Drop black-and-white thinking. You know the mentality: You’re either being “good,” “on a diet,” and ultracontrolled—often depriving yourself of any foods you like—or you’re being “bad,” “off the diet,” and splurging like crazy. It’s what psychologists call “dichotomous thinking,” and it usually stems from a perfectionist mentality: “If I can’t be ‘perfect’—for instance, eat only highly nutritious foods and never exceed my calorie limits—then I’ll just give up and lose total control over my diet.” For some people, just a few pieces of candy are enough to throw them off.
To help change this mind-set, start by changing the diet rules: A “perfect” diet isn’t one that’s devoid of chips and candy and such but one that allows for indulgences in moderation. That’ll keep a few pieces of candy from derailing you. But what if you overdo it big-time? Instead of throwing in the towel, tell yourself, “Yes, I overate. Overeating happens, it’s a normal part of life. It happens to thin people and to people who successfully keep their weight off. It makes no sense to punish myself for overeating by giving up on a healthful diet and gaining weight. Instead I’m going to respect my body and go right back to healthy eating.” The simple act of brushing your teeth can help you transition out of overeating mode and put you back on track. On days that you overeat, you can work off some of those extra calories by getting more exercise, but if you can’t, then don’t worry about it. Otherwise you might fall into another perfectionist trap: “I didn’t burn off the calories, so I might as well quit my fitness program.” And try to put your overeating episode in perspective. How many calories was it, really? Remember, it takes about 3,500 extra calories—on top of your regular calorie needs—to gain a pound of fat. Odds are you didn’t overdo it by that much, and even if you did, you can lose a pound. It’ll take a little effort, but it’s not a catastrophe. Examine your overeating episodes carefully: What was the trigger? How can you plan better next time to avoid it? That’s what step 5 is all about.
Step 5: Have a New Plan A
When it comes to dealing with addictive foods, the internal battle usually goes something like this: You get a craving, argue with yourself over whether to give in, and, most likely, give in. You’ve probably engaged in that debate at the worst possible places: at the coffee shop, staring at the cookies in the display case, or standing at the door of a fast-food joint or other tricky spots. But with a plan in place, you’re less likely to have temptation staring you in the face. Now imagine that you’ve planned in advance to have a cookie at the coffee shop twice a week: on Monday and Friday. Just the act of planning—setting boundaries for yourself—means that it will be a lot easier to stay away from the coffee shop the remaining days of the week. Or your new fast-food plan might be that you don’t have fast-food breakfasts, period, but can go three times a week for lunch and choose from three different items all under a certain calorie level. Like these examples, make your plan very specific: which foods you’ll eat, how much you’ll eat, and when you’ll eat them. Your plan might mean that you’re still eating too many fattening foods, but that’s okay for now. As you gain more control, you can cut out more and more of these foods.
“Planning is a very important way of combating our toxic food environment,” explains Dr. Brown. “You decide what’s going to happen, you take control, you are not buffeted by the forces of baked goods brought into your office or the special on the menu. You’re planning for success.” It may not be enough just to carry the plan around in your head. “Taking a strategy from the well-known cognitive therapist Judith Beck, I suggest to my patients that they write their plan down on note cards or type it into their smartphones. They carry around the written plan to pull out when the situation arises. Reading it brings them back to their earlier conviction, to their health goals, and raises the stakes for sticking to the plan,” she says.
On a piece of paper, on note cards, or in your phone, start coming up with new strategies to deal with cravings and situations that leave you vulnerable. You can use the format below as a guide. (I recognize that the “old approach” might be your current approach, but let’s think positively that it will be a thing of the past!)
TYPICAL TRICKY
FOOD SITUATION OLD APPROACH NEW STRATEGY
___________________ ___________________ ___________________
___________________ ___________________ ___________________
___________________ ___________________ ___________________
___________________ ___________________ ___________________
In addition to writing it down, here’s another way to reinforce your plan. Visualizing the plan in advance has proved helpful to many people: It’s like producing a thirty-second movie in your head. Athletes use this same visualization technique before a game when they imagine themselves scoring a goal or hitting the game-winning shot. Or a job candidate might run through a successful interview in her head while she’s waiting in the reception area.
For this exercise, choose a time when you have a few free minutes. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and imagine yourself in a typical tricky food situation. For instance, let’s say that you’re coming into work and approaching the lobby kiosk where you always stop to buy a bag of chips. Now, in your mind’s eye, see yourself successfully enacting your plan: passing the kiosk, not even slowing down, then heading up the staircase to your office. Give your minimovie color and a sound track. What are you wearing? What are the sounds of the lobby? Did the kiosk employee call out to you? How did you respond while still walking by? The more vivid the image, the stronger a tool it will be. Practice conjuring up this vision until it becomes very easy to access. The next time you’re in the lobby and those chips are calling out to you, instead of listening to them, pull out your visualization—it will help fortify you to just keep on walking. Now do the same for similar situations.
Along with your specific plans for specific situations, also come up with alternative activities you can do anytime. Cravings don’t last forever, so if you can ride them out while doing something else, odds are they’ll pass. I know this well. Five times out of ten, when I start walking to the chocolate shop down the street, by the time I arrive, the craving has passed. I’ll either turn back and walk home, or I’ll buy a bar and have a piece of it later, when I’m ready to fully enjoy it. (I wouldn’t have been able to have chocolate lying around before, but one of the joys of following the nine steps is that you gain control over food. And keep in mind, it’s perfectly okay to have treats on this Nine Step Program; in fact, it’s encouraged to prevent deprivation. See step 6 for details.)
Think of things you can do when a craving strikes and you’re not physically hungry or it’s not time to eat a scheduled meal or snack. Ann offered some great choices in the previous chapter. I’ve also mentioned some of them on the following pages; they’re such lifesavers that it can’t hurt to read them twice! Don’t be discouraged if they don’t work as well as food at first. Remember, the circuits in your brain connecting the scent of a Cinnabon to eating one, or your afternoon break at the vending machine and other food connections, are well worn and comfortable. Replacing them, even with activities you enjoy, may not be as satisfying at first. Keep at it, and you’ll eventually carve out a new, effective groove, one that doesn’t involve food.
Ideally, your replacement activity will spark your brain’s pleasure centers in a similar manner as food. Those will be the most powerful and quickest for you to adopt. These are activities that soothe and comfort, or give you a little thrill, stimulation, or sensual pleasure. But they don’t all have to be that way. There’s plenty of evidence that simply distracting yourself even in the most mundane ways can enable you to ride out a craving. Just getting up and pouring yourself a glass of ice water or folding laundry is sometimes all it takes to shake a craving.
Alternatives in the evening. Nighttime is an especially vulnerable period for so many people. You’re catching some downtime, possibly the first time all day, and this is where a lot of addictive eating ca
n occur. To make it less of a threat to your healthy-eating plan, make sure to have a nutritious, balanced dinner, preferably with your family or a friend. The sense of bonding and belonging can keep you feeling fulfilled long after the dinner is over. After dinner, there are plenty of other ways to de-stress and find pleasure, such as:
Getting absorbed in reading, television, or movies. As long as your total TV time is limited (successful weight maintainers watch less than ten hours of TV weekly), there’s nothing wrong with taking an hour or two out of your day to watch a movie or favorite show. An engrossing book or magazine, even the newspaper or Web, can keep you away from food. If you’ve developed strong associations with eating during that time (curling up on the couch with some candy as you watch TV), you’ll have to develop an alternative plan, as described earlier.
Taking a walk in your neighborhood. (Team up with a buddy if it’s safer.)
Having sex. Close down the kitchen, tell yourself you’re not going back in until morning, and turn to your partner. You’ll hit pleasure centers that even a hot fudge sundae can’t touch!
Pampering yourself. Take a relaxing bath, give yourself a manicure or pedicure, or ask your partner for a massage.
Cleaning and organizing. It may not be exciting, but as long as it’s not stressful, it can do the trick while you’re waiting for a craving to pass.
Now come up with your own activities:
Alternatives during transition times. You come home from work, or shopping, or the bank, and without consciously realizing it, head straight to the kitchen. At the office, your first stop is the coffee machine. You have a little downtime between connecting flights and find yourself at the airport newsstand buying a candy bar. When transitioning from one place to the next, from one state of mind to another, from one task to a different task, food is often the in-between step. It serves as a reward (“I deserve a candy bar after that long flight”), as a way to get comfortable (“A coffee and a muffin will help me get started on this dreaded report”), and as a way to procrastinate (“I’ll just have a scoop of ice cream before dealing with the chores”). Often, you don’t even realize you’re doing this. A friend of mine, who was an international reporter for Newsweek magazine, told me that unless he had a cup of coffee and a cookie, he had complete writer’s block and couldn’t write the first word of his article.
Try these transitions in lieu of food:
Come home and turn on some music, take a look at your garden, check the answering machine, or simply sit and relax for a few minutes. Hungry? If not, don’t enter the kitchen until you are.
At the office, use the first ten minutes for the easiest, most enjoyable tasks.
Whenever possible, take a walk. At the airport, stroll up and down the terminal; at break time during meetings or conferences, walk briskly around the block a few times.
Meditate or do breathing exercises. Both will help focus you away from food. (For a breathing exercise, see page 65.)
Alternatives while traveling or on vacation. If you’re not careful, a trip can become one extended eating tour. To avoid that try the following:
Bring comfortable shoes on every trip, even a one-day business trip. Plan a walk if possible. On vacations, walking is the best way to get to know new places.
Plan an active vacation. It’s hard to down a bag of chips while you’re snorkeling or biking through the countryside.
Limit alcohol. Remind yourself that vacation, relaxation, and fun are not synonymous with alcohol. There are so many other ways to relax and enjoy yourself: visiting museums, swimming, or going to the movies. You could simply take a moment to reflect on the fact that you’re not at the office or doing household chores!
Plan meals and snacks. While spontaneity is part of the fun of a vacation, you can be spontaneous within a loose structure. Stick with a daily schedule of three meals plus a snack(s), and research restaurants that offer healthful but enjoyable fare. Want to sample the famous local sweets? Plan them into your day by reducing calories at another meal.
Step 6: Cut Out Some Foods and Reduce Portions
Fatty, sugary, and salty foods beget more fatty, sugary, and salty foods. As explained earlier, it’s a vicious cycle in which certain foods set off an explosion of feel-good brain chemicals, so you go back for more and get the same reaction. Eventually the chemicals start percolating in your brain at just the thought of the food. That thought becomes obsessive, driving you to eat the food, and so on. Use these strategies to wean yourself off these addictive foods:
Limit variety. In a perfect world, you’d stop eating all your problem foods today. But this cold turkey approach backfires for most people; the deprivation makes these foods loom even larger, dominating their thoughts until they can’t take it anymore and give in, having way more than they would have if the food wasn’t forbidden.
I recommend going back to your food record and figuring out which of the unhealthy, highly craved foods you could eliminate with a minimum of anguish. As explained earlier, variety is a trigger for overeating, so allow yourself just one food from each category. If baked sweets are your only unhealthy addictive food category, then pick just one to have this week. There’s this little trick we try to play on ourselves: “I’ll have just one cupcake, scone, chocolate chip cookie, and brownie—even if I had them all on one day, at least I didn’t go through an entire box of cookies.” If that sounds familiar, then choose just one of those foods to keep in your kitchen or, even better, to go out and purchase as a single item. Bringing in a single serving (in other words, one Fudgsicle from 7-Eleven or a medium-sized cookie from the bakery) is a great control strategy. And even items packaged in single servings, such as the individual Hershey’s Extra Dark chocolate squares (which carry the Best Life seal), help tremendously with portion control. If you have more than one category—for instance, baked goods, candy, and chips—then, again, pick one food from each category and stick with that alone this week.
Meanwhile, develop a new plan to deal with each food, using the recommendations under step 5, “Have a New Plan A.” Your ultimate goal is to be in control of formerly addictive foods, whether that means eating them on occasion or eating a small portion daily. Most people trying to lose weight can get away with about 150 treat calories a day—I actually recommend this to help prevent feelings of deprivation. There may be some foods that you’ll have to completely avoid; they’re just too difficult to resist. And as you retrain your tastes away from high-salt, high-sugar, and high-fat foods (step 9), your cravings for them will diminish.
Stop stuffing. If you’ve been stuffing yourself for years and/or eating throughout the day without allowing three to four hours to pass in between meals, you may have lost your sense of hunger and fullness. Don’t worry, it’s a temporary loss; eating on a schedule (step 3) will help bring back this all-important appetite control mechanism. Another way to coax it back: Eat reasonable portions. Do this and you won’t leave a meal overly full. Your stomach will shrink back to normal. (Yes, overeating stretches the stomach, but it will return to its regular size.) And you’ll stop associating eating with feeling stuffed. Use the Hunger Scale (page 230) to help pare down your portions.
Step 7: Manage Your Triggers
The goal here is to remove as many triggers as possible. Eating triggers, as I explained earlier, are the things that get you thinking about a specific food—a bakery smell, a mind state (like stress), a location, a time of day, even catching a glimpse of a certain food in your kitchen, to name just a few. And your wiring may be making you particularly sensitive to these triggers. Back to the kiosk example: If there was a way to avoid the kiosk by coming into the building through another entrance, you’d have removed one cue. But if the building itself is one giant cue, then you’d have to use self-talk, planning, and visualizations to help you keep away from the kiosk. You may not even have figured out all your triggers; the “Situation/Emotions” column in the Lifestyle Log might shine a light on some. If stress and emotions are your main t
riggers, using the worksheets and exercises in “Overcoming Emotional Eating,” chapter 2, will be tremendously helpful.
Check out the table below to see if you spot any of your triggers, and try out the advice for unhooking the trigger from eating.
YOUR TRIGGER HOW TO UNPLUG THE TRIGGER FROM THE FOOD
Problem food or food advertisement A bag of chips on the kitchen counter is basically an invitation to eat them— same with other problem foods. Spare yourself the temptation by ridding your fridge, pantry, and cabinets of unhealthy trigger foods. It may be okay to keep one treat around if it’s part of your plan (see steps 5 and 6). And don’t discount the power of food ads; flip the channel or turn the magazine page and get them out of sight!
Time of day (for example, you always have a candy bar at eleven in the morning) Have no food at your trigger hour—or drink water instead. Other than your scheduled meals and snacks, don’t tie addictive foods to any particular hour of the day.
Place (kitchen, bakery, ice-cream shop, in front of the TV) Unless it’s written into your plan, avoid the place if possible. For instance, if it’s a doughnut shop on your way to work, take a different route. If you must be in the place, then get out as soon as possible. If the kitchen is a trigger, for example, trade kitchen duties for other chores with your family members. If sitting in front of the tube is your trigger, drink water (or another calorie-free beverage), or even better, watch TV while you’re on a treadmill or other exercise machine.
YOUR TRIGGER HOW TO UNPLUG THE TRIGGER FROM THE FOOD
Situation Vacations, a day at the beach, shopping in the mall, and other situations are often linked to indulgent foods. Create new food rituals in these places: Eat a real (healthy) lunch at the mall instead of stopping at the cookie vendor. And remind yourself of the true reason for your outing: to buy a gift, or to mail a letter, or to get to work.
The Life You Want Page 13