by Mark White
'Hello Kofi, it is good to finally meet you properly.' I felt rather than heard Safira talking.
'Yes it is like feeling a voice isn't it?'
Fuck, I forgot she'd be able to read my thoughts. Shit. Um. Don't think about sex.
'Language, Kofi, you naughty boy. Would you like me to show you how to shield your thoughts, and choose what I hear?'
Yes please Safira.
'Here you go, share this.'
Share what? What's this? Oh I see. Ah, that's so easy, I should have thought of that myself.
Can you hear this Safira, you lovely hermaphrodite?
'Yes Kofi, try again.'
Ah sorry. I see what I did.
How about this, sexy?
Did you hear that one Safira?
'No, I think you have mastered it. Well done.'
Thank you Safira. This is strange, but it is not unpleasant.
'This is not the full experience of course, this is just a taste. We need to focus on your education this time.'
I understand. This time?
'Did you forget to shield that last thought?'
Ah yes, sorry.
'Treat me nicely, and you never know Kofi.'
Temptress.
So what do I need to know next?
'Lots, Kofi, lots. I'll share several things with you. How to recognise and suppress the natural feelings of your body. How to interact with others in our society. How our society is structured. Everything I think you'll need to know to get you through a day.'
Thank you, that sounds like a good start.
'Here you are.'
That was quite a rush. I'm not sure I got all that.
'Don't worry, when you need to know something, the knowledge will be there. Tell me how many moons our planet has.'
None. I knew without hesitation. Hey, that's a neat trick.
'Good. I think that's probably enough for the first time. I don't want to keep you in this state for too long, or overload you with information.'
Long? We've only just arrived.
'We've been here for more than two hours Kofi. Your sense of time in here is different, especially during memory sharing.'
Thank you Safira. I know you say this is commonplace for you, but it is a rare privilege for me. I will not forget this.
'Oh Kofi, your openness and honesty is touching. Would you like a sample of the full nature of what this can be? Just so you can help understand us more fully.'
If you think I am ready for it.
'I will stop suppressing the sensations from our bodies for a short while, so that you can get an understanding of the full experience. Obviously this is not something I would do with my work colleagues.'
Woah. Safira I had no idea. I must control this feeling. Everything is so heightened, so intense. I can feel Safira around me, inside me. I feel every movement of her cilia, every reciprocal response from my body, working in unison. It feels like we are one person.
'Safira, I…'
We can become one. We are one person. Once you experience the true merging of two minds, it is hard to live without it.
What? What just happened?
'Kofi, I am sorry. I did not mean to do that. I must stop.'
I felt Safira begin to unwrap her arms from around me, the cilia gently unentangling from me. My whole body is still tingling, and my mind is rushing with confusion from those last thoughts. I lost all sense of self for a moment. All sense of being an individual. It felt as if we truly were one person. And then it was gone, snatched away. I felt a sense of loss and longing.
I realised we were lying down next to each other on the padded section of the conjoining couch. We must have naturally fallen over onto it. Safira turned her face away from me, sobbing.
'Safira, what is wrong? What happened? Please look at me,' I said.
'Kofi, I am sorry, I am ashamed,' she said, turning her head back towards me.
'Safira, you did nothing wrong. Just explain to me what happened,' I asked, trying to reassure her through my confusion.
'I only meant to share with you the physical sensation of our bodies, but I let my guard down. The intense feeling, coupled with my closeness to you, my familiarity with the Bora body, caused me to forget where I was and who I was with. I initiated a full merging of our thoughts, without realising what I was doing. That is wrong. That must never be done without mutual consent. I have never tried to, wanted to do it since, since…oh Kofi, however can you forgive me?' She said, obviously mortified by what had happened.
'Safira, please. Do not upset yourself,' I said. 'There is nothing to forgive. I trust you completely, and I am lucky to have shared that moment with you. No one but us need ever know. It is an experience, a moment, I will never forget. I will treasure the memory until I die. Again.'
She snorted out a laugh, while wiping away tears. 'Kofi, I do not deserve your forgiveness. That would be unpardonable to a Safiran.'
'I am not a Safiran, I am your friend,' I said.
'And lover now Kofi. You will always be a part of me,' she replied.
I looked at her, leaned forward and kissed her gently. I don't know if Safirans kissed, but as I said, I'm not a Safiran.
'Can we do it again?' I asked, possibly more keenly than was appropriate.
She smiled. 'Oh yes. Try stopping me. Not tonight though, you need to rest. Let us sleep.'
'If we must,' I said. I must admit I felt bloody knackered.
She rolled over and I spooned up against her. 'Good night Safira, sleep well.'
'Good night Kofi,' she said. I was just starting to drift off to sleep when I heard her mumble. 'Your mind tastes nice too.'
Plog: Kofi Albus - ~26th Ianuarius 228PD
It's been quite a couple of weeks. As my relationship with Safira has grown and deepened, I didn't feel it was appropriate to add every moment to my Plog. I'm starting to hate that word, sorry Geraldine, it seemed a good idea at the time.
After that first time together which surprised Safira as well as me, we've become closer and closer. I think her mistake, which initially embarrassed her, broke down so many barriers that it feels natural now.
It's made me think a lot though on the nature of friendship, relationships and love. What is the basis of attraction? Is it just emotional? Is it innate? Is it biological? Or a combination of all of these, and more? On Earth, in my human body, I've had close friends of both sexes and differing sexual inclinations, but I only really ever had one long term love, Colin. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through when we parted, and I haven't felt ready to consider another relationship since. Obviously Geraldine means a great deal to me, she always did, right from our childhood together, but that had to be different.
So why am I so attracted to Safira, an alien mind in an alien body? Clearly my body has its own physical reaction to her, which I am learning to control at last. There must be more to it than that though, emotionally her physical form has no resonance for me. I like her. I enjoy her company. I feel relaxed when I'm talking to her. I can just be myself with no pretence. I can come up with no end of clichés about it. We appear to share a similar sense of humour. We have a shared goal. And yes, I enjoy the taste of her mind. I know what she means by that now, although I'm not going to try to explain it. She's like mint chocolate ice cream. And when we are fully conjoined, as one, there no real way to describe it. So I'm not going to try, you'll have to use your imagination for once.
I thought I'd start logging today, as Safira says she's something significant to discuss when she gets back from her visit to Geraldine, something that could help with the fight against Raj. As much as I have loved getting to know the Safiran culture, and in particular, getting to know Safira, I have had a nagging sense of guilt being stuck here while everyone else is working. I know from Safira that good progress is being made now, but equally I know that people are dying. It's not just Geraldine's agents that are being killed, other people are suffering. The rate of HOME deaths is increasing as Raj eli
minates anyone he considers might be a threat, or even suspect something. I need to be doing something.
I'd agreed to meet Safira at the academy around the middle of the day, so I decided to take a long route round the grounds to get there. It made me feel a bit nostalgic for the walks I used to take into the office back on Earth. I'm definitely getting the hang of this walking lark at last, I can get there and not feel completely exhausted and lucky to survive now. I always see quite a few Safirans when I'm out and about, but they typically keep themselves to a brief hello, rather than engaging in conversation. There is one Safiran wandering around apparently aimlessly though who always seems to want to avoid me, and walks away whenever he sees me. Odd, I must ask Safira about that.
Another reason I took the long route was that I had to leave our home a little early, as some workmen arrived to carry out some routine maintenance and upgrades. Apparently Safira knew all about it. I'll have to have words with that lady. I mean, hermaphrodite. Oh whatever.
I can see her waiting in front of the building once it comes into view, so I step up my pace and wave at her.
'Hello Safira,' I said, hugging her tightly as I reached her. 'How did your meeting with Geraldine go?'
'Hello Kofi,' she replied. 'It is good to see you again, I miss your company when I am away. Geraldine is fine, she sends her love. She is in good spirits now that we are making progress on the Tap-killer, and her deployment infrastructure is just about ready.'
'Is it? That's great. Do you think it will work?' I asked.
'Yes,' she said. 'I'm very impressed by her thoroughness, there are multiple levels of redundancy built into the system with quite different implementations. If one route is discovered, then there are backup systems that won't be so easily uncovered. I am confident it will work once we are ready. Geraldine was also very happy about one other item of news I gave her.'
'What was that?' I asked.
'About us. I confessed to her that our relationship has grown beyond friendship into something deeper. She was genuinely delighted. I know how much she cares for you Kofi, and she was very happy to find out about us.'
I was more touched than I expected. 'I am pleased she approves. She also means a great deal to me,' I said.
'Kofi, given where we are in our relationship, I have a proposal for you, I hope you will not be offended, but I believe it is something we should consider for several reasons. For the good of us, for your personal future, and for the future of humanity,' she said, somewhat hesitantly.
'You're trying to oversell it, Safira. Just ask,' I said.
'I want us to have a child together,' she said.
'Ah. Safira, you know you mean a great deal to me…but don't you think it's a bit quick? There's so much uncertainty in our future shouldn't we wait until we know what is happening?' I asked, stumbling over the words while trying to think what to say. I'd never even considered the possibility, let alone wonder if it was possible in the first place.
'Hear me out, Kofi. I understand your reservations, but this is about more than the two of us,' she said. 'First though I have to say one thing, without which I would never consider it.'
'What's that?' I asked, my mind still reeling from the idea.
'I love you Kofi,' she said, for the first time. 'I love our friendship, the times we spend together. You have reopened a part of my life I had closed after the loss of my partner, and I will always love you for that, whatever else happens in future. This child will be a celebration of what our friendship means to both our races. However there are other considerations too.'
Those words affected me more than I expected. I've been equally closed and guarded since my divorce, and Safira has changed me for the better.
'I love you too Safira. I should have said it before,' I said, knowing it was true as I spoke it for the first time. 'What else is there?'
'At times it feels like nothing else matters. However we both know there are bigger concerns right now. The child will help in other ways,' she said.
'How?' I asked, confused.
'You understand how we Safirans are able to make a new life? I discussed it before, but I think you are now in a position to fully understand what I meant. When we are fully conjoined, we separate a small kernel of each consciousness. This combined kernel remains conjoined even when we part. We separate it from us, and embed it into the exotic space that surrounds us. This provides the matrix through which the kernel can expand and mature into a full independent intelligence. Ours will be a child of two races, a bridge between our cultures,' she said.
'Yes, it makes more sense now I know what conjoining is like. How long does it take for the child to grow and mature?' I asked, worrying that this might be a nice idea, but any child could have no impact on the short term struggle.
'Once we are conjoined, it only takes a few minutes to create the kernel of our child, and embed it. The maturation process takes longer however. Sometimes up to an hour, although usually more quickly,' she said.
'An hour to be born? Wow, that's quick. So I could have a baby by the end of the day?' I said, stunned at the thought and responsibility.
'No, not a baby. A fully mature intelligence. What you would consider a young adult, ready to head out to work, with the memories and knowledge of both of us,' she said. I could see her trying not to laugh.
'No teething troubles? No puberty? No stroppy teenage years?' I asked, trying to get a grip on things.
'No, it will be our child, and our equal. Possibly our better,' she said.
'Ah, that sounds simpler, if less satisfying. I don't understand how our child is going to help still though,' I said.
'It isn't the child, or the birth that is important,' she said. 'It is the conception.'
'Well yes, I'm quite looking forward to that part too,' I said.
Safira glared back, disapproving but amused. 'This conception will be different. It's straightforward for my kernel, but yours is a part of your personality. It has never been incorporeal. We believe that the conjoined kernel will however be able to embed itself successfully, away from your body. If we monitor the process in minute detail, we may be able to replicate it. We may be able to remove your whole consciousness from your body, and you can be like me. You too could be incorporeal, and come with me to see Geraldine, or whatever you like. You should then still be able to return to this Bora body when you wish,' she said.
'Is that truly possible? It sounds as if our child is being used as a guinea pig,' I said.
'Yes, we believe it is possible. It will need installation of sophisticated monitoring equipment, but there is no danger. We would never treat a child as less than a treasured member of our species. It just happens that it also serves more than one purpose,' she said.
'How long would it take to install the equipment?' I asked.
'It should already be installed by the time we get back home,' she said, smiling wistfully.
'Ah. You sound confident I will say yes,' I said, feeling a little annoyed.
'I know you Kofi. You will be concerned, and you will think of all the negative aspects, as you should. But you will come to the right decision,' she said.
'Maybe. But I feel uncomfortable having a child whose main purpose is to make my life better, rather than to nurture a new life in its own right,' I said.
'There is one more reason Kofi. It is more of a tentative possibility, but in many ways it is the most important, and it may give us a different option to resolve the problem with Raj Tamboli. We are uncomfortable having all our eggs in one basket, as you would say. If we understand how to take your consciousness out of your Bora host and make it incorporeal, we may be able to do the same with Raj from the Stream,' she said.
'That sounds speculative. Wouldn't it need his cooperation?' I asked.
'We don't know. It may be possible to entice him from the Stream or do it forcefully. Until we fully understand the mechanism, we cannot be sure of the possibilities. However, there is only one way to find out,' she sa
id.
'I guess so,' I said, still feeling doubtful.
'There is one reason that is most important to me Kofi, one reason that tops all,' she said.
'Yes?' I asked.
'I want to. I want us to have a child. I want both of us to live on through the child, whatever happens. We represent two peoples, split by misunderstanding and manipulation. We must put that right. Together,' she said.
I looked at her, seeing the truth and passion in her eyes. 'Let's do it,' I said.
I wasn't expecting quite the level of changes that greeted us when we arrived home. There was a dark band wrapped right around the house just below the roof line, about a metre in width. Inside, all walls, the floor and ceiling had been coated in a green gauze. The furniture had been removed, other than the conjoining couch in the centre.
Safira noticed my surprise. 'This is not just monitoring equipment, it also helps to strengthen and focus the matrix in the vicinity of the house. We want to make it as easy as possible for our child to embed and grow.'
'Are we going to have an audience?' I asked.
'We will be alone here. The monitoring will be concentrating purely on the way the child separates from us, and embeds itself. Our privacy will not be disturbed. This is a special and private moment for us, do not worry,' she reassured me.
'That's good. So, do we do anything different?' I asked.
'No, until we are fully conjoined, everything will be the same. If it's OK with you, it's probably safer if I take the lead today,' she said.
'Of course,' I said, and moved to sit down opposite her. I'm going to stop logging for now. As I said, this bit is private, and just for the two of us. Go away.
'How long do you expect us to have to wait, Safira?' We are still conjoined but separate again. I felt a little disoriented and weaker than usual after we created our child. It was an experience I'll never forget, but I had the strange sense of loss to go with the excitement and elation. I couldn't quite put a finger on it.