Lexi opened her mouth to speak, but not a word came out as she held back.
Carey saw this. She removed her arm from around Lexi’s shoulders and took her hand, which trembled.
“It started when I was seven, just after you were born,” Lexi quietly said, her lower lip quivering.
Lexi didn’t have to say another word; she knew exactly what had happened.
“At first I thought about telling Mom, but he threatened me. However, I saw you and saw that you could be next. I made up my mind to tell her, but when he was getting off me, I saw her,” Lexi said and stopped. She looked at Carey, tears forming in her eyes. “I saw her standing in the doorway, she had seen him, she had seen what he had done to me. At first I thought she would come and save me, but she never did. She greeted him at the doorway.”
“Are you telling me Mom knew Donovan was raping you?”
“Yes.”
“I can’t, I, um, can’t believe that.”
“I’m not lying, Carey!”
“No, please don’t mistake what I just said. I just can’t imagine anyone would let that happen to a child.”
“Well, that bitch whore we call a mother would and did. She argued with him, but as soon as he said he would leave her, she relented. She cared more about the status he brought her than about her own children.”
Carey shook her head in disbelief at the story she had just heard.
Tears now streamed down Lexi’s face. She wiped them away and joked, “Now I’m crying, aren’t we a pair?”
Carey scooted close and pulled Lexi in. “Now I know why you hate her so much.”
“Now you know.”
“How long?”
“Until I was twelve.”
“Oh my God, why not go tell someone else, anyone else, a teacher, someone?”
“I was going to, but he threatened to hurt you. So I made him a deal, you could say, he could do what he wanted as long as he left you alone,” Lexi confessed.
Tears renewed on Carey’s face as the hard truth came.
“You let him…you protected me?”
“You’re my baby sis, of course I did.”
Carey wrapped both her arms around Lexi and sobbed. “I’m so sorry you had to do that. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
Lexi returned the embrace and also cried heavily.
The two sat for almost an hour. Not another word was said about Lexi’s ordeal as a child, and no other word needed to be.
Carey lifted Lexi’s head by her chin and said, “It’s my turn to protect you.”
Sniffling, Lexi replied, “Deal.”
“How about we get the hell out of here?” Carey insisted.
Lexi nodded.
They both stood and turned towards the house.
“Um, change of plans today,” Carey said.
“What’s that?”
“We’re skipping Mom’s, fuck her.”
“Deal.”
They spent the next two hours packing the car with everything they thought they could use or need. All the pantry food and water found its way into the car as did a small treasure trove of camping gear they found in a storage locker in the garage.
When Lexi pulled the car out of the garage, a hopeful feeling swept over her. She looked at Carey and grinned. The past few days had been tough, even traumatic, but out of all of it, they had grown closer than they ever had been before.
“You ready for a long road trip?” Lexi asked.
“Yeah, let’s do this,” Carey answered. She sat in the passenger seat, wearing her tactical vest and holding Frank’s AR-15 rifle.
Lexi sped off down the street, heading towards the highway.
They chatted casually and remarked about the huge numbers of disabled cars and wandering people they passed.
When they left the city limits, Carey said, “Goodbye, San Diego.”
“And good riddance,” Lexi said.
“You suppose we’ll find Vegas untouched?” Carey asked.
“Anything is possible, but I think Frank was right. This thing is big, it took out a lot, so much that no one is coming to help.”
“Maybe they’re trying, but they haven’t gotten out here to help,” Carey wondered.
“Who knows, let’s just pray the ranch is fine.”
“What if Mom ends up out there?” Carey asked.
“I doubt it. I suspect we won’t see her again,” Lexi replied.
Carey shook her head and continued to stare at the rolling hills that surrounded the route they were taking.
The drive along Interstate 15 was nothing but an endless sea of dead cars and meandering groups of people. When the rumble of their engine echoed, their heads would turn and look. Some would run for cover, some would stare, while others would hail them, begging for help.
A person she hadn’t thought of in days popped up in Carey’s head. “What do you think happened to Liz?”
“Who knows.”
“Think she ever changed her mind?” Carey asked, referencing Liz’s hardcore beliefs that the government would come to help and that Lexi was making the situation more than what it really was.
“For her sake, I hope so. To be honest, I can see why it’s hard for people to grapple with what’s happening. It’s a huge slap in the face to be confronted with what’s going on. So many people have deep-seated belief systems that took a lifetime to instill; you can’t change on a dime.”
Carey chuckled. “Thank goodness you’re a skeptic. You never did trust the system.”
“That’s in both of us. If Mom did anything right, she pumped us full of healthy skepticism towards authority whether that be government, corporations or men.”
“Yeah, she did do that,” Carey said as she thought about several specific incidents. “I think what you said was almost a direct quote.”
“Come to think, it just about was,” Lexi confirmed then continued with a higher-pitched voice that was similar to their mother’s. “Girls, never, ever, ever trust politicians, government bureaucrats, greedy CEOs and most importantly don’t trust men, period.”
“Ha, that’s her. Oh God, that’s so funny. I guess Liz didn’t have our mother’s wisdom.” Carey laughed.
“I guess not.”
They fell silent and reminisced. Whether they disliked their mother or not, they couldn’t deny that she had been a huge influence on their lives.
Interstate 15, 40 Miles East of Barstow
“Barstow looked exactly the same,” Lexi quipped.
“You think so?” Carey sincerely asked.
“It was a shithole before, it’s still a shithole,” Lexi said.
Both women laughed.
The car jerked and sputtered.
Jarred from the movement and preparing for more, Lexi gripped the steering wheel tight.
Again the car sputtered.
“What’s wrong with the car?” Carey asked, looking towards Lexi for an answer.
“Must be the engine.”
“Kinda feels like we’re running out of gas,” Carey said, recalling the feeling.
“Can’t be, the tank is…” Lexi said and paused as she looked at the gauge and saw it read FULL. “Shit!” Lexi barked and smacked the dash hard with her right hand.
The force from her slap provided the answer she was looking for. The fuel gauge needle was stuck and settled to EMPTY after her hit.
Carey leaned over and saw the fuel gauge; her eyes grew as wide as saucers. “Oh, come on!”
“We’re empty; the fucking car is out of gas!” Lexi hollered as she smacked the steering wheel with her open palms.
The car shuddered.
“Did we bring any extra gas?” Carey asked.
“You know the answer to that, of course not,” Lexi barked.
“A car, look for an abandoned car!” Carey exclaimed, pointing out the window.
“I saw a car a mile back. I’ll make a U-turn and head back,” Lexi said and turn the wheel hard to the left.
The car
shook and sputtered; then the engine stopped.
“No, no, no!” Lexi screamed in frustration. She tried to restart the car, but it didn’t work.
Carey hung her head low and lamented, “Can’t we catch a fucking break!”
Determined that this wouldn’t be their fate, Lexi sprang into action; she leapt out of the car and opened the trunk. “Carey, help me empty these,” she said, handing Carey two one-gallon jugs of purified water.
“I feel bad dumping perfectly good water.”
“Do it!” Lexi exclaimed and took a long drink of water from the jug she had. She then began to tear through the trunk, looking for a hose to do the siphoning with.
A truck horn blared in the distance.
“Where did that come from?” Lexi asked.
They both spun around and saw the glimmering windshield of a pickup truck clearing the rise on the highway east of them.
“Maybe they can help,” Carey said.
“Or maybe not,” Lexi replied, pulling out the pistol from her holster.
“A bit subtle, are we?” Carey asked.
“It’s a subtle world we live in now.”
Carey reached into the car and grabbed the rifle. She looked down at the selector switch and clicked it off SAFE.
The truck slowed and came to a full stop twenty feet from them. Two men stepped out of the cab and waved. Both men were tall and sported long hair pulled back into thick ponytails and their faces were covered in thick beards.
“You need help?” the driver asked.
“Just stay where you are,” Lexi warned, gripping her pistol tightly.
“We don’t mean you harm. We bring God’s grace and possibly God’s help with your car,” the driver said.
Both men had stopped their movement towards the women.
“Maybe we can help, but if you don’t need us, we’ll leave you in peace,” the driver said.
Carey leaned over and whispered, “Ask them if they have gas.”
“I don’t trust them.”
“Me either, but what if we ask them to place the gas on the ground and step away.”
Lexi chewed on her lip as she thought.
The two men exchanged some comments but were too far away to understand.
“Do you have spare gas?” Lexi called out.
The driver smiled and said, “Yes, yes, we do.”
“If you mean what you say, just leave the gas can on the ground and step away,” Lexi demanded.
He smiled and laughed. “Oh no, we don’t have a gas can, but I have a hose. We can siphon it out of our truck for you.”
Carey looked at Lexi with a concerned look. “A hose, we need that.”
“Never mind,” Lexi shot back.
The man raised his hands and said, “Your decision, I wish you luck and may God bless you and keep you.” He and his colleague turned around and walked back to their truck.
“Lexi, how are we going to siphon gas without a hose?” Carey asked.
“I don’t know yet. Let me think.”
The truck roared to life and began to slowly move towards them.
“Lexi, we can’t let them leave if they have gas; we need it!” Carey exclaimed.
Mistrust of everyone filled Lexi’s mind. She couldn’t trust these two, but what if they were honest God-fearing people only here to help?
The truck moved past them, giving Lexi a better look at the men.
They waved and smiled as they slowly drove by.
“Stop!” Lexi cried.
The truck came to a full stop.
Lexi ran over, stopping a few feet from the door. “Please, if you mean well, just leave us your hose, we need it.”
“We can just give you some of our gas and be on our way,” the driver again suggested.
“You’re not getting it, we don’t trust you. It’s not personal, we don’t trust anyone,” Lexi informed him.
The man smiled. “The world has made you skeptical and cautious, smart, but if you’re going to make it in this new environment, you’ll need to be able to distinguish good from bad, and I can assure you, we’re on the side of God and righteousness.”
Lexi ignored his advice and again asked for the hose. “Can you spare the hose or not?”
The passenger looked at the driver and nodded.
“Yes, go ahead, look in the truck bed,” the driver said.
Lexi walked over and looked into the rusty and dented bed of the old GMC pickup. There she saw the six-foot slender tube; she grabbed it and stepped away. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. God be with you,” the driver said, made a U-turn and drove off.
Lexi watched as they zoomed off into the distance and over the rise they had come from.
“Sorry, sis, I just didn’t trust those guys, but my skills of negotiating are still there,” Lexi said, holding up the hose.
“Maybe they were good guys,” Carey said.
“Don’t bet your life on it, and these days you would be,” Lexi quipped. “Come on, we have a hike to get the gas.”
“I’ll stay here,” Carey said.
“Absolutely not, we stick together.”
“I’ll be fine, leave me the rifle. I can take care of myself.”
“Are you kidding me? No joking, let’s go…together,” Lexi insisted.
“We can’t leave our car here. What if someone comes and steals it?” Carey argued.
“With what, a tow truck? The car is dead. Plus I’d rather have the car get stolen instead of you getting hurt or, worse, killed, so come on, let’s go,” Lexi said and waved her over.
“I’m exhausted and I’ll just rest. Don’t worry, no one will get close. If they try, I’ll shoot them between the eyes,” Carey joked.
“Please, Carey, don’t make me drag you.”
“I’ll be fine, go, hurry. I’ll be right here safe and sound, me and my new friend,” Carey said, holding up the rifle.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes, and go before it gets too late,” Carey said, walking back to the car.
“You’re a damn fool!” Lexi fumed. “You act tough one time and now you think you can conquer the world!”
“La, la, la, I’m not listening to angry Lexi.” Carey chuckled as she leaned against the car.
“Idiot!” Lexi barked and stormed off with the hose and three plastic jugs. The hard soles of her boots crunched bits of gravel as she marched west. She stopped and paused when she heard the heavy door of the car slam shut. She spun around and saw Carey sitting on the hood. The air was still and not a sound filled the space until she heard Carey. She was humming a song, she couldn’t quite make out what the song was, but it was a happy tune by the way she saw her responding to it. Pressed for time, Lexi turned back around and walked a few more steps, but something told her to stop. Following her instincts, she did and looked back again. A thought entered her mind that this might be the last time she’d see Carey. It wasn’t a paranoid thought, but one born out of her current reality. She took a step back in Carey’s direction but stopped. If she went back, she’d just waste more time arguing with her. They needed the fuel and needed to keep moving. Carey was armed, and unless a small army came, she would more than likely be safe. “She’ll be fine. Just hurry back,” Lexi said out loud.
Lexi took one more look at Carey, her legs swinging and feet tapping the song she was humming. Like a camera she stored the image in her mind before turning back and heading west.
February 22, 2015
“You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
Crescent, Oregon
Lexi’s head slumped over the untouched shot glass. If someone asked her how many drinks she had put down, she’d have no clue.
John sat waiting for her to say something, but several minutes had passed since she last spoke. “You good?”
Lexi lifted her head and pushed the glass away. “I’m done.”
“Me t
oo.”
“Not done like that, but done.”
“Huh?”
“I’m done, no more. I can’t do this anymore.”
Engrossed in her story, he pressed gently, “Did you get the gas without any trouble?”
“That was it,” she slurred.
John leaned in and waited for her to continue.
Lexi blinked heavily. She turned on the bar stool to face John, using her right hand to support her slight turn.
John smiled. He could tell she was drunk.
“That was the last time.”
Again John waited for her to complete her sentence, but she just sat there facing him and bobbing back and forth.
“Last time?”
“Yep, the last time.”
“For what?” John asked, curious as to what she meant.
Lexi placed her feet on the wooden floor and stood. Bracing against the bar, she steadied herself. Her head swooned and the room spun slightly.
“Let me help you,” John said, getting up. He too felt tipsy, but she was far gone. She was beyond drunk, she was wasted.
“No…nope, I got this,” she said, holding up her left hand to block his approach.
“Lexi, you need a hand,” John insisted.
“No…no!” she blared. “That’s what they said, those fucking savages.”
John stepped closer, but she recoiled and tripped over the stool she had been sitting on. Losing her balance, she fell to the floor hard, landing on her left hip.
“Oh no,” John said and went to help her up.
“I got this, I’m good,” she mumbled.
John crouched behind her, ready to help, but she sat there looking at her hands.
“I never got another chance to tell her how much I loved her. We saw each other while we were captives in Rahab’s camp, but I never got to really talk to her again like we did at the beach house. I knew, I just knew that those guys were no good.”
To make her feel more at ease, John lowered himself to the floor and sat down in front of her.
She looked up at him; tears now cascaded down her tanned cheeks. “I begged her to come with me, but she insisted she’d be fine. I should’ve trusted my gut. I left her there, all alone on the road…” She gulped for air and continued. “But what was I supposed to do? We needed gas and I literally begged her to come with me. She just wouldn’t come; it was like she was proving to me that she was tough enough. She must have felt that standing up to Jessie and shooting her made her invincible.”
Nemesis: Inception Page 11