“I want to go here,” was all he said.
Confused, she took the letter from his hand and read it herself. Alec had received hundreds of letters and emails since his performance at the Labor Day Rodeo, mostly from people begging or bribing him to ‘fix’ their horses.
Never once, though, had Alec expressed any desire to do it.
“There’s too much to do around here,” he’d always say. “I can barely keep up with my own horses, let alone help strangers with theirs.”
This request didn’t appear to be any different than the others. It was from a woman in Dallas, Texas, whose gelding was recovering from colic surgery.
Physically he’s healing well, she’d written, but I’m afraid he’s lost the will to live. We can barely get him to eat or drink, and short of a miracle I’m afraid that he won’t last much longer. I’m praying that you and your gift will be our miracle.
It was a touching plea, but Alec had received similar petitions and hadn’t acted on them. Rebecca set down the letter and glanced at him, thoughtfully studying his expression.
“Why this one?”
He shrugged. “I can’t explain it. I just feel like it’s something I should do.”
She’d never heard those words from him before. Alec wasn’t the kind of man who reacted on feeling or instinct; he always based his decisions on logic and reason. Was that beginning to change, she wondered? Had his newfound ability with horses enabled him to tap into a part of himself that was closed off before? Or was this simply his way of staying connected to his father, by continuing Walter’s work?
Whatever the case, there was only one answer she could give him.
“If you think you should go, then go.”
The next morning Alec was on a plane, and when Rebecca met him at the airport three days later she could hardly believe her eyes. Gone were the ubiquitous frown and the distant, glazed look in his eyes. He moved through the crowd with renewed vitality, and when he reached her he gathered her in a crushing embrace.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“For what?”
He pulled back to look at her. “For telling me to go.”
Rebecca beamed up at him, suddenly realizing how much she’d missed his smile. “Did you heal her horse?”
“No. Her horse healed me.”
And right there in the middle of the terminal, Alec lowered his head and kissed her in a way that he hadn’t kissed her since before his father got sick. She didn’t know or care who was watching them; she simply tangled her fingers in his hair and returned his kiss.
“I missed you,” he added.
She nodded against his face. “I’ve missed you, too.”
They climbed into her truck and started for home, but it wasn’t until they pulled into the driveway that she glanced over and noticed Alec’s expression. All the joy that he’d radiated at the airport was gone. She could almost see him shrinking before her eyes and retreating back into his shell.
No, she wanted to say. Stay with me, Alec.
But even if she said it, it wouldn’t have mattered. By the time they entered the farmhouse, Alec looked as pained as he had before he left. He didn’t even come to bed that night; Rebecca came downstairs at two in the morning and once again found him in his father’s bedroom.
She knew it didn’t have anything to do with her, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.
Alec resumed his usual work around the ranch, but she could tell that his heart wasn’t in it. His heart had never truly been here in the first place, but after seeing the Alec that stepped off the plane and the Alec that trudged down the stairs each morning, the contrast was even more glaring. Every day she left the latest batch of letters on the kitchen table, hoping that another one would capture his interest and bring the old Alec back.
It did. The week before Thanksgiving, he handed her another request. This one was from the owner of a Thoroughbred farm in Lexington, Kentucky, offering a sizeable amount of money if Alec could determine why his prized racehorse suddenly refused to load into a trailer.
No amount of coaxing, pushing, or tranquilizing will do, the man had written. He goes completely berserk anytime he’s within fifty feet of a trailer.
“It’s not about the money,” Alec said.
Rebecca nodded. “I know.”
Once again Alec got on a plane, and once again he returned a new man. This time, though, Rebecca wasn’t taking any chances. She collected her husband and drove into town, where she’d reserved a room for the night at the historic Wort Hotel. Just as she’d hoped, the door had barely closed behind them when Alec took her in his arms and pulled her onto the bed.
It was the first time they’d made love since the funeral.
She awoke with a smile on her face, although she couldn’t help but wonder how long the happy buzz would last. Sure enough, before they’d even finished breakfast, she could feel Alec withdrawing again.
“Look at me,” she said, reaching across the table for his hand. “I’m right here with you, no matter where we’re at.”
Alec gave a little smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Her heart sank as they made the drive back to the ranch, because she already knew what would happen when they arrived.
And it did. Alec shut down all over again, going through the motions during the day and seeking solitude during the night.
Luckily the holidays brought more than enough activity to get her mind off of Alec. Her brother had just purchased a house in town and offered to host Christmas this year, which was fine with Rebecca. It would be hard enough to get through their first Christmas without Walter; it would be doubly hard to do so in the farmhouse. Alec dutifully joined the family for dinner, but Rebecca could tell that his mind was elsewhere.
Once the holiday season passed, life resumed its usual pace. This winter wasn’t nearly as cold as the previous one, but the long nights did nothing to ease Alec’s despair. Rebecca would often find him curled up beside the fireplace, reading old hardcover books until the sun came up. She understood that it was his way of coping, but she couldn’t help but wonder how long this phase of the grieving process would last.
She hadn’t even realized that he was reading their mail, so she was pleasantly surprised last week when he handed her another letter. “This one’s in Phoenix,” he said. “Why don’t you come with me?”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
Alec nodded. “I think it’d be good for us.”
And it certainly had been. The two nights they spent in Scottsdale felt like nothing less than a second honeymoon.
The trick would be keeping that connection alive once they returned home.
“I know it’s hard for you to be in the farmhouse,” Rebecca whispered that night, long after they’d turned off the lights. “But I don’t have any way of helping you if you keep shutting me out.”
Alec tightened his arms around her. “I don’t mean to.”
Rebecca knew that was all she was going to get, so she didn’t press the issue. Instead she closed her eyes and forced herself to go to sleep, trying not to worry about what tomorrow might bring.
To her relief, Alec was in high spirits when they dropped off their rental car at the airport. During the flight he placed his book on the tray table and reached for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers until they landed in Jackson. Rebecca was fully prepared to spend the night alone, so she was overjoyed when Alec followed her upstairs and slid into bed beside her.
Sometime later, though, she awoke to find him gone. With a troubled frown, she pushed herself out of bed and made her way down the stairs. Sure enough, Alec was sitting in his father’s room, gazing out the window at the night sky. She studied his silhouette until tears blurred her vision; then she dabbed her eyes and turned for the staircase.
As much as she missed her father-in-law, she missed her husband more.
Chapter 3
The smell of bacon pulled Alec from a heavy sleep. Groggily he opened his eyes and gav
e a silent groan when he saw that he was in his father’s room.
Again.
He pushed himself upright and swung his feet to the ground, pausing to stare at the wheelchair in the corner. In his mind, he knew that his father was gone, but he hadn’t yet found a way to convey that truth to his heart.
He still expected to wake up one day and discover that it had all been a terrible dream. He still expected to come downstairs and find Walter and Lucy in the kitchen. He still expected to hear Walter’s humble please and thank you with any request he made of them.
But every day he was reminded again that it wasn’t a dream. His father’s room sat as silent and empty as a tomb. Lucy had moved on to a new nursing job soon after the funeral, so her cottage sat vacant, providing a haunting reminder of what used to be. Alec would give anything to see his father’s smile or hear his soft-spoken voice just one more time.
The knowledge that he never would hurt worse than any physical pain he’d ever endured.
Alec rose to his feet and exited the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Rebecca was standing at the stove and glanced up with a tired smile when he appeared.
“Did you get any sleep?”
He nodded and stepped up behind her, wordlessly wrapping his arms around her waist. He knew she was worried about him, and he couldn’t blame her.
Deep down, he was worried about him, too.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’d only meant to come downstairs for a couple minutes.”
She’d heard the same explanation before, because it had happened so many times. To his relief, she didn’t seem upset. She merely kissed his cheek before she turned her attention back to their breakfast.
After they ate, Alec bundled up and headed down the hill. Low gray clouds hung in the January sky, promising a fresh blanket of snow in their future. Tommy was in the middle of morning feed when Alec entered the barn.
“Welcome back,” he greeted. “How was Scottsdale?”
“A lot warmer than here,” Alec replied. “Anything exciting happen while we were gone?”
“Nah. Not unless you consider a trip to the feed store exciting.”
Alec chuckled. “Thanks for holding down the fort. It was nice for us to get away.”
His friend smiled. “Speaking of getting away,” he said, tossing Alec the other feed scoop, “if you and Jeff aren’t already planning something, I had an idea for the bachelor party.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Me and Liz were talking about going to Vegas over my birthday, since she’s never been. And then I got to thinking that Jeff and Alli have never been, either, and I know how much you and Bec like it there…”
Already he could see where this was going. “So you want all of us to go together?”
“It’s a thought. The girls can do their thing, whatever that might be, and we can do ours.”
Alec couldn’t help but mirror his grin. “A bachelor party in Vegas?”
Tommy nodded. “I figure you wouldn’t mind getting out of town again. And it sure would be a nice break from the ordinary.”
For the first time since he’d arrived home, Alec felt his spirits lift. “Have you run it by Jeff or Jake yet?”
“Not yet. You are the best man, after all.”
His tone was lighthearted, but Alec still felt a tiny twinge of guilt. When Tommy and Liz got engaged last summer, it seemed like Alec had all the time in the world to help them plan their wedding. Then Walter got sick, and in the aftermath of the funeral Alec had all but forgotten about everything else.
Now Tommy’s wedding was just over three months away–on the first Saturday in May–and Alec had scarcely given it a second thought.
“I’ll give them a call tonight,” he promised. “My only concern would be finding someone to watch the place while we’re away.”
“Well, we did help the Millers for almost a month when Henry broke his leg,” Tommy reminded him, referring to their nearest neighbors. “I’m sure they could return the favor for a couple days.”
Alec laughed. “You really have been thinking about this, haven’t you?”
“It’s winter. I have more time than I know what to do with.”
“Hmmmm. Sounds to me like I’m paying you entirely too much, then.”
Their banter continued through the morning, giving Alec the mental boost he so desperately needed. By lunchtime he almost felt human again. The second he stepped into the farmhouse, though, he was once again inundated by the deafening roar of a hundred unwanted thoughts.
Yes, he missed his father, but that wasn’t the only thing weighing on his mind. Every time Rebecca smiled at him, he felt a nagging prick of conscience deep in his gut.
As much as he knew he needed to, there was something he hadn’t been able to tell her yet.
*
Star’s breaths came out in tiny white puffs as she and Rebecca cantered towards home. The first snowflakes of the approaching storm were starting to fall, and Rebecca smiled at the feel of the tiny ice crystals against her cheeks. Star didn’t seem to mind the cold, either. She dropped her head and gave a playful buck, nearly launching Rebecca out of the saddle.
“Easy,” she told the horse, pulling her back to a trot. “We’ll be home soon.”
A few minutes later they entered the sanctuary of the barn. Rebecca removed her gloves and brought her hands to her mouth, blowing a long, warm breath against her skin. Then she cross-tied Star in the aisle and was in the middle of untacking her when Tommy emerged from the office.
“Have a good ride?” he called.
“I did,” she said, grunting as she pulled the saddle from her horse’s back. “How’d everything go while we were gone?”
“Fine.” He closed the door and started down the aisle. “Heard you two had a nice trip.”
Rebecca nodded. “It was good to get away.”
Until we had to come back, she silently added, but she decided not to say it.
She’d already unloaded enough on Tommy over the past several months. Besides, he would soon be experiencing the joys and the trials of marriage for himself.
As if reading her mind, he stepped under the cross-ties and produced a white envelope from his coat. “Tell me what you think.”
She opened the envelope and smiled when she saw the long-awaited wedding invitation. It was embossed in elegant silver calligraphy, with a delicate purple border and floral scrollwork in the corners.
Rebecca cleared her throat and read the words in her most prim and proper tone. “Mr. and Mrs. Frederick Parsons request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Elizabeth Eleanor Parsons, to–”
She stopped short. “Nathaniel Thomas Bateman?”
He chuckled. “Yep.”
“Nathaniel?” She stared up at him. “Seriously?”
“Seriously. But it never really stuck. Even when I was a kid, people just called me Tommy.”
Rebecca shook her head. “How have we been friends for this long and I never knew your real name?”
Tommy gave a crooked grin. “There’s a lot about me you don’t know.”
Chapter 4
The way Tommy saw it, his life was simply a series of events leading up to the day he met her.
He always said he was from San Antonio, because no one had ever heard of the place where he actually grew up. Located between San Antonio and Corpus Christi, it was one of many tiny Texas towns that had once been a thriving ranching community. Over the years, a combination of droughts, hurricanes, and recessions forced most of the locals into bigger cities. By the time Tommy was born, all that remained of his little town was a few struggling farms, a handful of diners, and a general store.
Still, it was home, and for the first sixteen years of his life it was all he knew. His upbringing, he supposed, wasn’t much different than anyone else who grew up in the rural South. Summers were unbearably hot and humid; then winter arrived for about two weeks in February before transitioning right back into sum
mer.
His family owned fifteen acres on the outskirts of town, where he and his older sister, Kelly, helped with the garden and the care of the animals. Money was scarce and the only vacation they ever took was a weekend trip to Galveston, but Tommy didn’t mind.
He’d always been content with the simple things in life.
Tommy knew early on that he was never going to be a scholar. He was never going to become a doctor or a lawyer or have a corner office in some fancy high-rise, and he was fine with that. It wasn’t that he didn’t like school; he just preferred to be outside doing something with his hands rather than sitting inside reading a book.
Most of what he learned in school had nothing to do with academics, anyway.
He was doomed to become a hopeless romantic from the day Maggie McArdle walked into his second-grade classroom. They didn’t get many newcomers in his school; most families moved away from the area, not into it. But Maggie was new to town and she was the perfect target for kids to tease because of her carrot-red hair.
Tommy was the only one who stuck up for her, not because he had to but because he genuinely liked her hair–and her freckles. Although she moved away the following summer, his loyalty was more than rewarded. On the last day of school, just before she stepped onto the bus, she unexpectedly turned around and kissed him.
On the lips.
Looking back now, of course, he realized that it didn’t mean anything, but to his eight-year old mind it was the coolest thing on the planet. He hadn’t even done anything to deserve it; he’d only tried to be her friend. Then the same thing happened with Jill Hemsworth in fourth grade, and Felicity Carter in fifth grade.
By the time Tommy started middle school, he was already privy to the secret that none of the other boys knew yet…that the only thing girls really wanted was for guys to be nice to them.
It seemed so obvious to Tommy, so he didn’t know why no one else could figure it out. When his sister started dating, it was easy for Tommy to decipher between the guys who were jerks and the ones who treated her well. One day, when he overheard her crying after a particularly bad break-up, he made a solemn vow that he would never make a girl cry.
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