by Sumida, Amy
His words had the immediate effect of unleashing the waterworks and he wiped my tears away gently. My big bad wolf could be such a softie and it made me wimp out too. All my anxiety flowed away and the tears were half from relief, half from affection. I pulled him against me, holding on tight, hoping that this new security would last.
“How could I ever stop loving you?” I whispered into his shirt. He pushed me away and dropped to his knees, while he took my hands in his.
“Then marry me,” he stared up at me intently, wolf eyes all aglow.
“What?” I barely got the word out.
“If you love me, then marry me,” he kissed my hands. “You don’t have to bond with me, just marry me like humans do.”
Like humans do. The words swirled in my brain, coming to their obvious conclusion. A conclusion that I’d already known but hadn’t felt so profoundly until that moment. Trevor wasn’t human… he’d never been human. What kind of future did we have? I'd begun to think he was perfect for me. He wasn’t immortal since he’d bonded to me, so we could grow old together like regular people, and he seemed to love like I did, completely. With Trevor came some semblance of normalcy but what would marriage mean? Was I ready to marry a werewolf? Have little wolf babies? I just didn’t know.
“Vervain,” he started to look wounded. Damn it, Trevor didn’t play this game, acting the victim was a Thor thing. Why was he being like this?
“Trevor,” I knelt with him and took his face in my hands. “I don’t know if I’m ready to take that step. It's so soon.”
“So you love me, you say you’ll never stop,” the hurt look was turning into anger. “But you won’t commit to me?”
Commit. Sweet baby Jesus, wasn’t that a woman’s word? I sighed but before I could say anything more, he stood up and dropped my hands. I stared up at him in shock, feeling lost on my knees alone. He was furious. The little piece of him raced around inside me, like he was tearing at me from the inside as well as out. It was almost unbearable.
“Trevor,” I stood on shaky legs and reached for him but he pulled away.
“Enjoy your evening, Rouva,” his face fell into the cold angles of a stranger as he turned and walked down the stairs.
I just stood there like an idiot, gaping after him. I didn’t call him back. I couldn’t get my voice to work. I just kept thinking, He can’t leave me, he can’t. Trevor was the one who was supposed to stay. Forever. No matter what. This was the one relationship I shouldn't have been able to fuck up.
Then the voices came. The same voices that taunted me when Thor ended our relationship. Telling me men are all the same. They all leave in the end. They all hurt you no matter what they say in the beginning. The worst part is knowing that those voices are all really just me. Why do I do this to myself?
I sank to the ground, up against the couch, and hugged my knees to my chest. The bastard just stormed off like a child. I was getting mad and I welcomed it. I pulled that anger around me like a shield because if I didn’t, I was going to fall apart. Is this what I’d been missing all those years I’d been single? Well who needed it? I was better off alone, just me, my cat, and a lot of batteries. There’s a reason why some women turn into little old cat ladies. Cats are easy; you feed them, you love them, and they love you back.
“Vervain.”
I looked up, hoping it wasn’t Ty. I didn't want to have to explain things to Trevor's little brother. It wasn’t Ty though, it was Odin. Much, much worse.
I'd gone to Odin for training in shifting. During the course of the training, we'd fallen asleep and I woke up to him kissing my shoulder. I know, not exactly cataclysmic but Odin had unnerved me before the incident. After that little kiss, I couldn't get him out of my head for weeks.
There were so many reasons why forming an attachment to Odin would be a bad thing. Not the least of which would be the werewolf who'd just stormed off but also, the fact that Odin was Thor's father kind of squidged me out. Then there's him being one of the “bad” gods who I was technically at war with. Oh the list goes on, so basically, I'd avoided him ever since. He was the last person I wanted to see.
“Are you alright?” Odin had his one eye focused intently on me.
Why do people always ask you if you’re alright when you’re obviously not? And why do those words always send you over the edge and make you lose what little control you may have gathered? I started to cry; big, ugly, body-wracking sobs, like my world was falling apart. The poor guy looked appalled for a second before he dropped to his knees and pulled me into a tentative embrace.
He rocked me gently and amazingly, I felt calmed by him. It felt good to be there. It felt right, like I'd done it a thousand times before. I snuggled closer, desperately needing to feel something steady. Then the crisp scent of clean mountain air filled my nose. Smelling Odin was like standing on a cliff, you could almost feel the wind blow through your hair. It cooled and invigorated me. It filled my lungs and refreshed me. My tears dried and I looked up at him, startled.
He’d wrapped his leather jacket around us and I hadn’t even noticed. I could feel the warmth of his body but still, I was pleasantly cool. His face was close to mine and I pulled back to get him into focus.
Dark brown hair falling to his shoulders, close-cropped beard along his angled jawline, a long nose, and sharp brows. Odin’s one beautiful eye gazed down on me and then there was a bright flash. I blinked and saw him with both eyes. The image was fleeting, like a memory superimposed over reality, but it was vibrantly clear and it made me gasp. Then it was gone.
“What is it?” He stroked my cheek gently, wiping away the remnants of my heartache.
I just stared at him awhile. Most men would have gotten nervous or repeated their question but Odin just waited patiently. He was the God of the Dead as well as the Sky, so it made sense that he’d have patience. I appreciated the quiet, my vision had been disturbing.
I took a few breaths, listening to the stream behind me make its way to the edge of the second floor where it flowed over the side, becoming a waterfall and crashing into the pool on the first level. From serene to violent, it felt like an appropriate soundtrack for my emotions.
I’d never been one to have visions before, and now I'd had two. Both connected to Odin. The last had been during our training session. He had reached out a hand to me and I had a glimpse of the same hand looking darker, more tan. I thought I heard something too but for the life of me, I couldn't recall it anymore.
It just made no sense. Why would I see images of Odin looking differently? What did it mean? It’s not like seeing him whole was some great revelation. I already knew he hadn't been born with only one eye. Weren’t visions supposed to tell you something important? Weren’t they supposed to foretell the future? I was so screwed up, I couldn’t even have a proper prophecy.
“When did you lose your eye?” I finally asked.
He blinked rapidly. “A very long time ago. I gave it to Mimir as payment for a drink from his well. The well is an old relic of ours and can grant great knowledge if the sacrifice is great in kind. Mimir always said my eyes were too beautiful for me to have two of. So now he has one of them.” He shrugged as if losing an eye were like losing a tooth. “Why do you ask?”
“I just saw you with both of them,” I frowned, his information hadn’t helped. I'd never even met Mimir. Would this person have a part to play in my future? “I don’t know why, it makes no sense.”
His face went still and I pulled further back, studying that stillness. Then he took a deep breath and bowed his head. I forgot about my own pain as I watched his. It must be hard for him to remember being whole. I wondered if he regretted giving up his eye. Maybe the nonchalance was just a mask for his sorrow. I felt bad for judging him so quickly. My hand moved up through his hair, brushing back some hanging strands as I leaned down to look into his face.
“I didn’t mean to bring back painful memories.” I said. I thought I heard him whisper but it was too low to make out. I c
ould’ve sworn he said something about me being the painful memory, but that’s just ridiculous. I hardly think one shoulder kiss could cause heartache. I may have the Love magic now but I hadn't used it on him. “What was that?”
“Nothing,” he looked up. “Are you going to tell me what happened with Trevor?”
Trevor! I felt the crushing hurt return and inhaled sharply. “He asked me to marry him.”
“And this upsets you?” Odin sat back on his heels with a shocked thump and pondered me like I was a new species.
“No,” I sighed. “I’m not ready. We just started living together, it's too soon to get married. So I upset him, which in turn upsets me. He says I should commit to him if I love him.”
“No pressure then,” he smirked and I laughed. I couldn’t believe he cracked a joke in the midst of my misery. That was kind of my specialty.
“Exactly,” I shook my head. “That’s the thing with Trevor. There’s always been pressure on me, even before we were a couple. He bonded himself to me without my knowledge or permission, and then suddenly I’ve got the responsibility of this man’s life on my hands. I have to touch him at least once a month or he’ll get sick and die. Die! How’s that for pressure?”
“Binding is very serious,” Odin frowned. “He shouldn’t have entered into it without your consent.”
“He says since I saved his life, it belonged to me anyway,” I leaned back as I explained. “I started the Binding without even realizing it, when I refused his offer to defend me.”
“Right,” Odin nodded, “I'm familiar with the process. It's supposed to show that they’re steadfast and you’re deserving or some shit like that.”
“Yeah but usually it’s between two wolves and they both make the bond,” I rubbed my aching temple. “He was bonded to me before I knew what was going on. I didn’t want him to be tied to me, wasting his life being faithful to me while I loved another man, but Thor said I'd become his happiness and Trevor would be content just to touch me occasionally.”
“Then you and Thor had a falling out,” Odin prompted.
“Yes, and Trevor took care of me,” I shook my head. “I’m making it sound like he wheedled his way into my life and took advantage of me.”
“And he didn’t?”
“No, he was just there to help me. At one point, he used the bond to transfer my pain to himself. He literally carried the load for me. He camped on my porch for three days, waiting for me to let him in. He's been amazing. Then we got together and Fenrir started pushing for babies. Can you believe that? He’s like an annoying mother-in-law.” I pounded my head back against the couch. “Trevor gave me half of this club and we’re living together but he still says I’m pulling away. Now he wants marriage. He told me before, that he’d be around no matter what, even if I were to leave him for someone else. So why has it all suddenly changed?”
“The Froekn can be very psychic,” Odin shifted to lean against the couch beside me. “Something about their ties to the moon. Maybe he senses something coming.”
“Nothing’s coming,” I looked around at the beautiful club he’d created. All the work he’d put into giving the Froekn legitimate jobs so I’d be happy. “I love him. Maybe I should just marry him.”
“No,” Odin sat up straight and then relaxed back when I looked at him sharply. “I mean, don’t give in to him just because he’s insecure. You should marry him only if you want to, not because you feel like you have to.”
“Maybe you’re right, I don’t know, maybe it’s a moot point and I’ve already lost him.”
“He’ll never be lost to you,” Odin’s voice wavered. “He’s a bonded Froekn, nothing you do will ever keep him away.”
“Yeah but you forget that I'm part lion now,” I grimaced. “The cat has changed things. There are times when I feel like my lioness wants me to be with a lion. I get strange urges, focus on things I shouldn't. I can feel her pushing at me like an instinct, like an animal conscious telling me I'm going against the laws of Nature by mating a wolf. It's like she doesn't care about my feelings, there's no compassion to it, just right and wrong.”
“You don't give her enough credit,” he cocked his head and looked at me over the top of one leather-clad bicep perched on his knee.
“My lioness?”
“Aren't you a cat lover?” He frowned at me.
“Yes,” I thought about Nick, my gray tabby. I'd never accuse him of being heartless. “But a house cat is a lot different from the wildcat its descended from.”
“The cat was born when the lion sneezed,” Odin said with a smile. “They are very alike.”
“Yeah they hunt and kill things for fun,” I smirked.
“Saved by the Lioness.”
“What?” I frowned at him now. “Are you speaking in code?”
“It was a show on Animal Planet the other day,” he grinned and I had the oddest image of Odin sitting in front of a TV, in a EZ chair, watching Animal Planet.
“You have a TV in Valhalla? How exactly does that work?”
“I have something even better,” he grinned like a two-year-old with a puppy. “A device called Hlidskjalf which allows me to see into any realm. It also catches cable.”
“It catches...” I blinked several times. “Holy shit, you're Santa Claus!”
“Hardly,” he made a face and looked over his excellent physique.
“You can see anywhere?”
“Yes.”
“And you have a beard.”
“Yes.”
“Asgard does get pretty cold.”
“Yes but it's not the North Pole.”
“Do you own any reindeer?”
“No.”
“Elves, red suits, a sleigh? Do you ever have the urge to make toys or fill socks with candy?”
“No, Vervain,” he chuckled(rather like Ol' St. Nick). “You're getting me off track.”
“Oh right,” I thought back. “Back to your Santa-esque ability to see all over the world and also catch cable. I'd like to point out that I don't even catch all the cable channels and I actually live in this realm.”
“If you're finished griping about your lack of channel choices?” He looked at me with a raised brow. It was raised over the missing eye so it was a little disturbing.
“Of course,” I waved my permission, “please proceed, Santa. Or would you rather I called you Nick? Like my cat.”
“Keep it up and I'll start calling you Vivian,” he warned.
“Damn you, how do you know about that? You are Santa!”
My biggest pet peeve was when people insisted on calling me Vivian instead of Vervain. The friendly and helpful(by that I mean, rude and unaccommodating) people of the DMV were constantly trying to correct the typos in my name. Yes, my name is actually Vervain Alexandrite Lavine. No, not Vivian Alexandra. Yes, I know it's strange, it's my name. No, I don't want to change it to make your life easier. Could you please just print up my driver's license?
“I told you,” he smirked at me and tapped his one eye. “I see all.”
“You perv.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You should, you big perverted Santa Claus.” I glared at him. “You better not have ever watched me in the shower.”
“Vervain!”
“Okay, okay,” I sighed but inside, I was giggling. Odin could actually be fun. Who knew? “Tell me about the Disney Channel.”
“Animal Planet,” he sighed right back. “There was this show where they follow some poor creature around, filming its life but not interfering.”
“They call that reality TV,” I patted his head like he was slow. “Was it the cooking one or the sewing one? There's lots more but those are the really good ones. Oh, I do like the ghost hunting ones too. There's one with this really buff host who always ends up screaming like a little girl in pigtails. Oh yeah and there's a new Southern version of it with guys who look like they're in ZZ Top going around saying things like My ghost radar is goin off like a buck in rutt
in season.”
“How does anyone finish a conversation with you?” He looked truly baffled. “It's an animal show. I told you it was called Saved by the Lioness. Are you doing this to torture me or do you find this subject completely boring?”
“I'm sorry,” I let one little giggle out and he shook his head at me. “Go ahead. I just have to say first that I hate those shows. They follow an animal around and when it gets into trouble, they're all like Oh this poor zebra is gonna drown but we can't help it because that would be interfering, how messed up is that? You know that zebra is like Hey, a little help here? You've been filming me all day but you can't even toss me a rope?”
“I quite agree,” he patted my head. “Now shut up. This particular show was following a baby wildebeest around and it got lost from its mother.”
“See, I'm already depressed.”
“If you would allow me to continue?”
“Sorry.”
“In the process of trying to make its way back to its mother, it got surrounded by a pack of hyenas.” He narrowed his eyes when I made a face at him so I kept quiet. “It looked as if the show was going to be quite a short one but along comes this lioness and she saves the little wildebeest from the hyenas.”
“Not,” I said, dumbstruck.
“Yes, indeed.” Odin looked thrilled to be finally impressing me. “She ran off the hyenas, and the baby, who was too young to know that it should fear this predator, followed her and cuddled with her a bit before he went on his way.”
“That's amazing.”
“Yes, but what does it say to you, Lion Queen?”
“That a lioness can show compassion.”
“Exactly,” he nodded like he was a professor and I, his worst but somehow finally cogitating, student. “It isn't simply compassion though. She shows mercy to an animal she would normally hunt. She has compassion for her prey. Just because your lioness has personal views on who she believes you should be with, it doesn't mean she has no understanding of love, or sympathy for your views. Give her some respect and maybe she will help you with your hyenas. Metaphorically speaking.”