by Erika Kelly
So much for the coding dog. This kid was a trip. “There’s not much to play with in there, but you’re welcome any time you like.” Actually, he’d get her some toys. “What do you like? I could get a few things and keep them there for you.”
“I like doggies. And dolls. And playing dress up. And arts and crafts. Mommy, what do I like?”
“Books, books, books.”
“Yes, I like books. And movies. And cookies.”
He caught the way Posie cut a sly look to her mom, but Coco just smiled.
“What kind of cookies?” he asked.
“I like chocolate cookies.”
“Maybe we can make some together.”
“Mommy, can I make cookies with Beckett? Please, Mommy?”
“Of course. That sounds fun. I might want in on that.” Coco gave them both a teasing smile.
“I hope you stay here forever.” Posie gazed up at him adoringly.
Looking into those crystal blue eyes, so similar to his own, his heart raced. She was this perfect, precious life…and it scared the shit out of him. He didn’t want to fuck this up.
Fuck her up.
An image of Ari flashed in his mind, her lifeless form on the snow.
A shock of pain radiated through his limbs so fast the soles of his feet tingled.
Fortunately, Coco appeared at that moment with the milk. “Okay, let’s eat. We have to get ready for school.” Sitting down, she picked up Posie’s spoon and loaded it with oatmeal.
The little girl opened her mouth, and Coco delivered the mouthful. With her cheeks puffed out, Posie dropped out of the seat and ran off.
“Don’t get scared when she talks about forever.”
“No, that’s not…” He shook off the vision of Ari. “I’m not scared about that.” He reached across the table and held her hand. “Thank you.”
“For the oatmeal? Oh, that’s nothing.”
“No, for being so patient. For giving me time to wrap my head around this. For…letting me stay here.”
“You’re welcome. I want you to know her. I want her to know you.” She stuck her spoon in the oatmeal and stirred it, but he could tell she wasn’t interested.
He studied her, remembering how well she’d hidden her distress from her sister in Vegas. And it struck him that he’d been so wrapped up in his own concerns these past few days he hadn’t been paying attention to hers.
Fuck. He’d only ever had to worry about himself. But Posie…Coco…if he wanted to be part of this duo, then he needed to take them into consideration. He squeezed her hand. “This is hard for you, too.”
She visibly relaxed. “Yeah. It is.”
“Are you afraid Posie will get attached this summer, and then I’ll take off and not stay in touch? Because that won’t happen. I don’t know what role I can play in her life, and I’d appreciate some more time to figure that out, but I won’t just disappear.”
“Actually, it’s the opposite. I’m terrified you’re going to fall in love with her and take her away from me for half the year.”
What? Not a chance. “I would never do that to you. First, with my travel schedule, it’s impossible. These are extreme adventures—definitely not suitable for kids. But, also, I see what she’s got here. Your parents, this home, the way you are with her…I wouldn’t do that to you or her.”
“You say that now, but you’re going to fall in love with her—you’ll see. I’m telling you, you will. I’m not saying it’ll be wrong for you to spend more time with her. I’m saying I’ll be incredibly sad to share holidays with you. But it is what it is, and we’ll deal with it as it comes.”
Her concerns shredded him. He hadn’t once considered how this situation impacted her. “I’m glad you told me.”
She set the spoon down and slid out of the booth. “I have to go check on her.” She cleared both her and Posie’s bowls. “Get ready for fireworks.”
“What’s going on?”
“You might’ve noticed she only wears fairy clothes.”
He brought his empty oatmeal bowl to the sink. Standing close enough to see her smooth complexion and those luscious lips, made him reel. She smelled so good—a hint of maple syrup, soap, and clean cotton.
“We’ll just let these soak. Come on.” She headed into the living room. “Time for a crash course on parenting.”
He followed her.
He’d follow this woman anywhere.
As they climbed the stairs to the second floor, she grinned at him over her shoulder. “She’s got a stubborn streak a mile wide.”
In a sparkly silver dress with multiple frothy layers, Posie stood on a stepstool at the bathroom sink brushing her teeth.
Breezing by, Coco said, “I’m going to put out your school clothes.”
“I’m dressed, Mommy.”
Ignoring her, Coco set out a clean pair of jeans, a pair of white socks with flowers dangling off the top, and a blue T-shirt.
When the faucet shut off, Posie came running out of the bathroom, her usual eager and excited self. As if she’d come upon a crime scene, she came to a dramatic stop at the threshold of her bedroom. “I’m not wearing that.”
“You’re going to the dude ranch today, remember? You’ll be outside with the animals. They might even take you on a trail ride.”
“I can’t wear this.” Posie’s voice rose, and she started to look a little wild-eyed. She stomped out of the room, heading for the stairs. “I’m going to school.”
“If you wear that, they won’t let you go horseback riding.”
“Yes. They. Will.”
“Posie, stop for one second and look at me. Let me know you understand that because you’re wearing a dress, you won’t be able to go on the trail ride. Those are the rules of the dude ranch.”
“I’m wearing this.”
“Okay, then. Let’s go.”
As they headed out of her room, Beckett had no idea how this would play out. “Isn’t the school going to call you and make you come back with the right clothes?”
“Maybe. But I won’t bring them. I’m all about natural consequences. If she misses the trail ride, next time she’ll wear jeans, you know?” They crossed the living room. “It’s funny, because everywhere I go, I get people telling me I shouldn’t dress her in pink or in dresses. I shouldn’t make her play with dolls. Which is hilarious, because everything you see around here comes from her. It’s what she asks for her birthday, or what she’s seen at Target with her aunts or her grandma. All the dresses and fairy dolls, it’s one-hundred percent her.” She grabbed her keys off the hook by the back door. “Ready?”
Posie slid her backpack onto her slim shoulders. “Ready, Mommy.”
“Got your lunch?”
“Oh, I forgot.” Her red sparkly shoes glittered, as she ran to the refrigerator and pulled out an insulated pink bag. “Got it.”
They headed to the car, Posie dashing ahead in her step-step-skip stride, and he couldn’t keep from smiling. As foreign as this whole family moment felt to him, it was the sweetest damn thing he’d ever experienced.
And he wished like hell Ari had had a mother like Coco.
Chapter Nine
Beckett wasn’t used to riding shot gun. In his world, he made the plans, booked the flights, and navigated his way around new towns and uncharted terrain. So, being a passive observer didn’t feel right to him.
After strapping Posie in, Coco climbed into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine.
“I need to know how I can help,” he said.
“Help?” She twisted around as she backed out of the driveway.
“You’ve got your hands full, I’m here for the summer…how can I help you?”
Just before hitting the street, she braked. “I appreciate that. I do. But I’ve got everything under control. I think the best thing you can do is just spend time with her, you know?”
The refrain was becoming too familiar. She didn’t need help. She didn’t rely on anyone. He’d have to find w
ays to help without asking. “I want to reiterate, if I’d known about her, nothing would’ve stopped me from doing my fair share. I’m going to catch up on the expenses I missed out on, and I’d like you to know, going forward, that I’ll contribute financially.”
She smiled. “Thank you.” Backing into the street, she turned towards town. “I appreciate that. We’ll get to it eventually, okay?”
“Sure. Whenever you want. Just give it some thought.”
“Hey, I’m sorry my dad sprang that whole doctor’s visit on you yesterday. I didn’t know he was going to do that.”
“I didn’t mind. I like your dad.” He’d appreciated Tyler’s directness. “He didn’t even have to use words to let me know what he’d do with my body if I wound up hurting either of you.”
“Oh, no.” She smiled. “Yeah, he’s pretty protective of us.”
After a quick trip to the doctor, who’d swabbed him for the paternity test, they’d gone out for coffee, and the retired quarterback had finally lightened up. Maybe Beckett had given him the right answers, or maybe he’d realized Beckett was doing the best he could in a difficult situation, but they’d wound up having a good conversation.
The man was well-liked here. Given the way he’d asked everyone they’d run into about their health, an upcoming wedding, or the colleges they were applying to, it’d be fair to say Tyler took the time to really know his neighbors. He was a good man.
“Are you worried about the results?” she asked quietly as they drove through town.
“No.” He tuned into the conversation Posie was having with her dolls to make sure she wasn’t listening.
Where he’d initially been struck by how much she looked like Ari, her personality had erased any comparisons. She was her own, unique, sparkly soul.
“She’s mine.” He hesitated to tell her his concerns but then realized the only way for this to work was with honesty. Besides, she’d given it to him at breakfast. He owed her the same back. “I’m just…not sure what to do about it. I’ve been on my own a long time.” I’m selfish.
The exact opposite of you.
“Ooh. Ouch.” At the stop sign, she waited for a group of backpackers to cross the street. “Your fiancée might disagree with that.”
“She probably wouldn’t like to hear it, but it’s true. Even after two years with her, we still did our own thing. She took off on her paid press trips, while I built my business. When our schedules aligned, we’d meet up somewhere. It was fun, we had a good time, but I never thought of her first.” It embarrassed him to say that to someone who had such rich, deep relationships. But, since he was being honest, he might as well lean into it. “I didn’t talk to her first about staying here. As soon as I made the decision, I texted you. That’s how selfish I am.”
“I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve been hit with a lot.”
“Also, you should know, Willow and I ended things yesterday.”
“Oh, no. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
“At the risk of sounding like a cold-blooded reptile, I’m fine. But maybe it’s because I have much bigger things to worry about.”
She drove across town, not saying anything more. And then, right before turning onto 191, she braked at the stoplight and said, “I remember what happened to your sister.” She cut him a glance. Is it okay if I bring her up?
He nodded.
“So, I can’t help but wonder if that’s compounding an already difficult situation. She was young, too, right?”
“She was six.” He didn’t miss the way Coco lifted her gaze to the rearview mirror to glance at her daughter.
He noticed the flinch of pain, as she likely imagined losing Posie the way he’d lost Ari. How could she not?
“It was a fluke.” He said it to reassure her but given the kick to his gut he always got when thinking about the accident, he knew he needed to hear it for himself. “That’s the thing you learn about life. Some things are nothing more than timing. If we’d waited a second longer to head down the slope, if the guy who’d crashed into her had started his run one second earlier or later…”
“It’s awful. It’s just so awful.” She reached for his arm and gave it a squeeze. “I’m so sorry.” When the light turned green, she drove across the intersection. “I’ve noticed your expression sometimes when you’re looking at her, and I can’t help wondering if you see your sister in Posie.”
“That first night, when I saw her treading water? It was like slamming into my past. Ari used to do that. Used to crack us up. She’d have her head as far out of the water as possible, her arms and legs splashing so much it looked like a school of piranhas at feeding time. Why does water on their faces freak them out so much?” He smiled at the memory. “But the more I get to know Posie, the less I see Ari. I mean…” He shook his head. “She’s her own person all the way.”
“I know. She’s a riot. You were twelve, though, right? With six years between you, you were still close?”
“My sister was my mini me. Whatever I was doing, she wanted to do it with me.”
“Did that bug you?”
“It probably should have, but it didn’t. You know how Posie apologized to me at the hot springs?”
“Oh, man. I told my parents about that. She can be so sensitive and sweet.”
“Yeah, I was feeling pretty bad for the way I scared her, and then she looks at me with those big eyes and apologizes to me. And it reminded me so much of Ari. My friends and I would be skateboarding or something she was too young to do, and I’d tell her to go inside and leave us alone. And then, like a half an hour later, she’d bring us snacks. Can you imagine this little kid who can’t even reach the counter, pulling out a chair to get glasses and lemonade and boxes of cookies and bags of chips? How can you be mad at a kid like that? My friends loved her. Everyone loved her.”
Fuck, it hurt. He’d thought time had worn the edges of his grief but talking about her sliced him wide open all over again.
They pulled in front of the school, joining a long line of cars. Coco twisted around and pressed a button on Posie’s car seat. “Okay, sweetie pie. Here we are.”
“I don’t want to go, Mommy. I’m playing.”
“The dolls will stay right where you leave them, so you can play as soon as you get back in the car. But, don’t forget, today’s the field trip, and I know you don’t want to miss it.”
“What field trip?”
“To the dude ranch. We talked about it this morning.”
“What’s a dude ranch? Is that the thing with horses?”
“Yes. Remember I said to wear jeans in case you go on a trail ride?”
“I want to ride a horse.”
Beckett shot Coco a look. How are you going to handle this one?
But Coco just got out of the car, opened the trunk, pulled out a bag, and then swung around to get Posie out of the car. “Here are some clothes for you to change into.”
“Bye, Mommy. Bye, Beckett.” With her lunch in one hand and the bag in the other, Posie dashed off to a group of kids clustered around a teacher.
Coco got back in the car and inched forward in the drop-off line.
Beckett chuckled. “What happened to natural consequences?”
“I keep an extra set of clothes in the car. It started when she was a baby, when she’d have explosive…never mind. You don’t need to hear those kinds of stories. Just…yes, I keep extra clothes for her, so it’s easy to give them to her now. If I’d gotten a call from school, I wouldn’t have shown up with clothes. It probably only makes sense in my mind, but I’m okay with that.” At the end of the driveway, she looked in both directions before turning onto the road. “So, what’s the plan? Are you going to keep renting your car all summer? See if you can borrow from the Bowies?”
“I’m going home, to Colorado. I’ve got to pack up some things, check my mail. And then I’ll drive my truck back here. It’s only an eight-hour drive.”
“Oh. How long will you be gone?”
>
“If I can get a flight out today, I should be back on Monday.”
“And miss out on our tattoo party?” Her eyes went wide in feigned surprise.
“Yeah, good point. But I’ve got some things to handle with work. Willow’s only going to cover some of the trips I’ve booked this summer, so I’ve got to find someone to do the rest.” Jimmy came to mind. He really wanted to work with them. “I also have to let my partners know about the switch, and I’d like to do that in person.” They both lived in Denver.
“It’s nice that you and Willow will stay friends. I haven’t stayed in touch with any of my exes. Well, of course, one of them ghosted me, and the other never looked back.” She gave him a sheepish grin. “I think I just told you more about me than I’d like you to know.”
“I don’t think there’s anything I could know that would make me like you less.”
His words hung in the air between them, a neon sign pulsating light and energy. She looked touched and surprised. “That’s an incredibly sweet thing to say.”
He felt lighter, happier than he had in a long time. “There’s a reason that night in Vegas happened.” He knew it then, and he knew it for certain now. It was more than chemistry. Something deep inside him recognized her…and that recognition rang like a bell, waking him up, body and soul. “And, honestly, the fact that Willow and I slid so easily into friendship says more about the depth of that relationship than our maturity.”
Looking distracted, she hit the highway and turned right toward town. “Is it okay if I ask how Ari died? I didn’t want to ask with Posie in the car.”
He shifted back in the seat, stretching his legs out, and groaned.
“Ugh, forget it. I’m sorry.” She rubbed her forehead. “Are you desperate to get away from me now? One question away from opening the door and rolling out onto the highway?”
“No, I don’t mind. I just…don’t talk about it much. She died snowboarding.”
“Oh, no. Is that something you guys did together?”
“First time for her.” That familiar sadness crept up, circling him, but he wouldn’t let it in. Wouldn’t let it consume him.