“I’m doing what I want,” he replied. “I’m taking what I want.”
His hands went to my back and he unclasped my bra immediately, with just one hand, quickly enough that he made me laugh. When I threw my head back, he pressed his lips into the space connecting my neck to the rest of my body, making shivers run down my spine as he kissed me softly, over and over again, his hands on my hips. I moaned as his hands slid down my arms, soft and firm against me.
I moved my hands so that they were level with the bottom of his shirt. I tugged at the fabric, and he helped me by grabbing hold of it and sliding it over his head. My hands pressed against his stomach, soft and curved while still being muscular, and I traced the lines of his body all the way toward his chest.
I enjoyed the way his skin felt under me, the way his body moved as he breathed in deeply. As I moved my hand toward his pants, he stopped me, holding my fingers in his grip.
“Not yet,” he said. “Let’s take this to the bedroom first.”
I smiled as our fingers intertwined and he began to guide me toward the bedroom, so quickly I could barely keep my feet on the ground, we were walking so quickly toward the bed. As we got to the foot of the bed, I thought he was going to throw me on the bed, but he didn’t. He turned me around so that I wasn’t facing him anymore, and pressed his body into my back. I felt the warmth of his body on my back, and I could feel his erection pressing into me, even though it was flattened by the fabric of his pants. With a shuddering breath, he kissed my neck, my back, his hand slowly sliding down my arm until it was level with the core of my body, and then his fingers moved down until he found the sweet spot over the fabric of my panties, which were already soaked through.
He laughed a little as he stopped kissing me. “You want this, huh?”
“Yes,” I said. “I want this.”
He moved away from me, chuckling again, and I heard him unbuttoning his pants. I craned my neck to look back at him, and I noticed that he was taking off his pants and his green boxers, too. I could only stare at his glorious body for a second before he pushed me forward onto the bed, my ass up in the air.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said. He leaned down and kissed down my spine as he pressed a finger onto my clitoris over the fabric of my panties. He stopped and grabbed them for a second, moving them slightly to the side as he leaned down once again. “Are you ready for me?”
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, I’m ready for you.”
I felt his body weight on the mattress as he climbed up behind me, and with his finger still on the fabric of my panties so that he could have access to me, he slowly pressed his cock into my soaking pussy. I groaned as pleasure spread from the core of my body to the rest of it. He took a deep breath, steady himself as he positioned his body so that he could fuck me deeply.
He fucked me slowly at first, then harder and harder, his hand on my back so that he could steady himself every single time he thrusted into me, groaning every time that he did so, making me moan and scream and say his name in pleasure and ecstasy as the bed creaked under us. With his free hand, he pressed hard into my clitoris, sending explosions of pleasure all over my body, from the core of my body to the very top, to the tips of my fingers, to the bottom of my curled toes, and I was saying his name, screaming it, screaming something else that I couldn’t quite making sense of, and he was telling me he was going to come, and my legs were practically buckling under me as I heard him scream my name, and then all I could feel was pleasure, every single one of my senses shutting down as I felt nothing but bliss all over my body.
We both collapsed on a heap in the bed, him on top of me, and it wasn’t until I felt my heartbeat slow down slightly that I made him roll off of me.
“You’re warm,” he said.
“No,” I replied. “You are warm.”
He slung his arm around my stomach, moved my body close to his, and I closed my eyes as he kissed the top of my head.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
2019
“I’m going with you,” I said.
He shook his head, his eyes wide. “No,” he said. “No, you are not doing this.”
“Just how I get a say in how you are not doing this?” I replied. We were arguing over breakfast, sunlight pouring into the dining room from the half-open blinds. It was a beautiful day, but I was too worried about my problems to care too much about the weather.
My problems, I thought, trying my best not to scoff. They were more like his problems and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about them. I took another sip of my coffee, which wasn’t enough to calm my nerves.
“Okay,” he said. His toast remained untouched in front of him, the melted butter getting cold on top of the rye bread. “For the sake of argument, let’s say that you, too, have all the expertise it takes to deal with this. You know that I’m doing this for your safety—”
“That’s what you keep saying—”
“And you know that I have to do this, and the last thing I want to do is get you involved.”
“And the last thing I want you to do is this, but once again, we can’t always get what we want.”
He furrowed his brow, scoffing before he spoke. “You are not going to give this up, are you?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “You know I went to med school through the skin of my teeth.”
“Ugh,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I would hate how determined you are if it wasn’t so attractive.”
“Thank… thank you?” I replied.
“You can wait in the car,” he said, then leaned over slightly so that his gaze was level with my eyes. “I’m serious, Jess. The car. You never get out. No matter what happens.”
“No matter what happens?” I repeated, half-mocking, half-afraid.
“Yes,” he said. “No matter what happens.”
I bit the inside of my mouth before I gave him a firm nod. “Fine,” I said. “I promise you I won’t get out of the car, provided it doesn’t take you more than two hours, and I don’t hear anything which might sound like you are in trouble.”
His eyes widened. “You definitely can’t get out of the car if it sounds like I’m in trouble.”
“Can I call an ambulance?”
“Ugh,” he said. “I guess. As long as you don’t call the police.”
“I have a couple of EMTs on speed dial,” I replied.
“Great,” he said, his tone tinged with sarcasm. “Then your presence there will be welcome.”
“I understand that you don’t want me there, but I do have emergency training.”
He nodded. “Great,” he said. “Can you operate on yourself?”
I flipped him off. “I will be fine,” I said. “Will you?”
He rolled his eyes and stood up. “I’ll send you an address.”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “You could send me anywhere. Why don’t we just drive together and I can wait in the car?”
“Fine,” he said, groaning, then stood up and walked over to where I was. “You’re very annoying.”
“Get used to it,” I said.
He laughed, planting a kiss on my mouth. “Tonight,” he said. “I can’t keep putting it off.”
“You’ve been putting it off?”
“Yes,” he said. “Do you think I turned off my phone and left it in the kitchen for like, three days, because I was being forgetful?”
“Yes?”
“No,” he said. “That’s not why.”
“I know,” I said. “But that’s why I want it to be.”
I licked my lips. “What time tonight?”
“After dinner,” he said. “Maybe eight or nine.”
“Okay,” I replied. “That sounds…”
“If you say good…”
“I’ll see you then,” I said. “Bring Chinese food or something. This kind of thing is always easier when you don’t have an empty stomach.”
He smiled at me, but I could tell that his heart wasn’t in it, and as soon as I
saw his expression, I could feel my heart dropping to my stomach.
***
I was the one to drive us back to his neighborhood. The streets were all crowded with traffic, and each pothole put me in a shittier and shittier mood. There were a few minutes of panicked silence in the car, when I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say to him, because I knew I couldn’t just talk him out of it no matter how much I wanted to.
I could tell that he was nervous. I kept staring at him, waiting for him to say something, even when I was supposed to keep my eyes on the road. But I couldn’t do anything about it. I could only wait and wait, biting my tongue as I thought more about how dangerous and reckless this idea was.
Unfortunately, Jody was just as stubborn as I was, and I knew there was no way that I could talk him out of this. There was no way that I could tell him that his idea was ridiculous and wrongheaded, and that I couldn’t bear the thought of him getting hurt.
I knew better than to try and talk him out of it, but he extended his hand, put it on my shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. I looked at him and sighed as we pulled into the block where this ridiculous thing was supposed to take place.
“Here,” he said. “Park here.”
I parked where he was pointing to, never saying a word of disapproval even as I straightened my tires so that they were pointing out in case we needed to make a quick escape. The fact that I even had to think about that in the first place was, of course, absolutely ridiculous.
But I couldn’t stop myself.
Not for that long. As he grabbed the handle to get out of the car, I took a deep breath and tugged at his shirt, as if I was a child. “You don’t have to do this.”
“I do.”
I stared at him for a second before I let him go. It was pointless, of course it was, but I had to try.
He turned a little so that he could look at me, a smile on his face. I could tell that he wasn’t actually happy, but he was trying his best. Putting my mind at ease seemed more important than his own safety, which was, of course, absolutely ridiculous.
This was all absolutely ridiculous.
Since I couldn’t talk him out of it, I had to wait. As he slammed the car door behind him, my heart did flips in my chest, and I felt like I was going to throw up.
Then I watched his body as he began to walk away from me, and when he turned a corner and I couldn’t see him anymore, I realized that I wasn’t breathing.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
2019
I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
I tried not to check my watch too often, but that was basically impossible. I moved in the driver’s seat, back and forth, trying my best to forget all about what he was doing, and pretending that I was there because I wanted to be.
But I wasn’t there because I wanted to be.
If it were up to me, we would be back at my place, snuggling under the blankets and watching a movie one of us might not have seen before. Something cozy and safe was currently my idea of a perfect date. Anything so that I wouldn’t have to worry about his safety, about whether he was okay or not.
It was getting darker and the street I was parked at didn’t seem to have any street lights. Jody had been very thorough about telling me to keep the lights off and to not call attention to myself. I was trying my best not to, but I was getting even more anxious, and since I couldn’t see or hear anything that was going on, it wasn’t making me feel any better at all.
I wanted to pace back and forth, but I was stuck in the car, waiting for him. Waiting for something to happen.
I didn’t know how long I had waited for, but it felt like hours.
He had told me not to text them or get in touch, and I was trying not to, but my hands were searching for my phone, wondering if he was at least going to send me some information about what had happened or what was happening, if he could. If he was well enough to.
The idea that he was not well enough made me feel like I was going to throw up, but I was trying my best not to think about that. Letting myself get carried away was absolutely pointless, but I needed to know.
I needed to know what was happening, where he was, what was happening, if he was okay.
God, I really, really hoped that he was okay.
As soon as I picked up my phone, feeling the cool material in my hands, the sound of the car’s door opening startled me enough that I felt like I needed to jump out of my skin.
I craned my neck to look, my eyes widening as I realized that it was him, he was there, looking harried.
“Drive!” he exclaimed.
“What?”
“Jess, drive!”
I did as I was told. I turned the key in the ignition and my car sputtered into life. I was normally a careful driver, but I didn’t even look before I pulled out of my parking spot, and I was practically shaking as I got to the first intersection.
As I rolled the car to a stop, I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head, my mouth dry before I spoke again. “I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know. Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
He laughed, throwing his head back, a belly laugh that came from so deeply inside of him that I didn’t think I had ever heard it before. He was doubling over, his hands placed firmly on his stomach, and I was worried about him, but this was better than being worried for his safety.
Once he had gathered himself, after I had cracked a smile, he looked at me. “That was so weird.”
“How so?”
“Well, first of all, I had to make sure that they didn’t have any weapons.”
“Okay,” I said, as we approached the entrance to the freeway. The further away we got from his neighbor, the happier and less anxious I felt. “Good. That makes sense.”
“So after I realized they didn’t have any guns on them or anything, I thought I would tell them the truth.”
“What about a knife or a shiv or something?”
He looked at me for a second too long, then he shrugged his shoulders. “You didn’t think they would have a shiv, right?” he said. “I mean, we are not in prison or anything.”
“I don’t know,” I replied. “I don’t know anything about the whole crime side of this!”
He shook his head. “There is no shiv,” he said. “Don’t worry.”
“And knives?”
“I was trying to be careful,” he said. “But I couldn’t, like, avoid everything. I couldn’t put it all in a sterile room and have it happen like that.”
“Okay,” I replied, taking a deep breath. We were on the freeway, driving away, and I was feeling a little bit better. “So what happened?”
“I told them I wanted out. I mean, I got them a little bit drunk first.”
“A smart idea.”
He nodded, looking away from me. “They told me that they didn’t appreciate it, and they didn’t understand what had happened,” he said. “They kept pushing me for a reason, and I told them I didn’t want anything else to do with it. They asked me how I was going to make money, and I told them I didn’t know, but that wasn’t what mattered to me right now.”
“So what did they say?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “It was a little weird,” he said. “I don’t know, they kept saying that if I wanted to get out, I needed a good reason. They grilled me about it, but told me that if it was a good enough reason, they would let me leave.”
“So what did you tell them?”
He started to snicker again. “I told him there was a girl.”
“Oh?” I said, side-eyeing him. There was no traffic anymore, and the trip, which felt like it had taken at least an hour earlier, felt like it was taking way shorter than it had before, and my anxiety was getting a little bit better as we got further away from where his neighborhood was.
“They asked me if it was serious,” he said. “They said that if you were just some piece of ass I was hitting—”
�
�They sound like lovely people—”
“Then it was pointless for me to try to leave,” he said. “So I had to tell them it was very serious, and then they sang songs, congratulated me, and told me to invite them to the wedding.”
I looked at him for a second too long. “And you told them it was going to happen—”
“Not any time soon,” he replied. “But yeah. I did tell them I wanted this to happen.”
I took the exit, taking my foot off the accelerator as I turned off the freeway. “Wait,” I said. “What?”
“Well,” he said. “Of course you would have to agree first.”
“Are you proposing?”
“Yes,” he said. “If you’ll say yes?”
I laughed, despite myself. “How about a ring?”
“The lady has expensive taste,” he said.
“The lady doesn’t want to be proposed to in a runaway car,” I said.
“But it is dangerous,” he said. “And kind of sexy.”
“Oh, shut up,” I said, biting my lower lip, my heart doing flips in my chest. It might have been ridiculous, but he was right. I did want it.
I did want him.
And there was something kind of sexy about this, really, whether I wanted there to be or not.
EPILOGUE
2022
I watched as Jody walked into our house. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and I loved staring at him shirtless, at the way he looked when there was sweat glistening on him. It was unseasonably warm and it made perfect sense that he was sweating, moving as if he was in slow motion toward me.
I threw him a towel and he caught it with ease. He laughed. “I didn’t ask for this.”
“I know,” I said. “But you wanted it, right?”
He nodded as he began to dry his hair. “Yes,” he said. “I wanted it.”
“Well, there you go,” I replied.
“You don’t have work this weekend, right?”
I shook my head. “No,” I replied. “I told you, I blocked it all off for you.”
He smiled as he walked over to where I was, sitting on the couch next to me, putting one sweaty arm around my neck. I squirmed, giggling. “Have a shower first, damn!”
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