by Sumida, Amy
“Okay, I’m not quite comfortable enough yet with the idea that I’m Sabine, for you to start referring to things she said as if I said them.”
“I understand,” he stopped and looked away from me. “I’m sorry; you’re being gracious about this. It’s more than I could’ve hoped for.”
“No problem,” I started walking again. “Just go a little slower with me.”
“Yes, of course,” Odin started walking but stopped in the doorway to my room, staring at someone inside. “Balder?”
I peered around Odin and saw a lean muscled man with wild, fiery hair, talking to Vali. The man had turned to face Odin when he heard his name and his face split into a wide grin. He had gold eyes, I noticed when he got closer, and his skin even seemed to have a slight glow to it. No wonder they called him the Shining One. He was handsome enough but it was a little too much gold for me, he looked kind of washed out.
“Father,” he embraced Odin warmly, then looked me over. “So this is the Godhunter,” he tilted his head. “I thought you’d be taller.”
“And I thought you’d be smarter,” I smirked. “It isn't a good idea to insult the Godhunter, when you're a god.”
He made one of those surprised barks of laughter, then dropped to his knees. “Forgive me, my lady, I lost my manners for a moment.”
“Rise noble sir, you are forgiven,” I sniffed and Balder laughed more.
“Where did you come from?” He shook his head as he got to his feet. “And are there any more like you?”
“I think there are quite a few people who’d tell you that one of me is more than enough.”
“There are never enough beautiful, witty women,” Balder smiled brightly.
“Enough. She said she forgave your rudeness,” Vali pushed his brother. “You don’t have a shot with her by the way, she’s Rouva too.”
“To the Froekn?” Balder’s eyebrows went up
“Yes, they thought I’d be taller as well,” I brushed past both men and took a seat at the desk. My list was in the drawer and I wanted to go over it.
“She’s quick,” Balder said behind me. “I like her.”
“Too bad,” Vali pushed him toward the door. “If any of us actually had a shot, we’d have to get in line behind Dad.”
“Get out, you two cretins,” I heard Odin smack his sons good-naturedly as they left. “I’ll be down in a little while to catch up with you, Balder.”
I felt him walk up behind me and place his hands on my shoulders. A tingle rushed down from where he touched me and I leaned forward to break the contact. His soft sigh was an arrow to my heart but I ignored the ache as Odin leaned on the desk beside me.
“I’m going to work a spell tonight to determine if any of these names are your traitors,” I indicated the list as I looked up at him. “But I’ll need something from each of them to establish a link. A piece of thread from their clothes, a strand of hair, something like that. Will you help me collect them?”
“Give me half of the list,” Odin looked down at the paper. “I’ll take care of it.”
Chapter Fourteen
I wore a flowing pink dress to dinner, bodice and wrist daggers included but hidden well, to look as approachable as possible. I’d labeled Ziploc baggies with the name of each god I was after tonight and given some to Odin, so that we’d be able to keep our samples separate. They were safely stowed in my Triple-P(Pink Prada Purse), tucked in a side pocket for easy access.
Odin started to escort me to the head table, where his sons were already seated with another man I didn’t recognize. I almost stopped walking when I saw him, he was so stunning. Long, wavy, black hair hung loose to the middle of his wide back and his physique was as muscle-bound as Odin's. He had a beautiful face, not pretty, but strikingly beautiful, with a proud nose, strong lips, and perfectly arched eyebrows, over a pair of deep blue eyes. So blue, they were almost purple.
Oddly enough, I wasn't attracted to him in the least.
“Vidar!” Odin shouted from beside me and the man’s face lit with a brilliant smile.
“Father!” He bounded down the steps that led to the table and wrapped Odin up in a bear hug. “I heard you may have need of me,” he said in a lower voice.
“I may,” Odin nodded, then pulled back and gestured to me. “This is Vervain Lavine, a new ally of ours.”
“Vervain,” Vidar’s face clouded a moment. “Vali told me about you, Godhunter.”
“Only the good stuff is true,” I smiled and he nodded curtly.
Okay, so I wasn’t expecting a warm welcome from every god I met but I’d thought Odin’s son might’ve been a little more cordial. The last two had been overly so, making Vidar’s chilly greeting all the more noticeable.
Odin gestured that we should all head over to the table, then whispered to me, “Vidar’s called the Silent One for a reason, don’t take his reserve as an insult.”
“Of course not,” I smiled but it felt forced. Odin could read me a little too well for my comfort, so I hurried to cover my unease. “He’s very beautiful.”
“He takes after his mother,” Odin's voice caught on the last word and he stared down at me intensely.
“Does he?” I felt a shiver start in my stomach and work its way down my legs.
“He’s very special to me,” he stopped before we reached the steps and turned, so his back was toward the table. “As his mother was… and is,” he lifted his hands to my face and I felt the blood rush out of it.
“No way,” I exhaled in a horrified rush, as my legs started to buckle. “Tell me you’re not implying that he’s Sabine’s son.”
“I didn’t expect him to be here tonight or I would’ve told you sooner,” his hands fell to my shoulders and I felt the world sway. “I would have prepared you.”
I was not going to faint! I was the Godhunter. I could handle anything, including a son from a previous lifetime. No problem. Hey, I’d get all the benefits without having the negatives, like diapers and midnight feedings. Oh and that whole childbirth thing. Who actually wants to do that? This could be good, right? Oh hell, my hearing went all wonky and the world started to shift again.
“Vervain, are you alright?” Odin brushed my hair back and peered into my face.
I saw Vidar coming back down the steps, concern etched all over his gorgeous face, and I started to laugh a little hysterically. No wonder I hadn't been attracted to him, a mother couldn't be attracted to her son, could she? Was he still considered my son? How did things like that work? Could I date a man that I’d given birth to in a previous life? Or was that something only English monarchy could do? I suddenly had the urge to throw up.
“Is something wrong with… Vervain?” Vidar stayed behind his father but he studied me intensely and I suddenly saw something there that I’d missed before. Guarded hope.
“I’ve just told her,” Odin glanced back at his son. Our son. Oh, now I couldn't breathe.
“Here?” Vidar frowned at him. “That was not wisely done.”
“I realize that but I couldn’t let her share a meal with you while she continued to be ignorant of your relationship.” Odin put an arm around my waist and helped me up the steps. “Sit down, Vervain. Here, have some wine,” he helped me to a seat, then poured a glass of red wine and handed it to me.
I took it with shaking hands. “What exactly is our relationship?” I took a quick sip and put the glass down.
“He’s our son,” Odin took my hand and rubbed it. “A new body doesn’t change that, just as it hasn’t changed my feelings for you. Look inside yourself, you’ll recognize him. A mother never loses the bond to her child.”
I looked at Vidar, who’d taken the seat to my right. His jaw clenched and he swallowed hard. I saw his fear plainly, the fear of the worst rejection of all, the rejection of his mother. My gut clenched and I had an overwhelming urge to hold him, protect him from every hurt, even the pain I could cause. How ridiculous to want to protect a god but it’s what I felt and I couldn’t st
op it. The urge was so strong, I had to fist my hands to keep from reaching for him.
“Vidar,” I felt the separation of centuries fill my voice with longing for something I hadn't even known I was missing. With that one word, a mental dam was broken and flashes of him filled my head. I saw him as a baby in my arms, a toddler taking his first steps, a teenager experiencing his first heartbreak, and finally as a man grown and going to battle beside his father. I saw his entire life as I'd known it, in flashes that only lasted seconds. I felt the tears overflow my eyes and soak my cheeks.
“Mother,” he pulled me onto his lap and laid his face against my chest like a child.
I stroked his hair as the memory of him filled me and gave me the abrupt knowledge of motherhood. It shook my body with convulsions but Vidar held tight. My brain zipped with bursts of memories that were suddenly released, as if they'd been waiting beneath the surface for me to call them up. Pictures became movies, as if I were watching someone's home videos from their perspective. My tears dried as my eyes shivered, rapidly following the progress of a life I'd created in another life.
A woman gets pregnant and has nine months to accept her impending motherhood, then years to grow with her child. I had moments to go from maiden to mother. Heartbeats to come to terms with my life being altered forever. Seconds to allow the fiercely protective nature of a parent to fill me and become a part of me. When I finally worked through it, I was exhausted and exhilarated.
I kissed the top of his head and knew with perfect certainty that I’d kill anyone or anything that tried to hurt Vidar. Not only was I a mother but a lioness, a wolf, and a jaguar as well. I almost felt sorry for the next guy who tried to mess with him.
“I’ve missed you every minute,” he turned his face up and stroked his hands through my hair, staring into my eyes as if he saw who I really was and it was a hell of a lot better than what I saw in the mirror every morning. “Why didn’t you stay with us?”
“I don’t know,” I kissed his cheek, then slid back into my chair and contented myself with holding his hand.
“You won’t leave again, will you?”
I inhaled sharply and exhaled a shuddering breath. “Things are a bit complicated and confusing right now,” I squeezed his hand. “But we'll figure something out.”
Vidar frowned and looked over my head at Odin. “Do something; don’t let her leave us again.”
“Your mother has always made her own decisions,” Odin smiled at me with a mixture of regret and admiration. “I can only hope that she’ll change her mind this time around.”
“No matter what happens between Odin and I,” I turned back to Vidar. “I’ll always love you and you can visit me whenever you wish.”
“Then you’re not staying here,” Vidar frowned deeper. “I thought you’d moved into your old room, the one you shared with Father.”
I looked sharply at Odin and he sighed. “I thought you’d be more comfortable there.”
“That’s why all your books are there,” I took a fortifying breath. The knocks just kept coming. “Alright, you two need to give me a little more time to deal with this. Besides, we have other things we need to focus on tonight.” I reached for my wine and took the whole glass down in one swig.
Odin nodded and looked at Vidar with cold determination. “We’re going to find out who’s betrayed me.” He looked out over the gathered gods and then back at Vidar. “Thank you for coming.”
“You know that all you need do is ask,” Vidar nodded grimly to Odin, then scanned the crowd.
I ate in between bouts of hand holding and quick cheek kisses with Vidar, who lived up to his name and fell silent through most of it. He didn’t need to speak; his face, his body, and his eyes said it all. He was ecstatic to have his mother returned, and as confused as I was over Odin, there was no confusion concerning Vidar. I was rejoicing inside. I felt this shimmering happiness that seemed to produce an actual warmth. Like my engine had been missing a part and now that it was put back, everything functioned better.
When the meal was over, I let Vidar lead me around, reintroducing me to everyone as his mother. Odin hadn’t told the other gods of our previous association, so they were shocked enough to give me multiple opportunities to take pieces of lint from their clothing, or a strand of hair, little bits to form a connection. Hey, I learned a long time ago to never waste an opportunity.
I carried my purse with me, so I was able to slip the items secretly into their individual baggies. Then someone started playing music and the dancing began. Vidar took me out for the first dance and I studied his face throughout it as he did the same to mine. We needed to imprint each other all over again, him with an entirely new face for his mother, and I with the one I’d cherished but lost to another life.
It was a great relief to find something purely wonderful about this situation with Odin. There was no confusion over what to do about Vidar or worry about how he would affect my life. There were no negatives to having him back. He was something I could completely rejoice in and I did.
After awhile, Odin cut in and held me a little tighter than was necessary. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. I was connected to him, not just through love but through a child, a living, breathing representation of our love. It changed so much and I wasn’t sure how to deal with those changes yet.
“You’ve made him so happy,” I finally looked up when Odin spoke to me. “He distanced himself from Valaskjάlf for years at a time because of the memories of you. I’m hoping he’ll stay longer now,” his eyes shifted to Vidar and then back. “You’ve given me back my son, Vervain. Thank you.”
“I guess I could say the same thing to you,” I met his gaze and felt his yearning hit me like a shot of tequila... strong, fiery, and breathtaking. “Don’t, Odin. Don’t you dare use him to get to me.”
“I wouldn’t,” he looked down at our joined hands. “I’ll try not to,” he sighed. “Honestly, I might do it unconsciously, just because I miss being a family.”
“Well obviously I’ll be around a lot more than I expected,” I couldn’t help glancing at Vidar. “But I’m still Vervain, and I’m still in love with Trevor. I can’t let a past life change the future of this one.”
“As long as we get to share in that future, I’ll be happy,” Odin escorted me off the floor as the dance ended but we were stopped before we could reach our seats.
“Godhunter,” Bragi stood in our way. “Odin, I must apologize to you both. I didn’t know who you were. I shouldn’t have called you a whore, forgive me, please.”
“Of course,” I held out a hand and he shook it with a raised brow.
“Thank you,” he stepped aside and let us pass.
“Do you think some of the others might return if they find out who I am?” I let him hold out the chair for me.
“Maybe,” Odin shook his head, “but they’ve shown how shakable their loyalty is. I wouldn’t take them back.” He lowered his face to my ear. “I’ve got all on my list, how successful have you been?”
“I’ve got them all as well.”
“Then maybe we should retire?”
I nodded and turned to kiss Vidar good night.
“You’ll be here in the morning?” He asked me hesitantly.
“Of course,” I squeezed his hand and he smiled brightly.
Odin helped me up and escorted me out of the hall and upstairs. He shut the bedroom door firmly behind him and I walked over to the bed to unstrap my weapons. When I was free of steel, I gathered my tools and went to an open patch of carpet to set up my altar. When I had everything just right, he came over and dropped the baggies in my lap.
“Thank you,” I smiled up at him from my seat on the floor. “I'm gonna begin now.”
I put his bags carefully with mine, next to the rest of the items I needed for the spell, and then got up to cast my circle. I called the quarters and drew the magical boundary with my athame as Odin watched carefully, taking a seat on the carpet, a safe distance away. W
hen I was finished, the outline of the circle pulsing once before fading, I sat down in the center of it, before my little cauldron. I felt warm and safe as I always did inside a closed circle.
I pulled the first little bit from a baggie and sprinkled it with a mixture of lavender, calamus root, clary sage, and mugwort before throwing it into the cauldron. I lit the white candle on my left and then the black one on my right, feeling the magic rise around me in a tingling cloud. From the white candle of truth I lit a long stick.
“Let the faithful burn true blue. Let the colors see right through. To the heart and to the mind. Show us what we seek to find.” I lit the mixture in the cauldron and the flame burned bright blue. “You were right,” I looked at Odin, “Idunn is loyal.”
“She’d better be,” he smirked. “I was the one who rescued her from Thiassi after all.”
I repeated the process and the next three gods were loyal but when I came to the forth, it burned black. I looked up from the thick, oily smoke to find Odin staring at me intensely. Little shivers ran over my skin, the magic urging me on impatiently… more, let’s do more. I took a calming breath and controlled the power.
“Bragi,” I whispered. Odin cursed and stood up, to pace like a caged animal. “How can he be against you when his wife is loyal?”
“Bragi is the poet,” Odin waved angrily. “The fact that he would scheme at all, is preposterous.”
“Maybe he’s upset about the spear incident,” I smiled apologetically.
“I’m not going to waste time pondering Bragi’s disloyalty,” Odin sat back down. “Please continue.”
I nodded and continued the slow process of going through each god. I found eight more that were disloyal, including a goddess named Vor, whose calling was to punish oath breakers. Like Odin couldn’t have seen that coming. When I was finished, I put out the candles, opened the circle, and put everything away while Odin watched quietly.
“So now what?” I tugged on his hand till he got up and followed me to the couch in front of the fire.