“I love you,” Dane says to his mom. He gives her a long hug. He says the same to his dad and brother and then comes to me, hugging me tightly and nearly squeezing the air out of me. I hug him back, breathing in, as my face lay against his chest. And that familiar rock forms in my throat. He lets go, lifting up my chin to give me one last kiss, and I smile when he finally steps back.
“I love you so much,” he says, his voice cracking a bit. That stings.
“I love you too,” I say, looking into his beautiful eyes. He takes one last look at all of us and then turns around, walking straight to the check-in for his flight, and without looking back at us, he walks onto his plane. I let out a shaky breath and turn to face his family who look back at me with drooping eyelids and pouting lips. The sadness in all of us is overwhelming, and I wish my mom were here to give me one of her hugs.
We walk in silence back to the car and drive back to my house with Christian music on the radio. I watch out the window, remembering the last time Dane left. As he walked away from me, my heart shattered, and tears flooded out of me. I was embarrassed to be crying so hysterically in front of his family, but soon, they will be my family too. Now I don’t feel any embarrassment; I feel safe. I know we all feel the same sadness, but our expressions are different. I don’t need to cry today. Instead, a deep sense of loss and emptiness fills my heart, making me want to sleep.
Dane’s parents drop me off, and I head inside without much of a word. Mom awaits me at the door, already standing and walking towards me to give me that much needed hug. I melt in her arms, and whatever barriers I had in place a few minutes ago break down until I’m crying onto her shoulder. She rubs my back, reassuring me that it’s okay, and I force those words to be the truth for me. Everything will be okay.
CHAPTER 20
After winter break, I go back to school, feeling nervous and excited. I wear an engagement ring on my left hand and a promise ring on my right hand now, and I know people will have things to say.
I walk into first period AP Research, and my classmates congratulate me right away.
“When’s the wedding?” Somebody asks.
“How did he do it?” Somebody else asks.
“Did you know it was going to happen?”
“How does it feel to be engaged?”
I answer all their questions and thank them for congratulating me. But even though receiving so much attention is exciting, these people have become some of my closest friends this year. Talking to them about something so personal is easy. In other classes and around other people, I might not feel so brave and excited to share this news.
I walk into second period AP English class forty minutes later to a variety of new faces. A new semester means new schedules and new classmates.
Jordan, who I had AP Research with a minute ago, sits with me at a group of desks towards the back of the class. She pulls out her phone, and I watch the door to see if any of my friends will walk through.
Courtney walks in with a few cheerleaders, and she smiles at me but sits on the opposite side of the room with her other friends. And right before the late bell rings, Peyton comes running into class. She walks to the first empty seat she sees and sits down. After a minute, she finally looks around the room and sees me. She smiles and waves, and I smile back.
Our teacher, Ms. Rane, remains at her desk and begins to talk, forcing most of us to turn around in our seats or crane our necks to look at her.
“Welcome back. I hope you’re all well rested and ready to prepare for the AP Exams because that’s what we’ll be focusing on for the next couple of months. But before then, since I’m not in the mood to teach today, as I'm sure you’re not in the mood to learn today, let’s relax a bit. Okay?” My classmates start to smile and look around at each other like they’ve been granted a get out of jail free card.
“So, who wants to talk about their winter break? Where did you go? What did you do? Let’s talk,” Ms. Rane says.
Several students raise their hands and tell the class about what they did over winter break, but I lower myself in my seat, trying to remain invisible. I don’t want to share, and I don’t want to be called on. After several people have shared, though, Ms. Rane looks to my group of desks.
“You guys are awfully quiet,” she says to us, “Which one of you wants to share?” The six of us look between each other with eyes full of anxiety, and I realize the shyest people all managed to sit together. One guy in the back raises his hand.
“Great. Mike, what did you do over winter break?” Ms. Rane asks. Mike shares in a couple sentences how he saw his grandparents in Florida and spent Christmas on the beach, but Ms. Rane doesn't seem satisfied.
“Sounds fun. Who else out of you five want to share?” Ms. Rane says. My stomach fills with anxiety, and I want to disappear. But I raise my hand, and Ms. Rane smiles. Somehow, I think she already knows what I’m going to say.
“Penelope, please do share,” she says.
“I got engaged over winter break.” I look around the classroom at all the eyes staring at me and feel my confidence shrinking. “My‒fiancé‒came home from Texas, and I spent the holiday with him. And then, on New Year’s Eve, he proposed to me.” People’s eyes are wide, and some girls smile.
“Well, can we see the ring?” One of the popular girls asks. I nod and get up from my seat to show it to her.
“Wow, it’s beautiful. Congratulations,” she says.
“Thank you.” I hold out my hand and spin in a circle to show it to the rest of the class.
“Well, let me see,” Ms. Rane says. My heart beats fast in my chest, but I walk over to her desk and show it to her. She smiles but still manages to look dissatisfied.
“You kids are getting married younger and younger these days,” she says and shakes her head. I don’t know what to say, so I go back to my seat and clasp my hands together in my lap. Ms. Rane finally gets up from her desk and walks to the front of the class.
“Well, it sounds like you all had some fun experiences during the break. Let’s hope they were all smart decisions, though.” Ms. Rane looks directly at me. I break eye contact and look down at my hands.
After class, Jordan walks with me through the hallway.
“Ms. Rane was kind of rude to you back there,” she says. Jordan walks close to me, and it still feels weird. Jordan is one of those popular girls that I was always intimidated by because of how pretty and quiet she is. It’s like she doesn't need to say anything, and she can still have the room’s attention. I sort of always wanted to be her friend but didn’t think she would like me, so I stayed in my little bubble. But this year, having AP Research and AP English together has given us so much time to connect, and now, I have a really good friend in her.
“Yeah, I didn’t really know what to think about that,” I say.
“Ignore her. You’re happy, and that’s all that matters. And I’m happy for you too,” Jordan says.
“Thank you.” I smile, and Jordan does too.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says. I nod, and we head in different directions to go to our next class.
As I walk through the halls, people I’ve never spoken to before congratulate me. When I go to lunch, people congratulate me. People congratulate me in every class, and it seems the whole school knows about my engagement. While the support encourages me, all the attention is unusual for me. I don’t really know what to do with it.
When I get home from school, I text Dane, telling him about all the support I’m getting.
That’s great. He says. I let out a sigh. Now, we’re engaged, but we’re also far apart all over again. He lives across the country in Washington now, and the feelings of happiness from the engagement are already subsiding. The loneliness is quick to return instead.
✦✦✦
I wake up one morning and sit straight up. My dream remains vivid in my mind, and now, I’m really confused. I was at the movie theater, my old job, and I walked up to my general manager. I asked
him if I could get my job back, and before he could answer, I woke up from the dream. I stare at the wall across from me, now wondering if that’s a sign.
Since I spent so much money during winter break with Dane and for Christmas, my savings account has suffered. Over the last few weeks of being back in school, I’ve only spent money on gas for going to and from school, which has really sucked. I have senior photo shoots lined up, but they’re not until the spring. So I think it is time for me to get another job.
I grab my phone from off my desk and open up a conversation with Cindy, my old coworker.
Hey, the weirdest thing just happened. I had a dream that I asked for my job back at the movie theater. I text her. She responds back right away.
That is weird. Are you thinking about coming back?
Maybe. Do you still work there?
I’m a manager now, so I could definitely get the process started for you. How about you come in tonight when I’m working?
I tell Cindy I’ll do it and put my phone away. I let out a breath and get out of bed to find Kevin. Since he came back home from college, he started working at the movie theater again; plus, he works at FedEx. It seems he’s always working, but hopefully, he’s home.
I find him in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in front of him. He ignores me until I’m standing across from him, staring directly at him.
“I’m thinking about getting my job back at the theater,” I say. He swallows and raises his eyebrows.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I need the money. Do you think they would hire me back?”
“Probably. The new people are pretty bad and are always calling in, so I think they’d love to have you back honestly,” Kevin says.
“Well, I talked to Cindy. She said I could come in tonight and try to get rehired.”
“I can go with you if you want.” Kevin leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.
“Okay.” I smile. “I’ll probably go in around five.”
“Sounds good.” Kevin starts eating his cereal again, so I walk back upstairs. I didn’t expect that, but having Kevin by my side will help my confidence a lot.
When the time comes, Kevin drives us.
We walk into the managers’ office together, and Cindy is there with the scheduling manager, Margie. Margie looks at me like I just got caught stealing something, and I’m suddenly very nervous.
“So I hear you want your job back,” she says.
“Yeah, if you’ll let me,” I say.
“Well, I’ve got to be honest with you, Penelope. We’re a bit reluctant to hire you back. When you first started working here, you were great. In fact, you couldn’t have been better. You were always doing extra jobs and being a great employee, but towards the end there, it’s like you stopped trying.” I nod, even though her saying that hurts a bit.
“But the truth is we need more people working, and we need better people working. These newbies aren’t cutting it, so I’d be willing to hire you back if you will give us your best work ethic. And there’s no way I can only have you working one day a week like you used to. If you want the job, you’re going to have to work at least two days during the weekend because that’s what we need right now. Okay?”
“Okay,” I say.
“So, do you want to think about it and get back to us or?” Margie trails off.
“I’ll do it. I can definitely work twice a weekend, and I’ll do better.” I look at Cindy, and she smiles at me. Margie nods.
“Okay then. The hiring process is a little bit different now. Everything is online, so I’ll send the links over to you. And we’ll go from there. Okay?”
“Okay, thank you so much,” I say with a smile.
“You’re welcome.” Margie actually smiles too, and I feel relieved. Kevin and I walk out of there, and he drives us back home without saying much else. We get home and start to walk towards the front door, but before we get inside, I finally say something.
“Thanks for going with me.”
“No problem. It’ll be good to have you working there again.” He unlocks the front door, and we walk inside and go our separate ways. But I go up to my room with a smile on my face because my big brother was there to support me, and I will get to work with him again. I’m excited.
✦✦✦
One day, Mom sits down with me at the kitchen table to start planning the wedding. So much runs through my head.
“First things first, we have to decide on the budget,” Mom says.
“Okay.” I know this will be hard, but Mom starts to write in a notebook.
“So, we can do $2,000, and you get to keep your car when you move to Washington, or we can do $5,000, but you have to leave your car here,” Mom says, “We just don’t have a lot of extra money lying around, so…” She trails off. I already expected that the numbers would be small, but I think we’ll be able to pull it off.
“I think I can leave the car. It would be too hard to get it to Washington anyway, and since the accident, it’s not exactly the safest car, especially in the winter time. And Dane has said that the end of winter is bad so far,” I say. Mom nods, but her face tells me this is stressing her out.
“Are you sure, though? You won’t have a car, and you won’t be able to get anywhere,” Mom says. Out of the living room, Dad walks into the kitchen with us and stands over Mom’s shoulder. He reads the notebook and then looks at Mom.
“She can keep the car either way. It’s not fair to her to make her choose,” Dad says. I watch my parents narrow their eyes at each other.
“But we don’t have a lot of extra money,” Mom says quietly. Dad shakes his head.
“We’ll be fine. We can sell some things, and after the wedding, we’ll have to be careful with our money for awhile. It’s fine.” Dad walks to the fridge and grabs orange juice, and Mom watches him with a blank stare. She looks at me, and I smile innocently.
“Okay then. $5,000 and you get to keep the car if you want it,” Mom says.
Mom and I go on to create a checklist for the things we need to do. It includes creating save the dates, wedding invites, and RSVPs, finding my wedding dress, finding a venue, creating a guest list, choosing the wedding party, and the list goes on. By the end of it, my head pounds, and I want to take a nap. Mom looks equally overwhelmed.
“Great start. We can be done for now,” Mom says.
“Okay, I’ll be upstairs sleeping my life away if you need me,” I say and head upstairs with the wedding planning notebook in my hand. When I get in bed, I thumb through the pages, and the pressure to complete all of this lays heavy on my shoulders. I guess the first thing I can accomplish is choosing my bridesmaids.
The person I wish would be my maid of honor is Lin, even though we haven’t been friends for almost a year now. Her and I have been through so much together, and since we stopped being friends, no one has gotten to know me as well as she did, except Dane of course. I wish things had happened differently, but I can’t change the past.
I pull out my phone and scroll through my contacts. The sad truth is that I don’t have enough close girl friends, and I never have. I’ve always been a loner, and my only friends have always come and gone whenever they pleased, never getting to know me more than they needed to. But I have to have a bridal party, so who has been there for me the most in my life?
Peyton and I have maintained contact and a good friendship since kindergarten, so I’ll ask her to be my maid of honor. It’ll be sweet to have my longest childhood friend in my bridal party. Then, I can ask my cousin, Susan, to be a bridesmaid because she, like Peyton, was one of my best childhood friends. We always played together, and although we’re not that close anymore, she’s family. Then, I can ask Allie because we’ve started to get closer these last few years, and I’ll ask Courtney because even though we haven’t had the best friendship, she’s still been a friend of mine since elementary school. I’ll ask them all at school.
✦✦✦
On Monday morning, I
go to school and find Peyton at her locker before first period. She looks surprised to see me, but she smiles and acts sweet.
“I have a question for you,” I say to her. She stops rummaging through her locker and faces me.
“Okay.”
“Would you want to be the maid of honor for my wedding?” I ask. Peyton stares at me with a dumbfounded look.
“Are you serious?” I nod and smile. Peyton’s jaw slowly drops, and her eyes begin to glisten like she might cry. She immediately wraps me in a tight hug, and I’m taken by surprise. But I hug her back. When she lets go, she wipes under her eyes and smiles.
“You really want me to be your maid of honor?” She asks.
“Yeah, of course. You’ve been my best friend for so long,” I say.
“Wow. I would be honored, Penelope. I can’t believe this. I’m going to be the best maid of honor you could ever ask for. Just let me know as soon as you need anything. Okay?”
“Okay, thank you.” I smile, and Peyton hugs me again quickly.
“Thank you! You made my day.”
“Aw, I’m glad. Well, I’ll text you later then. Okay?”
“Okay. Talk to you later,” Peyton says. I smile one last time and then walk away towards my first period class, feeling good about that decision.
I wait until I’m in math class with Courtney to ask her.
“Will you be a bridesmaid at my wedding?” Courtney looks shocked as well.
“Seriously?” She asks.
“Yeah, what do you think?” She smiles, but she pauses before saying anything.
“Of course. Let me think about it,” she says. She doesn't look at me, probably because she knows she would see the hurt on my face. What is there to think about? It’s a simple decision. I don’t say anything, though. I turn back to my assignment, and when the bell rings, I walk out of class without even looking at her.
Love Lasts Page 23