In the Woods

by Robin Stevenson

  Another wave of fury, this time so intense I can barely speak. “What if I hadn’t been home? What if I’d said no? Did you even have a plan B?”

  She just shakes her head. Her expression is closed and stubborn.

  I stare at her. It’s like she’s suddenly become a complete stranger.

  “What now?” I say. “Back to life as usual then? Pretend this never happened? Was that the plan?”

  “There was no plan,” she whispers. “I didn’t plan any of this.”

  “Who…I mean, you didn’t have a boyfriend or anything. So…”

  “Just some guy,” she says. “It doesn’t matter.”

  My heart skips a beat and a picture of Brian the Pervert slides into my mind. If something else had happened to Katie, that might explain why she’d do something so crazy. “Were you raped?”

  I whisper. “Was that what happened?”

  She shakes her head. “No. Just some guy at a party. I just wanted to get the whole virginity thing over with, you know? It wasn’t important.”

  I’m not sure whether that makes me feel better or worse. Not that I would have wanted anything bad to happen to Katie, but I wanted her to have an excuse. Something to make this all less awful, less her fault. As it is, she’s only one bike ride away from being a murderer. “Well, maybe it wouldn’t have been important if it had occurred to you to use birth control,” I say. My voice comes out cold and razor-edged.

  “As it is, though, I’d say it turned out to be pretty damn important.”

  “You hate me,” she says. “You think I’m…a terrible person, don’t you?”

  I shrug. There’s nothing I can say, because basically she’s right. That’s pretty much what I was thinking.

  “I couldn’t tell Mom,” she says. “I just couldn’t.”

  “Mom’s all right,” I say. “I mean, I’m not saying she’d have been thrilled that you got pregnant, but she’d have coped. It’s not like she’d have kicked you out or anything.”

  Katie shakes her head. “You don’t understand.”

  “You’re right,” I say. “I really don’t.”

  And then Katie just walks away. Right out of the schoolyard and off down the street. I think about running after her, but I don’t do it. I just watch her leave.

  Chapter Eleven

  After school, Audrey meets me at my locker.

  “I decided to skip band,” she says.

  “Oh. Okay. So…” I can see Dexter walking down the hall toward us. “Um, I think your boyfriend is looking for you.”

  Audrey turns and holds her arms up. Dexter grabs her and lifts her up like she weighs nothing at all, and Audrey leans her head on his shoulder and whispers something to him. He nods, his face serious, and I feel a flash of anxiety. For the first time, it occurs to me that I am probably some kind of an accessory to a crime or something. I wonder how much trouble I’d be in if this secret got out. Nothing compared to Katie, I suppose.

  Dexter sets Audrey down beside me. “Okay. Call me later.” He grins at me. “Lucky dog. You know who I have to do my socials project with?”

  I nod. “Yeah. Robert James. Hee haw, snort.” I punch his arm, Robert-style. “Sorry about your luck.”

  He laughs. “He’s a goof. But he’s okay, you know. I mean, annoying, but not a bad guy.”

  Dexter is too good to be true.

  Then again, that’s what I thought about Katie. Miss Perfect.

  Audrey has her bike too, so we ride over to the downtown library and lock our bikes to the racks by the entrance. I don’t want to piss her off, but I keep picturing her whispering to Dexter. Audrey’s not one to gossip, but let’s face it, even a saint would be tempted to repeat this story.

  I fumble with my lock, bang my knuckles against the bike chain, smearing grease across them. I swear under my breath.

  “Audrey…I know you said you wouldn’t say anything to anyone, but…”

  “Including Dexter,” she says.

  She read my mind. I grin at her.

  “Okay. Okay.”

  “But Cam…” Her forehead wrinkles, fair eyebrows drawing together. “We have to talk about it.”

  “What?”

  “This baby…”

  “Yeah.”

  “Have you talked to Katie? Do you know for sure it was hers?”

  I hesitate for a minute, then nod. “She admitted it.”

  “Shit.”

  I don’t think Audrey usually swears. The word doesn’t even sound right coming from her mouth. “I know,” I say. “Honestly, I didn’t really think she would. I mean, I was sort of hoping she’d tell me that it was just a coincidence. Or at the absolute worst, it was a friend’s baby, and she helped hide it.”

  “So. Now you know. What are you going to do?”

  I shrug. “Well, what can I do? I mean, the baby’s okay. I don’t want to get Katie in trouble. I guess the best thing to do is just leave it alone, you know? Just…just let it all blow over.”

  Audrey pulls her jacket around her more tightly. “You can’t do that.”

  “Watch me,” I say. “Anyway, don’t we have some work to do? Or do you need something to eat first?”

  “Not hungry,” she says.

  I push the heavy door open, and we walk into the library. There are some tables on the second floor that are a pretty good space to work. No one’s ever there.

  I sit down, thunk my backpack onto the table and start pulling out papers from socials class. “So…”

  Audrey sits down across from me, but she looks distracted. She doesn’t get her notes out. She just sits there, chewing on her lower lip and staring at me.

  “What?” I ask at last. “Are you still thinking about Katie?”

  “It’s just…well, don’t you think the baby has a right to know who her mother is?”

  I stare back at her. “The baby is, like, a day old. She doesn’t care who her mother is.”

  Audrey blows out an exasperated sigh.

  “She’ll grow up, Cam. And she will care.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Believe me,” she says quietly. “I do know that.”

  I feel like I’m supposed to understand, but I don’t know what she’s talking about. I keep picturing that tiny baby. I figure she’s better off not knowing that her mother dumped her brand-new self in the woods. “I guess she’ll be adopted,” I say. “I mean, that’s best, right? Someone who wants a baby gets to have one, and Katie doesn’t get dragged through the muck.”

  Audrey doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. She has her hands spread out on the table in front of her. Short nails, no polish, long slender fingers. Her hands are tanned much darker than her face, and she’s wearing a silver ring on her finger.

  “Is that from Dexter?” I ask.

  She looks up at me. “What?”

  “Your ring. Did Dexter give it to you?”

  “No.” She touches it with her other hand, twists it around her finger. “My mother. It was her mother’s engagement ring.”

  “It’s nice,” I say lamely. I’m glad it isn’t Dexter’s ring though. Audrey doesn’t seem the type to advertise that she belongs to someone.

  “My adoptive mother,” Audrey says.

  The words hang in the air for a moment before I make the connection.

  “You’re adopted?”

  She nods.

  I’m fumbling backward through our conversation, connecting the dots. “Is that what you meant? When you said you knew that the baby would want to know who its mother was?”

  She nods again. “I mean, my mom and dad are awesome. They’re totally my parents in every way, and I wouldn’t change that. But there’s still this missing piece, you know? This question.”

  “Have you, you know, tried to find your…?” I fumble for the right words, and Audrey interrupts me.

  “Birth parents? No. I probably will though. Mom says she’ll help me.”

  “Huh. But what if…I mean, if your mother, I mean
birth mother, had done something like this…abandoned you somewhere…you’d hardly want to meet her, would you?”

  “I would.”

  “Seriously? Man.” I picture the baby again—how completely helpless it was, just lying there in those blankets, wailing. “I think I’d be too pissed off.”

  She shrugs. “Well, I’m not saying I want to hang out with my birth mom, necessarily. But even if she doesn’t want to meet me, I want to know more about her. I mean, I’m her kid, at least in the biological sense. I have a right to know who she is and what she looks like and why she gave me up for adoption.

  And I think this baby you found…well, I guess I just think she has that right too.”

  Audrey’s eyes are shining a little too brightly, but I don’t say anything.

  Because even if she’s right, I don’t see what I can do about it.

  Chapter Twelve

  By six o’clock, we’ve managed to rough out an outline for our presentation, but Audrey’s pretty subdued. I figure she’s still thinking about the baby.

  “So.” I slide my binder and some loose pages of notes back into my backpack.

  “So?”

  “I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” I hold my breath for a second.

  “Unless you still want to go get a sub or something?”

  “I should get home,” she says.

  “You’re pissed at me, huh?” I may not get the best grades, but when it comes to figuring out what people think, I’m not a complete idiot.

  “Not pissed, exactly. I just think…well.

  I guess I have a hard time believing that you’re really not going to do anything.”

  I look at her. “Audrey, come on. What can I do? Call the cops? Rat her out?”

  I shake my head. “She’s got enough problems without getting charged.”

  “Maybe she wouldn’t be,” she says.

  “I mean, she told you to go there. She made sure that the baby was found.”

  “Yeah.” That’s the part that surprises me most, to be honest. I mean, she hid the whole pregnancy, gave birth alone, and then—when she’d basically got away with it all—she blew her cover to save the baby. Not to make out like she’s some kind of hero—I mean, she still left a baby in the woods. But it gives me some hope that she’s not totally…cold. Messed-up, but not messed-up enough to let the baby die.

  “It was pretty lucky, me finding the baby,” I say. “I might not have. Could have missed it just as easy. If it had stopped crying a few minutes earlier…” I wonder what Katie would have done if I’d come home and said nothing. I don’t think I ever want to know the answer.

  Audrey picks up her bike helmet and fiddles with the chin strap. “You know, I don’t think you’re doing your sister any favors by keeping this a secret.”

  I raise my eyebrows.

  “I think you should tell someone. That social worker, maybe.”

  I don’t think she’s really thinking about Katie at all. “Maybe you’re kind of identifying with the baby, you know? Being adopted and all that.”

  “So?” she says.

  Her eyes flash. I should see the danger signs and back off, but I don’t. “So maybe you’re putting the baby’s interests ahead of Katie’s.”

  “Maybe I am. I get that you found the baby, and I get that Katie’s your sister.

  But do you really think you know what’s best for either of them? Because if you do, you’re kidding yourself.”

  “I know I have to protect Katie.”

  “Protect her? You think you’re protecting her?” Audrey raises her voice, and a few people look our way curiously.

  “Katie is seriously lost, Cameron.”

  “Shh,” I say. “Keep your voice down.”

  Audrey just glares at me. “You know what? She’s not going to get any help if you keep her little secret.” She swings her pack over her shoulder and stands up, her bike helmet dangling from her wrist. “You’re choosing to be a part of something really twisted, Cameron.

  So don’t pretend you can’t do anything. You’re making choices here. You’re that baby’s uncle, okay? If you just walk away, you’re abandoning her too. You’re just as lost as Katie.”

  “At least I abandoned her at a hospital.”

  Audrey just shakes her head. “I have to go, Cam. Think about it, okay?”

  Mom and Katie are just sitting down to eat when I get home.

  “Chicken stir-fry,” Mom says. “You hungry?”

  I sit down across from Katie and dish myself a bowlful without meeting her eyes. “Starving.”

  “That’s my boy. When are you ever not hungry?” She slides a loaf of bread my way.

  I glance up at her and force a grin. Mom’s pretty young—not quite forty— and she looks even younger. No gray hair, no wrinkles except a few tiny lines around her eyes. She doesn’t look old enough to be a grandmother, and I wonder what she’d do if she knew she was one. She’s always been gaga about babies. I wonder if she’d want to be a part of this baby’s life, even if Katie doesn’t want anything to do with it.

  “You okay?” she asks. “You look like you’re miles away.”

  “Yeah, sorry. Just thinking about school,” I say. “This assignment I have to do.”

  She frowns. “Tell me you haven’t left it until the last minute.”

  “I haven’t,” I say, stung.

  “Good. Because some people can get away with procrastinating, but not you.

  Katie, now—she’s always done well under pressure.”

  I sneak a glance at Katie across the table. I wonder if she’s noticed that Mom’s doing it again. She hates it too—she says it’s embarrassing, that it makes her feel like a big fake. Tonight, though, she doesn’t even seem to be listening. I guess she’s got bigger things on her mind. She hasn’t touched the food, and I can’t help noticing that she’s awfully pale.

  “Excuse me.” Katie pushes her chair back and stands up, balancing herself with one hand on the table.

  Mom frowns. “You okay, hon?”

  “Yeah, yeah. Just…you know.” She gestures to the washroom and heads off down the hall.

  Mom waits until the door closes. “Cameron, is something going on with your sister?”

  Christ. “I don’t know. Why? What’s up?”

  “She came home early and said she didn’t feel well.” Mom’s forehead furrows. “I wonder if something happened at school.”

  “Not as far as I know,” I say.

  I listen to Mom talking about Katie for a while. Katie and the swim team, Katie’s university options, whether Katie is better suited for law or medicine. How well Katie handles pressure.

  I wonder how Mom would react if she knew what Katie had done when she was really under pressure.

  Mom looks at Katie’s untouched plate. “This isn’t like her. I hope she isn’t coming down with something.”

  I stand up. “I’ll go check on her.”

  Katie’s in the bathroom. I knock softly on the door. “It’s just me.”

  “Go away.” She sounds like she’s crying.

  “Are you okay?”

  The toilet flushes. “Just leave me alone, Cameron.”

  A sudden unease prickles at the back of my neck. I test the door handle, expecting it to be locked, but the door swings open. “Sorry,” I say, embarrassed. I’m about to close it again, but then I glimpse Katie. She’s not on the toilet. She’s sitting on the edge of the tub, in her T-shirt and underwear. Her jeans are balled up in a heap on the floor, and there’s a thin line of bright red blood running down the inside of her leg.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Katie grabs a towel and covers herself with it.

  “Do you mind?” She glares at me defiantly.

  Okay, obviously I’m invading her privacy, but…“Katie? Are you…you know, bleeding?” Duh. There’s blood smeared on the floor and the toilet seat, and the tiny garbage can is full of blood-stained pads.

  She doesn’t say anything, but h
er face is awfully white.

  “You need to see a doctor,” I say. “We should go to the hospital.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Katie…”

  She starts crying. “Cameron, you can’t tell anyone. You promised.”

  Did I? I can’t remember promising anything. Anyway…“This is serious, Katie. You need to see a doctor.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  Talk about denial. “You’re not fine, Katie. You’re…look at you.” There’s a big lump in my throat. “Come on. We’ll go to the hospital. I’ll go with you. We can tell Mom you’re not feeling well. We don’t have to say anything about, you know…”

  “Since when do we go to the hospital because we’re not feeling well? As if she’ll just accept that.” Katie rubs the back of her hand across her eyes and wipes her nose on her sleeve. “Anyway, the doctors…I don’t want anyone to find out.”

  I’m way out of my depth here. “Look, I’m not just going to let you bleed to death.”

  My words hang in the air, too loud, too harsh. I didn’t even mean it—didn’t really think she was in danger of dying— but now that I’ve said it, it suddenly feels like a possibility. Like this might really be life or death.

  “I’d rather die than have everyone know,” Katie whispers.

  I don’t believe her. I don’t believe she really wants to die. Still, if she can pretend she’s not pregnant for nine months, maybe she can pretend she’s not in any danger now. And maybe I’m wrong, and she really would rather die than be found out.

  “Stay there,” I say. “I’ll be right back.”

  In my room, I quickly dial Audrey’s number. I need a reality check. I need to talk to someone who’s not in total denial. Ring. Ring. Ring. No answer. I hang up, frustrated, and stare at the phone for a minute.

  “Cameron!”

  I stick my head out into the hall. “Mom? I’m just making a call.”

  I can hear her banging dishes into the dishwasher, and I figure I’ve got about a minute before she comes down the hall to see where Katie and I have disappeared to. I take a deep breath and rummage through the pile of papers on my desk until I find the card that the social worker gave me. I quickly dial her number.