by Lisa Mills
His eyes scanned the menu. “I think I’ll have the Veal Marsala. What looks good to you?”
She blurted the first thing that came to mind. “Lasagna, I suppose.” Didn’t all Italian restaurants offer a lasagna dish? She scanned the menu. Yes, there it was, grouped with the pasta entrees. She looked up and met his gaze. He’d folded his menu and eased back into the cushions, his arm draped across the back of the booth. How did he manage to look so relaxed when she was a bundle of nervous energy? She set her menu aside, then reached out to finger a drop of water running down her glass.
“So, did the doctors tell you anything new this morning after Trev’s procedure?”
She cleared her throat, praying her voice would sound steadier than she felt. “The doctors said the allergic reaction may extend his stay a bit. He’ll be getting back to radiation and chemo later this week to complete the pre-transplant process. But other than a small delay, they didn’t see any permanent damage.”
Kevin nodded. “You were frightened for a while there. I could tell by the tone of your voice in the messages you left.”
She met his eyes. “He’s my world. I couldn’t bear to lose him.” Butterflies fluttered in her chest as she formed the apology she needed to get out. “Kevin, I shouldn’t have sent you away and told you not to come back. I didn’t mean what I said.”
He studied her, brown eyes serious. “It’s okay, Dani. Believe it or not, I understand why you did.”
She shook her head. “But that doesn’t excuse it. You’re his father and he needs you.” Words rushed to her lips and she hurried to say them before she lost her courage. “Ever since you came back into our lives, I’ve been afraid of losing him to you.” She lowered her gaze and busied herself straightening her silverware. “I have nothing … no home, no steady job, no money. If you were to push for custody, I can’t see why the courts would deny you.”
He looked pained, as if she’d insulted him. “I would never try to take him from you.”
“I know that up here.” She tapped her temple, then moved her hand to her heart. “But in here … well, Trevor was all I had when everyone else left me. He was my anchor and my reason—my only reason—to keep living. I love him so much, and he loves me back. That love got me through the tough times. It gets me through each day.” Her voice cracked, and she had to swallow hard before she could speak again. “I don’t know if I could live without him.”
“You don’t have to.” Kevin reached across the table and took her hand, rubbing his thumb gently across her knuckles. “Tell me your story, Dani. I’ve always wondered what happened to you, where you went after you left Northwood.”
She shook her head. “Maybe it’s better if—”
He stopped her with a gentle squeeze to her hand. “I want to know. I need to know, Dani. It’s haunted me for years.”
She stared at him, weighing the decision, and decided she might benefit from talking about it. And with him holding her hand, she felt safe, like the pain in the memories couldn’t reach her here. “After my father threw me out, I walked a mile to the highway and called a cab from the gas station. Thankfully, I’d had some money stashed in my room from babysitting jobs.”
He nodded, encouraging her to go on.
“I had the cabbie drive me to the bus station, and I bought a ticket to Florida. Don’t ask me why. It just sounded like the best option at the time.” Her mouth was feeling dry so she took a sip of water. “I arrived in Florida and realized that the hundred dollars I had in my pocket wasn’t going to last long. If I could find a branch of my bank, I could access my savings account, but that was only a thousand dollars or so. Not enough to live on until the baby came or to take care of us after. So I got a hotel room and used the phone book and telephone in the room to find a homeless shelter that would take me in.”
Kevin looked tortured. “You lived in a homeless shelter?”
She gave him a sad smile, the memories of those bleak days crowding into her mind and heart. “For a little while. It wasn’t as bad as you might think. The staff was kind to me, but it was no place for a pregnant woman. They couldn’t have housed a newborn. Thankfully, after a couple of weeks they found me a place at a home for unwed mothers.”
If it was possible, Kevin looked even more demoralized. “I’m sorry.”
She smiled through her tears. “There were other girls my age, and the house mothers were wonderful. They taught classes to prepare us for what we would face, like childbirth, parenting, cooking, budgeting, and taking care of a house. They helped me apply to a community college. That’s how I got into graphic design. I took a course and really loved it.”
“How long were you there?”
“They allowed us to stay for eighteen months after the baby was born. When I reached that point, I moved into a small house with two of the other girls. We split the rent and helped each other with babysitting. I worked at a print shop, taking orders, coordinating deliveries, and on occasion, doing some easy layouts for business cards or letterhead. I was careful with my money, and, after a couple years, I had enough to move out on my own. I bought my computer system and started my own business. It worked out well, being able to stay home with Trevor. I missed him so much while I was at work.”
“What part of Florida?”
“I ended up in the Panhandle in a small tourist town. The rental companies that advertise to vacationers gave me a lot of business. Kept me working enough to pay the bills.”
“So you were near the Gulf?”
She smiled. “We lived three blocks from the water. You should be warned, Trevor loves playing in the sand and riding the waves. He’s having fun seeing a different part of the country. He’s fascinated with the fields and the cattle, but I expect he’ll be asking for a beach pretty soon.” She sobered. “I hope I can take him for a visit. He left some good friends behind. We both did.”
The waitress arrived to drop off a basket of warm rolls and take their orders. Danielle reluctantly pulled her hand away from Kevin’s touch to sample the bread. “So what about you? What did you do after you realized I was gone?”
He shrugged. “What could I do? No one knew where you went so I figured my best bet was to wait for you to come back. I moved in with my grandmother and mowed the lawn and did repairs on the house. She was glad for the company, and I got cheap rent and home-cooked meals. I found a job at a good business, took some classes at night, worked my way up the corporate ladder. When I had some cash, I hired a private investigator to look for you, but he couldn’t find any leads.”
Danielle thought about the years after she left home. “I didn’t leave much of a trail. I didn’t work for a while. I lived in the home for more almost two years, then lived with a couple of friends, so I didn’t have a phone in my name. Even after I moved into my own place, I had the phone number put in my business name so customers could find me. No credit cards until a year or two ago. I suppose I would have been hard to find.”
“And we had no idea which part of the country you’d gone to.”
She reached across the table and touched his hand. “That had to be hard for you.”
He flipped his hand over and wrapped his long fingers around hers. “Since I couldn’t find you, I hoped you’d have a reason to come back here because I desperately wanted to ask you for a second chance.” His Adam’s apple bobbed hard. “So, Dani, will you give me another chance to take care of you and Trevor?”
The tenderness in the question made her throat tighten. He was everything she’d ever wanted in a man. She hadn’t had much interest in dating in recent years because no one had ever made her feel like Kevin did. But memories of the past still lingered. “I’m scared,” she whispered. “I don’t want to get hurt again.”
His grip on her hand tightened. “I’m scared too. I’m afraid of losing you and Trevor. I want to be a part of your lives. Trust me, I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize that.” The determination in his eyes backed up his promise. “But if it makes you fe
el better, we’ll take it slow.”
She felt as if she had walked to the edge of the cliff, and was about to jump. “So if I agree, what does that mean for us?”
“It can mean whatever we want it to. Maybe we just spend time together at the hospital. And at least once a week, you let me take you out, just us on a date.”
When she hesitated, he added, “We’ll get Brandon and Sarah to come hang out with Trev if you can’t bear to leave him alone. Or we can go later, when he’s ready for bed. We need some time when we can talk without filtering things for Trevor’s ears.”
She lifted her glass and took a long sip of water, thinking about the first time she saw him, standing in the hallway at the high school, first day of senior year, looking defensive and tough in his worn leather jacket, long hair hanging in his eyes. The kids swirled around him, lost in their conversations, engrossed in their cliques, ignoring the new kid. He acted like he didn’t care, but she could see the vulnerability beneath the exterior. He’d never been able to hide his feelings from her.
Which is why she trusted him now. “Okay. Let’s take it slow and see where it goes.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Danielle leaned against the back wall of the elevator and sipped her milkshake as she waited to reach her floor. One of the nurses had mentioned the cafeteria was selling mint-chocolate milkshakes for the next few days. Her mouth had started watering right then, and it didn’t quit until she ran downstairs to get one. The trip had been worth it. The shake blended the perfect mix of flavors and was thick and creamy too. She’d have to tell Kevin about them later.
A bell chimed and a tinny computer voice announced “Fourth floor.”
As she passed the nurse’s station, she saw a familiar figure waiting at the desk. She jerked to a halt, going cold inside. The sweet flavors in her mouth turned bitter. “What are you doing here?” Her voice held more venom than basket full of vipers.
Karen Jordan flinched. “I heard Trevor had a scare … that you almost lost him. I thought I’d come and ask how he’s doing. See if there’s anything you need.” Her mother’s eyes pleaded with her.
Danielle glanced behind her mother and saw several nurses watching the exchange with interest. Not wanting to make a spectacle, she nodded to her mother to follow her and led the way to the family lounge. Another woman whose child was a patient on that floor stood in front of the vending machine, buying a soda. She greeted Danielle with a friendly smile as she left with her drink. Danielle stopped in the center of the room and turned to face her mother.
“Mom, what are you really doing here?”
Karen ducked her head and shifted her purse from one hand to the other. “I’ve been thinking about you and Trevor a lot lately.”
Danielle bit back an irritated huff. In all honesty, she’d hardly thought about her parents since the day she’d moved to Brandon’s house, and she didn’t really want to think about them now. She stared at her mother, wishing she’d leave, but at the same time reluctant to say the words that would make it happen.
Her mother took a step toward her, face pinching as she fought tears. “Danielle, I owe you an apology. You were right. Everything you said that day was true. I didn’t want to see it then, or all the years that came before. It was easier to live in denial, but you’re right. Your father has some problems he needs to deal with.”
Danielle swallowed back the bile in her throat. Ugly feelings of accusation and blame leapt to the surface of her heart. “What, Mom? Have you forgotten your lines? Aren’t you going to tell me that I shouldn’t have made him mad? That we have to try harder to do exactly what he wants? That he means well and just wants us to be better people and good little Christians?”
Danielle held herself rigid. All those years she’d been made to feel the abuse was her fault, that her father punished her and inflicted his brand of brutal discipline because she was a naughty child. “It’s not just Dad who has problems. Not only did you allow him to abuse me, you helped him. You made me take responsibility for his anger with your little mantras. And you made me think I brought it on myself because I wasn’t good enough. You made me feel ashamed of who I was, too humiliated to tell anyone because I thought I was to blame.”
Her mother cringed as if Danielle had struck her. “I know! And I’m so ashamed. I’ve been taking the wrong side all these years. And what that did to you kids ….” Karen wrapped her arms across her waist and hugged herself, like she was trying to keep from falling apart. “Please forgive me. I don’t want to lose you again. When your father kicked you out eight years ago, I didn’t know if you were alive or dead, and it tortured me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw your face and ached. Then you knocked on our door, and I was so glad to have you back. Trevor has become precious to me. I’ll do anything to keep you both in my life.”
Her words choked off, and she turned her back to Danielle. For a moment, she thought her mother might leave, but after a few deep breaths, she turned around and met Danielle’s eyes. “I know I can’t expect you to stay if things don’t change.” Her mother’s lips pulled into a firm line. “So I told your father I’ll leave him if he doesn’t get some help.”
Surprise hit Danielle like a shock wave. “Really?” She studied her mother’s face, wondering where she’d found the courage for a confrontation of that magnitude. “How did he take it?”
Karen reached for her sleeve and pushed it up, turning so Danielle could see her upper arm. Ugly bruises in mottled shades of purple and blue marred her smooth ivory skin. A tear dripped down her mother’s cheek and splashed onto her shoulder. “I’m staying at the pastor’s house for now. Pastor Garold is working with your father and holding him accountable, and his wife, Vicki, is helping me.”
“You told the pastor?”
Her mother stared up at her through watery, bloodshot eyes. “I should have told someone years ago. Maybe it would have saved us all a lot of heartache.”
Danielle perched on the arm of the closest chair, feeling tired as her anger faded. “At least you did something about it now. It’s a start.”
Karen moved to the chair across from Danielle and slumped into it, her body limp and boneless. “I wish I was more like you, Danielle. Maybe then I wouldn’t have had to live this way so long. Maybe I could have saved you and Brandon some of the pain you’ve suffered.”
The brokenness and humility in her mother’s posture tugged at Danielle’s compassion. “You really mean it, don’t you?”
Her mother rubbed her upper arm where the bruises hid beneath her sleeve. “I would go back in time and change things if I could. But this is the best I can do with the mess I’ve made. Give me a chance to do right by you. It’ll be different now, I promise.”
She studied her mom’s face and saw the resolve in the set of her lips, the determination glinting in her eyes. She meant what she was saying. Her mother had reached a point of decision and chose to walk away from the abuse at all costs. She’d decided to stop being a hostage to an angry man so that she could have a relationship with her daughter and grandson. That knowledge validated a need deep in Danielle’s soul.
The hardness she’d felt toward her mother began to fade, softened and transformed into something akin to longing. She wanted to be loved. She wanted to care and be cared for. And more than ever in her life, she needed a mother to love and lean on. Her eyes watered as her emotions continued to shift.
Her mother stood—tears streaming down her cheeks—and held out her arms in invitation. “We could work on healing this family together.”
Danielle didn’t need any further encouragement. She walked into her mother’s embrace and wept.
~ ~ ~
Kevin strolled into the hospital room Saturday morning, looking fresh despite the early hour. He held up a white cardboard box. “I stopped at the bakery.” He set the box on the table and unzipped his jacket. “Where’s Trevor?”
“They took him for his last radiation treatment. He’ll be back soon.”
When he turned away from her to hang his jacket, Danielle made a futile attempt to straighten her clothes and make herself presentable. She’d worn every item of clothing in her travel bag during the week, and had reluctantly pulled on a wrinkled, not-so-clean shirt that morning.
If Kevin noticed her disheveled state, he didn’t comment. When he returned, his smile was warm and accepting, like he didn’t see that she hadn’t had time to wash her hair and style it or put on makeup.
“Aren’t you going to have one?” He pointed at the box and smiled encouragingly.
She lifted the lid and found six donuts staring back at her. The double chocolate one seemed to call her name. She groaned. “I’m gaining weight just looking at these things.”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” Kevin’s gaze danced lightly over her frame, appreciative, but not too forward.
She blushed and reached for the chocolate one. “Thanks.”
He helped himself to a cream filled and settled on the couch to enjoy it.
“You planning to stay a few hours?” she asked after she’d swallowed the first, delicious bite.
“All day.”
“Do you mind if I leave for a while?”
Disappointment pulled at his features. “I was looking forward to spending time with you.”
The honesty in the statement sent warmth curling through her middle. “I’ll be back. I just need to grab some fresh clothes and check my mail. I don’t like leaving Trevor alone, so I’ve put it off all week.”
He nodded. “No problem. Go do your stuff.”
After she polished off the donut, she went to the little closet and stuffed her clothes and personal items into her bag. She slung the bag over her shoulder and walked to the coffee table. “One for the road,” she said, snagging the other chocolate donut. Kevin’s chuckle followed her out of the room.