“I love you so much,” I say quietly.
“I love you too,” Dane says and hugs me tight. He lets go and opens my car door. I get in, but Dane doesn't close the door yet.
“Drive safe and text me when you get home. And remember, we’re going to church at four o’clock tomorrow for the Christmas Eve service,” he says.
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you too.” Dane gives me one last smile before closing the door and walking up his driveway. I watch him walk inside the garage and into his house, and when a sadness rushes over me, I remind myself that he’s not going anywhere for a few days. I’ll see him tomorrow.
✦✦✦
I spend all of Christmas Eve with the Suttons.
Dane and I hold hands when we walk into church, but he’s immediately bum rushed with people who want to talk to him and welcome him home. I humbly take my place on the sidelines and watch him greet a bunch of people. The way he smiles and acts kindly towards each person reminds me of why I fell in love with him. His compassion for people never runs out.
When it’s time for service to start, he takes a seat between his mom and me. He lays a hand on my knee, and feelings of comfort and safety rush over me.
The service is beautiful, and I excitedly remind everyone that it’s my first Christmas season since finding God. If I told myself a year ago that this is where I would be on Christmas Eve, I never would’ve believed it, but I’m so happy to be here. We worship, listen to pastor Craig speak, and light candles at the end of the service. I leave, feeling full of love and joy. My first Christmas Eve with Dane is beginning beautifully, and I’m so thankful that I get to spend the entire holiday season with him.
After church, the Suttons and I go to dinner at Bru Burger, and it’s full to the brim. Snow falls lightly outside, so the streets are mostly vacant. But this restaurant is full of people. Ranging from babies crying in their strollers to older gentlemen watching the news on the overhead TVs, the restaurant is full of life. And while the loud noise would usually annoy me, I’m grateful that I’m surrounded by these people.
Dinner tastes amazing, but we struggle to converse over the loud talking, music, and crying. So we don’t wait around once we finish eating. Instead, we head back to the car and drive to our next Christmas Eve destination: a Chinese light festival.
As we drive through the empty, snow-covered streets, Dane continues talking to his parents about all kinds of things. I hold his hand and listen to his voice that I’ve missed so much. Soon enough, we think we’ve found the location of the festival.
“It doesn't look like anyone is even here,” Dane says, looking through the window at the desolate street.
“I can see the lights, though. Let’s just go see,” Pam says. Ethan parks the car, and as soon as we step out of the car, strong, freezing winds hit us. The wind pulls me hard in different directions, but Dane keeps his hand tight on mine to keep me from floating away. We walk quickly through the cold air until we’re under some cover.
“I think I know why no one is here,” Dane says, and everyone chuckles.
“Well, do you still want to see it? I thought it would still be cool to see,” Pam says with a sad look on her face.
“Sure, let’s go check it out,” Dane says, motioning for us to walk towards the ticket booth. Two people stand inside, so Pam walks up to them.
“Is the festival still happening?” She asks.
“Yes, you can go on in. We’re not charging anyone because of the weather,” one of the employees says.
“Oh, great! Thank you so much.” Pam looks back at us with a smile and then walks through the open gate. Everyone follows, and once we’re in the open festival area, strong winds immediately hit us again.
Ethan and Joseph only last a few minutes before they give in to the cold and retreat back to the car. Dane and I stay with Pam to humor her, and we end up walking through the whole festival despite the freezing cold. By the time we get back to the car, my body shakes uncontrollably, and my face feels frozen in place. Ethan turns the heat on high.
“You lasted much longer than I expected,” Ethan says with a short laugh.
“Yeah, well, that’s an experience we’ll certainly never forget,” Dane replies.
“Definitely,” I say.
“Well, it sure was pretty. I’m glad we came, even if it was freezing,” Pam says.
“Me too. Thanks, Mom,” Dane says.
Ethan drives me home and drops me off, and I wish them all a merry Christmas before heading inside to spend the rest of the evening with my family.
✦✦✦
My family’s Christmas tradition usually starts around six in the morning. Whichever sibling wakes up first, usually Alec, will then start waking everyone else up in the house so we can start opening presents as early as possible. My parents usually aren’t too happy about waking up so early, but they get up anyways.
My siblings and I stand at the top of the stairs, while Mom guards us from going down. We can still see presents under the tree from where we’re standing, and my siblings smile with excitement. Finally, Dad finishes brushing his teeth and using the bathroom, and when he gets to the bottom of the stairs with a huge smile on his face, Mom steps out of the way, allowing my siblings and I to race down the stairs.
Keagan, Alec, and Jessica take turns peaking at all the presents, trying to decipher whose is whose, but weirdly enough, there aren’t any names on the presents. This year, Mom wrapped our presents in different wrapping paper, but we don’t know yet which paper belongs to which person. Alec guesses which presents are his, mostly based on which presents are the biggest, and Kevin and I pull up seats and watch.
My mind is groggy, but I’m happy and excited to see Dane later today.
Mom designates herself as Santa and begins to hand out presents one by one. When we’re handed a present, we open it, and everyone else watches. Then, it moves on to the next person. This method makes my younger siblings impatient, but I enjoy watching their reactions to the presents they get. The excitement, smiles, and gratitude are so great, and it’s unlike how they act the rest of the days of the year.
I get a $50 Playstation gift card, my high school letter jacket, a lot of socks, and a lot of candy. And they get me two of our family’s traditional Christmas movies, so when Dane and I live in Washington together, we can still watch the movies during Christmas time. That reminds me that this time next year, I could be married and living with Dane in Washington. The thought doesn't even seem plausible, but it’s exciting.
The rest of the morning my parents prepare our traditional Christmas dinner, and I drive over to the Suttons to celebrate with them for a few hours.
“Merry Christmas!” Pam greets me at the door with a hug.
“Merry Christmas,” I say with a smile. All the boys are already in the living room, so I walk over and squish into the recliner chair that Dane is already sitting in.
“Merry Christmas,” he whispers and kisses me on the cheek.
“Merry Christmas.” His kiss brings a huge smile to my face.
“Well, we already opened our gifts, so all that’s left are the gifts we got for you,” Pam says, bringing me a wrapped gift box and small gift bag.
“The box is from me, and the bag is from my mom,” Dane says. I open his first. I tear off the wrapping paper and open the box to reveal a journal and a cute grey toboggan.
“Aw, I love them. Thank you so much,” I say, still smiling. Then, I open the gift bag, revealing a necklace with a cross on it. It’s exactly what I’ve been wanting.
“Thank you,” I say, looking at Pam, “It’s perfect.”
“Aw, you’re welcome,” she says.
Dane puts his arm around my shoulder and smiles, so I lean my head against his chest. It’s perfect. We end up watching Elf, while Pam finishes cooking lunch. Then, everyone sits around the table, Pam prays, and we dig in.
“Would you like me to get you more?” Pam asks when Dane has cleaned
his plate.
“No, I need to save some room. We’re having two Christmas dinners tonight,” Dane says, looking at me.
“Yeah, we’ll be stuffed by the end of the night,” I say.
“Well, how about a slice of pie? It’s homemade,” Pam says. Dane’s eyes light up, and he rubs his hands together.
“I can’t resist pie.”
After everyone finishes eating, we sit around and talk for awhile, reminiscing about good memories and talking hopefully about the future. But when Dane and I have to leave for dinner at my house, the conversation subsides.
“I’ll be back later,” Dane says, giving his mom a hug. Pam hugs tightly, and when she lets go, she walks over and gives me a tight hug too.
“I’m so happy we all got to spend Christmas together,” Pam says.
“Me too,” Dane and I say at the same time.
The drive home is peaceful, and Dane holds my hand the whole way. The little things like holding hands in the car and seeing him smile continue to remind me why I fell in love, and the love I have for him explodes in each of these moments.
“How’s your Christmas been so far?” Dane asks. I let out a sigh.
“Amazing. How about yours?”
“Really good. But I’ve been thinking about something. You know how your dad wants me to get his blessing before we get engaged? Well, I was thinking I could do that tonight.” I quickly turn to face him, half smiling and half shocked.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, I mean I would like to get it over with sooner rather than later,” Dane says.
“Okay, well, you have to do it alone.”
“I know. So I was thinking I’ll give you some cue that I’m about to do it, and then you can take your siblings upstairs to distract them or something.” Dane’s voice sounds strained, and I can’t imagine how nervous this is making him. I would want to pee my pants if I had to have this conversation with my dad.
“Okay.” I pause for a few seconds. “Are you ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be, you know. I just want it to go well.”
“I’m sure it’ll be great.” I squeeze Dane’s hand and smile.
When we get to my house, dinner is already ready, and my siblings seem hangry. Mom announces that everyone can eat, so we all file into a line and start piling food on our plates. Dane and I’s plates are a bit smaller, though, and Mom seems to notice.
“That’s all you’re going to eat?” She asks me.
“For now,” I say, “I might get more after.”
The kitchen table is too small for all eight of us, so my parents stand awkwardly in the kitchen, eating and talking to Dane. They ask how his Christmas was at home, and he tells them it was great. They ask if he’s excited to move to Washington, and he says he is. That makes me stomach swirl. I’m more nervous than he is, and I’m not even the one moving there. After a lot of conversation and amazing food, I’m stuffed. I wobble my way into the living room and crash on the couch, but Dane comes in soon after, looking at me with wide eyes.
My brothers went straight upstairs after dinner, leaving my parents, Dane, me, and Jessica in the living room. Dane continues staring at me, so I guess that’s the cue that he wants to talk to my dad. I stand up and walk towards the stairs.
“Hey, Jessica. Come here. I have to show you something upstairs,” I say. It’s a total lie, but hopefully Jessica buys it. She narrows her eyes at me but doesn't budge.
“What is it?” She asks, unconvinced. My parents turn around in their chairs to look at me too, but I avoid making eye contact with them.
“Just come here.” I start to walk up the stairs, and reluctantly, Jessica gets up from the couch and follows me. When we’re both upstairs in our room, I close the door, and Jessica continues looking at me.
“Sorry, I don’t actually have anything to show you. Dane just needs to talk to Mom and Dad alone for a bit,” I admit. Jessica stares at me with an annoyed look for a few seconds and then shrugs.
“Okay.” She jumps into her bed and immediately gets on her computer. That was easier than I expected. I sit on my bed too, but I don’t want to distract myself with my phone or computer. All I can think about is what they might be saying downstairs. Hopefully, Dane makes a good impression, and the conversation doesn't last a lifetime.
I lay on my bed, then get up and pace, then brush my hair, then pace again, and then scroll through Instagram for awhile until finally, there’s a small knock on my bedroom door. I’m confused at first, but I open the door and see Dane, looking paler than usual. He walks right into my bedroom, smiling for a second at Jessica, and sits on my bed. I sit next to him.
“How did it go?” I ask.
“Good. I think.”
“Well, that’s good. Why do you look nauseous?”
“I was sweating so much. I was so nervous,” Dane says, “But he gave me his blessing.” He smiles, and I do too.
“Yay,” I say quietly, raising my hands up to cheer.
“I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Then, I’ll be back downstairs.” Dane stands.
“Okay.” I give him a short hug and watch him walk into my bathroom and close the door.
“Ready to go back downstairs?” I ask Jessica. She shrugs but gets out of bed, leading the way downstairs. When we get down there, my parents are pacing around the kitchen, and I smile at them innocently.
“You know he was going to do that tonight?” Dad asks, looking flustered. He smiles, though, so I assume it went well for everyone.
“Yeah,” I say.
“I thought it was weird that you asked Jessica to follow you upstairs,” Mom says. She takes a drink from her glass.
“Did it go well?” I ask, wanting validation.
“Yeah, I think so.” Dad looks at Mom. “Do you think so?”
“Yeah,” Mom agrees.
“Awesome.” I smile.
Dane comes downstairs a few minutes later, and we finish the night playing a few board games with everyone. Dane wins most of them, which annoys me, but I try to be a good sport.
When we finish playing games, it’s already dark outside and becoming pretty late. Dane implies he better be getting back home, so I stand up with him and walk him to the door. He puts his shoes on and stands up, opening the front door, and I step outside with him. The air is crisp, but Dane wraps me in a hug, keeping me a little warm.
“I love you so much,” he says.
“I love you too. Thank you for spending Christmas with me.”
“My pleasure.” Dane steps back from the hug and leans down to kiss me. I lean into him and wrap my hands back around his waist. The kiss lasts a lifetime, but it’s still not long enough. Dane stares into my eyes, and I smile.
“Merry Christmas,” I say.
“Merry Christmas.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll text you when I get home,” Dane says and starts to walk away.
“Okay, drive safe.” I watch him get into his car and sit there for awhile before finally starting the car and driving away. I quickly step back inside and lock the door.
My parents are the only people still downstairs, and they’re mostly cleaning up. But Mom stops cleaning to talk to me.
“Did you have a good Christmas?” She asks.
“Yes, the best.”
And it’s true. I don’t think I’ve ever had a better Christmas because Dane was the best Christmas present I could’ve ever asked for. And now, he has permission to marry me, so I may never spend another Christmas without him. That would be a dream come true.
CHAPTER 19
For the past sixteen years of my life, I’ve only spent New Year’s Eve with my family. I was never invited to fun parties with friends, and honestly, it’s okay that I wasn’t. In earlier years, my aunt, cousins, and grandma would come over to the house, and we’d stay up until midnight, playing games. And when midnight came, my siblings, cousins, and I would grab pots and spoons and run outside like wild
animals, banging and screaming until our parents forced us inside. The adults would be laughing hysterically because they knew our neighbors were probably being awoken by our craziness. And they were happy for it because most of our neighbors didn’t like us in the first place for being obnoxious.
When my siblings and I started to grow up, sometimes we didn’t even make it to midnight. It didn’t seem to be important to celebrate anymore; it’s only another year passing. We might’ve watched the ball drop at midnight on TV a few years, but soon after, we were all spending New Year’s Eve in our separate bedrooms, acting like it was any other day.
So when Dane suggested he and I celebrate New Year’s together, I excitedly agreed, hoping I could bring some of that youthful celebration back into my life.
Dane picks me up around 3 o’clock, which is pretty early given we’ll be together until past midnight today. He’s all smiles and talks pretty much the entire drive from my house to downtown Indianapolis.
I watch him with a smile on my face, allowing him to talk my ear off. It’s not unusual for Dane to dominate the conversation between us because I’m the introvert, but today he seems extra talkative. Maybe he drank a bit too much coffee this morning.
Once we’re downtown, Dane finds a parking spot close to our favorite pizza place, Pearl Street Pizzeria, and we head inside to eat. He goes to the restroom, and I peer over the menu, even though I already know we’re going to get our usual meat lovers pizza. Dane comes back to the table, smiling awkwardly, and I narrow my eyes at him.
“What?” I ask.
Love Lasts Page 21