by Regina Darcy
There could be no hope of a future with Charles Ingraham, even though she found her heart continually inclined to search for him. She ought to set her sights on someone who was, at the very least, pursuing the thought of a wife. Someone like Lord Mowbray.
Carefully, she studied Lord Mowbray again, taking in his thick, dark hair that was, if she was not mistaken, a little curled. He had grey eyes and a look of intelligence about him. He was taller than Ingraham but not broad shouldered. In fact, she would say he was rather thin compared to Ingraham. His face was kind, however, and she could tell that if Ingraham had been so open as to tell Lord Mowbray the truth about her situation, then he was obviously a man who could be trusted. A man of integrity, she decided. Yes, even though she was not attracted or drawn to him in any way, she could easily allow herself to be courted by him, should he ask.
She tried not to recall the promise she had made to her mother. She bit her lower lip as she recalled how she had once believed that she would find such a happy and wonderful marriage as her parents had done. That could not be so. The experienced with her guardian had proven how cruel the world was. And now her circumstances proved how powerless she was against the unwanted destiny that assailed her.
She would have to be content with marrying a gentleman who was merely suitable, albeit considerate and respectful of her. That was not at all something to be disdained, given that a good many of the eligible young ladies who married in any given Season were not at all guaranteed to marry a good man. She knew she should be grateful, with more determination than anyone could have guessed she hid her profound disappointment about how everything had turned out since she had been orphaned.
Forcing her thoughts away from Charles Ingraham, she smiled delicately towards Lord Mowbray, seeing him lean forward in his seat a little more, as though he wanted to catch every word.
The tea tray arrived only a few minutes later, but that did not stop the conversation between Julianna and Lord Mowbray. Julianna found that Lord Mowbray was very amiable indeed, being careful not to ask her anything that might embarrass her or force her to remember more painful times. He spoke of general things such as books, music, and his fondness for being out in the gardens back on his estate.
She asked him about his family and when he had come to take the title, only to discover that he had lost a brother. A little mortified to have asked him something so personal, she soon felt at ease again when Lord Mowbray smiled at her and waved away her concern for his sadness.
“It has been almost two years now,” he said calmly. “I do miss my brother and my father, of course, but it is not a daily weight of sadness that I must carry with me.”
“I quite understand,” Julianna replied truthfully. “I lost my own dear mother some time ago, and whilst I miss her terribly, it does not bear heavily on my mind any longer. Although, I confess, my father’s absence has been particularly hard.”
Lord Mowbray lifted a brow, his expression sympathetic.
“Your father is gone also?”
A little surprised that Ingraham had not explained this too, Julianna shot him a quick glance, only to see that his gaze was fixed forward, a brooding look on his face. A little disconcerted, she turned back to Lord Mowbray with a sad smile.
“My father was on the continent, looking over his holdings there,” she explained quickly, feeling the tearing pain of loss grab at her heart again. “They have not been able to find him, and therefore, he is presumed to be… gone.” She could not bring herself to say much more, her eyes burning with a sudden wave of unshed tears.
“And this is why your uncle now bears the title,” Lord Mowbray murmured as though he had only just come to understand the significance of what that meant. “My dear lady, you have endured a trial indeed! Would that I could ease your suffering somewhat.”
The compassion in his gaze warmed her heart, making her sadness ebb away. “You are very kind, Lord Mowbray,” she replied quietly. “I have already been taken from my nightmare by the goodness of Mr Ingraham, although I do appreciate your kind words.”
Lord Mowbray smiled at her, and their gazes held for just a fraction too long, making Julianna a little uncomfortable with the intensity of their connection. It was not that she did not like Lord Mowbray but more that there was no pull towards him such as she felt for Charles Ingraham. But that does not matter, she reminded herself, as she served a little more tea, with both gentlemen refusing another cup. There is no opportunity to wed Ingraham, which means you must consider Lord Mowbray.
“You do not think that your uncle or Lord Faversham—if that was his name—will come to London to pursue you?” Lord Mowbray asked, casting a quick glance towards Ingraham. “What shall you do if that situation arises?”
Julianna hesitated, not knowing precisely what to say. Then, as she let her gaze drift towards Ingraham, the answer came to her.
“I will trust that Mr Ingraham will continue to assist me in the way he has done thus far,” she said slowly, seeing the way that Ingraham’s eyes slowly lifted from whatever it was he had been staring at in order to fix themselves on her face.
“Ingraham has been my saviour, Lord Mowbray, and I do not expect him to let me down now. He has shown me more kindness and generosity than any other and all from the goodness of his heart, for he did not so much as know my name when he first came to my side.” Her heart blossomed with affection and gratitude as she saw Ingraham smile, although his eyes remained a little dark. “I could not ask for a better man by my side.”
Lord Mowbray made a noise of agreement but said nothing. Instead, he simply watched Julianna, who, unaware of it, did not turn her head to look at him. She held Ingraham’s gaze for as long as she could, feeling their bond grow stronger with each passing moment. She knew then that she longed for more, that she was desperate to accept Charles Ingraham as her husband, her protector, her confidante, and friend. Not only did he make her feel safe, and cherished, but also she did not feel as though, in marrying him, she would be breaking her promise to her mother. Rather, she would be fulfilling it.
Utter wretchedness filled her soul as Ingraham looked away, clearing his throat so as to displace the heightened atmosphere in the room. She continued to let herself hope despite the knowledge that she would not succeed in this matter.
If there had been any chance of such a thing happening, then Ingraham would not have been making such efforts to introduce her to other gentlemen nor encouraging her when it came to Lord Mowbray. Why did it take her such an effort to remove all hope from her heart, even though only a few minutes ago, she had been quite determined to forget him?
“I had best take my leave,” Lord Mowbray murmured, getting to his feet. “No, please, Miss Wade, remain where you are. I would not want to trouble your back, especially if we are to attempt to dance this evening!”
Managing a smile, she held out her hand to him which he took at once, bowing over it. “I look forward to it, Lord Mowbray.”
He returned her smile with one of his own, his eyes glinting warmly. “Until tonight then, Miss Wade.”
She watched as he walked to the door accompanied by Ingraham. She could not quite overhear what was said between them but saw Ingraham drop his head, shaking it fervently for a moment. Lord Mowbray chuckled, slapped him hard on the shoulder, and then walked from the room, leaving Ingraham standing in the doorway.
It was a minute or so before he closed it again, coming back towards her to retake his seat. “So,” he murmured, not quite managing to look into her face. “The ball this evening then, Julianna? Lord Mowbray will take good care of you during your dance, although you need not dance more than one if you do not wish it.”
“It will look very odd if I only dance once and with one gentleman,” she retorted, unable to account for her strange flood of anger. “You shall have to take me to the floor also, Ingraham.”
For a moment, he looked as though he were about to refuse her, only to shrug and sigh.
“Very well,” he mu
ttered, staring intently at the Scottish whiskey he was swirling in his glass.
Silence dragged between them.
Julianna realised that she was, in fact, still rather angry, suddenly remembering what it was about Lord Mowbray that had made her so. It was not Lord Mowbray, of course, but rather Ingraham himself.
“I did not realise,” she began, her voice rather high pitched, “that you had told Lord Mowbray the specifics about my plight.”
His head shot up, his eyes a little narrowed. “What do you mean?”
“You told him about my injuries,” she continued, her voice suddenly breaking with the strength of her emotions. “You did not ask me whether or not such a thing would be appropriate or whether I wished for those intimate details to be shared with others, no matter who they might be to you.”
Ingraham’s brow furrowed, his eyes darting towards her for just a moment.
“I did not think it inappropriate, Julianna. I trust Lord Mowbray. Would you not prefer to be courted by a man who knows the truth about what has happened to you, so that they would not have to be told the whole, startling story once a courtship is already underway?”
Her anger flared all the hotter. “What I would prefer, sir, is to be consulted before such details are spoken aloud, no matter what it is you might consider to be best for me.” Controlling her temper with an effort, she forced her voice to remain steady. “Whilst I appreciate everything you have done for me, and whilst I want to ensure that you know every word I said to Lord Mowbray about you was from the heart, I cannot pretend I am not upset that you spoke to him of such personal matters without even thinking of me.” Lifting her chin, she gritted her teeth then took a deep breath, refusing to allow her emotions to take control of her.
“To know that another gentleman—a stranger—is aware of details of my suffering is both humiliating and uncomfortable, Ingraham. You know of them, and I have trusted you thus far, but you have taken that trust and done with it as you please. Regardless of whether you know Lord Mowbray well, you ought not to have told him anything of such a personal nature without at least discussing the idea with me first.”
There was silence in the room for a long time after she spoke. Her words hung in the air all around her, moving closer and closer towards Ingraham as he sat in his chair, staring at the mantelpiece. His hands were tensed as they curled around the arms of the chair, his whole body rigid. There was no expression on his face, instead there was something like a blank look in his eyes.
And then, without warning, he rose from the chair and made his way towards the door, leaving her quite alone without saying a single word.
EIGHT
Julianna drew in a long breath as she walked into the ballroom alongside Christiana, who had one hand resting gently on her stomach. Julianna clutched her hand as she tried to steady herself. She was more nervous than she could say, afraid that someone might recognise her or, worst of all, that either her uncle or Lord Faversham were present.
The ballroom itself was quite magnificent, with a roaring fire at one end, as was the custom during the Christmas season. The holly berries brought colour to the garlands and wreaths that decorated the room, and Julianna was quite sure she spotted a kissing bough hiding in the corner of the ballroom. It was being drawn into shadow, with only a few candles nearby. It was, of course, the tradition for such things, and to steal a kiss would be quite wonderful—although it was not thoughts of Lord Mowbray that thundered through her mind.
“You need not worry,” Christiana said encouragingly, as she looped her arm through Julianna’s with a gentleness that Julianna appreciated. “No one here will recognise you, for you look quite different to when you first arrived.”
Julianna managed a quick smile in Christiana’s direction, carefully smoothing out her beautiful rose-lilac silk gown that she had discovered lain out for her that evening by Florence. She had caught her breath at the sight of it, having never worn anything quite so beautiful. Being the daughter of a viscount, she had, of course, enjoyed wonderful gowns during her coming out, but this gown was a cut above those particular dresses. This was a lightweight silk that seemed to shimmer as she moved, and according to Florence, the colour brought out her eyes.
“I cannot thank you enough for your generosity, Christiana,” Julianna murmured as the crowd of guests loomed ever closer. “This gown is truly one of the most remarkable gowns I think I have ever worn.”
Christiana smiled, although a knowing look came into her eyes. “You need not thank me for that,” she replied gently. “The gowns were ordered by Ingraham.”
Julianna stumbled and would have fallen had it not been for Christiana’s restraining arm. “Ingraham?” she repeated in astonishment. “He has purchased these gowns for me?”
“Indeed,” Christiana replied with a bright smile. “Did he not tell you? Your maid, Florence, sent the measurements to him at his request.”
Julianna was stunned, hardly able to draw breath at the thought of Ingraham’s continued generosity towards her.
“He is very good,” she breathed, her mind no longer clouded with any sort of worry or anxiety over this evening’s events. “No, Christiana, he did not say.”
Christiana shook her head, although a tiny smile tugged at her lips. “No doubt he has his reasons.” Looking at Julianna again, she nudged her gently. “You think very highly of Ingraham, I think.”
A deep flush crept into Julianna’s cheeks at once, and she looked away. “How could I not?” she asked, a little flustered. “He has been quite wonderful to me and for no other reason than he has a compassionate heart.” She could not quite forget how he had left her the other day, unable to prevent herself from worrying that she had quite broken things between them even though she still felt more than justified in what she had said.
“You would be surprised, I think, to know what my husband has said about your benefactor,” Christiana replied, nodding and smiling to a few acquaintances but not stopping to speak to any. “Should you care to know?”
Julianna nodded, her heart thundering wildly in her chest for no apparent reason. Looking at Christiana, she saw that she still bore that knowing smile, her eyes filled with warmth.
“You need not look so worried,” Christiana laughed as she drew Julianna into a quieter part of the ballroom. “It is nothing terrible, I assure you. In fact, it is quite the opposite.”
“Oh?” Julianna held her breath as Christiana nodded, suddenly desperate to hear what she had to say.
“Charles Ingraham is, as you know, the second son and, therefore, had no requirements or duties and, in fact, has a good deal of wealth. He has spent years playing cards, gambling and the like, with very little thought or regard for anyone else. Until now.”
Julianna let out her breath in a rush, her heart slamming painfully into her chest.
“I think, Julianna, that whilst you are truly grateful for all he has done, Ingraham has been able to find an improvement in his character that would not have come about without you,” Christiana continued gently. “He has been kind and generous with his time and his wealth, which is what my husband remarked upon recently. I think it is quite a marked change, Julianna.”
“I see,” Julianna murmured, feeling her spirits suddenly sink lower. “I had not thought… I mean, I did not understand that Ingraham had not always been so very kind.” Her eyes closed tightly as she recalled how sharply she had spoken to him, only to now be presented with his obvious and ongoing consideration of her. “I did speak to him rather abruptly earlier. I feel quite ashamed of it now.”
“Oh, you need not!” Christiana exclaimed, pressing her hand for a moment. “I was rather surprised to hear that Lord Mowbray already knew of what had occurred to you, and I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to hear that Ingraham had been the one to tell him such things without even considering you!” Seeing Julianna’s astonishment, she laughed and shook her head. “I’m afraid Thayne took a little longer to ready himself for our walk yest
erday afternoon,” she said with a slight shrug. “I confess I heard a little of your conversation, although I did not know you had spoken to Ingraham about it. I am glad you felt able to do so, Julianna. I think that quite proper of you.”
“All the same,” Julianna replied, butterflies pouring into her stomach. “I must now thank him for this gown—and the others that are in my wardrobe.” She shook her head, feeling torn between the guilt over what she had said and the knowledge that she had been quite right to do so. “I do not think he will easily be able to forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive,” Christiana replied practically. “Thank him, yes, but do not go back on what you said, Julianna. He must see you as strong and capable, able to make your own decisions, and quite determined to chase after what you desire. How else then are you to convince him that he ought to be the one to marry you?”
As Christiana’s words slammed into her, hard, all of her breath left her body at once.
“Oh yes,” Christiana smiled gently. “I am quite aware of how you have been looking at the man, Julianna. I do not think I am the only one either.” Her smile was kind. “But you need not be embarrassed, my dear. I think it quite wonderful. Love is always a precious, precious thing, and it must be cared for so very tenderly.” She settled her hand on Julianna’s arm, leaning in just a fraction closer as though to impart a very great secret. “If you have an affection for Ingraham, I would urge you not to deny it, Julianna. Do not allow his seeming reluctance to deter you. Remember what my husband has said about the change he has seen in Ingraham and allow that to encourage you. Pursue love. Pursue Ingraham, if you must. He will come to realise the truth very soon, I am quite sure of it.”