“Of course not. But that didn’t bring him back to life.” He didn’t add the reason the boy had sought him out, why it was so terribly important for him to challenge Jake.
“So you decided to dedicate yourself to God?” Katherine said in a hushed tone, obviously aware of the disparity of talking about his occupation while lying in the afterglow of their lovemaking.
“Not exactly,” Jake admitted. “I found out that the boy planned to become a minister.”
“Then what was he doing in the ring?”
“Earning enough money to go after what he truly wanted.” Jake’s sigh echoed through the room.
“Then you’re taking his place?”
“I guess you could say that,” he admitted. “I took his life. It seemed a fair exchange.”
“But what about you? What do you want to be doing with your life?” Katherine sat up, propping herself on both elbows, her eyes wide with concern.
“I’d hoped Browning would give me the answer. But instead I have more questions than when I got here.” When the blanket slipped from Katherine’s shoulder, Jake caressed her bare skin lovingly. His hand lingered for a moment before pulling the blanket back in place. Regret clouded his expression.
“Why did you tell me now?” Katherine asked quietly.
Jake thought of eluding her question, turning it back to her, but this was no time for deception. “Because you have a decision to make.”
Katherine avoided his direct gaze, knowing he expected her to declare that she would stay, regardless of Morgan and her other obligations. But it wasn’t that simple. “We have several months before we go to court.”
“And until then?”
She stared at him in resignation. “I expect I’ll be telling Beth the truth.”
“It’s a start, Katherine. But it’s not enough.”
Seeking some of the strength he possessed, Katherine twined her fingers in his. “Do you want to see Morgan hurt?”
His deep sigh echoed about them. “You know the answer to that.”
“Yet you expect me to say I’ll abandon him, revoke a trust we’ve had since we were barely more than children.” She felt Jake’s hand tighten, the reflex more telling than words.
“You were right, Katherine. There is nothing simple about this.”
Her eyes fluttered shut briefly, hiding her confusion and pain. When Jake reached for her, she knew he held her close as though afraid she would slip from his arms. She clung equally close, afraid that he might be right.
As the next weeks eased past, Katherine tried to settle into another stage of life on the Kansas prairie. Flushed with the success of the play, the women of Browning were determined to carry on the cultural awakening of the desolate area they called home. Katherine had been touched and pleased by a few people’s tentative greetings in the street, acknowledging her help with the play. She didn’t dare hope the goodwill would last, but she quietly took the seeds of acceptance to heart.
When she heard the announcement of their next project, she wondered if the goodwill was going to be worth the grief. At first she greeted the news of an upcoming ball with amusement. Since the livery stable was Browning’s cultural center, it was stretching the truth to call their entertainment a dance when there was no proper floor. In Katherine’s opinion, to refer to it as a ball was laughable. But the women of Browning weren’t to be dissuaded. Then the bad news sounded for Katherine. The women decided that the event should be a Bachelor’s Ball.
Katherine wasn’t the only one to react to that announcement. Morgan’s eyes lit with amusement, Beth’s with anticipation, and Jake’s with determination. Only Katherine looked forward to the social event with complete dread. She knew that at the dance she would have to choose one man and only one man. While she knew some of the women would be choosing their mates for life, Katherine planned to let both Morgan and Jake know she didn’t. But she would have to choose one of them for the evening, and, considering that Beth thought Morgan was her husband, it wouldn’t be a simple choice.
If she chose Morgan, Jake would never be able to court her in the town. On the other hand, if she chose Jake, her sister would be appalled, not to mention how she would be trampling all over Morgan’s feelings. Katherine would have avoided the event altogether, but Beth begged to go. And Morgan, damn him, had laughed and suggested that they all attend.
Scarcely setting foot out of her office lest she encounter one or all of them, Katherine counted the days until the ball with uneasiness. Of all the events the good women of Browning could have dreamed up, why did this have to be a dance designed to provide mates for unattached males?
Frowning as she studied the books, Katherine dropped her pen and rubbed the crease between her brows. The financial situation had worsened. The discrepancies continued to grow, which was impossible for her to believe. Rising from the desk, she walked to the window and parted the curtain to stare out at the yard. Despite the increasing cold and equally harsh wind, Morgan and Jake sparred with ease in their now familiar ring. On the surface, Morgan remained as he always had. But the ink in the ledger told a different story.
As Katherine watched, Annette strolled out to observe the sparring. Katherine frowned, unable to ignore her suspicions about the girl. Always nearby, Annette managed to be a close observer of everything that went on in the saloon. Remembering how she had casually appeared in the storeroom, Katherine wondered what Annette had really been doing there. Had she planned to adjust the figures on the new shipment? A second frown creased Katherine’s face as she wondered if Morgan had known about the girl’s actions and covered up for her. A sudden memory of them together in the saloon surfaced. Would Morgan have betrayed her trust with someone like Annette?
Hearing a knock on her study door, Katherine hoped it wasn’t Beth with yet another suggestion about the Bachelor’s Ball. When she opened the door she was surprised to see Sadie instead.
“Am I disturbing you?” Sadie appeared haggard and weary. She looked as though all her enthusiasm for life had been extinguished. Katherine swallowed her regret. Since David and Rebecca’s announcement, Sadie had scarcely been a shadow of her former self.
“Not at all. Come in.” Katherine drew Sadie in and checked the teapot, glad that the tea was still warm under the quilted cozy. Offering Sadie a cup, she sat across from her, knowing her friend needed to talk.
“I just saw David,” Sadie began, staring at the cup in her hand without drinking.
“Does he seem to like his job?” Katherine asked as she picked up the cat and stroked him absently.
“I don’t think he expected the difficulty in trying to complete his lessons and work at the same time. Able never permitted him to take an outside job before. Said he had plenty of time for that when he was a man.”
“I guess it’s difficult for us to realize that they grow up sooner than we think they will,” Katherine replied, thinking of Beth.
“Especially your oldest,” Sadie agreed. “It’s funny. You’d think David would have resented me the most, coming in and taking his mother’s place. But David’s always been the kindest one. The younger children don’t intend to be cruel, and mostly they’ve just been indifferent. Only David seems to realize I’m a real person.”
“It means a lot to him that you’ve stood by him.” Katherine felt the pain she saw etched across Sadie’s face, knowing Able was the primary person who never acknowledged Sadie as anything other than a fixture in the Browning household.
“There was never a choice for me—I had to stand by David. With Able…” Sadie shook her head.
“He’s a very stubborn man, but I know he must miss his son.”
“So much so that he’s trying to force David’s only benefactor to leave town.” Sadie looked directly at Katherine, voicing the injustice her husband had wrought.
“You know I don’t want the lawsuit to stand between us.” Katherine gazed out the window for a moment, the pain of leaving intensifying. “It was Able’s doing, not yours. B
ut I want you to know that if we do leave, I have offered David and Rebecca continued sanctuary.”
“They would go with you?” Sadie couldn’t conceal the dismay in her voice.
“Unless they have a place here. I had hoped either Able or Rebecca’s parents would soften their stance before it comes to that.”
The consequences of Able’s obstinate actions became clear, and Sadie’s sad expression deepened further. “I hadn’t even thought of that aspect. I don’t know what I’d do if you and David both left.”
Touched by Sadie’s confession, Katherine tried to cheer her up, knowing there was little that could lift her spirits. “It’s too early to guess the outcome. Why don’t we try being optimistic?”
“I’ve tried that ever since I arrived in Browning. Look what it’s gotten me so far.” Bitter, Sadie clutched the edge of her teacup with whitening knuckles.
“Are things more difficult between you and Able?” Katherine asked softly.
“They’re hopeless,” Sadie answered, her voice flat. “He’s furious that I’ve gone against him. He even blamed my friendship with you as the reason for David’s indiscretion.”
Katherine gasped aloud in dismay.
Sadie waved her hands in dismissal. “You were merely a handy target for his anger, Katherine. David and Rebecca were on a destined path. Neither you nor I could have changed that. Able is so full of anger, he’s like a person possessed. He never sleeps, and when he does come home, it’s to shout and rave at whoever’s handy.”
“I’m so sorry, Sadie.”
“I am, too. I’d honestly thought that we’d made some progress, that we might have a real marriage.”
“You mustn’t give up hope.”
“I’m afraid it’s too late for that. Able’s made it abundantly clear that I’m the last person he’d trust or want to be close to.” Sadie’s voice wavered momentarily. “So I’ve abandoned my foolish plans for romance.”
Katherine stared at Sadie in deepening sadness. Their lives so inextricably wound together had suffered mortal blows. She searched for something comforting to say but couldn’t find the words. She asked instead, “Do you have time to go riding with me?”
“I hadn’t thought about it.” Sadie’s face cleared a bit. “Where would we go?”
“I need to visit the Johnsons and the Rankins,” Katherine fabricated, thinking quickly. After all, she could always pay courtesy calls on them. “Oh, and the Rankin children have been ill. They could use some tonic and a fresh chicken for soup.”
“I don’t know them very well, other than to say hello.” Sadie’s spark of hope turned into regret.
“An even better reason to go with me.” Katherine didn’t add that Sadie obviously needed to make new friends. If the Crystal Palace was forced to move, Sadie would be the most abject victim of their loss.
“I guess I could…”
“Good. Let’s go see what Hattie’s baked this morning. She and Bessie Johnson have quite a competition going with their baking.”
Together they moved toward the kitchen, and Sadie brightened a bit as she spoke to Hattie. After piling the baked goods into the buggy, they set off. Katherine hoped the ride would at least provide a momentary distraction, because one thing was certain. Friendships couldn’t be conjured up in a fleeting moment. She thought of Morgan. No, friendship took time to be nurtured and developed before it became a thing of trust and beauty. A fleeting stab of pain accompanied the thought. Where had her own trust gone?
Chapter 31
The pungent aroma of freshly brewed apple cider and newly baked molasses cookies filled the breeze wafting into the night. Hay and winter oats added their fragrance to the livery as well while the determined efforts of a fiddler and pianist sent the sounds of merriment into the brisk evening.
The stable had the unmistakable air of impending ceremony and festivity. Several weeks had passed, and now this was the night of the Bachelor Ball. Everyone in the surrounding area had looked forward to the event with growing excitement. Ranchers and farmers who had come West alone to claim a stake of land anxiously looked forward to an opportunity to meet the few single women in the territory.
Delaying as long as possible, Katherine entered the smithy with Beth. Morgan had gone ahead with Jake earlier when Katherine had dallied too long. Hoping Beth, too, would leave her alone at the Crystal Palace, Katherine had continued to linger. She changed dresses several times and rearranged her hair twice, but Beth seemed determined to wait for her.
Now they stood on the edge of the crowd of whirling dancers, having missed the Grand March, which opened the party. Excitement was at a high level. The overabundance of single men in the territory was obviously clear as they stood in a self-conscious bunch. Like a pen of bulls situated near a meager group of heifers, they pawed the packed dirt floor. And equally obvious were the few single women, preening in their power.
Katherine glanced rapidly around the room, seeking and finding both Jake and Morgan. Morgan, sleek and confident, lounged against a timber brace away from the other bachelors. His debonair outfit set him apart from the other men, and he earned a good share of looks from the single women. He didn’t seem to mind the attention, and his vanity brought a reluctant smile to Katherine’s lips.
Jake, while dressed more ruggedly, almost made her heart stop with his incredibly powerful looks. She couldn’t help but notice that Jake, as always, had a bevy of admirers of his own. If she didn’t choose him tonight, she was certain someone else would.
Knowing her time was running out, Katherine avoided both men along with the swarm of people, instead searching out Sadie, who sat alone on a bale of hay. She glanced appreciatively at Sadie’s enhanced appearance. She had arranged her hair becomingly, and she wore the lovely gown of green silk that Katherine had helped her choose. Only her sad expression spoiled the picture. “Sadie, you look lovely.”
“I’m afraid you’re the only one who thinks so.”
“Able?”
Sadie shook her head. “He wouldn’t come. He thought David and Rebecca might be here, and he didn’t want to see them.”
Katherine could have easily choked the man. Despite her words, Sadie was still apparently trying to close the gap in her marriage. It was bad enough to distance himself from his son, but to keep abandoning Sadie was unconscionable. “David and Rebecca should be along soon.”
“Good. I’d like to see them. And I don’t want David to feel—” Sadie’s voice trembled, and Katherine could fill in what she’d left unsaid. She didn’t want her stepson to bear the guilt of the further strained relationship between her and his father.
“They’re lucky to have you, Sadie.”
The moments passed as they watched the dancers in silence. “What about you, Katherine?” Sadie asked after a while.
“Me?”
“Who are you going to choose tonight?”
“I’m not sure—”
“It is a Bachelor Ball, Katherine. When I talked to Beth, she referred to Morgan as your husband. I didn’t enlighten her, but I am wondering what you plan to do tonight.”
“Then you’re not alone,” Katherine admitted, realizing how foolish she was to have waited to the last minute to make a decision.
“Katherine!”
“I know it’s crazy, but I kept hoping some great inspiration would strike me. I just can’t bear to tell my sister that I’ve lied about everything. It’s bad enough that she found out about the saloon, but to admit that I invented a husband…” It had been a relief to confide in Sadie when Beth had appeared. But Sadie couldn’t make her decision, and Katherine wasn’t sure she could, either. Plucking at the skirt of her pink-coral dress, Katherine wondered if she could escape before making a choice.
“You can’t put it off much longer.”
“The wolves are approaching as we speak,” Katherine muttered.
“That bad?”
“Whom do I deceive? Jake, Beth, or Morgan?”
“Perhaps the truth wou
ld be best,” Sadie offered quietly. “It usually outweighs deception.”
“I’m certain it does. I’m just not sure I have that much courage.”
“This is the woman who took on an entire town and its founders, allowing the minister to court her? I don’t think you’re lacking in courage, Katherine. Beth is your sister, not your judge.”
Seeing Beth approach with both Jake and Morgan in tow, Katherine wondered. Standing up slowly, she faced them. Her heart beat rapidly, and she couldn’t manage a smile. From the side of her line of vision, she could see that Sadie had risen also and now gave her arm a reassuring squeeze.
Her family and Sadie exchanged greetings, but Katherine scarcely heard them. Her family. Like a mother bear unwilling to hurt a single cub, she had tried to avoid telling any one of them something that would cause them pain. But, also like a mother bear, she knew she had to give Beth her own independence, regardless of how it affected her sister’s perception of her.
Jake and Morgan were far more difficult. Morgan embodied a complex mix of her past and present. And Jake had become someone she hoped would shape her future. But what if she chose Jake and then was forced to leave him in six months? Where would that leave Morgan?
Drawing his bow, the fiddler signaled for the women to choose their partners and let the courting begin. Moving toward Jake, Katherine realized that if they left in six months or six years, her heart would remain with Jake. Her eyes implored him to understand she wasn’t making a permanent commitment, that her decision was still to be made.
Hearing Beth’s gasp of surprise when she placed her hand in Jake’s, Katherine turned toward her sister. “I think you should finally hear the truth.” Lifting her head, Katherine stared at the innocent, wondering eyes that pierced her soul. “I was never married to Morgan. I told you I had married him because I didn’t want you to think I lived my life alone. Morgan is…” Katherine glanced at him, seeing the expectation of a lethal blow etched across his face, knowing she couldn’t strike that blow. “…a fine man. He is both my friend and partner. I’ve been very lucky to know him, but not lucky enough to have wed him.”
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