The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3

by Michael Anderle

  James frowned. “Why? I’ve run into scummy gnomes before. You’re a criminal, and you’re a Light Elf.”

  Dannec shook his head. “Being a criminal is one thing and being a cultist or obsessed with power is another, but that kind of twisted mind? The things he was doing to those people.” He smirked. “It typically comes with the desperation of the short-lived. The kind of thing you might expect of say, a human, not a gnome.”

  “The way I see it, Earth and Oriceran are big enough for all sorts of fucked-up people.” James stood and nodded to the door. “I’m gonna go take this to the Professor right away. Don’t want some asshole showing up when I’m in the shower and stealing it.”

  Kathy and Shay stood, both glancing at Dannec.

  He waved. “Anytime you want my help, all you have to do is ask. Well, that, and pay.”

  James chuckled. “At least you don’t hide what you are. I can respect that, Dannec.”

  The elf nodded. “Thanks, Brownstone. Congratulations on cleaning up LA a little more.”

  “I was mostly pissed about my truck.” James shrugged.

  Dannec raised an eyebrow. “I see.”

  James nodded and stepped out of the apartment, followed by Shay and Kathy. Dannec didn’t rise from the couch but the door shut behind him.

  They were halfway down the stairs when James turned to Kathy. “Never got a chance to say thanks.”

  Kathy blinked. “Huh? I’m the one who should be thanking you. You saved my life. Shit, given what that freaky gnome was into, you might have saved me from something a lot worse than dying.” She shivered. “Nothing worse than an insane ancient being.”

  Shay grimaced and nodded. “Some guys you kill because you have to, some guys you kill because it makes the world a better place.”

  They took a few more steps down before James responded. “You also could have planted the bomb. It would have been easier. It’s not like I’m your friend, and it was your life on the line.”

  Kathy sighed. “I’m not like you two. I like to solve problems with my mind. I’m not going to claim I don’t have blood on my hands, because I do, but I also like to tell myself that the person had it coming.”

  Shay snickered. “I like to tell myself that too. Sometimes it’s even true.”

  James shrugged and grunted. “I don’t worry much. People who fuck with me die. Simple as that.”

  They arrived at the bottom of the stairs and headed toward their cars parked on the street.

  “The point is,” Kathy continued, “that I might not be your friend, Brownstone, but you’re also not a bad guy, and LA’s a safer city because you’re around. Hell, Vegas is becoming a safer city just because your lackeys are around, and I’m not going to pretend I don’t notice that.”

  Shay winced. “Don’t call the other bounty hunters ‘lackeys’ in front of them. Trey would whine about it for weeks.”

  Kathy shrugged. “The point is, if I had let the Eyes kill you to save my own ass, it’d make LA worse off, and that piece of shit would have continued being a monster. It was a gamble, but I want to be able to sleep at night.”

  “I remember when people have my back,” James replied. “Even though you did it for your own reasons, you had my back. Not saying I owe you, but you’ve helped me out a couple of times when you were in danger, and I think that means something.”

  A thoughtful look passed over Kathy’s face. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Shay clapped her hands together. “I remember a certain someone saying something about pizza.”

  James grunted. “And barbeque.”

  Kathy laughed.

  James leaned back on the couch as he patted Thomas, who was curled up beside him. Shay sat on the other side of the dog, skimming through messages on her phone.

  “You want to talk about it yet?” Shay asked, still looking at her phone. “I think we should talk about it before we go to bed.”

  James had given her an overview of the memories on the way back when they’d returned home but hadn’t wanted to go into more than that.

  “Vax Forerunner,” James muttered. “Having a name makes it seem more real. My parents were probably killed right after they sent me off. Weird shit to think about it.” He furrowed his brow. “But from what I remembered, that means I’m not unique. Might be tons of badasses with symbionts out there.”

  Shay nodded. “Are you mad about that?”

  “Nah, don’t give a shit, but I keep wondering about Whispy’s primary directive.” James scratched Thomas behind his ears. “If I’m supposed to be running around blowing up places, it probably has something to do with that. They said the Forerunner makes some sort of call to summon the Vanguard.”

  “Then why worry? You won’t do that.” Shay shrugged. “But yeah, everything makes a lot more sense now that we know the truth.” She sighed and shook her head. “Though I was wrong.” She frowned at him. “Don’t ever tell Peyton I admitted that. I’ll never fucking hear the end of it.”

  James looked her way. “Wrong about what?”

  “Our alien bitch, aka Erin North. Peyton found similar signatures in systems associated with her companies he encountered during our Canada adventure.” Shay shrugged. “Erin has to be her.”

  “But you already thought that.”

  “Yeah,” Shay replied, “but that’s not what I was wrong about. Let me back up to explain. You see, everything fits now. When I was talking to Peyton about your past, I half-convinced myself that the alien was an evil invasion bitch and that was why she was after you—because she was afraid of you fucking up her invasion.”

  “Turns out I’m the evil invasion bitch.” James chuckled.

  Shay shook her head. “To be clear, I don’t give a shit if you’re from the Planet of All Evil Assholes—I’ll stand with you against everyone. And it’s not like you’re gonna help other aliens invade, so I won’t have to make a hard choice.”

  James nodded. “Thanks, but will that make any difference to her?”

  “It might,” Shay replied. “If we can corner Erin and explain, maybe we won’t have to fight her. Since you know the truth, we can maybe convince her to back off. If she’s after you because she thinks you’re one of these Vax Forerunners, we can make her understand that you’re not, especially since from what you’ve said, it sounds like they aren’t stealthy infiltrators.”

  Thomas barked once and hopped off the couch. He wandered over to his water bowl to lap up some refreshment.

  James shrugged. “So what’s your plan? Call her and say, ‘Hey, want to meet the alien you want to kill face to face so you can hug it out, bitch?’”

  Shay snorted. “If Peyton and Heather can work her systems, we can figure out someplace to talk to her where she won’t open fire. Normally, I’d say let’s just go find her and chop her into pieces, but she might drop an alien nuke or something like that on us. If we can talk her down, as weird as that sounds for both of us, it might be worth thinking about.”

  “Talk it out, huh?” James shrugged. “Wouldn’t hurt, but she already knows I’m not leading an invasion and she’s still coming at me.”

  “Fuck, I don’t know.” Shay sighed. “The initial plan’s the same. We track her down and go at her when she’s alone. Then we gave her a choice: back off, or we send her to join the Eyes.” She smirked. “Time for a little war of four worlds.”

  “Four worlds?” James furrowed his brow.

  Shay ticked up her fingers as she spoke. “Earth, Oriceran, Vax, and whatever planet she’s from. Four worlds.” She shrugged.

  Kathy took a sip of a martini at a table in the Black Sun. They were in the middle of morning cleaning and setup, although the waitresses hadn’t arrived yet.

  Tyler sat across from her. “Given the shit you went through the other night, I’m not going to complain about you pounding back a few, but getting totally smashed before work is not a good idea. Maybe you should take a couple of days off?”

  She shrugged. “What’s the point?
The Eyes is dead. I’m free.”

  Tyler nodded. “Then why are you so freaked out?”

  “Because I was supposed to be avoiding this kind of crap. That’s why I want to be at work. I’d rather keep my mind busy.” Kathy set her glass down with a sigh. “I left New York to get a new start and not get drawn into weird conspiracies where crazed gnomes are attempting to nuke high-level bounty hunters.” She rubbed her temples. “What would you have done? Would have you planted the bomb?”

  “Did you suspect it was a bomb?” Tyler stared at her, no judgment in his eyes.

  “I knew it wasn’t going to give Brownstone a backrub.” Kathy picked up her drink and took another sip. “I’m not a good person, Tyler, but I also don’t want to be anyone’s tool, and certainly not anyone’s damned weapon.”

  “You’re looking at this the wrong way.” He shook his head. “Not going after Brownstone had nothing to do with being a good person. It was all about being self-serving, and in our business, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Tyler grinned and leaned forward. “Come on, you’ve worked here long enough to see it. If you bet against Brownstone, you lose. Always. It’s like a law of nature, so I’ve stopped fighting it, which is why I’ve got a lot more money now. Even if you had planted that bomb and it went off, I guarantee that asshole would have survived, and then he’d stomp over here and tear up my bar looking for you and kicking in my door and shit.”

  Kathy snorted. “So you’re really just worried about yourself in the end?”

  “Like I said, in our business, there’s nothing wrong with being self-serving.” Tyler chuckled. “No reason to beat yourself up, Kathy. This was a win all around. There’s an information void now in LA, and I think I can help fill that with the help of Dannec. That twisted fuck is hopefully in gnome hell, and on top of that, you got James Brownstone to basically say he owes you. That’s rare shit. It’s practically a guarantee you can get some sort of protection deal for the White Sun, so you can move on to Vegas with no baggage and a powerful friend. Not bad, considering all you had to do was not try to kill someone.” He shrugged.

  Kathy blinked. “Huh. Every once in a while you say something pretty smart.”

  Tyler made a face. “Now you sound like Maria.”

  23

  James smiled as he stepped into the garage. The F-350 looked shiny and new, not a single bullet hole in sight.

  “Everything’s up and running,” the smiling mechanic announced. “Plus, I found a new supplier who deals in classic trucks, so if, you know, bad shit happens, it won’t be a problem getting parts.”

  “I’m gonna try to not get my truck shot up again anytime soon.” James looked over the vehicle. “But as long as there’s a piece of this baby left, I’m gonna keep it alive. I don’t care how much money I need to put into it. It’s one of my oldest partners, and I trust that truck with my life.”

  The mechanic laughed. “Hey, I’m not gonna complain if you want to come in here and throw thousands of dollars at me. It’s fun working on older vehicles, especially with an engine like that. At the rate things are going, in ten years I wouldn’t be surprised if most trucks on the roads are electrics. Just not the same; you need to have that…I don’t know how to say it.”

  “Roaring engine,” James suggested.

  The other man snapped his fingers. “Yeah, that. A quiet truck makes me nervous. She’s all gassed up and ready to go.” He pulled the keys out of his pocket and tossed them to the bounty hunter.

  James snatched the keys out of the air, opened the door, and hopped into the driver’s seat, the familiar curves relaxing him. Even though they’d had to replace the seat covers and back, somehow the whole thing still felt like it’d been waiting for him and him alone to come and retake his throne.

  My moving kingdom. My F-350.

  He chuckled and slipped the keys into the ignition. The truck roared to life, and James grunted in appreciation. Nothing like a beast of a truck announcing its presence.

  James waved one last time at the mechanic and pulled out of the garage onto the street. The streets of Los Angeles felt easier and nicer, even more polite when he was in his truck. He didn’t give a shit if that was his mind playing tricks on him.

  What kind of truck would I get if something happened to this one? A newer Ford? Shit, I don’t know.

  Shay didn’t understand. She had an entire warehouse annex filled with different cars. Even if she drove the Fiat most of the time, her vehicle wasn’t the same kind of partner to her as James’ Ford was to him, and unlike Whispy Doom, the damned truck didn’t talk back or hide memories from him.

  James patted his chest, the familiar weight of the amulet resting on his skin. Shay had in many ways been more curious about his past than he was. He had better insight into it now, but as far he was concerned, it didn’t make any difference.

  He’d been on Earth for decades, and the Vax hadn’t come looking for him. His people might be zealots raining bonded symbiont fire upon the rest of the galaxy, but they might as well be extinct for all the difference it made to his life. For all Whispy’s bitching, the symbiont followed his orders, so it didn’t matter what the true nature of its primary directive was.

  I’m never giving the call, whatever the hell that is, so he’ll be fucking whining for the next fifty years. That shit’s gonna get annoying.

  James grunted and shook his head. No reason to think about a situation he couldn’t control. It did nothing but make his life more complicated. For now, he could soak in the simple pleasures of a nice truck, a loving daughter, and a kickass girlfriend.

  For a long time, he hadn’t lived; he’d simply existed. Now when he woke up, he had a reason, focus, and people he gave a shit about. Not just a family, but true friends. Before he’d felt satisfaction. Now he felt damned happy.

  James chuckled at a sudden thought about the mysterious Vanguard.

  Could Whispy adapt to attack another Vax bonded to a symbiont? I bet Tyler would love to run a pay-per-view event with that fight card.

  Maybe I’ll ask Whispy next time we’re bonded. How’s that for adapting and becoming stronger?

  James’ phone rang, and he grabbed it. Unknown number.

  Don’t fuck with my good mood, whoever you are.

  He brought the phone to his ear after he turned at an intersection. “This is Brownstone.”

  “Say what you need to say, big boy,” came a woman’s voice.

  Even though James hadn’t heard it in a long time, much like faces, he never forgot a voice.

  He sighed. “Do we really need to do this shit, Addie? You know who the fuck I am.”

  She laughed. “Do I? You could be some elf running a spell for all I know, and you know how I work, Mr. Brownstone. The Professor told me he gave you the first and second passphrases. You don’t use them, I hang up and abort the drop to renegotiate with the Professor.”

  “That’s bullshit, since he made it sound like this was all you this time.” James grunted and rolled his eyes. “At least it’s not a fucking limerick this time.”

  “Ten seconds, Mr. Brownstone. Nine, eight, seven…”

  “Fine. Fucking Professor.” James gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. He’d almost prefer a dirty limerick to the passphrase he was about to say. It was wrong on so many levels. “Chevys are better than Fords.”

  Addie let out another laugh. “Verified. Secondary passphrase will be needed on delivery, along with DNA confirmation. Understood?”

  “Yeah, I understand.” James’ other hand tightened on the wheel. “If you’re making me do all this shit, that means you’re in town right? This delivery’s gonna be soon?”

  “Yep.” The courier rattled off an address in Encino. “It’s a drive-in. Nice and empty during the day, and I like that for high-risk jobs.”

  “You don’t want people around?”

  Addie blew out a breath. “Nope, not for this job. Lots of nasty people who might
fuck with me, but I’ve managed to lose them all so far. Still, can’t be too careful. Just unprofessional to get people caught up in your work crap.”

  James grunted. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  “I’ll be there in one hour, and I’ll wait exactly fifteen minutes. Then I’ll leave, and I’ll renegotiate with the Professor.”

  James frowned and took a right at the next intersection. He needed to turn around immediately. “Not into the customer service, are you, Addie?”

  “No, you’ve got it all wrong, Mr. Brownstone,” she replied. “It’s totally the opposite. If someone hires me, it’s because it’s not like they can just ship the package through Andercarr or FedEx. That usually means they need to get something from point A to point B, but there’s a good chance someone really dangerous wants it. I know the last time we worked together was kind of a strange thing, but don’t misunderstand. I want to deliver this stuff to you. I love a good courier job, and while I am a sexy and awesome courier, unlike you, I’m not a walking tank.”

  “I’ll be there on time. Don’t worry.” James took a deep breath. It wasn’t like he could miss out on his opportunity to grab Shay’s engagement ring and matching pendant. They were perfect for her.

  “I’m not a total bitch, and I get this is LA. If you hit traffic, let me know and I’ll pick a new rendezvous point. We don’t need to go through the Professor for that. See you soon, big boy.”

  Addie hung up.

  James turned again and was now heading north. He should have plenty of time, provided LA cooperated.

  Luck, or maybe Saint Christopher, was with James as the snarling beast called Los Angeles traffic slept. He made decent time, and he spotted the road turning into the drive-in. After his turn, the road split into several lanes leading to separate free-standing ticket booths and a small side parking lot.

  James frowned as he looked into the parking lot. He grunted and hit the brakes, the truck screeching to a halt. Addie’s black Porsche was parked in the lot, but two blue SUVs had her vehicle pinned. Even at a distance, James could make out Addie’s bright green hair as she sprinted toward the ticket booths. A dozen men in dark suits chased her, sunlight glinting off the guns in their hands.