marketplace and, 130–31
as model, 142–43
mother-son relationship and, 12–23, 139–40
nest-feathering by, 126–28
nonverbal love of, 122
play and, 113–15
as primary parent, 131–33
“prodigal,” 138
quality time and, 131
reading emotions by, 114–15
response to infants by, 116
rigid expectations by, 140–41
separation and, 26–27, 43–44
showing emotions and, 143–44
single, 138–39, 371–74
society’s expectations of, 130
sons’ friendships and, 191, 204
special role of, 113
workplace and, 130–31
see also parents, parenting
feelings:
sharing of, 8
sports and, 275–76
suppression of, 13–15
talking about, 103–4, 109–10
Feldman, Shirley, 174
Fergusson, D. M., 369
Finger, Joan, 237
Fivush, Robyn, 44
Ford, Clellan, 212
Freud, Sigmund, 96, 111, 210–11
Fried, Paula, 357
Fried, SuEllen, 357
friendships, 181–205
action-oriented behavior and, 181–82
Boy Code and, 184–85
code of, 197–98
competition and, 188
depression and problems with, 309, 322, 334
displays of affection in, 185–86
gender straitjacketing and, 184–87
with girls, 181–87
homophobia and, 184–87
intimacy and, 191, 194, 198
myth of boy loner and, 181–82
play styles and, 187–90
researchers’ biases and, 193–97
romantic, 203–5
self-esteem and, 188–89, 190
shame and, 198
sports and, 276–77
Sullivan’s description of, 190
talking and, 191–93
Frost, Robert, 158
Gardner, Howard, 265
Garrity, Alyssa, 198–99
Gash, Sam, 45
gatekeeping, 104–6, 125–26
“gender empathy,” 203
“gender straitjacket,” xx–xxi, 6, 40–43, 91–92, 104, 132, 133
Giamatti, A. Bartlett, 273
Gillette Company, 342
Gilligan, Carol, 19, 199
Gilligan, James, 347
Ginott, Chaim, 180
Girgus, Joan, 310
girls, 86, 102
ADD diagnoses and, 36
adolescent sexuality and, 149–51
attachment style of, 66, 67–68
boys compared to, xviii, xxii–xxiii, 8, 11, 15–16, 28, 40–41, 67–68, 100, 149–50, 173, 181–82, 189–90, 193–94
boys’ loving respect for, 74–75
boys’ platonic friendships with, 182, 198–205
conversational style of, 193–94
depression in, 310, 311, 313
emotionality of, 40–41
fathers’ emotional shaping of, 43–44
in friendships, 181–82, 189–90
gender stereotypes and, 35
intimacy and, 191
mothers’ emotional shaping of, 41–43
play style of, 55, 187–90
relative school performance of, 233–36
school adjustments by, 239–40
school stereotypes and, 349
sense of fairness of, 74
sex as seen by, 150
sharing of feelings by, 8
sleeper effect and, 368
suicide rate of, 333
Girls Speak Out/Boys Share Star Wars, 244–45
“give ’em hell” stereotype, 24
Glueck Study, 119, 135
Grady, Ed, 319–20
Green, Matt, 159–60
Greenberg, Martin, 114
Grief, Esther, 44
Gunnar, Megan, 86
Gurian, Michael, 88
Hamlet (Shakespeare), 6–7
Hardesty, Constance, 119
Harrington, Dick, 152
Harrington, Jennifer, 152–53
Harrington, Mitchell, 152–53, 155
Harris, Mark, 277
Harrison, Adam, 3–6, 7, 8, 10–11
Haviland, J. M., 40–41
Hawley, Richard, 245–46, 259
Hawthorne, Benson, 221–23
Hedges, Larry, 234
Herzog, Jim, 103, 114, 124
Hite, Shere, 124
“holding environment,” 121
Home Alone 3 (film), 361
homophobia, 209–10
friendships and, 184–87
homosexuality, 206–29
AIDS and, 227–29
bisexuality and, 220–24
brain structure and, 215–16
effeminate behavior and, 216–19
female, 215
heredity and, 215–16
homophobia and, 209–10
incidence of, 207
misconceptions about, 212–13
origin of, 207–8
parenting and, 211–14
parents’ fear of, 216–17
parents’ reactions to, 224–27
play styles and, 215
root causes of, 212–13
scientific and social perception of, 211–12, 217, 219
stigma of, 208–9
suicide and, 209, 210
twin studies of, 214–15, 216
as variation in human sexuality, 210–12
Horatio Alger Association, 173, 175
Housman, A. E., 279
Hulse, Diane, 259–60
Hunters and Gatherers in the Classroom (Cohen), 349
hyperactivity, 37
impulsive mood, 322–23
IMS America, 311
Influence of School Climate on Gender Differences in Achievement and Engagement of Young Adolescents (Lee), 239–40
interdependence, 99–100
International Coalition of Boys Schools, 245
Iron Will (film), 361
Isenberg, Phillip, 281
Jackson, Chris, 391–98
Jain, Anja, 142
Jarvis, Tony, 61–62
Jeckells, Rob, 248–50
Jefferson, Jackie, 219
Jefferson, Kenny, 219
John, Elton, 212
Jones, Curtis, 136–37
Jordan, Judy, 32, 203
Kallman, Franz, 214
“kamikaze play,” 114
Kandel, Denise, 324
Kaschak, Ellen, 96
Kasen, Stephanie, 373
Kaye, S. H., 369
Kennedy, Michael, 340–41
Kim, Samson, 223
King, Daniel, 165
King, Lynda, 165
Lee, Valerie, 239
Levant, Ronald, 195
LeVay, Simon, 215–16
Lincoln, Corey, 252–53
Lincoln, Donald, 252–53
Lincoln, Marissa, 252–53
Lincoln, Regina, 252–53
“Listening to Boys’ Voices” (Pollack), xx, 4, 7, 13, 23, 160, 183, 197, 203, 314
London, Barbara, 378–79
London, Cameron, 378–79
London, Willa, 378–79
Long, Don, 44
Loranger, Kevin, 76–77
Lords of Destruction, 331–32
love, 65–77
attachment style and, 66–68
boys’ expression of, 65–66
comfort zones and, 76
as expressed through action, 67–68, 76–77, 100–101, 120–21
in expression through work, 71–73
indirect approach to, 68–69
nonverbal, 122
protective, 69–71
respect for girls and, 74–75
self-esteem and, 76, 204
sense
of fairness and, 73–74
styles in expression of, 100–101
Lynch, Peter, 136
Lynn, Deborah, 138–39
Lynn, Patrick, 138–39
McCloud, Glenn, 135–36
Maccoby, Eleanor, 193–95
Mace, David, 310
machismo, xxii, 4, 58, 76
McDuffie, Charles, 136
McGuinness, Diane, 257
Malatesta, C. Z., 40–41
male deficit disorder (MDD), 257
manic-depressive illness, 306
Marshall, Nancy, 135
Marson, Phillip, 274–75
Marson, Tom, 274–75
“masculine autonomy,” 26
masculinity, xx–xxi, 88, 98
adolescence and, 146, 147–49, 151–53
diversity of, 60–61
double standard of, 81–82, 107, 146, 147–49, 151–53, 396
mothers’ confusion about, 95–96
mythic images of, 96
talking about, 108–9
violence and, 345
in Western cultures, 99
mask of masculinity, xviii–xix, 3–19
academic performance and, 15–16, 17
Boy Code and, 3–6, 7, 9, 11, 13–14
connection and, 8–9, 18–19
early signs of, 7–8
life changes and, 9–10
mothers’ instincts and, 10–11
school stereotypes and, 17–18
self-esteem and, 16
shame and, 5, 11–13
steps in getting behind, 7–9
suppression of feelings and, 13–15
timed-silence syndrome and, 8
trauma of separation and, 11–13
media, violence in, 357–61
mentors, 9, 10, 268–69
coaches as, 283–84
school programs for, 268–69
Michaelieu, Qhyrraq, 204
Miller, Jean Baker, 345
Miller, Zachary, 159–60
Mitchell, Jeff, 324
mixed messages, xxi–xxii, 12, 82, 86, 87, 88, 95
mothers, 26, 61, 81–112
attitudes toward men, 94–95, 108–9
in close relationships, 98–99
co-parenting and, 383–84
daughters and, 41–42
divorce and, 368, 371–74
emotional shaping by, 40–43
fathers of, 96
father’s role in support of, 122–23
feminism and, 84
in gatekeeper role, 104–6, 125–26
gender stereotypes and, 91–92
idealized expectations by, 95–96
interdependence and, 99–100
masculinity confusion of, 95–96
masculinity’s double standard and, 81–82
mixed messages and, 86, 87, 95
and mythic images of men, 96–97, 98
and myths about boys, 87–88
peer culture and, 88, 90, 91
power of, 111–12
reconnecting and, 101, 110–11
and revision of Boy Code, 88–89
rotating parenting responsibilities with, 109
seductive, 96
separation and, 27–28, 40–43
single, 92–95, 371–74
sons’ friendships and, 191, 204
sports and, 93–94
strategies for, 106–11
style of expressing love by, 100–101
and talking about feelings, 103–4, 109–10
timed-silence syndrome and, 102–3, 110, 111
in World War II, 94–95
see also parents, parenting
Ms., 311
Murray, Henry, 167
myths, xix, xxi, 52–64
of arriving at manhood, 96
of biological fate, 56–58
Boy Code and, 58–59
of boy loner, 181–82
of “boys should be boys,” 58–60, 62, 87
of “boys will be boys,” 52–53, 62, 87, 242
diversity of masculinity and, 60–61
of macho father, 128–29
shame-hardening process and, 11–12, 45–47, 59–60
about testosterone, 52–53, 55–56, 346
of “toxic” boys, 62–63, 232, 242–44, 324
National Association of School Psychologists, 343
National Center for Health Statistics, 154
National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, 156
National Conference of Catholic Bishops, 212
National Institute of Mental Health, 237, 238, 359
National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, 156, 174, 310
National Statistics Institute, Italian, 99
Natural Born Killers (film), 360
nest-feathering, 126–28
News week, 118
Nolen-Hoeksema, Susan, 311, 313
Norton, Dan, 392–96
“no sissy stuff’ stereotype, 24
Notleman, Editha, 237, 238
Odysseus legend, 96, 144
Oedipus complex, 96
O’Hanley, John, 278–79
O’Hanley, Lynn, 278
O’Hanley, Sean, 277–79
Olivardia, Roberto, 292
Outward Bound, 265
parents, parenting, 61
adolescence guidelines for, 177–80
adolescent sexuality and, 153–55
affirmation by, 178–79
as cause of homosexuality, 211–14
close relationships with, 98–99
connection and, 56–58
divorced, 375–79, 383–84
homosexuality and, 211–14, 216–17, 224–27
reconnection guidelines for, 47–51
as role models, 175–77
school guidelines for, 262–66, 270–71
separation and, 29, 31–32, 35–36, 40–44
sons’ friendships and, 191, 204
sports and, 287–96
step-, 378–79
“tag team,” 122–23
violence in media and, 360–61
see also fathers
mothers
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG), 218
Parke, Ross, 113–14, 115
peer pressure, 158–61
resistance to, 160–61
Perry, Bruce, 57
perspective-taking, 352–53
Pipher, Mary, 6–7
play:
fathers and, 113–15
friendships and, 187–90
girls’style of, 55, 187–90
homosexuality and, 215
“kamikaze,” 114
see also sports
Pleck’s Traditional Male Role Attitude Scale, 166
Pope, Harrison, 292
Potts, Marilyn, 321
Protecting Adolescents from Harm, 250
Protoff, Donald, 246
Prozac, 308, 311
Pruett, Kyle, 131–33
Purkey, William, 16, 237–38, 253
Reeves, Cynthia, 202
Reeves, Greg, 202
Reich, Robert, 136
Reviving Ophelia (Pipher), 6–7
Riley, Richard, 234
Robinson, Kenny, 317–18
Rohde, Paul, 310
role models, 51
adolescents and, 175–77
coach as, 282–85
fathers as, 142–43
parents as, 175–77
Rosenman, Barry, 251–52
Ross, John, 28
Rotundo, Anthony, 111
sadness, 305–6, 312–14
detecting of, 312
Sandburg, Bill, 128–29
Santanello, Paul, 280–81
Santos, Doug, 162–63
Santrock, J. W., 370
Scali, James, 333
Scali, Kurt, 333–34
Schindler, Arlene, 221–22
Schindler, Scott, 221–23
schools, 230–71
ADD diagnoses by, 248, 253�
��58, 262
all-boys approach to, 248–50
anti-boy attitudes in, 239–45
connectedness and, 250–52
divorce and, 385–86
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