by James, Gemma
The loud thud of my steps on hardwood drowned out the rest of his words. I yanked the door open, entered the dark space, and jumped when it slammed shut behind me. I felt along the concrete, heart pounding, and searched for the light switch in the blackness. My palm brushed it, and a moment later dim light flooded the room. With a sigh of relief, I descended the stairs. The cold penetrated first, then the scent of dirt, musty dampness, and concrete—a combination my mind equated with captivity. Instinct alone made me wander to the cage.
Everything crashed back with the strength of a tsunami. Naked, cowering in the corner, trembling from the cold, terrified because I hadn’t known what Rafe was capable of. I folded my arms around myself, as if to ward off the memories and the chill in the air.
But I was safe. On the most fundamental level, my body knew that. It also responded in a way that used to make me loathe myself.
Not anymore. Not when it came to Rafe.
My gaze zeroed in on the cuffs dangling from the ceiling and warmth flooded between my thighs. He’d left the door to the prison open. I entered, this time of my own free will, and stripped the clothes from my body. Goose bumps broke out on my flesh, and my nipples tightened into aching buds. I lifted my head and eyed the cuffs again, noting how he’d left them unlocked. They spoke to me, whispering to slip my wrists inside and close the metal on my free will.
He’d probably think I was insane, and maybe I was, but something told me this would bring him back to me. I stood on tiptoes and worked one wrist into the circular restraint. The lock clicked in place, making my pulse speed up. After some maneuvering, I managed to secure my other wrist too.
There was no going back. I’d effectively trapped myself, leaving the decision of freeing me up to him. Suddenly, my stomach dropped. What if he didn’t remember where he kept the key? I didn’t have time to agonize over that too-late realization. The door creaked open and his footfalls announced his arrival. The instant he saw me, he froze.
I hung before him, naked, exposed, wrists bound as effectively as my heart was to him.
“Please tell me you know where the key is?”
“If I had to guess,” he said, taking a step closer, “it’s on my keyring.” He gestured toward me. “Why are you doing this?”
“You know all my secrets, all my shame.” I glanced at the cement floor, remembering how I’d awakened, naked and cold, with my hands restrained to the bars. “This is where you first brought me. You wanted to make me suffer the way you did. But we shared something, Rafe, and I want that back so badly.” I shut my eyes, disturbed by the utter shock in his.
“I don’t remember.” I heard him come closer.
“I have faith you will.” A tear slipped from beneath my closed lids, and the brush of his thumb caught it. I sucked in a breath. “I crave your touch so much. Please…make his disappear.”
He grazed his fingers across my breasts. “He hurt you.” His words came out strangled. He inched lower, hands drifting over the evidence of my brother’s brutality, and smoothed a palm along my stomach, where Zach had branded me with his name. “And though I don’t remember it, I hurt you too.”
“Rafe—”
“Look at me,” he interrupted.
I opened my eyes, and my insides melted from the heat in his. His palms cradled my cheeks with a tenderness that masked his need to conquer. He might not recognize the hunger in himself, but I did. That need colored the command in his tone, was evident in the wide stance of his feet and the bulge behind his zipper.
My heartbeat rocketed. What if he remembered and went back to hating me? “Please don’t hate—”
He silenced me with his mouth, his unyielding hands holding my head in place as his lips forced mine open, tongue thrusting in gentle possession that claimed, commanded, owned. My lids shuttered, and I lost myself to his taste. His kiss infused me with a raging, burning need. An explosion went off at my core, spreading from my belly down to my thighs, all the way to the soles of my feet. I spread them and gained better traction on the ground. Cool air drifted between my legs, where I ached for him—for his touch, for his hot mouth kissing so intimately, for the girth of his cock.
He inched away, breaths puffing across my swollen lips. “Open your eyes, sweetheart.”
My heart jumped at the endearment, and my lashes fluttered open. “You remember,” I whispered, both fear and hope warring in my soul.
“No.” His thumbs caressed my damp cheeks. “I don’t need to remember to know that I want you.” His brows narrowed, and he frowned. “It’s the way I want you that worries me.”
“Tell me.”
He hesitated. “I’ve had fantasies for a long time.” His gaze lifted to my restrained hands. “Dark fantasies I never thought I’d act on. I don’t know what I did to you, or what that place did to me, but it scares the fuck out of me.”
“You don’t have to be afraid.”
He stepped back and took in my nakedness with a single glance. “We’ve always orbited each other,” he said, pausing with a shake of his head, “but I never imagined it would lead to…this.”
“Never imagined we’d be so right for each other? Rafe, you already know how I feel about you.”
“You had a crush on me.”
“Is that how you saw me back then? Just an annoying kid?”
“At first, maybe.” His green eyes flickered to my face again. “I felt it too. I won’t deny it, but I’ve got eight years of memory missing, and you’ve been…so fucking scarred by Zach and me, I don’t understand how you’re standing on two feet right now.”
“Technically, I’m on my toes.”
The corner of his mouth turned up. “You surprise me. Your strength inspires me, Alex.”
“Don’t mistake me for being strong.” Nighttime always hit hard, when the dark wee hours of morning choked me with loneliness. The scars on my body didn’t compare to the ones no one could see, though I felt them each night, pressing on my chest until I couldn’t breathe. “I’m here in shackles because I’m not strong.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I need you. I’m sick with needing you.” I cursed my trembling lips. “No matter what you do, no matter what you remember or don’t, I’m yours.”
He groaned. “Even if I keep you strung up like that?”
“You’ve done it before, for hours in the dark. Naked, just like I am now.”
“Why did I do that?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Punishment.”
“What the hell did you do to deserve that?”
Hurt pinged through me at the thought of him making me eat off the floor. But that happened before he’d known the truth. I regretted not telling him sooner. “I threw a tantrum.” More like a plate of food.
“A tantrum?”
“Yes.” I shifted my weight to the other foot and pulled at the restraints, though I knew I’d find no escape from the burn in my shoulders or the ache in my feet.
My restless movements caught his attention, and he adjusted his jeans. “Shit, seeing you like this…you have no idea what it’s doing to me. I might not remember, but my body does. I want to hoist those legs up and fuck you raw. My cock is insisting you’re mine.”
“Your cock is right. You should listen to it.”
He cursed under his breath. “Not tonight.” Pulling a bundle of keys from his pocket, he tried two before the lock on my left wrist unlatched.
“You don’t want me?”
“Of course I fucking want you.” He freed my other hand, and my arms dropped to my sides. He bent to gather my clothing before thrusting it all into my arms. “But not like this. Get dressed,” he said, turning his back to me.
My hands shook as I pulled the shirt over my head. Hurt welled in my throat, making my voice wobble when I spoke. “Then why are you pushing me away?”
“Are you dressed yet?”
Tugging on my pants, I shot daggers at his back. “You’ve seen it all, so why the illusion of decenc
y now?”
He whirled around. “Because I’m not the same person from a month ago.” He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me close. “I don’t even remember that person.”
I licked my lips. A couple more inches and they’d connect with his. “He’s still inside you.”
“You want the guy who paddled your ass, is that it?”
My heartbeat skipped. “You know about that?”
“Jax told me.”
A shudder of hot desire tore through me. “Did he tell you how it turns me on?”
“Holy fuck, Alex.” He let go of me abruptly. “He failed to mention that part.”
“I’m guessing he failed to mention a lot of things.” I maneuvered around him and headed for the staircase.
“What are you doing?”
I lifted a foot onto the bottom step and glanced over my shoulder. “I’m going to bed. Don’t worry about me, I know how to use my fingers.” A thrilling sense of power stormed through me. I wasn’t used to being so bold. Part of me wanted him to reclaim his dominance, to pull me over his knee and spank the attitude from me. But I kind of liked this side of him too—a mixture of the man he used to be with the dark guy hiding just beneath the surface. “If you need help with your hard-on, you know where to find me.”
21. TEMPTED
Rafe
I knew I was dreaming again, but like every other time it seemed vividly real. The gritty floor under my cheek. The rage firing through my veins at not being able to defend myself. Their hands banding around my wrists and ankles, keeping me immobile while their leader shoved his cock up my ass.
Nothing had ever hurt so much.
Nothing had ever made me feel so helpless, dirty, or ashamed.
As usual, I never saw their faces. I squeezed my eyes shut, and it took everything I had not to cry out, to contain the sting behind my lids so my shame didn’t liquefy. All I could do was ball my hands and wait until he finished. But that wasn’t the end. Not even close. They took turns, and at one point, they forced me to my knees and assaulted my mouth too. I bit the first one who shoved his filthy dick in and received a blow to the head for it.
The nightmare suddenly shifted and my hands fell free. Now I was the one on top, holding someone else down.
“Rafe, wake up.”
Dream…it was a dream, so why couldn’t I wake up?
“Rafe!”
Her voice finally penetrated, and I opened my eyes to find Alex’s shadowed face inches from mine. She was sprawled beneath me on the couch where I’d gone to sleep alone, though now our bodies were pressed together, chest to chest, thigh to thigh. I restrained her hands above her head with one hand and propped myself up with the other so I wouldn’t crush her.
“I’m awake,” I said, struggling to catch my breath. “Did I hurt you?”
“Um…no.”
Her uncertain tone made me grind my teeth. “Don’t lie to me. If I hurt you, tell me.”
“You didn’t hurt me.”
“Then what is it?” Sweat broke out on my temples and slid down my spine.
“You feel good, okay?” She inhaled then let the breath out in a whoosh. “You were having a bad dream, but when I tried waking you, you grabbed me and…I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“For wanting to jump your bones when you’re still trembling from a nightmare. It’s not okay. I’m not okay.”
I shifted my weight to the side, pressed her into the back of the couch, and wound an arm underneath her body. “You feel pretty fucking okay right now.” I grabbed her thigh and pulled her leg over mine, and my erection nestled between us. “Does that feel like I mind this?”
She groaned.
Or maybe I did. Suddenly, all the logic in the world didn’t matter. I wanted her, she wanted me. The rest of the world could go to hell. Tomorrow, I’d flagellate myself over poor choices and my stubborn memories. I filled my hand with her ass, pulled her even closer, and thrust my cock against the hot center obscured by her panties. Fucking hell. Two thin layers of material was all that separated us. And her damn tank top. Her ridiculously tiny tank top.
“Rafe.”
She breathed my name against my neck, and I shuddered. A good kind of shuddering, the kind that made me want to melt into her until we became one. I buried my nose in her hair and inhaled, feeling as if I would never get enough.
“This is insane,” I said.
“What is?”
“Wanting you so fucking much.” It was like she wore a pheromone with my name on it. “We can’t do this, Alex. There are a million and one reasons why this is a bad idea.”
Her breaths puffed against my skin in rapid succession. “Name one.”
“The shit you’ve been through.”
“You’re doing a good job of distracting me.” She nuzzled my jaw, and her fingers fisted in my hair.
“Fuck,” I said with another tantalizing shudder. “This isn’t the way to deal with it.” But my hand shared Alex’s agenda. It wedged between our bodies and freed my cock from my boxers. “Tell me to stop.”
“Never.” Her teeth lightly scraped along my scruffy face until she reached just underneath my ear, where her moan vibrated through me.
“You’re killing me.” I tugged her panties to the side and dipped a finger inside her wetness. “I don’t have any condoms.” Or if I did have some, I didn’t remember where they were. She moved against my hand, moaning, and I added another finger.
“You fucked me before without them,” she said with a gasp.
I halted. “This is more than fucking.”
She arched her spine, a silent plea for me to keep going. “God, Rafe, it’s never just been fucking between us. Not for me.”
I clutched the back of her head, and we stared at each other, mouths parted, the air warming between us. I hooked my fingers inside her, eyes trained on her face to watch her reaction.
“Rafe!” Her nails dug into my damp shoulders, and she trembled all over. “I need you inside me.”
Her desperation slammed me back to Earth. “No, sweetheart, you need to face what’s happened.” Reluctantly, I withdrew my hand from her tempting pussy. “Whatever this is between us, we have time to figure it out.” Letting her go, I rolled off the couch and took a spot on the floor, where I folded my arms around my knees. She propped up on one elbow, curls falling into her eyes, and glared at me. I understood her frustration, but fucking her wasn’t going to fix anything right now. My cock throbbed, pissed with my decision. I was sure Alex and my wayward dick had forged an alliance against me.
She flopped onto her back with a groan.
“You know I’m right,” I said. “I can’t remember shit, and your psycho brother is still out there somewhere.”
“I know,” she said with quiet acceptance. “But I still remember, Rafe. I’ll never forget what it was like with you. You made me feel things I didn’t think were possible.”
“Was that before or after I tortured you?” I still didn’t know the details, but I must have done something horrendous for her to threaten me with a broken bottle. The flash of her terrified face would forever haunt me.
“What do you remember?” she asked, rolling to the edge of the couch.
“I told you. I don’t remember anything.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I dragged a hand through my hair. “Okay. They’re just flashes, but I’m pretty sure I choked you. What else did I do?”
“It doesn’t matter what you did. I forgave you for it.”
“How can you let it go like that?”
She scowled at me. “Have you not figured it out yet?”
“Why don’t you fill me in?”
“I’m in love with you.” She bit her lip. “I’ve been in love with you for years. I thought you understood that from my letters.”
“You don’t love me, Alex. For God’s sake, you were only fifteen.”
“Don’t tell me how I feel!”
“
It’s fucking common sense. You might want to fuck me, but love? You don’t even know me. Fuck, I don’t even know me anymore.”
“I know how I feel. I know we had a connection.”
I shook my head. “We had sex—sex I don’t even remember.” Tears pooled in her eyes, and I wanted to kick myself for being such an insensitive ass. “Alex, I’m sorry.”
“I hate that you don’t remember us.” She swiped at her eyes with jerky, angry movements. “But what we shared went beyond the physical. You were the only person who gave a shit about me.”
Unable to stop myself, I slid a palm along her cheek, and my thumb caught a tear. My attention lingered on that salty drop, as if it called to me in some way. My gaze swerved to hers, and I licked my lips, imagining the unmistakable taste of sorrow.
“I still give a shit about you.” I furrowed my brows, running that statement in my head a few more times. I did care about her, more than I should. More than I had a right to, which was why I’d do everything in my power to protect her, even from myself. I pushed to my feet and thrust a hand out for her to grab. “Go back to bed.”
She let me pull her up from the couch. “Come with me.”
“Alex,” I warned.
“I don’t mean to do anything. I just want you to hold me, like you do on the couch.”
“I won’t be able to stop at that. Not this time.”
“Why hold back then?”
“Because I refuse to hurt you more than I already have.” The dark urges pricked at me, growing with intensity the more I thought of thrusting into her. I didn’t know if I could keep from flirting with disaster when it came to her gorgeous neck that tempted the strength in my hands.
“You won’t hurt me,” she said, tugging on my hand. “Come to bed.”
“No.” I disentangled from her grip.
With a growl of frustration, she stomped off in the direction of the loft, where hopefully she’d stay. I knew I wouldn’t be able to say no again if she pressed her tight, seductive body against mine. Letting out a shuddering sigh, I reclaimed my place on the sofa and checked under the pillow to make sure the gun was still there, but falling back to sleep didn’t come easily. My cock throbbed with the need for release. I’d already jacked off once tonight in the shower, before I’d called it an early night after Alex had stripped and shackled herself in my damn cellar.