by Mark White
'Please Kofi, let me finish,' she said. 'Yes, unfortunately you were killed, along with many others on Pollux, including Kaori and his family.'
Kaori and his family? No. Please, no.
'However, we had prepared for this in the only way we could at the time. When you touched the monolith in the Kubrick room, we carried out a full brain scan on you. We have used this scan to recreate your consciousness. You are this recreation. Welcome back Kofi,' she said.
Recreate? 'But…does…who…' I struggled to articulate my feelings. 'Am I really Kofi?'
'You have Kofi's memories. You have Kofi's personality. You feel. You breathe. You live,' she said. 'You just look a little different.'
'I don't have all of Kofi's memories. A different Kofi lived that last day,' I said.
'I cannot restore those memories. I am sorry. However I can provide you with your Plog up to the point where it was terminated, and also the pool of a local constable who observed your last moments. Be warned, these will not be pleasant. You may be better off without these memories,' she said.
'I need to know, Safira,' I said, determined. 'Without those events, I cannot consider myself to be Kofi.'
'Very well, I will get them sent to your Sink,' Safira said, and waved across to one of the other Safirans in the room who hurried out of my view.
'How long has passed?' I asked, trying to snap myself out of self-absorption.
'More than four months have passed. It has been a complex matter to restore you. According to your chronology, the date is around 11th Ianuarius,' she said.
Shit. That's a long time. Not only a hole in my memories, but also a hole in my timeline. How can I be the same person?
'How is Geraldine? What has happened while I have been…away?' I asked.
'Geraldine is fine. Your loss hit her hard, but she continues to fight,' she replied. 'She has not been discovered, and her agents have made great progress in preparing for the deployment of the Tap-killer command. There have been losses, but the mechanism for deployment is nearly complete.'
'And the Tap-killer command?' I asked.
'That has been more troublesome. Our initial optimism was not justified. We obtained lots of data on the failure mechanism, but could not stop the cascade. Every route we tried was a dead end. However we have just made a very important discovery, something that may lead us to the solution. You are the first to hear that, Kofi, I have not had a chance to tell Geraldine yet,' she said.
'That sounds positive. I hope you can complete it soon. This cannot go on much longer,' I said, and then something sprang to mind. 'Does Geraldine know I am alive?'
'She knows that we have been trying to bring you back. I think she has given up hope however. She will be delighted when I let her know that you are here,' Safira said, smiling broadly.
'Can I speak to her?' I said.
'Unfortunately not at present. At the moment your consciousness is tied to this body, and cannot leave like ours. We are looking at other options for you, but this will take time. I will go over these later once you have rested more. For now, be pleased that you are back. I can of course pass on any message you wish to Geraldine,' she said.
'Tell her I am sorry that I failed her on Pollux. If there is anything I can do to help from here, she should just ask. And tell her not to blame herself for what happened to me. It was my choice. I was proud to help her,' I said, feeling emotional. 'You can share my log with her of course, any day.'
'Of course, but you did not fail, it was out of your control. You are right however that Geraldine blames herself. You know her well, I have not been able to dissuade her,' she said.
'Tell her to do as Kofi says for once. Or she'll be in trouble when I see her next. Whenever that may be,' I said smiling.
At that point, we were interrupted by another Safiran (or is it Boran?) walking across towards us.
'Kofi, may I introduce you to the technician who was responsible for the team working to bring you back. You can call him, ah, Ishihara,' said Safira. I realised she just picked a name out the air, and chose the first human Captain that she met.
'It is good to speak to you at last Kofi,' said Ishihara. 'I have prepared the information from the logs that you requested concerning your missing day. I am sending it to your Sink now. I hope it is not too distressing. Please, can I ask one thing?'
'Good to meet you, Ishihara. Thank you for bringing me back. Of course, you may ask me anything,' I said. I'm getting used to speaking in this body, although I'll never get used to hearing this voice.
'Once you have read this through, you must sleep again. We will sedate you so that you relax fully and ensure this process has completed successfully. We need to monitor you to ensure that your consciousness is fully established in this vessel,' he said, glancing at Safira. There was a troubled look on her face. I wonder what that was about.
'Sure,' I said. I must admit I was feeling tired, and really needed some moments to myself.
'Thank you,' he said. 'Safira, we should give him some time alone.'
She looked disappointed, but accepted it. 'Yes, you're right. I will go and let Geraldine know the good news while you sleep Kofi. I will return as soon as I can,' she said. With that, they both left me alone. I read.
Shit, I think I'm glad I don't have those memories. That EMP must really have annoyed Damon. He looks like he enjoyed that.
'It's time Kofi', said Ishihara, walking into my view.
'Already? OK,' I sighed. He injected me with a blue liquid.
Plog: Geraldine Mander - 11th Ianuarius 228PD
Shit, this is dragging. Everything is such slow progress, both here and with the Safirans. We've had so many setbacks, lost so many good people, but I think within a few weeks the deployment system will be there. Then it will be just a case of lying low until Safira delivers the goods, and making sure it's not discovered.
I can tell though that she is worried. Her initial optimism has gone. She just seems to be finding new and creative ways of making bad news sound positive. Everything they try seems to lead nowhere. We've killed over a hundred prisoners now. A hundred! I thought my initial guess at ten was generous and as much as I could bear. After Kofi's death though, nothing seems to hurt any more. Sometimes I worry I'm getting as bad as Raj. Treating deaths as an inconvenience. Feeling nothing.
I miss Kofi so badly, he kept me tethered to humanity. I have people I trust that I talk to regularly, people who would give their life for me. Many already have. Yet none of them are my friends. There's no-one I can just relax and be myself with, without fear of being judged. I didn't truly appreciate his friendship until he was gone.
I feel closer to Safira now than any human, but all she does right now is bring me bad news. Speaking of which she should be here soon. I'm so glad I got rid of the Kubrick room, it just reminded me of Kofi every time. This white, blank room is much better.
'Hello Geraldine,' said Safira, appearing in front of me. 'How are you today?' Here we go again.
'The same as ever, Safira,' I said. 'Any better news for me today?'
'I hope I can be of some cheer today, there are a couple of items of minor progress,' she said. I could see a glint in her eye. Interesting.
'Firstly, we have a new route of investigation for the Tap killer. We believe we had a breakthrough in an unexpected area, a serendipitous discovery you might say. It is looking the most promising route we have seen for a while,' she said.
'Tell me the details,' I said. I should be more positive, but we've been here before.
'A technician sent a malformed diagnostics command to a Tap under test by mistake, and this uncovered a design flaw in the Tap interconnections,' she said. 'A feedback loop was created that held off all commands from entering or exiting the Tap command processing centre. If we trigger this immediately after the kill command, and can sustain it until the cascade has completed, we believe it could limit the spread. It is our best route so far. We are very optimistic, but have been so in the past, so w
e do not wish to get too excited.'
'I agree, but that does sound like a route that makes more sense than anything you've told me before. It seems as if there could be some nasty timing issues to solve though?' I said. Still, better than I was expecting.
'Yes, you're right. We are hoping the mechanism we use to sustain the feedback can adjust itself depending on the rate of Tap decay. If we can build in this additional level of feedback modification, then it could adapt to different rates of Tap decay in different people,' she said.
'Glad we're thinking in the same way. That does sound encouraging. I think we'll be ready to deploy it before you have it ready to deploy though,' I said.
'Yes, I concur. But we'll be trying to beat you, I can assure you,' she said, smiling. That's good.
'So what was the other item of minor progress?' I asked.
'Oh yes, I have a message to pass onto you,' she said.
'What's that?' I asked. Unusual, everything usually came through her.
'Kofi says to stop blaming yourself. It was his choice and he was proud to help you,' she said, grinning widely.
'Kofi?' I said, trying to keep my emotions in check. Pull yourself together Geraldine, you were a Decemvir. Kofi affects me in ways like no other though, maybe I have some humanity left yet. Thank you Kofi. I wiped my eyes and got myself under control. 'You've…you've bought him back?'
'Yes, it's early days, but it's definitely him. Here, he shared his log with you. Take a look,' she said.
I scanned over it. I'll read it slowly later, but yes, that's him.
'Thanks, yes that's definitely Kofi. Lots of "what the fucks",' I said, smiling uncontrollably. 'Do you think he will be able to adjust to living in a Bora body? Are there any other options?'
'It is not ideal for him, but I will be there every step of the way to guide him,' she said. 'We need to stabilise his consciousness in that body first. There are two other possibilities going forward. We may be able to make it so he can become incorporeal, like us. Then he could travel here in the same way we do. The other is that we could create an android, similar to Damon, and he could inhabit that. It would help if we could get our hands on one ourselves. Maybe that will have to wait until we have defeated Raj. Both will take time, and the ultimate choice will have to be Kofi's.'
'I agree, and I will go along with whatever he wishes. Just this once, I'll do as he says,' I said, thinking back to his order in the log.
'Good to hear it,' she said, laughing. 'If you don't mind Geraldine, I'd like to leave and head back to Sanctuary. I want to make sure I'm around when Kofi wakes up next time.'
'Of course Safira. Send Kofi my love and best wishes. Please look after him,' I said.
'I will,' she said, and vanished.
Kofi's alive! Thank you Safira, I feel a fresh sense of hope and optimism. We will do this.
Plog: Kofi Albus - ~13th Ianuarius 228PD
I'm slowly getting used to this body. I'm getting to learn the odd feelings that emanate from various organs and surfaces, and what they mean. I now know when and how to defecate. I only wish I'd learnt the former before the latter. I can confidently stand on my own two feet, and confidently pick myself up off the floor. I'll get there with the walking soon. The balance on the body is just different enough to a human to cause problems with my innate instincts. The wing flaps don't help.
There's a few things I need to understand yet. I keep getting a strange itching across my back, and at the same time the cilia under my wing flaps seem to pulse faster and waves of motion run across the surface. I get a strange aching feeling throughout my body. I'll ask Safira later, in case it's something wrong.
Still, I feel like I made a lot of progress yesterday. I don't know how long I'll be in this body, but I have to make the most of it. It was a shock at first. I guess dying is always a shock. Now I realise I've been given a second chance, and one like no other. I get to live as an alien and learn an alien culture. I can act as a bridge between our cultures once we get rid of Raj. I can be an ambassador. I can get delusions of grandeur.
A lot will depend on what happens to me now. It sounds as if my options might be to stay in this body, transfer to an android or become incorporeal like a Safiran. I'm not sure how I feel about any of those options yet. First though I'm going to learn what it is to live as a Bora in the physical Safiran society here on Sanctuary. There's still so much to learn. Then I might be in a position to decide once I've experienced this properly. I can't say I fancy being an android, sounds too much like turning into Damon. If I do have to move on from this body, being incorporeal sounds intriguing. I've no idea what it will be like, but clearly it will be different to anything I could have imagined a few months ago. What's the point in life unless you stretch yourself and try new experiences?
It should be a big day today, I'm going to be let out of the research lab/hospital ward. I get to see their sky for their first time, see their city, walk their streets. Actually I'll settle for not falling on my face in the street. One day at a time.
'Good morning Kofi, how are you today?' said Ishihara, walking into my room, followed by Safira. It was a nice enough room, a bit sterile as you'd expect given that it's part of a research facility. However the colour scheme was very tasteful compared to my experience of Castor.
'Good morning Ishihara, good morning Safira. I am feeling good thank you. I'm am slowly getting used to this Bora body. I feel ready to get out and explore your planet,' I said, trying not to sound too eager. And failing.
'On your own?' said Safira, teasingly.
'Well I was hoping you might help,' I said. 'Would you do me the honour of showing me your world?'
'Seeing as you asked so nicely, I think I can free up my schedule for today,' she said, smiling warmly at me, before her expression turned serious. 'I must warn you though, please expect to be the centre of attention. No-one will approach us or talk to us without invitation. However, everyone will be looking at you. You are famous, and will be recognised wherever you go.'
'Famous eh? Will there be groupies?' I asked.
'I'm not entirely sure I know the term, but I expect I can make an educated guess,' she said, suddenly looking stern. 'That would be…inappropriate. You are the first alien to see our planet. You are the first non-Safiran to be hosted by a Bora. There are many who do not share my trust of you, but I have vouched for you. I have signalled my approval of you by this choice of Bora host.' She paused, as if trying to decide what to say next.
'I'm am sorry, I did not mean to offend you, or anyone here. What do you mean, by choice of host?' I asked.
'This Bora host was previously the symbiont for a Redoubt. That's why it was unused. You know how honoured the Redoubt are amongst Safirans,' she said.
I looked at her. I could tell there was more to it than just that. It meant too much to her.
'This was your partner's Symbiont before she became a Redoubt, wasn't it?' I asked, feeling humbled.
'Yes, Kofi, it was,' she stated in a flat, unemotional voice. I could tell the effort it took.
'Safira, I don't know what to say. Thank you for your trust, I will do everything I can to respect your partner's name. I can only imagine how it must appear to you, seeing your partner with me occupying her body,' I said, stumbling over the words.
'Kofi, you have no need to worry. Be yourself, with no pretence. Just because you are in the same symbiont, it is not the body that I associate with my partner. It is her mind. Your minds have a very different flavour. It causes me no emotional dissonance to see you.'
'Thank you Safira. Your use of my language has greatly improved too I see,' I said. Flavour was an interesting choice of words though I thought.
The conversation about other Safirans reminded me of something I'd been meaning to ask Safira. 'Safira, can I ask you something about the negotiations between our races?'
'Of course, Kofi. What is it?' she said.
'Why is it always you? You're the only person that communicates with me and G
eraldine. Surely others should be involved?' I asked.
'That's easy,' she said. 'It's the way we do things. For any major undertaking, we appoint a representative who is responsible for all interactions. That representative, I think Legate might be the best term for it, reports and liaises with our people, and will listen to feedback. However the strategy to take, and the ultimate decision, is taken by the Legate. It is possible to remove a Legate from its role if enough are dissatisfied, but that is rare. My strategy meets with general approval so far,' she said.
'Why were you chosen?' I asked.
'Largely because of Geraldine,' she replied. 'We studied her carefully after her appointment for the contact mission, and also after she arrived in the Epsilon Eridani system as we planned. I was chosen as it was considered my personality was the closest match to hers of all those with suitable experience for the role. It was felt that it was important to build a bond of trust quickly between both sides. I think that strategy worked well don't you?'
'Yes, I think it did, you did seem to build up a rapport very quickly,' I said, slowly understanding there was less happening by chance here than I thought.
'You are a lot like Geraldine you know? Deep down, where it matters, you have similar values - and sense of humour. That's why we get on so well,' she said.
'Yes we do don't we? I guess me and Geraldine did spend a lot of our formative years together, so we probably influenced each other along the way,' I said.
'For the better I think,' she said, smiling.
'She certainly supported me a huge amount through those years, which were quite difficult for both of us at times,' I said, remembering the questions about ourselves we were grappling with back then.
'Yes, I understand. I think the best thing for you right now is for you to get some fresh air. Shall we go?' she said, looking at Ishihara for approval. He tilted his head to one side, and Safira turned to go, holding out her arm for me to accompany her. I guess that was a Safiran nod. I took Safira's arm for support, I'm definitely not feeling entirely confident on my feet yet. That would make a great first impression, falling over in front of my adoring fans as soon as I walk through the door.