Not a blister.
Joe breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want to see Paloma’s tucked chorizo. “Yeah, why not?”
“I started drawing Paloma when I was about twelve, doodling her in my sketchpads. Then one day, a couple of years later, I just drew her onto me instead.” He looked down at the screen and smiled. “I didn’t try padding until I was a few years older, so when I show you this, be kind. Paloma was more Jessica Rabbit than Rita Hayworth once upon a time.”
He turned the phone so Joe could see it. Young Alejandro with his dark eyes was so maddeningly pretty that Joe almost forgot that he was supposed to be looking at the drag. And the drag was…pneumatic? The enormous fake bosoms did their best to disguise the fact that Alejandro’s waist wasn’t particularly prominent. The make-up wasn’t as elegant as Paloma’s now was, but it was certainly bright, and Alejandro was apparently perfecting his bee-stung pout with great enthusiasm.
“Are those balloons down the front of your dress? That frock is pretty wild, though!”
“I made that.” He beamed. “But those boobs, what was I thinking? And look at that cheap wig, ugh!”
“You had a fire hazard on your head!” Joe laughed. Then he looked up at Alejandro. “You still looked very pretty though.”
“I looked horrible, stop it!” He took back the phone. “I just can’t let you shave that chest, Osito, so I’m going to paint you from here up.” He tapped his own breastbone. “I’m going to turn you into a comic book secret agent. Like a Man from U.N.C.L.E. How’s that?”
“Brilliant!” Joe settled more comfortably in the chair. “You know, Alejandro, despite all the…you know, stuff going on, I’m having fun. I’m glad you got your mum to melt the commander’s earwax. I really didn’t want to go. It’s great to be back.”
“It’s great to have you. Not that I’ve had you. Or you me, or—” Alejandro fanned his hand in front of his face and laughed. “Stop flustering me!”
Joe laughed too. He’d never had this effect on someone before. “I’ve got some news, by the way. I don’t know if you’ll be interested to know, but…”
“But?” Alejandro tapped his finger against his chin. “Would it be asking too much to squeeze your arm now there’s no shirt in the way? A platonic squeeze, as an artist?”
“Go on, then.” Joe raised his arm in the muscle-man pose and flexed his biceps. “Squeeze all you like.”
“As an artist.” He closed his fingers over Joe’s biceps and squeezed. “Tell me your news while I just cling on here and appreciate your general firmness. Don’t mind me!”
“Wendy summoned me to what I assumed was a lunch date, but was actually…” Joe lost his thread for a moment as Alejandro squeezed his arm. God, that feels good. “Well, her colleague Barnaby was there. And she told me, well, she’s moving to Japan.”
“Is that why your tummy was rumbling?” Alejandro allowed himself the hint of a caress, then smoothed his palm over the tensed muscle again. “No food, just drama? Why is she going to Japan if— You’re not going to Japan, are you? But I’m not in Japan!”
“I’d heard about some merger they’d been working on. Something like that.” Joe subdued a sigh as Alejandro went on touching him. “And when I turned up, Wendy said they were opening an office in Japan, and I ordered teriyaki to celebrate. Then the next thing you know, she’s sulking because she’s decided to move to Japan, demands I go too, and it’s the first I’d ever heard about it and she can’t see why I’d be upset. Oddly enough, I went off my lunch.”
“What did you tell her? I wouldn’t go to Japan if I was leaving this arm in England.” He nodded once, as though Joe’s arm had met his high standards. “Can I try the other? See if it’s as good?”
“Go on, then.” Joe flexed his other arm. “I told her I didn’t want to go. And she pretty much admitted to me that there’s someone else. And she said, in Japan, there wouldn’t be. What sort of… That’s supposed to make me want to give everything up, is it?”
“Do you want to be married to her?” Alejandro slid his hand over Joe’s chest, offering a mischievous smile as he took hold of his other arm. “You’ve never seemed… It’s not my business, is it? You don’t have to tell me.”
Joe’s gaze fell to his reflection. He was topless, staring at himself, and he realised that he didn’t have to hide who he was from Alejandro. But once it was said, he couldn’t unsay it. He couldn’t laugh awkwardly and say ‘Only joking!’ If he spoke quickly, it’d be like ripping off a plaster. Then it would be done.
“I’m gay.”
Joe closed his eyes, waiting for the ceiling to fall in.
“So am I. Isn’t it fun?” Alejandro released Joe’s arm and ruffled his hair playfully. “And soon you’ll be a Man from U.N.C.L.E.!”
“So now you know.” Laughing, Joe grasped Alejandro’s hand. “I really wanted to tell you! When you were cross with me and I didn’t know why, and I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. Do you know, I nearly asked you if you knew Paloma, because I wanted to see her again. Find out who the man was underneath the costume.”
“I was cross because I thought you were one of those married men I told you about. The men who won’t have a boy unless she’s dressed as a girl.” His smile was soft though, no trace of anger there now. How much more beautiful he was without the scowl. “Paloma’s nicer than Alejo, isn’t she?”
“She’s an elegant woman, and Alejo is a spirited young man.” Joe brushed the back of his hand against Alejandro’s cheek. “They’re still both you, though, aren’t they?”
“They’re both very much me.” He leaned close and put his lips to Joe’s ear. “But the boobs aren’t real, in case you wondered.”
Sergeant Wenlock, do you want to be sacked?
Joe shone Alejandro his chummiest grin, trying to ignore how close Alejandro was to him. “Well, yes, the boobs. I thought they probably weren’t.”
“The muscles are though, aren’t they? They’re very, very real.” He widened his already large eyes. “Not that I’ve noticed.”
“They are real, yes!” Joe grinned. “You might’ve thought under my shirt they were just inflated with a tiny pump that I hide in my pocket, but you can see now, can’t you? They’re very real.”
Alejandro grinned and assured him, “And definitely a nine. I can’t give a ten just yet, not on the strength of squeezing alone.”
“You’d need a hug, would you, just to be sure?” Joe said. “I can give you a hug, if you’d like one. A platonic hug, so I don’t get sacked, of course.”
“A hug would help, but I can’t award a ten for your muscles until I’ve spent all night kissing them.” Bloody hell. “But that might get you fired too, I guess? Fired but excited?”
“Very fired and very excited,” Joe assured him. Joe caught his reflection and saw his blushing red face staring back at him. “Look, when this is over, when you don’t need a CPO anymore, maybe, depending on who I’m assigned to. If I’m assigned to your mum again, it might not be allowed, but…depending… I’d have to disclose it to Commander Holloway, but…if I’m allowed, we could give it a go.”
“Would you really want to?” Alejandro looked as though he couldn’t believe it, as though it was utterly unthinkable. “With me?”
“Yes! You’re fun, and you’re stunning, and…yes,” Joe told him. “Otherwise, I’d have to ask you to take me out to some nightclub somewhere and help me find a boyfriend, and that would be rather awkward, wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t know what to say, Osito. Yes, let’s give it a go!” Alejandro laughed. “Zak might not like it but can we not think about Zak? I went up and down that street the next day, you know, asking everyone if they knew the guy in tweed!”
“I s’pose we would’ve found each other again somehow.” Joe stroked the back of Alejandro’s hand. “But yeah, let’s not think about Zak. Sorry, I’d completely… I’ve just asked you out, and you’ve already got… Yeah, let’s not think about him.”
“Let�
��s not,” he agreed, curling his fingers around Joe’s. “Once I’ve had my hug, what then? Do we go back to being Sergeant Wenlock and Mr Fuente? Can I at least be Alejo?”
“I’d feel honoured to call you Alejo,” Joe said. “Would you like that hug now?”
Just as Paloma had on the previous evening, Alejandro settled himself on Joe’s lap, one arm around his neck. Then he said, “Yes please, Osito.”
So Joe hugged him tight. Alejandro was so warm and alive in his arms and Joe brushed his lips against Alejandro’s neck as he held him. “You’re extremely nice to hug, Alejo.”
His reply was a soft sigh of contentment and Alejandro snuggled as close as he could possibly get, his cheek pressed to Joe’s. Eventually he whispered, “This is the best hug I’ve ever had.”
“And it’s platonic, of course,” Joe said, more to remind himself that nothing more than this was allowed. And perhaps not even this, but he wasn’t about to tell Patrick about it.
“Of course.” Alejandro lifted his head just a little and let their foreheads touch. His eyes sparkled and he whispered, “Did you really think I was dumb enough to take my tracker out by accident last night?”
“I did wonder.” Joe did his best to ignore the tingle in his lips as he recalled their kiss in the street. “Why go to all that effort escaping out of a window, then take your GPS with you?”
“Because I’m naughty like that. I like to have a gorgeous man chasing me.” He grinned. “And I wanted to see your face when you saw Paloma again, looking her very best.”
Joe chuckled. “And what did my face look like? This, perhaps?” He dropped open his mouth and widened his eyes in surprise. “Am I close?”
“You were gaping like my neon zombie, but a lot better-looking.” Alejandro ruffled Joe’s hair again. “Ready to be painted, platonic friend?”
“Oh, yes. I can’t wait to be your canvas.” Joe was reluctant to lose Alejandro from his lap, but he knew very well that if Alejandro sat there a moment more, they wouldn’t be platonic friends any longer. And Alejandro must know it too, as he left his perch and turned back to his paints, humming a soft tune.
A few minutes passed before he announced, “Let’s see what we can do,” and turned to Joe once more. In his hand he held a thin paintbrush and he explained, “If this was a pro job you’d be shaved, exfoliated and all of that fun stuff but since it’s not, I’m letting you off easily. So I’m going to sketch my comic book hero onto you then fill in the detail. I’m not airbrushing tonight, I don’t want all that noise, but you can talk and move about a little if you get cramps. When I tell you to sit still though, you sit still. Okay?”
Shaved and exfoliated? Joe grimaced.
“Don’t worry, I’ll behave.” He raised an eyebrow, a touch too saucily perhaps, but he added a grin. Alejandro admonished him with a wag of his finger then leaned in very close, deftly stroking the brush over Joe’s face, applying his guidelines.
Joe tried to banish his grin, but he was so happy to be so close to Alejandro, and was still basking in the glow of their lovely hug, that he couldn’t quite master his face. The make-up was cold on his skin as Alejandro painted it on, and Joe put his hand around Alejandro’s wrist. “Hang on, let me get rid of this silly grin.”
He stared into the mirror and finally managed to iron it away. “There. Gone. Sorry about that.”
“Is that grin for me? I don’t think I make many people so happy!”
“You do, you make me happy.” Joe settled back in the chair, poker-faced now and ready for his make-up.
“Let’s spin this chair,” Alejandro decided, doing just that. “So you get a surprise when I’m done!”
Joe liked the idea of that. And it was one of his reasons for being so fond of Alejandro. He took the simplest thing and turned it into magic. But that didn’t surprise Joe. Alejandro had been taken to film studios in his carrycot, after all. He was in his element with a brush in his hand, creating with paints and makeup.
“So I have had two bits of good news today.” Alejandro didn’t pause as he worked, his face set in concentration. “One for soon, one for next year. Which would you like to hear first?”
“Hmmm… Let’s try the soon one first.” Joe had managed to speak whilst barely moving a muscle of his face, which had made him sound as if he were at the dentist.
“Abuelito wanted to know all about Paloma,” he admitted. It wasn’t a surprise really, given that Abuelito was an old naval chap, after all. “So I showed him some videos and he loved her! But that’s not the news. The news is party news.”
Joe wasn’t surprised that Abuelito had enjoyed the videos. He was a game old bird after all. “A party? Oh, are you going to perform again, like you did at Vicky’s?”
“One of his charities is having a big do at Windsor in a couple of weeks and they’re trying to make it a bit more edgy and a bit less cream tea so they’d like Señorita Picante to give them a 1940s set. I said I’d love to but I’d have to ask my CPO, whoever he was going to be.” He winked. “Can I go, Sergeant? Can Paloma stay out late with a bunch of gorgeous sailors?”
“Windsor? Well, yes, why not? I’ll take you to the door, of course.”
“And you’ll come with me to rehearse?” He picked up a cake of white paint. “And not leave my side?”
“Yes, of course. You’ll be safe in Windsor Castle, no doubt about that, but if they don’t mind me trotting along too. I am your man, after all. I mean, your CPO.” Joe had been to parties at Windsor before, but a party with Paloma was something very special indeed.
“The gramps are terribly worried about all this. They think you should come to the bash too, castle or no.” He dabbed his brush into the paint cake and paused. “Black tie, Osito, no generic suits.”
“I own a tux, never fear!” Joe wondered if Alejandro would be surprised by that. “I wore it a few times when I was working for your mum, actually. You know how much she likes a glam event!”
“I do! She’s so glad you didn’t abandon me.” The brush dabbed Joe’s skin now, soft and cold against his shoulders. “There was talk of a safe house but… I haven’t had a home—a real home—since I lost Papá. I’ve been in schools and moving around with Mamá, then America was a whirlwind. This is the first time I’ve had a place that’s mine and I don’t want to leave my home just because of Fuckface.”
“I don’t blame you. It’d be like they’re winning if you have to move,” Joe murmured. He was feeling more relaxed than he had done for a long while. This was pampering, wasn’t it? A sort of pampering that made him tremble a little. “You’ll be safe here. They’ve increased security, and even if you do have to move, you’ll be able to come back here. It wouldn’t be for long. By the way, what was your other piece of news?”
“The tacky, garish, slightly saucy—basically me all over—Cirque du Vegas is opening in London next year with a brand-new show.” He dusted the brush in long strokes along Joe’s neck. “And they’ve signed me up as creative director! I had an idea they would but they might not have, you never know. So I’m busy until this time next year at last and it’s right here in London. No more long-haul flights and unflattering socks!”
“That’s fantastic news!” Joe almost jumped up in his seat, but he managed to stay where he was and not jog Alejandro’s hand. “Well-deserved, too.”
“It’s a proper project. Something to really get my teeth into. They want something wondrous, even more than the unicorns and chameleons you’ve already seen.” He paused. “And I’ll be here in England, Osito, and if you’re not in Japan, so will you. And Paloma too!”
“That does sound amazing. And don’t worry, I’m not going to Japan. I’ve told Wendy, but she’s the sort of person who insists and doesn’t give in, so right now she’ll be certain that eventually I’ll cave and go with her. But I won’t.” Joe watched powder curl up from the path of Alejandro’s brush. “It’s time I sorted out a—a divorce, don’t you think?”
“I’m sorry it’s come to
that. I know you probably don’t believe me, but I am.” He cocked his head to one wide, studying Joe’s face. “Why ever did you get married, Joe? Nobody minds if you’re gay these days!”
“My dad did. He was old school.” Joe closed his eyes, wondering if he should say anything. But he had never spoken about it, and now was the time to open up. “He’d been a copper too, rose up the ranks. Wanted—expected—me to be a copper as well. So that’s all I ever wanted to do. And when his old mates came round, I’d lap up their stories, but there was always something in them…about pansies and poofters and all of that.” Joe cleared his throat, dislodging the hateful words.
“And I thought, I can’t let them know. And for ages, I just…told everyone I had trouble finding girlfriends. That seemed to work. Until my dad started to pester me. He wanted to be a grandad—I suppose he wanted another generation to join the police. And his friend’s daughter, well, she was a high-flying solicitor who hadn’t had time to go on dates. I went to dinner with her a couple of times, just to shut my dad up, but, well, like I say, Wendy’s very persistent. In the end, she suggested we get married and I didn’t know what to do. Tell her no, tell her I’m gay or say yes and have a marriage of convenience? No one would think I was gay then, would they? She seemed fascinated by my job, too. But do you know what I found out today? That she married me as a networking opportunity! She thought your family would want to be her clients! Which is funny really, because I stayed with her partly to hide the fact I’m gay, but… I’m a fucking idiot, honestly. I thought she loved me and I didn’t want to hurt her.”
As Joe had been pouring out the truth he has never spoken aloud before, Alejandro had paused, his face filled with concern. He reached out and softly brushed Joe’s hair. There was more gentle affection in that simple gesture than Wendy had shown him in years.
“Have you ever… Have you had a boyfriend before?”
“Not…not as such. Before I met Wendy, I went out on the scene a few times, but not too often in case someone spotted me. Kissed, got friendly, if you know what I mean, but never…” Joe sighed. How bloody embarrassing. “Don’t laugh, okay, but I’ve never gone to bed with a man.”
The Reluctant Royal Page 14