“I’m glad to hear that. But you didn’t answer my question.”
She smoothed her hands along the steering wheel. “Do we have to do this right now?”
“I’m not trying to upset you,” Susan assured her, reaching out to touch her shoulder. “But Alec’s not the only one who internalizes everything. You do it, too, and I think that’s a large part of the problem.”
Rebecca knew that her mother was right. She didn’t even know how to explain what the problem was. After all, Alec wasn’t mistreating her. He never put her down or belittled her like all the other men from her past. And he provided her not only with a beautiful home but also the means and the freedom to do whatever she pleased.
From the outside looking in, she had the kind of life that every woman dreamed about.
But at the same time, there was something fundamentally missing from their marriage, too. She knew when she married him that Alec wasn’t a romantic, and she was fine with that. Some men, like Tommy and Walter, were natural romantics. Others, like Jeff and Alec, were not.
And that was fine. Whenever Alec did make a romantic gesture–leaving a note beside her pillow or cooking dinner when she’d had a long day–it made the gesture that much more meaningful. It was those little things that made her fall in love with him all over again.
And it was those little things that had completely stopped since his father’s death.
At first, Rebecca understood. Alec’s mind wasn’t on romance and neither was hers. But as the weeks turned into months and their life gradually returned to its normal routine, Alec made no attempt to reestablish the intimacy they’d always shared. Sure, he’d give her an affectionate squeeze in the kitchen or lean in to kiss her goodnight, but it always ended there. She’d finally gotten him to sleep upstairs again, but it was simply that. He slept.
They hadn’t once made love in their own bed since his father died. The only times they’d made love at all were the night at the Wort Hotel and their brief trip to Arizona…and even that was nearly two months ago.
After seven years of studying psychology, she understood that everyone grieved differently. She understood that Alec had withdrawn, not only from her, but from everyone else in his life, too. She understood that it was his coping mechanism and his way to protect himself.
But understanding all of those things didn’t make them hurt any less.
For months now, she’d been waiting for him to work his way back to her. In some ways, she could see that he was trying. Sometimes she’d catch a glimpse of the old Alec–the Alec she fell in love with–and her hopes would soar.
But then, inevitably, he’d retreat right back into his shell, and her hopes would shatter all over again. She was trying to be patient with him, but sometimes she wondered if he even realized how much his behavior was affecting her.
Whatever the case, Susan was right. Rebecca did internalize as much as Alec did. And she definitely could make more of an effort herself to reach out to him. At this point, though, she wondered if it would even matter.
The more time went by, the more Rebecca was convinced that her greatest fear was coming true…that Walter had died and taken the best of Alec with him.
Chapter 14
Alec’s spirits started to lift the second he pulled his suitcase from the closet. The suitcase meant he was going on a trip, and a trip meant that he would be somewhere other than the farmhouse.
His recent visits to Dallas, Lexington, and Scottsdale had all done wonders for his psyche, even if their purpose was work instead of pleasure. This time, though, he was going to Las Vegas, the city designed for pleasure. No work, no pressure, no stress, and–best of all–it was seven-hundred miles from Jackson.
He folded a few shirts and placed them in his suitcase, turning back to the dresser for jeans. Then he headed into the bathroom to collect his razor, shampoo, toothbrush, and cologne. He gathered everything in his arms and was on his way back to his suitcase when he noticed his wife standing in the doorway.
Alec mirrored her grin as he set his belongings on the bed. “What’s that look?”
She shrugged as she stepped into the room. “I can tell you’re excited. It’s nice to see you like this.”
“It’s nice to feel like this.” He craned his neck around. “Whatcha got there?”
Rebecca uncoiled her arm from behind her back and produced a gray garment bag. “I bought you a new suit.”
She unzipped the bag to reveal a fitted black suit with tiny white pinstripes. He reached out to finger the fabric, quickly realizing that it was much higher quality than the suit hanging in his closet. He took the hanger from her hand, and when he saw the designer name on the label, his eyebrows shot up.
“It was a splurge,” Rebecca admitted. “But I thought it’d look great on you. And goodness knows you never spend any money on yourself.”
Alec smiled as he smoothed his hand down the lapel. “I love it, Bec. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied, sitting on the edge of their bed. “Will you try it on?”
“Right now?”
When she nodded, Alec had no choice but to oblige. He peeled the coat from the hanger and slid his arms through the sleeves; then he stepped out of his jeans and into the matching suit pants. He buttoned the coat and examined his reflection in the mirror, deciding it couldn’t fit better if it was custom-made.
“Well?” he asked, turning to face her.
Rebecca rose to her feet. “I like it,” she said, slyly hooking her fingers through the belt loops. “But I think I’d like it better if you took it off.”
He chuckled. “First you want it on. Then you want it off. Can you make up your mind, please?”
She grinned and dropped her gaze. “I thought it was a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.”
Alec shuddered when her fingers grazed his stomach, deftly unfastening the buttons on his jacket. She reached for his shirt next and repeated the process, but at the third button he gently placed his hands on hers.
“We’ve got all weekend for this, you know.”
Rebecca stopped midmotion and glanced up at him, but this time her smile was forced. “You’re right,” she said, shifting her gaze to the closet. “I haven’t even started packing yet.”
His shoulders sagged when she turned to retrieve her own suitcase. It’s not you, he wanted to say. Please tell me that you know it’s not you.
As always, the words never quite reached his mouth. He seemed to have lost his ability to articulate anything when he was in this house. Anywhere else, his mind was free and clear and there was nothing but blissful silence.
But here, there was a constant noise inside his head that was impossible to ignore. Like a dripping faucet, it was a relentless, infuriating reminder of everything he was trying so hard to forget.
He knew that Rebecca needed him. He needed her, too, and he still wanted her as badly as he did the first time they were together. He’d been thinking a lot of that night lately–the night before she went back to Boston. He’d never felt as connected to the present as he did in that moment. He made love to her with every fiber of his body, mind, and heart, because that was the only way he knew how to be with her.
Which was why, over the past few months, he couldn’t even think about touching her when they were in this house.
His mind was filled with the maddening static of a million unrelated thoughts, and his heart all but left this place the day his father died. All that remained here was his body–his physical presence–and that wasn’t good enough. He refused to go through the motions of making love to his wife when his mind and heart were elsewhere. She deserved better than that.
She deserved all of him, the best of him…not his broken pieces. The problem was that it was taking an impossibly long time for those broken pieces to heal.
*
I could get used to this, Tommy decided.
He’d only been on a plane once before, and it was roughly this time last year, whe
n he took Liz to Texas to meet his mother and stepfather. It was a less than memorable experience, squashing his six-foot-three-inch frame into the center seat so Liz could enjoy the view through the window. By the time they landed, his body ached more than it ever had riding in the rodeo.
He was expecting to repeat that experience today, so he–and everyone else–was startled by Alec’s response when the ticketing agent asked if he wanted to upgrade their seats to first-class.
“Why not?”
Tommy and Jeff practically tackled him when he reached for his wallet. “Alec, you can’t do that,” Jeff said.
“Sure I can.”
“But you already got the rooms,” Tommy added.
Alec smiled as he handed his credit card to the agent. “Relax, guys. This is our weekend to celebrate. We might as well start now.”
And they certainly had. Tommy was comfortably reclined back in his plush leather chair, sipping champagne with one hand and holding Liz’s hand with the other. Across the aisle, Jeff and Allison were jabbering nonstop and were easily on their third nip of vodka–each. After all, it was their first trip out of town since they’d become parents, so they had every reason to cut loose and celebrate, too.
Tommy turned to the row behind them, where Alec and Rebecca were seated. “In case no one’s ever told you, you two are the best.”
“Don’t thank me,” Rebecca replied, giving Alec a little nudge. “It was all him.”
Alec chuckled and reached out to pat Tommy’s shoulder. “Happy birthday.”
Tommy sighed and shook his head, turning to face the front again. The smile on his face widened when Liz stretched across her seat to kiss his cheek.
“You never did tell me what you want,” she whispered.
He leaned his head against hers. “I already have it.”
The flight was so enjoyable that Tommy was almost disappointed when they landed. “Are we meeting Jake at the hotel?” he asked.
Alec shook his head. “His flight landed fifteen minutes before ours. I have a feeling he’ll be waiting for us.”
Sure enough, Jake was standing outside their gate when they stepped off the jet way. Twenty-three, single, and a rabid ladies’ man, he was definitely the extrovert of the group. He was already known for his antics on the Flying W each summer, so there was no telling what kind of mischief he’d get into this weekend.
“There he is,” Jake said, engulfing Tommy in a rib-shattering hug. “Happy birthday, buddy. How ya been?”
Tommy had barely opened his mouth to respond when Jake turned to greet Alec, then Jeff. He gave Rebecca and Allison an animated bear hug, too, before he finally turned to Liz.
“Ah, the lovely bride-to-be,” he said, flashing a debonair smile. “Don’t worry, my dear. I promise not to be too terrible of an influence on your future husband.”
Liz gave a nervous laugh. “Why do I not believe you?”
Jake gasped in mock outrage. “You’ve got the wrong guy. If anyone’s going to get us into trouble, it’s Southie over there.”
“Take it easy,” Jeff replied. “My Southie days are long over.”
“Hmmmm.” Jake thoughtfully scratched his chin. “Well, I guess that nominates you, Alec.”
“Me? The instigator? I don’t think so.”
Jake sighed. “You’re right,” he said as he turned back to Liz. “I’m the one you need to worry about.”
“Well, what about us?” Allison put in.
“What about you?” Jake challenged.
She shot him a pointed look. “You think we’re going to be sitting around painting our toenails while you boys are out painting the town? Think again.”
Jake clapped in approval. “That’s why we love you, Alli,” he said, raising a brow in Rebecca’s direction. “No comment from your partner in crime?”
“Don’t you worry, Jake,” she replied, sending him a sly wink. “I’ve got plenty of Southie left in me.”
Her response garnered a wave of shouts and applause from the entire group. Rebecca’s cheeks flushed when Jake leaned close to whisper something in her ear, and Tommy couldn’t help but smile when she tilted her head back and burst out laughing.
This was going to be an incredible weekend.
They collected their luggage and divided themselves amongst two taxis for the short drive to the resort. Tommy rolled down the window and turned his gaze upward, studying the unmistakable skyline of the Las Vegas Strip. It looked the same as he remembered, even though it had been seven years since he’d last been here…back when he was still riding in the rodeo.
Here’s to turning twenty-eight, he thought, enjoying the feel of the warm desert air on his face.
The taxis dropped them off at the Bellagio, which shimmered like a golden palace in the late afternoon sun. They gathered their luggage and entered the opulent lobby, gawking at the Venetian glass carvings that graced the ceilings. A few minutes later their room keys were distributed and the seven of them were headed for the elevators.
“Our dinner reservation is at eight o’clock,” Rebecca said. “Should we meet in the bar around seven-thirty?”
There was a unanimous vote of approval before everyone headed their separate ways. Tommy and Liz stepped off on the eleventh floor, and when they opened the door to their room all they could do was stare. He felt like royalty as he entered the marble foyer and gazed around at the luxurious platinum and indigo décor. Liz dropped her purse and strode immediately to the window, staring at the fountains of water that were dancing right outside the glass.
“Oh, wow,” she said. “I’ve always wanted to see this.”
Tommy stepped up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, also enjoying the view of the famed dancing fountains. When the show was over, Liz turned to face him.
“What did I do to deserve this?”
“Funny,” he replied. “I was just asking myself the same thing about you.”
*
Rebecca was drifting somewhere between awake and dreaming when she felt a lone fingertip gliding up her arm. A smile spread across her lips as the fingertip journeyed down her side and around her hip, finally tracing a slow circle around her belly.
“Don’t stop there,” she whispered.
Alec kissed the back of her neck. “It’s almost seven. We have to start getting ready.”
She shook her head and pulled his arm tighter around her. “Let’s order room service.”
“And miss Tommy’s birthday?”
Rebecca made a nondescript noise and snuggled back against him. At the moment, she didn’t care about dinner or birthdays or anything outside of this bed. It had been so long since he’d held her like this.
If it were up to her, they’d never leave this room again.
“We’re so good in this town,” she said, rolling over to face him. “Maybe if we sell the ranch, we should move here.”
Alec raised a brow. “To Vegas?”
“Why not? I know you love it here.”
He shuddered as she trailed her fingertips down his stomach. “Bec, if you keep doing that, we are never going to get out of this bed.”
She grinned and playfully pushed him onto his back. “That’s the whole idea.”
It was quarter past seven when they finally dragged themselves from the bed and over to their luggage. Rebecca took a quick shower and slipped into a short black and white cocktail dress–the perfect complement to Alec’s new suit–before she gathered her hair into a messy bun. Then she pulled a few tendrils loose around her face and stepped back to inspect her reflection.
Alec appeared behind her and leaned casually against the doorway. “You’ve got that I-just-got-lucky look about you.”
“No.” Rebecca turned to face him. “I’ve got that I-just-got-lucky-four-times look about me.”
“Ah, is that what it is?” He didn’t bother to hide his smirk. “You look incredible.”
“Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself.”
She gently strai
ghtened the knot in his tie and smoothed it against his shirt. The movement brought an unwelcome flash of déjà vu, taking her right back to that morning at the farmhouse.
“Alec?”
“Yeah?”
She forced herself to meet his gaze. “Is this how it’s going to be from now on?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…the only time you’ll touch me is if we’re in a hotel somewhere?”
Alec flinched as if her question caused him physical pain. “I’m sorry,” she added. “I know we’re here now and we’re having a good time, and I don’t want to spoil that. I was just making sure that it wasn’t me.”
Instantly he shook his head. “It’s never you, Bec. Don’t ever think that it’s you.”
*
There was no shortage of fine dining restaurants within the resort, but being the Texan that he was, Tommy selected the steakhouse for his birthday dinner. Like their room, the restaurant was fit for a king, complete with chandeliers, plush scarlet curtains, and a panoramic spread of windows overlooking the fountains.
Jake was already seated at the bar when Tommy and Liz arrived. “I’m thinking I could get used to this,” he greeted.
“I’m thinking the same thing,” Tommy agreed as he pulled out a stool for Liz. “You been down here long?”
“Nah. I’m still on my first drink.”
Jeff and Allison arrived next, followed shortly afterward by Alec and Rebecca. Tommy was used to seeing Rebecca in jeans and flannels, so the sight of her in a cocktail dress and fishnet stockings was almost enough to stop his heart.
“Sorry we’re late,” Alec said.
“It’s alright,” Tommy replied, reaching up to shake his hand. “I think they’re still setting up our table.”
Rebecca gave Liz a sideways hug before she turned to Tommy. “I never actually got to wish you a happy birthday earlier,” she said, planting an affectionate kiss on his cheek.
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