toward her again, but she couldn’t negate her own feelings. She refused to wish them away. “I think we’re beyond all that, don’t you?”
Just like when they were dating, a tension filled the air between them, and Shawn was incredibly aware of all things Eddie.
By his expression, he seemed to feel the same way. His gaze kept darting to her lips.
In response, she leaned a little closer, closing the gap between them.
He reached for her, curved a hand around her shoulder, then moved it lower, stopping in the middle of her back, right along her spine. “You want to rest for a bit?”
Everything she wanted had nothing to do with resting. She wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m okay.”
He leaned closer. Her breasts brushed lightly against his chest. She noticed.
He moaned softly. “Why don’t you, um, go sit down now, Shawn, and I’ll bring the rest of this stuff down and then set up the crib?”
Since he was determined to keep things on neutral topics, she followed his lead. “You won’t mind?”
“Nope.” He brushed a thumb across her lips. “And I promise I’ll stop if it gets to be too much.”
She couldn’t help it. She lightly kissed that thumb.
His right hand shifted, cupped her jaw. “Oh, Shawn. I’m trying to be good, here.”
“I know.”
Then there wasn’t anything more to say as their lips finally met. She knew those lips. She shifted her head and allowed him deeper access. Tongues met. Teeth knocked together. She closed her eyes and held on to him.
And then she stepped back when it was clear he was striving for control. Running a hand through his hair, he murmured, “Would you mind making me some iced tea and a sandwich in an hour or so? Grilled cheese?”
“That just happens to be my specialty,” she said, trying to sound calm.
“And, Shawn?”
She pivoted. “Yes?”
Gently, so sweetly, he bent down and brushed his lips across hers. “Thanks.”
“Any time.” Quickly she turned before he saw how she was affected. Before he noticed that she had almost put her arms around his neck and kissed him again.
And oh, she wouldn’t have stopped unless the girls walked in.
It was a real good thing that at least Eddie was still thinking with his head.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“You didn’t used to do this much when you were days from giving birth,” Eddie grumbled four hours later as he put yet another load of diapers and baby gear in the nursery. “You used to watch movies and eat Fig Newtons.”
After taking a package of wipes from Shawn and stacking them in the closet, he added, “Shoot, when you were pregnant with Mary, you slept for ten hours a night. I could hardly get you up on Sundays for church.”
“Oh, all that sleep was heaven.”
Unable to help himself, Eddie chuckled. “For you, maybe. I was always in a hurry to get you up and going.”
“I know. You always have been eager to go do stuff.” She shrugged. “Oh, well. Now I’ve got enough energy for both of us.”
“And now I’ve got to watch you like a hawk. Crazy, huh?”
“Well, they say each pregnancy is different. I can definitely attest to that.” Looking longingly at her bedroom, she murmured, “To be honest, I sure wouldn’t mind feeling a little more lazy.”
“I wouldn’t mind i
t either. You’re supposed to be gaining weight, remember?”
Mary’s pregnancy had been so relaxing and sweet. Shawn didn’t know whether it had been Kit who’d worn her out or the pregnancy. But she’d always been tired and had always wanted to sleep. Eddie had taken up the slack, taking care of Kit, driving her to day care, even asking for a few shortened shifts so he could be around in case Shawn needed him.
Conveniently she’d pushed those memories behind her. When they’d been separated, it was amazing how easy it was to forget just what a good husband he’d been. Like a child, she’d focused on wanting her way, instead of preserving those memories.
“I’ve gained plenty. I’m right on track now,” Shawn reminded him softly. “Anyway, when this baby comes, I’m going to have my hands busy.” She frowned, recalling all those nighttime feedings. For a while it had sounded so darling, holding a newborn in her arms at midnight. Now it just sounded scary. How was she going to nurse a baby at night, then turn around and take care of Elsie in the morning?
As Eddie opened up a multicolored mobile and typically tossed the directions on the floor, he murmured, “We can still get married, you know.”
“I know.”
“Would you want to?”
“I don’t want to get married just for the baby’s sake.” She swallowed. “You wouldn’t, either, would you?”
“No. Of course not.”
Shawn turned away quickly before Eddie could see just how much his words affected her. Because, the thing was, with a little bit of coaxing, she knew she probably would marry him again. Their time apart, and the way he’d been acting with her showed her just how much she still loved him. She also knew that there was no one else in the world for her.
Added to that was the fierce attraction she still felt for him, and only him. Every time she was in his arms, she longed to take things a step further.
She loved how he made her feel. Loved how wanted she felt when they were making love. But of course they had to get out of bed sometimes. And that, they both knew, was where their troubles lay.
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