All he knew was that if it was true–if Rebecca was really gone–then there was no reason for him to turn around.
Finally he reached a clearing and hit his knees, feeling his chest constrict as the reality of the situation hit him full-force. From somewhere deep in his subconscious, he heard the soft, delightful sound of Rebecca’s laughter.
All of a sudden it was yesterday morning and he lay sprawled across their duvet, watching her sift through the closet for something to wear to the rehearsal. “What about this one?” she’d asked.
He nodded at the purple dress she held out, just like he’d nodded for the red one and the black one. “You’re not helping!” she cried, playfully tossing the latest dress at him.
He laughed as he pulled the dress from his head. “It’s not my fault you look good in everything.”
Rebecca giggled as she turned back to the closet. Alec propped himself on his elbow and unabashedly watched her as she sorted through the hangers. It was true; Rebecca was the type of woman who looked great in anything, from flannels and jeans to skirts and high heels.
He had to admit, though, that he was partial to the way she looked right now–in black silk underwear and a lacy bra that left nothing to his imagination.
“Alright,” she said, oblivious to the way he was admiring her. “What about this one?”
He didn’t even glance at the gray dress she was holding. Instead he reached out and snaked his arm around her legs, gently pulling her towards the bed.
“You’re going to look beautiful no matter what you wear.”
Rebecca set the dress aside and smiled down at him as she smoothed her fingers through his hair. Alec pressed his lips to the top of her thigh and the hollow groove of her hip before he leaned back onto their bed and pulled her down with him.
“What’s gotten into you lately?” she whispered.
Alec shrugged. “I know how close I came to losing you. I don’t ever want that to happen again.”
Rebecca lowered her head to kiss his neck. “You’re never going to lose me.”
They made love and drifted off to sleep, only to jolt awake and realize they were going to be late for the rehearsal. Instantly they leapt out of bed and started to get ready, and Alec didn’t think anything of it at the time.
In hindsight, if he’d known it would be the last time he was going to hold her, he never would have let her go.
“Alec!”
He heard Tommy’s voice somewhere in the background, bringing him back to the horrific present. He opened his eyes and found himself kneeling in a clearing, his hands and knees caked in mud. He tried to turn his head, but his body refused to cooperate. His vision blurred and he started to shake, and the more he tried to breathe the more he was certain that he was going to suffocate.
Just when he feared he might actually collapse, Tommy skid to a stop beside him. “She’s still alive.”
Chapter 37
She’s still alive.
Alec sat in the waiting room of the hospital, clinging to those precious words as if they would somehow keep her in that state. He was glad that Tommy, Jeff, and Allison were here with him, because everything the doctor said sounded like gibberish in his ears. There was something about antlers and puncture wounds and possible head trauma, but he couldn’t make sense of any of it.
He didn’t want to believe that Rebecca was lying on an operating table right now, fighting for her very survival. He’d trade places with her in a heartbeat if he could.
Alec started to shiver again, pulling his coat tighter around his chest. Beside him, Allison gave a concerned frown and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. Jeff was pacing at least his thousandth lap around the waiting room, looking as distraught as Alec felt.
Tommy sat opposite them with his head bowed low and had yet to make eye contact with any of them. Alec knew he was blaming himself for this. He wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, but he didn’t have the strength to speak.
He didn’t know how much time had passed when the doctor reentered the room. “Mr. Westin?”
Instantly he rose to his feet. “Yes?”
“We’ve moved your wife into recovery. Considering the nature of the accident, she’s in remarkably good shape. The puncture wounds weren’t as deep as we initially thought, so there was minimal blood loss and no sign of damage to the lungs. Her worst injury is a fractured clavicle, and that should heal just fine without surgery.”
Alec knew better than to feel relieved yet. He’d been down this road before with his father; the doctors always elaborated on the good news before they revealed the bad.
“And?” he dared to ask.
The doctor smiled like he knew what he was thinking. “And that’s it. You’ll be able to see her in just a minute.”
*
When Rebecca opened her eyes, she had no idea where she was. All she had were a few hazy images of antlers and shouting voices and a searing hot pain in her ribs. Now everything was completely silent, save for the steady, rhythmic beep of the machines around her.
“Rebecca? Can you hear me?”
She grimaced as she turned towards the voice. “Yes.”
“You’re in the hospital,” the nurse said, sending her a reassuring smile. “You were in an accident last night, but you’re going to be fine. Try not to move your arm, okay?”
Rebecca was gradually growing more alert. She dropped her gaze to the sling on her arm before she glanced at the nurse again.
“Is my husband here?”
“He’s out in the waiting room. I’ll get him for you.”
She must have lost consciousness again, because the next thing she felt was a wonderfully familiar hand touching hers. “Bec?”
It took every ounce of strength she possessed to open her eyes. Alec gazed back at her with a hopeful expression, but she could tell from the red around his eyes that he’d been crying.
“You’re here,” she whispered.
He nodded as he sat beside her. Automatically she reached for his face, and every ounce of tension drained from her body when his lips met hers.
She didn’t remember what had happened and she had no idea what was wrong with her; she only knew that everything would be fine now that Alec was here.
He drew back to look at her. “Are you hurting?”
Rebecca sniffed and shook her head. “What happened?”
“You hit an elk last night.”
She grimaced as the memory came rushing back–the red eyes, the squeal of the brakes, and the sound of shattering glass. “Am I going to be okay?”
“You’re going to be fine. You broke your collarbone and you’ve got a few wounds from the antlers, but everything will heal.”
She dropped her gaze to the bandages on her shoulder and gave a lopsided grin. “Looks like we’ll have matching scars.”
He narrowed his eyes. “That’s not funny.”
“I wasn’t trying to be.” She rested her hand on his. “But it could have been a lot worse.”
Alec released a haggard breath. “I’m so glad you’re alright. When Tommy found you this morning–”
“Tommy?” she interjected. “Tommy’s still here?”
“He’s out in the waiting room.”
All of a sudden, Rebecca was wide awake. “Will you go get him for me?”
*
Tommy didn’t know how much more his nerves could take.
Even now, hours later, he couldn’t believe that Rebecca was alive. When Alec came charging up behind him, Tommy knew that he had to do anything and everything to prevent him from seeing her. He’d knock him to the ground or beat him senseless if he had to; whatever it took to spare him from the ghastly sight.
It never dawned on him that she wasn’t dead, so no one was more surprised than Tommy when the paramedics said that she was still breathing.
The guilt that followed caused him crippling pain–not just guilt that she was on the road in the first place instead of enjoying his rehearsal dinner
, but also guilt that he very well could have prevented Alec from seeing his wife in the final moments of her life. He didn’t think that Rebecca would survive being separated from the elk and pulled from the truck; nor did he think she’d survive the long ride to the hospital.
But she had.
Tommy was elated, of course, but the roller coaster of the past twenty-four hours had drained every ounce of emotion from his tattered soul. He couldn’t frown; he couldn’t speak; he couldn’t even bring himself to look at his friends.
All he wanted to do, right at that moment, was crawl into the darkest hole he could find and never emerge.
“How is she?”
The sound of Jeff’s voice jolted Tommy back to the present. He lifted his head to see Alec entering the waiting room, looking much better than he had when he left.
“She’s good,” Alec replied. “She’s awake and she’s talking and she sounds like her normal self.”
“Can I see her?” Jeff asked.
“Soon,” Alec said, turning his gaze to Tommy. “She wants to see you first.”
His stomach flipped. “Me?”
Alec nodded towards the double doors. “Room 111.”
While Alec gave Jeff and Allison a more detailed update, Tommy gathered his courage and started down the corridor. Why on earth would Rebecca want to see him? Why would she ever want to see him again, after what happened last night?
How could she possibly forgive him for everything he’d put her through?
He opened the door to her room slowly, trying to prepare himself for whatever he was about to see. To his surprise, Rebecca’s eyes were as bright as her smile.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi,” he echoed, pausing uncertainly in the doorway.
“Come here,” she added, motioning for him to join her. “Come sit with me.”
Obediently Tommy crossed the room, his heart sinking lower with each step. The color had returned to her cheeks, but it was impossible to ignore the cuts on her face and the sling on her arm. He grimaced at the image of the elk’s antlers in her chest, and he tried not to envision the damage they must have done.
Rebecca’s expression grew solemn as he sat beside her. “Alec said you’re the one who found me.”
He nodded, feeling his throat tighten all over again. “Bec, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault–”
“No, it’s not. We live in the wilderness, Tommy. It could have happened to any of us, and you know it.”
“But you never would have been on the road if I…” His voice broke and he cleared his throat, struggling now to keep his composure. “Are you in a lot of pain?”
Rebecca touched his hand. “Probably not half as much as you.”
Tommy’s father had long ago ingrained in him that men don’t cry. “Crying is for women,” he’d always say, “because they’re weak.” And while Tommy never subscribed to the notion that women were weak, he’d managed to go his entire adult life without actually shedding a tear.
He didn’t cry when he got kicked out of the house or when he got injured riding in the rodeo. He didn’t cry when Rebecca married Alec; he didn’t cry at Walter’s funeral. He didn’t even cry last night, when he was alone in his cabin with the knowledge that he’d singlehandedly ruined every good thing in his life.
But now, looking into Rebecca’s eyes, he suddenly understood why even men needed to cry sometimes. Sometimes the pain was simply too great for the body to bear. He cringed at the thought of the confusion and the hurt he’d caused her last night, when all he’d been trying to do was tell her that he loved her. It hadn’t felt wrong at the time, but then again, loving Rebecca had never felt wrong.
It had to be wrong, though, because that love had just cost him everything.
It was such a terrible injustice–a cruel, merciless trick of fate–that the only way he could possibly react was to cry. He squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head, letting the tears drip down his cheeks unchecked.
Strangely, he felt no need to hide it. If anything, the only person he felt comfortable enough to cry in front of was Rebecca. As if reading his thoughts, she curled her fingers around his, assuring him that he had no reason to feel ashamed.
When he felt composed enough to speak, Tommy lifted his head. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
“I know you didn’t.” She paused to search his eyes. “Why did you never say anything?”
He shrugged as he swiped the remaining moisture from his cheeks. “What was I going to say? Would it have made any difference?”
She grimaced and dropped her gaze, which was all the answer he needed. “Just so you know, Tommy,” she said, glancing up at him again, “I may not look at you the same way I look at Alec, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think just as highly of you.”
Her response surprised him. “Thanks, Bec. That means a lot to me.”
“You mean a lot to me. I don’t even know where I’d be right now if I never met you and you never brought me to the ranch.” She tightened her grip around his hand. “Don’t think for one second that we actually want you to leave.”
“I don’t want to leave, either,” he agreed. “But I have to now. The truth is…I should’ve left a long time ago.”
She was silent for a moment. “Where are you going to go?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe back to Texas to regroup. The summer rodeo circuit starts up in a few weeks, too. I could always give that another try.” He managed a crooked grin. “But it won’t be the same without my heeler.”
Rebecca mirrored his grin and gave his hand a little tug. “Come here. I want to tell you something.”
Obediently Tommy leaned closer, expecting her to whisper something in his ear. He was startled, then, when she touched his cheek instead and brought his face towards hers.
She pressed her lips to his and he closed his eyes, wondering how many times he’d imagined this moment. Her kiss was soft and fleeting, a few seconds at most. It wasn’t much…but to Tommy, nothing on earth could have meant more.
“I’m going to miss you,” she whispered.
He stared at her as he drew back, wondering if she had any idea what he was thinking. Judging by her smile, she did. He studied her expression intently, memorizing the tiny details of her face so he’d always be able to envision her.
“I’m going to miss you, too.”
Then he stood and exited the room, figuring it wasn’t going to get any better than that.
Chapter 38
As soon as Tommy entered the waiting room, Jeff and Allison took their turn to see Rebecca. Alec was standing beside the window, watching the cars pass by outside, and he turned his head when Tommy approached him.
“How is she?”
“She’s good,” Tommy said, not quite meeting his eyes. “I still can’t believe she’s alive.”
Alec gave a little nod and turned back to the window. Tommy followed his gaze before he drew in a deep breath. “Listen, Alec, about this morning…I shouldn’t have stopped you from seeing her. It was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”
“You did what you felt was right,” Alec said. “Just like you always do.”
When Tommy failed to respond, Alec placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m grateful for what you did. I wouldn’t have wanted to see her like that. I’m sorry you had to.”
He managed not to cringe. “Well, it’s over now. The important thing is that she’s going to be alright.”
“And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“Are you going to be alright?”
Tommy had no idea how to answer that question. He couldn’t believe that Alec or Rebecca or anyone else was even remotely concerned about his welfare after the fiasco he’d caused.
“Yeah. Eventually.”
Alec was silent for a moment. “Don’t feel like you need to rush out of here on our account. Take some time to catch your breath and figure out your next step if you need to.”
He shook his head.
“My truck’s already loaded. Only thing left to do is hitch up the trailer and get my horse.”
Alec turned to face him. “You’re still my friend, Tommy. And you always will be. So if you ever need anything, no matter what…don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Thanks, Alec,” he said, gratefully extending his hand. “I appreciate that.”
He was surprised when Alec ignored his gesture and embraced him instead. Tommy thought he knew a lot about love and forgiveness, but nothing could have prepared him for the compassion that Rebecca and Alec had extended to him today.
In that moment, he suddenly realized that she’d made the right choice. Alec was the one she was meant to be with, because he was the one whose heart was as pure as hers. The two of them truly did belong together.
It pained Tommy to realize that they would no longer be part of his life.
“You take care of yourself,” Alec added as he pulled back.
Tommy nodded. “You do the same,” he said before he spun on his heel and marched for the exit.
*
Alec was on his way to Rebecca’s room when his cell phone rang. “Hello?”
“Hey,” Jake greeted. “I, um…I’m sure you guys have a hundred other things going on right now, but the horses are making a ruckus. I’m wondering if anyone fed them today.”
“No, they weren’t fed,” Alec replied. “I’m actually at the hospital right now. Bec got into an accident last night–”
“What? Is she alright?”
“She’s alright, but she’s pretty banged up. She was heading home from town and she hit an elk on the highway. It’s…” He released a haggard sigh. “It’s been a hell of a day.”
For once, there was no witty comeback from Jake’s end. “I’ll bet,” he said quietly. “Well, I’ll take care of the horses so you can do what you need to do. I’m safely assuming that the wedding is off?”
“That’s a safe assumption, yeah.”
There was a long pause. “Let me know what I can do to help.”
Alec managed to smile. “Thanks, Jake. I appreciate it.”
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