by Sumida, Amy
Then there was the fact that I truly did love Trevor. So how could another man have a hold on me? How could a remembered love affect the one I had now? I guess one love doesn’t cancel out another. Love is not finite, you give and give of it and still you have more. It was why the magic I’d taken from Aphrodite was so strong. Love had no limits… either that or I was a big slut.
Regardless, it all came back to the why. I didn't know a whole lot about reincarnation but I was pretty sure that the people who remembered their past lives, went looking for them. They meditated or had themselves hypnotized. I believe some even employed psychics to just flat out tell them who they were in a past life. I don't recall ever hearing of someone just spontaneously remembering their other lives though.
Maybe it had something to do with running into people from my other life. I've heard stories about lovers reuniting, meeting again in new lives and recognizing each other. They'd feel a pull toward the other person or just feel comfortable with them. Maybe my situation was similar but since Odin was actually still living the same life, my memories were triggered by seeing the exact same man and not just meeting his soul again. Could be, but I had the strangest feeling in my chest that there was something more to this.
“We’ll just have to take it step by step,” I’d been silent for so long that my voice kind of startled Trevor. He squeezed my hand sharply. “I’ll promise you this though; nothing will change how I feel about you. You will always come first.”
He smiled and the sadness was gone. “I think I can accept that.” He shooed Nick away gently and pulled me into his lap.
“Wait,” I pushed at him. “So what am I going to do about Odin?”
He sighed and laid his forehead to mine. “How about supervised visitation?”
“Like I’m a child abuser?” I pulled back to laugh at him but he wasn’t laughing. “Okay honey-eyes, you can supervise.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Rain looked as peaceful as his name sounded, when he turned toward me. How someone who caused so much havoc could look so calm, was beyond me. Also, it really pissed me off.
It was the first time I'd seen him since the funeral and I'd decided I was gonna have it out with Mr. Psycho, er Psychic. The more I thought about the games he had played with his little innuendos, the more irritated I became. He did kinda save my life in a round about way, so I probably had to forgive him. I could still be pissed though.
“You look well rested,” I tried to mimic his calm as I slid into a seat at the same table I'd spoken to Odin at. Rain had just finished a set and had come promptly up to the second floor, walking past me with a look that said not only was he expecting me to follow but he believed the whole idea to be mine in the first place. It was. I was going to call him up to speak with him but he'd beat me to it. Convenient but annoying.
“Is there any reason I shouldn't be?” He slid into the seat opposite mine.
“Oh I don't know,” I pursed my lips, “maybe the fact that you'd known all this shit was about to go down and didn't feel the need to warn anyone? I don't need another Loki around here. If you're just going to use your gift to cause mischief, you can take your show on the road. And thank you for tipping Trevor off and helping to save my life. And for the beautiful song at Al's funeral.”
“Wow,” he laughed and shook his head. “It's not very often that someone manages to surprise me.”
“You find it surprising that I want you gone, instead of fucking with my family?” I raised a brow at him.
“No,” he sighed. “My gift, as you call it, comes with very few perks. Maybe the way I deliver my warnings can sometimes be viewed as mischievous but I do deliver them. I gave you the information as I was shown it. I don't have full access to the future and all its possible outcomes and I didn't know everything that was going to happen in Asgard before you went. If I had, I would have told you what I could.”
“What you could?”
“Most of the time, when something is unchangeable,” he frowned at his clasped hands on the shiny table top, “I'm not shown it. But occasionally everything is mixed together, the changeable and unchangeable. When I start to tell another person about the vision, I find myself unable to speak about certain things and I know then that they are meant to be. No warning could stop them.”
“So Al?”
“Was going to die no matter what anyone did.”
“Am I meant to kill Demeter?” My heart started to pound when I said her name. In all the years I'd been hunting gods, I'd never hated one so much. I'd never relished the idea of killing before.
“That remains unknown to me.”
“So you're telling me you believe in fate?” I couldn't help the skeptical note in my voice.
“Absolutely. If I hadn't before, now I know it for certain. Some things must be.” His hands unclasped and he reached over for one of mine. He stared at our joined hands as he talked. “When I tried to warn you about your relationship to Odin and the child that was no longer a child, awaiting you in Asgard, all that would come out were hobbled questions. You must have needed to see him, to come to those realizations in your own way. All I could do was put you in a more receptive frame of mind.”
“And before that,” I pulled my hand out of his grip and he looked up at me. “With Trevor. You pushed him into proposing to me, didn't you? Why would you do that?”
“He was on the verge of doing something drastic,” Rain shrugged. “His jealousy needed an outlet and you needed to see the situation clearer. It ended up being the perfect thing for your relationship, didn't it?”
I frowned as I thought it over. It had made me reevaluate things and made Trevor open up about his nightmares. I sighed. “I guess.”
“And she surprises me again,” he made a huffing sound.
“What, you didn't think I could be reasonable?”
“No, I didn't think you could admit to being wrong,” he smiled and it was the first time I saw it reach his eyes. I stopped and stared a bit. Rain's appeal went up ten notches when he smiled for real.
“And I didn't think you could actually smile,” I said softly.
“I smile all the time,” and just like that, the realness was gone.
“Not really, you don't,” I bit my lip. “Are they that hard on you, the visions?”
“She's insightful too,” he whispered as he looked away. “Imagine snippets of other people's lives popping into your head all the time. Then trying to make sense of the vision, wondering what it is you need to do or say. Should you try and stop it, should you just give a warning? Why are they even shown to you at all?”
“I can see how that might get tedious,” I began to have a new image of Rain.
“Tedious,” he laughed harshly. “Yeah, you can call it that. I once had a vision of a girl being murdered... as I was making love to her. It kind of ruined the mood.”
“Fuck me,” I breathed.
“Excuse me?” He looked up at me with wide eyes.
“Oh sorry,” I felt my cheeks heat, “just an expression like holy shit. I didn't mean it as an invitation.”
“What a shame,” his lips crept up at the corners and his eyes twinkled again.
“Wow, two real smiles in one evening,” I joked to get us off the flirting path.
“Must be the company,” he was looking at me strange and it was starting to weird me out.
“Since we're on such an intimate subject anyway,” I blurted. “Maybe you can help me figure something out.”
“Sure,” his brows danced down once quickly.
“I hold a few different types of magic now,” I tried to think of how to explain all the different powers I'd taken from the two goddesses.
“Love and Lions,” he smiled. “Better add Laughter to that as well.”
“Well there are a few more.”
“Oh?”
“Aphrodite was also the Goddess of Sex, Victory, and War,” I looked at him steadily. “War seems to really like you. I have to work hard
to tamp it down when I'm around you. I get the strangest urge to pick up a sword and jump on your back.”
He laughed, a sudden burst of sound, like it was torn out of him but once out, there was no stopping it. It surged and flowed, echoing off the metal walls and bouncing back to us. When he finally stopped, he had tears in his eyes and the rest of his band was standing in the middle of the crowded dance-floor, staring up at him in shock.
I waved awkwardly at them.
“I'm sorry,” he wiped at his eyes. “Did you just say, your magic makes you want to mount me? That's about the worst pick up line I've ever heard.”
“Oh shut up, Rain,” I grimaced. “It's like my magic sees you as a horse, not a man. A war horse.”
“I was a war horse,” his laughter left. “After I fought for Rome, Epona took me, made me a shifter, and sent me back undercover, as it were. I've fought more battles as a horse than as a man.”
“I had a feeling,” I nodded.
“Well there's another first.”
“How's that?”
“That someone knew something about me before I told them, instead of the other way around,” he settled back into his chair and looked at me with that strange expression again. “I think I like it.”
“Whoa, boy,” I held up a hand, “Stop right there, Italian Stallion. I'm taken. In numerous lifetimes it seems.” I rolled my eyes. “You need to stop giving me the eye.”
“Italian Stallion?” He choked on another laugh. “Holy fuck, I am an Italian stallion. I've never thought of that.”
“Yeah, you and Stallone. Great,” I waited for him to get his laughter under control again. What the hell happened to quiet, morose guy? “But why does my War magic want you so bad? I've met lots of warriors, including a Chinese General by the way, and its never reacted like this before.”
“I....don't...” his face went slack, his eyes staring at a place over my right shoulder.
“Rain?” I watched his hands clench spasmodically. “Rain, are you okay?”
“The horse needs a rider,” he intoned. “The heart isn't whole. Magic needs to fill it and send it into war. Soon all will be complete again. Horse, rider, and the power that drives them both.” His eyes cleared and he seemed to shake himself out of his daze. A few blinks and he was back to staring at me weird.
“Don't tell me,” I sighed. “You don't remember any of that.”
“Of course I remember it,” he frowned at me. “It was my vision. The riderless horse and all that.”
“The riderless horse being you,” I prompted.
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What did it mean?” I nearly shouted at him. “You implied that we'll be going to war together.”
“Did I?” He lifted a brow.
“Rain,” I growled.
“I said what I can, Rouva,” he grinned as he got up. “Or is it Tima? Goddess of Love? Of War? What title do you prefer these days?”
“Godhunter.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Odin, and our sons showed up at seven pm exactly. I welcomed them in through the wards and knew instantly that I’d never have to re-ward the house against them. They were family.
While I showed them around, Trevor finished up grilling steaks in the backyard. He had a picnic table set up and Kirill was out there guarding the meat from the other cat in the house, Nick.
Odin smiled at the eclectic mix of décor. He especially liked the tent effect the draped gauze had in the living room. A framed tribal headpiece caught his attention and he studied it intently before moving on to look over the intricate embroidery of a wedding kimono, just a few feet away in the little dining area next to the kitchen.
I led them back into my work studio, which was now also Kirill's bedroom. My easel was pushed into a corner now, the paints and other necessities tucked away in a rolling cabinet to the side, so my lion could have as much space as possible. His bed was across from the easel, tucked in the corner as well, and made with almost military efficiency. It would have looked really spartan if I hadn't given him such soft bedding.
There was a dresser for his clothes, though I knew it was half empty. Even the closet had only a few shirts in it and two pairs of shoes lined up neatly on the bottom. My blank canvases took up more space in there than his clothes did. I needed to take that boy shopping. I don't know how anyone could live with so little clothing.
There was also a small desk which I used to use for my paints but had cleared out for him. It was the one thing he had asked for, a workspace. So I had no problem with giving it to him. The top of the desk was covered with an assortment of little carved creatures. They were all Kirill's handiwork. Miniature dragons, phoenixes, griffons, and all kinds of real and imagined animals were carved with such amazing detail, I half expected them to start moving around. His tools were lined up neatly on one side of the desk and I ran a hand over them fondly.
“You were always so creative,” Odin walked slowly around the room, admiring the paintings on the walls. “You painted those tarot cards yourself, you know.”
“No, I didn’t know,” my heart flipped over when he looked up and smiled at me. What did you do when your heart flipped? Did I need surgery? At the very least, I felt like I should sit down.
“You used me as a model for the Emperor,” he laughed. “Remember when you pulled that card for me on Yule? You said you weren’t surprised it came up for me.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t notice it,” I shook my head. “I’ll have to get my deck out and take another look.”
“Vidar and Vali are in there as well,” Odin’s eye twinkled. “Guess which cards.”
“The Sun for Vidar,” I said immediately and had a flash of sketching Vidar as a baby. “He’s the happy baby on horseback, isn’t he? Vali is The Hanged Man, always so withdrawn from the world, so pensive.” I swallowed hard and Vidar immediately came over and wrapped me up in his arms.
“Mom,” he kissed the top of my head. “Everything’s okay now. We can be a family again.”
“Not exactly,” I pulled back and smiled sadly. “I want all of you to be a part of my life but it’s a new life for me, so I need you to accept that. Sabine’s life is over, I need to live this life and I need your understanding.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Vidar's arms tightened around me. Odin laid a hand on his shoulder.
“It means that she wants us to be considerate of her relationship with Trevor, the Froekn, and the Intare.” Odin smiled at me and it was an understanding smile as well as a hopeful one. “But it also means she’ll make room for us. She loves you both,” he transferred his gaze to Vidar and Vali. “She’s not going to leave either of you again.”
“I love all of you,” I corrected softly. “But things can’t be the way they used to be.”
“The steaks are done,” Trevor stood in the doorway with an unreadable expression. I had no idea how long he’d been standing there. “Are we going to eat outside?”
“Sure,” I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek as I passed by. “I’ll grab the drinks. Can one of you help me carry the salad?”
We all tromped outside, Vidar grabbed the salad and we set everything down on the portable picnic table Trevor had set up next to the fish pond. He’d also set up tiki torches and the random flames made the backyard look primal. The smell of cooked meat overwhelmed the night-blooming jasmine but the flowers were still beautiful, delicate little white fluted blossoms that glowed in the moonlight. The contrast of fire and fragility strangely put me at ease and I knew a moment of contentment with my favorite men gathered to share a meal with me. I put the six-pack of sodas and the beers down on the table, just in time to fend Nick off the steaks.
“Get out of here, brat cat,” I scooped him up and tossed him in the grass. He gave me an affronted look that spoke volumes on his wounded kitty pride. How dare I manhandle him in front of guests? He stomped off to go hunt something down and kill
it. We weren't so different I guess.
I handed out the plates before I sat down between Trevor and Kirill. Odin, Vali, and Vidar sat across from us. We doled out the food, carefully avoiding each others eyes, and started to eat in uncomfortable silence. I finally hazarded a glance around. They were all studiously cutting and chewing their steaks.
“Okay, that’s enough,” I opened my coke with a loud crack. They all looked up at me expectantly. “We have to discuss this or we’re going to be smothered by the elephant.”
“Elephant?” Odin chuckled. “What are you talking about?”
“The elephant in the room?” I took a biting swig of soda.
“Okay, Minn Elska,” Trevor grabbed my hand and gave it a quick kiss. “How do you want to start this?”
“We were discussing things in Kirill's room when you came in,” I looked over at Trevor and he stared back at me with a carefully blank expression. “I told them how I wanted all of them in my life but they need to respect our relationship. What I didn’t tell you three,” I looked across at my old family, “is that Trevor has agreed to respect our ties as well but he’d prefer to be around when we’re visiting.”
“Don’t trust me, wolf?” Odin grinned so wickedly that I didn’t trust him for a moment.
“It’s not a good idea to taunt wolves,” I put a restraining hand on Trevor when he growled. “Especially when they have something you want.”
“You’re right, I just couldn’t help it,” Odin spread his hands. “It just seems a little silly that he won’t trust you alone.”
“I trust her just fine,” Trevor didn’t loose the growl.
“I wouldn’t trust you either, if our situations were reversed,” Odin nodded sharply and twisted his lips in grudging acceptance. “You’ll both be welcome in Asgard whenever you wish to visit.”